Bated Breath
by Lydian Stone
Summary: Kate's rescue becomes the linchpin of change in her relationship with Castle, and events from that night lead to resolution for them both. **Voted Best Crime Fic on The 12th Precinct Castle Fanfiction Awards.**
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: ****I wrote this initially to fill in the gap in Linchpin between when Kate was drowning and when she was suddenly fine (and honestly because I'm a sucker for a heroic rescue). As I started to type, I was fascinated by the whole linchpin concept and I soon developed an arc that became the backbone for Bated Breath. **I created and followed an outline so even though this is 60+ chapters long, have no fear - each chapter was crafted for a purpose with the end in mind.****

**There are 3 parts to this story:**

** Part I (the first 23 chapters) is the rescue and relationship building.**

**Part II (chapters 24-34) is a series of significant one-shots to bridge the stories in Parts I and III.**

**Part III (chapters 35-64) is a the revelation of Castle's father, and the resolution of Johanna Beckett's case.**

**Even though this has been complete for a while now, I'd love to hear your thoughts so I know this story is still alive and kicking. **

************I don't own the show or ********any of the ABC characters, etc. so on with the story . . .************

**BATED BREATH**

**PART I**

**Chapter 1**

**February 15, 2012**

Detective Beckett never imagined it would end like this. There were no violent flesh-tearing bullets or spectacular explosions, just water, common filthy river water. She could almost imagine her picture on the white board with the words 'Cause of death - drowning; Murder weapon - The Hudson; Suspects - ?' She didn't want to consider if would end up a double homicide but Castle had yet to resurface. She wasn't sure how long he'd been under but with each passing second she became more concerned.

Time was distorting.

She had tried to suppress her outward signs of panic for her partner's sake but he was out of reach and her mind was racing in tempo with her erratic pulse.

Her thoughts jumped to her father. The only consolation she felt on his behalf was that her death would be in the line of duty; a lesser evil than if it would be the result of her obsession with her mother's murder. At least she knew he couldn't blame himself for this.

_Where is Castle?_

Her teeth chattered and she was frustrated that she couldn't control the annoying spasms.

She shook her head, determined not to waste precious time with idle concerns.

_What should she I be thinking about?_

_My father. _

_Right._

She prayed he would be able to recover, that he would not fall back on self-destructive coping mechanisms because this time there would be no one else to pick up the pieces. She wished that she'd made more of an effort to throw him together with Martha. The actress' fun-loving nature would have made her a good friend for her introspective father. Maybe through the loss of their only children they'd be able to cope.

_No._

She couldn't stomach the thought of their combined grief.

She writhed in a vain attempt to free herself.

_Lanie. _

Kate rolled her eyes. Lanie would have to see them on her slabs. Gates would make someone else perform the autopsies but Lanie would never abandon them in death. It wasn't rational but the thought was oddly comforting. She knew Lanie would offer consolation to the others, saying that drowning would have been relatively painless.

Kate moaned ruefully.

In the final moments she might be numb but the time before then would be anything but peaceful.

She tugged violently at her seatbelt.

_Ryan. _

The loss of both Beckett and Castle might actually cause Ryan to become jaded. She didn't want that for him. Through the years she had counted on him to keep them human. He idolized Castle, who might as well have been another Irish brother. She was so thankful that she got to see Kevin Ryan happily married. This would crush him but he had Jenny and she would pull him through.

_He'd be okay. He'd help Espo._

The water crept higher.

_Javi. _

Without him she would still be scanning for snipers with sweaty palms and shifting eyes. Without her he would be down a sister. They never needed to say much to _get_ each other. He would smile less without Castle. Maybe this would bring him back to Lanie.

_Could anything good come from this?_

She elbowed the unrelenting glass.

The water lapped her neck.

She remembered freezing in Castle's arms. She longed for those arms. If they were to die together it was a cruel irony that he was out of reach.

She licked her lips then wondered why she bothered.

She didn't want the gun anymore, she just wanted him to be with her, holding her as they took their last breath together. She had a sick feeling that he already had. She focused on the moment that she had tried for months to suppress, or at least to rationalize.

_Kate, I love you . . . I love you, Kate_.

She had never given herself permission to savor the memory, but now she would give anything to hear her name spill from his lips one last time. Whether he had uttered the words prematurely or not, he had meant them then and they had rang true ever since.

She looked up in a useless attempt to stem the flow of tears.

The water overtook her.

_I've lost my chance_.

As she held her breath, she was securely fastened to her fate and her thoughts raced faster.

_Alexis. _

_Oh, Alexis._

The girl who smiled sunshine into Castle's world was Kate's reminder of why she served and protected, so that people could grow up like Alexis Castle; secure. No, she _had been_ secure. Her dad would be lost in the course of a muddled conspiracy and Kate wondered what would keep Alexis Castle from turning into another avenging crusader like herself.

_No no no. _

She didn't want that to be her legacy. Kate didn't want to imagine Alexis' dimpled smile yielding to wild determination as she sought answers that the CIA would never grant.

Kate Beckett released her final breath with all her regrets. Her mind swam with a montage of consequences for those whom she loved but most of all with the severe sense of loss for the man she suspected had just died trying to save her. Her salty tears mixed with the disinterested river as she prayed that there was an afterlife.

_Will I see my mom? Will Castle be waiting for me? Will I just fade away and cease to exist? _

She decided there was no point in wasting her last moments pondering a future she'd soon experience. Instead, she anchored her thoughts on Castle; on his infectious smile and how her stomach fluttered every time he'd brush his fingers along hers when he gave her coffee each morning.

_Kate, I love you_ . . . _I love you, Kate._

She filled her lungs with water hoping that her fictional version of Lanie was right and that at least it would be painless.

As she drifted out of consciousness, she felt a strong arm around her.

Maybe she wouldn't die alone after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**February 15, 2012**

Kate felt weightless. She was nestled in the grass looking up into a peaceful blue sky and the beautiful face of Richard Castle. He was stroking her hair, frantically urging her . . .

"Breathe, Kate, come on, breathe for me!"

It was her partner's voice but those weren't the right words. Her memory was off.

_The grass is cold and . . . wet?_

Her eyebrows furrowed.

"That's it! Come on, Kate, you have to breathe for me."

Her skin roused slowly.

_Water._

She was floating. There was an arm under her back, her nose was pinched then her mouth was warm and _. . . ARRGH!_

With a thrust of air into her lungs everything inside her revolted. Steady arms guided her upright then she lurched to the side and violently expelled the river water from her system.

The world was sharp and she closed her eyes against the sensory overload. She was shaking and disoriented while she coughed and convulsed in her fight to clear her lungs.

Large hands turned her gently towards her partner's pleading voice.

"Kate, open your eyes. Please, Kate, look at me."

She processed the words and obeyed. She was in The Hudson looking at Castle.

_We're supposed to be dead._

She shook her head in disbelief.

"Castle?" she rasped.

He smiled in relief, "Yeah, I'm right here."

His arms wrapped around her, firmly holding her to him as he tread water. She nestled her cheek against his and commanded her arms to hold onto him but they wouldn't follow. Her body shook mutinously.

He reassured her, "Kate, I have you. You're okay. Just breathe, I'll keep you floating. Lean into me. I have you." His voice lulled her to rest against him.

_We didn't die._

_Castle's alive. He saved me.  
><em>

She did not understand but she couldn't focus on anything but breathing and feeling. The air was frigid, the sun was setting and the water felt cold only in comparison to her partner's body.

"Kate, I'm going to turn you around so I can swim us to land. Just lean into me and relax. Okay?"

She felt his arms coaxing her body to face away from him while he kept her pressed against his side with one arm and pulled her through the water toward shore. She heard his ragged breaths and felt the tensing and releasing of his muscles; all of which seemed too jerky to be a hallucination. She rode along and gained more awareness with each stroke. Her body started to respond and by the time they reached the edge she was clutching his arm and kicking a little as she firmly understood that they were both going to make it.

Castle found stairs cut into the wall at the water's edge and he pulled them to a submerged step, situating her onto his lap. The evening air was biting and so he hunched over her and willed all his heat to envelop her smaller body.

"I just need to rest a minute then I'll go for help." He kissed the top of her head, choosing not to over think the ramifications of doing so. Beckett gripped him in an unspoken request. "Okay, _we'll _go for help." She nodded.

She had not been held this securely since she'd been a little girl. She curled up as much as she could and grasped his shirt. She released shaking and ragged breaths that she kept just short of sobs.

_We didn't die. There would be no autopsies or grieving parents. Alexis still has her father. I have Castle._

He squeezed his eyes to fight his own emotions. His hand soothed her back, rubbing and patting it through her deep coughs. Despite their discomfort and weariness, he was savoring the moment and he regretted that they couldn't linger. They were not going to die, but he did not want them to end up with moderate hypothermia again. He wasn't sure how long she went without air or what the river water would do to her lungs. And then there was the emotional toll of being pinned down while drowning. She was gripping him tightly and while he wasn't qualified to figure out what all the implications of this day would be, he knew he needed to continue his rescue efforts.

She didn't care about getting dry; she just wanted to stay in his warm arms. She snuggled into him a bit closer.

She was initiating affection which in turn lessened his resolve to move. So it was with much reluctance that he replied, "Katherine Beckett, as much as I would love to indulge all my cuddling fantasies, we need to keep moving." He kissed her hair one more time, knowing that he was not likely to cuddle with Kate once this was over and she was back to being Detective Beckett.

She smiled into his neck, sighed and nodded. They paused for one last moment then Castle released her gently.

"Can you walk? I am not sure I trust myself to carry you up the steps."

"Yeah, Castle. I'm okay, really. I'm okay now." She negated her assurances with a cough but he let her stand using his shoulder for balance.

He stood then swooped his hand formally. "Ladies first." She rolled her eyes, which he took as a positive sign.

Castle forced his angry muscles into action as he followed her up the steps, keeping one hand on her back. He tried not to hover but he wanted to make sure her legs were sound.

It did not take long to find a stray New Yorker who was more than willing to help the NYPD by lending the sopping wet cops his cell phone. Neither one bothered to correct the assumption that Castle was one of New York's Finest.

Kate's hands were unsteady and so Lou, their Good Samaritan, dialed for her then stepped away to give them privacy. She held the phone out so her partner could hear as well.

"Esposito"

She steadied her voice, "Hey, Espo."

"Funny. This sounds like Kate Beckett, who used to be our team leader. But that can't be 'cause I hear she's turned to the dark side."

Her teeth started chattering. "Very funny, Espo . . ." She cut herself short with a coughing fit.

"Beckett . . . you okay?"

"Fine." She answered him curtly, "We're fine, but we have another murder, and we need a few things."

He saw through the lie but in true cop fashion he couldn't help but continue the ribbing, "Sure, it's a good thing _your_ friends aren't fickle. What do you need?"

"Uh . . ." She rubbed a hand on her forehead and tried to remember all the events leading up to their near drowning and what she could divulge to her team. "There was a shooting, not sure if the body is still here." She looked around to determine where she was in relation to the crime scene. "We took a dip in the Hudson. Could you grab the gym bag in my bottom desk drawer and meet us at the location I text you?"

"Sure. So, you've had time for a little recreational swimming while the rest of us have been doing real police work?"

She dryly replied, "It was more like off-roading. We're soaked and find ourselves without a ride."

There was a pause. She coughed again and cursed to herself.

"Esposito?"

"I'm SO telling Lanie."

_Oh, so he's decided to play hardball._

"Fine."

She bit her lower lip and looked at Castle whose expression morphed into near terror. Kate understood immediately, placed a hand on his arm and nodded at him.

"Wait! I need to ask you a favor."

"Wow, these are really racking up."

"Yeah, yeah. This is important. Keep it light around Alexis and ask Lanie to as well. Castle's going to ask her to get his clothes and since the loft's in the opposite direction, hopefully by the time she gets here we'll be done with statements and Lanie's interrogation."

A blue-lipped Castle sighed in relief and nodded his thanks.

"Sure, in exchange I'll call a bus so a professional can determine that you and Writer Boy don't have another case of hypothermia."

"Espo, No! I don't want Alexis to worry if she sees an ambulance."

"Should she worry?"

"Just bring blankets, we'll be fine."

"Fine." She rolled her eyes at his affronted tone.

"Next time I'm calling Ryan." She replied with reassuring firmness.

"You do that." She thought she heard him cough _traitor_ before he ended the call.

She texted him the address then handed the phone to Castle,

"Thanks"

He pulled an arm around Beckett and drew her into his chest as he dialed Alexis.

In that moment, Castle's irritation at seeing his daughter at crime scenes made much more sense to her. He might have been annoyed about his worlds colliding; wanting to keep Alexis away from his life at the precinct, but it went farther than that. The real driving force of his reluctance to let Alexis into this sphere was his need to protect his daughter from seeing first-hand the risks that he took. He needed the space between the 12th and his loft to transition into 'dad mode', to purge his system from the darker aspects of his day so that he could be the light-hearted and dependable father that he always had been. Without that space, he'd lost the ability to filter what she heard. He couldn't keep her fears at bay if she was working with Lanie, who should not have to be responsible for monitoring the flow of information that got to her intern.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Pumpkin."

"Dad? Why aren't you calling from your phone?"

"It's a long story that I promise to tell you later. For now I need a favor."

"Sure. What is it?"

"When you're done with your duties there, could you swing by the loft and grab some clothes for me?" Kate was amazed at how he could force such a steady voice when his body was shivering.

"Dad . . . what's going on? Are you hurt?"

He smiled to match his tone even though the girl couldn't see him, "No, no, nothing like that, Sweetie. Beckett and I were running down a lead and ended up in the Hudson. We're fine, just wet. It's not an emergency. I'm wrapped in a warm blanket right now so take your time." Kate looked at him incredulously. He shrugged then continued, "In fact, could you stop and get coffee for us on your way? That would really help." And it couldn't hurt to offer his partner a caffeinated bribe for keeping quiet, either.

"I'm sure Dr. Parish would let me go now, Dad. I don't want you to catch a cold."

"I won't. I'm warming up even as we speak." His voice took on a very paternal tone as he switched tactics to appear to be imparting wisdom, "Alexis, one thing you need to learn is that in this job the case comes first, even before one's own comfort so I want you to do as Dr. Parish says. She'll need to come here since we're at a crime scene, and I'm sure she'll need your help, but she may need you to do things there so she can get here sooner."

Very reluctantly the girl said, "Okay. Detective Esposito just walked in and is talking to Dr. Parish right now. Once they're done, I'll ask her if I can go."

"Thanks, Alexis. I love you, Pumpkin." He closed his eyes wondering if the final sentiment would fuel her suspicions.

"Love you too, Dad." She said it with great concern.

Castle gave the phone back to Lou, who volunteered to look out for the cavalry while Castle and Beckett went to find shelter against the icy breeze.

They turned a corner and both slid down a wall. With the sun setting, they had little chance of warming up and Castle was now shaking as much as Beckett. The adrenalin that had fueled their rescue had dissipated and had left them both feeling exhausted. He circled his arm around her shoulders and pulled her back into his lap.

"For warmth." He said in case she was now lucid enough to protest. His hands rubbed up and down her back slowly. She tucked her arms around his waist and held him close while pressing her cheek against him.

"For proof that we survived." She replied as she listened to the reassuring thumping in his chest. Her hands started moving as though examining his back as a critical piece of evidence. He laughed.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily, Detective." He rubbed his cheek on the top of her head.

"Promise? Because I don't know how many more close calls I can take."

"At least this time I got to give you mouth-to-mouth." He smirked.

She chuckled, "Well, there is that." She rested against him and drifted into a light sleep cocooned in his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

****Translation Note: For any British/Aussie readers, please replace the word "skivvies" with "pants." In the states, the word "skivvies" is slang for underwear rather than servants, or turtlenecks for you Aussies. ****

**Chapter 3**

**February 15, 2012**

Castle held his resting partner in his lap, leaned his head against the building and gave himself a moment to feel every ache resulting from his strenuous endeavors. He felt he deserved the pain. It should have never been that close.

There had been plenty of times when he'd faced death with Beckett, yet this had been different in that her fate had rested entirely in his hands, and he had nearly failed.

_What if I hadn't dislodged her gun? What if I hadn't been able to shoot through her seatbelt? What if I would've had to swim to shore with only her lifeless body?_

He never wanted to let her go.

_What if next time I do fail her?_

He heard the sirens and with a shuddering breath he nudged his partner awake. "Beckett, the boys are here." She reluctantly roused and forced herself to stand with Castle's help, missing his warmth as soon as air moved between them. She kept hold of his numb hand and tried to stomp some feeling in her feet as they walked. Before they turned into view she dropped his hand and gave him a wan smile, a mutual understanding that she was regrettably returning to cop mode. When she turned away from him, Rick stopped for a beat, shut his eyes, and tried to clear his mind of 'what ifs.'

Lanie, despite having blankets in hand, pushed Ryan and Esposito out of her way and waved the drenched and violently shaking duo towards the coroner's van. When they were within earshot she started reading them the riot act.

"What were you _thinking_? Do you _want _to die of pneumonia and make me have to tell Little Castle that her daddy's not coming home?" At this Rick opened his mouth but stopped short of replying as he realized had no real defense. Kate's blue lips pressed back a smile, thankful that Lanie was ranting at them rather than covering their dead bodies with a sheet.

Esposito handed Kate her gym bag with a smirk that clearly said that she'd had it coming.

She rolled her eyes at him, "Thanks, Espo."

He nodded.

Lanie tossed a towel at Kate and directed, "Girl, get in the van and get those dry clothes on. I'll deal with you in a minute." After the doors closed she tossed a blanket at her next object of prey, who at least had the decency to look terrified. She simply ordered, "Spill!"

The writer wrapped the blanket around himself, sat on the bumper and drew in a quavering breath before flatly reporting, "The victim was shot outside our car, then a dark SUV rammed into Beckett's unit and tipped us into the river. Her seatbelt jammed and we couldn't open the doors. I freed myself, found her gun, and untangled it from under her seat. I then shot her seatbelt and the rear window and pulled her out." He leaned his head against the van in frustration and confessed, "It took me too long to dislodge her gun. I found an air pocket but when I got to her she wasn't breathing. Once we surfaced I had to resuscitate her. I don't know how long she was unconscious with her lungs filled with water, but she's been coughing," His eyes bore into Lanie's, "a lot. Do whatever you need to do."

No one spoke for a moment until Ryan broke the silence, "Soooo . . . you gave Beckett mouth to mouth?"

Castle tilted his head and commented dryly, "Not really as hot as you might think when it results in the girl spewing river water."

Both detectives cringed, and Espo waved a hand and said, "TMI, Bro, TMI."

The next few minutes were spent with a clearly agitated Castle answering their questions and filling in the details as best he could.

Finally, Lanie took charge, placing a hand on Castle's shoulder, pulling him up and guiding him towards the vehicle. "Sounds like you saved our girl. Good for you. Now I'm gonna have some words with her and you're coming with me." Castle threw a resigned glance back to the guys then followed Lanie into the van.

* * *

><p>Kate felt stings and stabs over every inch of her skin and could not manipulate her fingers or stand any longer on the numb stumps that were her feet. She sat on the bench for a moment, elbows on her knees as she tried in vain to school the shaking. She would have to deal with it. She reached under the hem of her sopping wet shirt and pulled it over her head, shaking anew at the rush of air that met her exposed skin. The feeling infused her with a renewed determination to get warm. She focused all her thoughts on the simple act of changing and had managed to get undressed, dried and mostly redressed before the door opened to another relentless chill, followed by her friend then her partner.<p>

Lanie hadn't bothered to knock, not that Kate was surprised. The doctor went about finding all the pre-mortem medical supplies that she had amassed since working with such danger prone detectives. As soon as Castle entered, he swung the door shut and their eyes met, frozen to each other. She was standing sideways, wearing exercise slacks and a sports bra, suddenly feeling very exposed. His eyes flitted down to the surgical scar on her side, which showed dramatically against the paleness of her cold skin, then he looked back up and his expression turned apologetic as he cleared his throat and looked away. Kate, after a slow blink to erase the awkwardness of the moment, reached down, grabbed her t-shirt and slipped it over her head.

Castle sat on the bench opposite while Lanie stopped Kate from putting on her sweatshirt. "Nuh-uh. Not yet, I need to check you out." She tossed Kate a dry blanket, and opened a few packets of hand warmers while Kate bundled up and sat on a side bench. Lanie inspected Kate's unnaturally white feet, cupped them in her hands with a disapproving, "Hmph." She pulled Kate's shoes and socks out of her bag, worked a sock up each foot then slipped a hand warmer in each shoe before putting them on as if Kate were a little girl. The detective hated that she was too unsteady to do it for herself, especially in front of Castle. She couldn't meet his eyes even though he must have been looking just as vulnerable as she felt as he shook in his blanket.

Lanie opened several more hand warmers and passed them to her two patients and instructed them to warm their extremities while she fished for a thermometer.

Castle's brow lifted, "Please tell me you're not going to take our liver temperatures!"

She whirled around brandishing the thermometer, "Do NOT even joke about that, Richard Castle. Do you KNOW how lucky you two are to be freezing your cute little buns off in my van? I swear, the way you two carry on, I'm bound to be taking your liver temperatures eventually. Take this and shut your mouth!" He closed his lips around the thermometer and obeyed, thankful to have an excuse not to speak for several minutes.

She grabbed a blood pressure cuff and fixed it on Kate's arm.

"Lanie, I'm fine." At least the detective had the decency to say it politely.

The doctor grilled, "Did that filthy excuse for water fill your lungs?"

Beckett stared at her snitch of a partner and gritted, "Yes."

"Did you lose consciousness?"

"Hardly." Castle raised an eyebrow at her.

"Did you scare Writer Boy here enough that he had to give you mouth-to-mouth?"

Her only answer was a glare.

Castle tried to mouth the word _sorry._

Lanie rounded on him. "You! Strip! Get those wet clothes off and wrap up in a dry blanket." She pointed to a pile of blankets on the bench. As he started to stand Lanie took the thermometer out of Castle's mouth, "94. Mild hypothermia."

She pulled out an alcohol swab and cleaned it before sticking it in Kate's mouth. The cuff came off, and then the stethoscope appeared. She tried to warm it before slipping it under Kate's t-shirt and listening to her heart and lungs. Lanie looked stern as she folded the stethoscope around her neck and checked the thermometer. "Girl, you're only at 92.5. Get some meat on those skinny little bones if you're going to make a habit of this."

Meanwhile, Castle knew better than to argue with a determined medical examiner. He took off the blanket, and started on his button down, fingers fumbling and making very little progress.

Kate smiled smugly. "So, Castle, boxers or briefs? I'm sure your fans would love to know."

He hitched an eyebrow. "Could be commando."

Before she could respond, she saw the doctor pull out a tank of oxygen and extend a mask to her.

Lanie calmly offered an explanation. "After your apartment was blown up I started carrying oxygen, just like I added the hand warmers after you decided to take a nap in a freezer."

Kate looked at the mask with what Castle interpreted as fear. "I'm fine, Lanie."

"Oh, and when did you get your medical degree? I hear rattling, so you put on the mask before I shove it on your pretty little face." She put her equipment away. "I'll be right back." She turned to Castle, "You better make sure she keeps that on, and when I get back you'd better be in your skivvies, assuming you're wearing any, and wrapped in a blanket if you know what's good for you."

He nodded, wide eyed, "Yes, Ma'am."

When the door shut, Kate went to take off the mask then was deterred by a jittery hand resting over hers. Castle had moved to sit beside her.

"Kate, please just keep it on. You didn't look so good when I got to you. Anyway, Lanie's in rare form, so I think it's in both our best interests to comply."

She relented.

Castle concentrated again on his shirt. Kate turned towards him, swatted his hand away and her smaller fingers manipulated the buttons with a little more success. She stayed focused on her task while her partner stilled. She worked the buttons, and then her hands slipped up his chest to his shoulders and eased the wet garment down his arms. He freed his hands as she started untucking his t-shirt. He raised his arms as she stood to draw the clinging fabric over his head.

It was surreal. He was sitting in a coroner's van, being gently undressed by Kate Beckett, who was wearing an oxygen mask.

He never saw that scenario coming.

Shirtless and shivering, he knew the combination of pasty winter whiteness, goose bumps, and being a few cans short of a six-pack at the moment would be anything but a recipe for hotness, but he didn't even feel self-conscious. He did give her the courtesy of keeping his abs flexed, and he suspected that she noticed. The situation was neither awkward nor alluring, just oddly comfortable. He managed his belt on his own but fumbled again with the button on his jeans. She swatted his hand away again, clumsily unhooked it, and then retreated to her seat.

Castle cleared his throat, turned away while he unzipped the fly, shrugged off his jeans then stepped out, leaving him nearly naked. Kate looked amused at his choice of underwear. She couldn't help but appreciate the well-muscled legs that she had rarely seen. Truth be told, she was suddenly feeling much warmer.

She stood, held up a dry blanket and when he stepped into it she embraced him through it. He leaned towards her, wishing his arms were free to wrap around her as well. She didn't linger, instead she tucked the blanket around his shoulders then led him to sit next to her. She picked up her own blanket and draped it over her shivering body. He loosened one hand and secured her sagging blanket around her shoulder as she smirked. "Green argyle boxer briefs it is. Too bad your phone is destroyed or I'd swipe it and tweet."

He smiled seductively, "And ruin the greatest secret in the world of mystery novelist? You're too big of a fan to let that juicy morsel slip. No, Beckett, that pair was for your eyes only." He twitched up an eyebrow then nudged her shoulder with his own. She leaned her head against him until the back door opened.

Kate's head shot up and looked questioningly at Lanie, who was holding a bag of fluid. The medical examiner didn't say anything, just rummaged through the drawers for the rest of what she needed. Snapping on gloves, she reached up and secured the bag to a hook between the partners then she was met with a defiant Kate Beckett, who snapped off the mask to make sure her opinion was heard clearly. "An IV? You can't be serious! We have a murder investigation to run, and" she motioned to her partner, "Alexis will be here any minute and if I'm hooked up to a mask and IV she'll assume that it could have been her Dad. I. Am. Fine."

It was immediately clear that the detective had crossed a line.

"Excuse me, but do you _know_ what kind of bacteria live in that river? You swallowed and _inhaled_ that water. Either you let me stick you and you get broad-spectrum antibiotics here, or I call Javier and Ryan to cuff you and escort you to the hospital where they'll restrain you and keep you overnight for observation. As far as Little Castle, she called to say that her ETA was thirty minutes. Now, if you value your life, Detective, give me your arm."

Kate huffed and made a show of flinging out her arm. She wouldn't meet Lanie's eyes, and didn't even flinch when the needle pierced her skin. She knew she'd hurt her friend's feelings, but she felt caged, and she didn't _do _vulnerable well.

Lanie was extra careful inserting the needle and securing it with cotton and tape then she carefully addressed her friend, "Honey, I do this, it keeps you out of the hospital. I don't do this, and that rattle turns into pneumonia, and it's gonna take a lot more than mouth-to-mouth to save you from that." She shot a meaningful look at Castle, and then back to Kate. She lightly squeezed Kate's shoulder as she added, "I am not doing this for my own amusement."

Castle saw the defeat in his partner's eyes when she responded. "I know, Lanie, just . . . please don't let Alexis or the guys see me like this."

"That I can do, as long as you keep that mask on your face and the needle in your arm until I say so. Now, I need to see about a dead body that hopefully hasn't been whisked away by your new friends. I'll be back in twenty and by then that bag should be empty. You are not to touch that arm until then." She swung to face her other charge, "Lover Boy, keep using those warmers and make her behave. Lord knows she doesn't listen to the rest of us." With that they were left alone once again.

Castle turned his head and saw the early stages of panic. Kate was looking up towards the ceiling, bound in place by the oxygen mask, IV and blanket. He could tell she was trying to calm herself, probably remembering how confined she felt by her seatbelt, waiting to drown alone. She intentionally slowed her breath but her exposed hand resumed a slight jitter.

"Kate," she closed her eyes against his voice

"What, Castle?" The annoyed tone didn't filter her fear.

"Kate, I'm sorry." With that he slid his hand out of his blanket and he gently rested his pruny fingers on her exposed arm.

"Castle, you don't have anything to be sorry for. You saved my life." Her voice was even but she wouldn't look at him.

"I left you alone. You were pinned down, drowning, and I know you don't do well when you're robbed of control, like right now."

She tried not to advertise how spot-on he was but she was too tired to keep it all in. Her only reply was to blink back tears. It was not often that Beckett's bravado faltered and Castle wasn't sure how to best help her through it.

"What can I do?" He nudged her shoulder playfully.

She replied, "Tell me how many seasons of Baywatch you watched in order to know exactly what to do today?" She stole a peek at his endearing grin.

He was thankful for an opening to distract her. "Ah yes, The Hoff is an excellent teacher, but alas, I learned the skill well before then. I was fourteen and there was a girl."

Kate interrupted, "Isn't there always?" He chuckled, probably too enthusiastically.

"It seems so. Well, in this case it was Liz Martin, and she was a lifeguard at the local Y. I was home from boarding school for the summer when I was fourteen and she was sixteen. I thought the best way to get her attention would be to pretend to drown. I had this fantasy about her giving me mouth-to-mouth, which in hindsight would actually have been rather . . ." he searched for words that would not offend his partner.

"Unromantic?" she graciously supplied with a laugh that turned too easily into a coughing fit. He slid his hand down to tangle his fingers with hers.

When she was done he responded, "Well, it's effective at keeping those whom one would like to kiss in other situations alive, but in all other ways, yes, less than romantic. Anyway, after a few failed attempts at feigned drowning, I thought perhaps I would become a lifeguard so she'd fall for my sheer studliness while we worked together. The summer I was sixteen I earned my certification and fulfilled my dream of working at the Y. Believe me, Rick Rodgers knew how to work a whistle."

"I bet you did."

"Oh yeah, but, alas, by that time she had her sights set on Mitch Carter, who was on NYU's swim team. It didn't stop me from trying, and you know how persistent I can be."

She gave him a beaming smile imagining a teenaged Castle semi-stalking an indifferent girl, "Oh, I know. Let me guess, you asked to _shadow_ her."

"No, that's a cunning ploy I developed later in life. I just followed her like a puppy dog, no pretense. In the end all I was left with was the slightest remnants of my dignity and my superior aquatic prowess." He met her eyes meaningfully, "I have never been more thankful to Liz Martin than I am today."

They were now looking at each other, fingers caressing. She was exhausted and her defenses were down. Her gaze flitted to his lips without permission before she remembered she was not only wearing a mask, but she had Hudson River breath. She dipped her head to rest it on his shoulder and he leaned his cheek on her hair.

Castle made the IV, mask, and blanket seem much less confining. She nearly groaned when Lanie returned and ended their cozy moment. She was a reminder that the world on the other side of those doors needed them. Outside the van was a dead body, a conspiracy and a planet to save.

Their comfortable position hadn't escaped Lanie's notice even though they had snapped back to their own personal space by the time she closed the door behind her. Her eyebrows lifted.

"Are you feelin' . . . " She looked between her two charges, "warmer?" Lanie couldn't help a little smirk as she pulled out the needle and removed the offending oxygen mask,

"If I say 'yes' will you let me be?"

"No, but it'd make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

Kate garnered her reserve energy to stifle her sentimentality behind her badge once again. Castle recognized his partner's defenses rising and gave her space.

"Lanie, I have to get back to work."

She couldn't let her friend go just yet. "Listen, Kate, You walk out of this van, it's against medical advice. You _should_ stay wrapped in blankets until your temp is back to normal. You _should _take it easy for several days to let your body recover. You _should_ go straight to a doctor for the living and get a breathing treatment. I know you're going to ignore me and walk on out,but I'll be watching and any sign that you're getting worse and I'm gonna be all over your sorry butt." Lanie gave her a handful of hand warmers. "Stick these in every pocket you can find and keep that hood up. Understand?" She nodded.

"Thank you, for everything. I'm sorry, Lanie, but I just can't walk out in the middle of this one, not even for a few hours. This case won't keep. I'll rest afterwards, I promise." She looked at her partner, not wanting to leave him in her wake.

Castle had listened silently to the exchange. He was still at Lanie's mercy until his daughter arrived with his clothes, but he urged Beckett to see what was happening with the case. She looked at him reluctantly so he argued, "Alexis will be here soon and I don't want it to seem like you're hovering." He knew he was using her own logic against her as he could easily pass it off as them running theory while they waited. The truth was that he needed a few minutes to get into Dad mode, and he couldn't do that with Kate there. The memory of her nearly dying in his arms was still too fresh.

"If you need anything, I won't be far."

He gave her a smile that crinkled the corner of his eyes. "Go on, I'll see you soon. How much trouble could I possibly get into?"

She sternly replied, "Behave, Castle."

"Or else what? I cannot say this often, but I think that today I could take you."

She stood to her full height in front of him. "I have other ways." She flicked her eyes down as though seeing his boxer briefs through the blanket with x-ray vision then walked out the door. As it closed he could hear her taunting him, "Espo, give me your phone, I need to tweet."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**February 15, 2012**

The door shut and Castle felt a twinge of panic from being physically separated from his partner. He knew it was ridiculous to feel like he needed to keep her close so he tried to quell the lurch of nerves but eyes momentarily betrayed his anxiety.

"You okay?"

"Just cold."

"I wasn't talkin' about the hypothermia."

He blew out a breath, "Yeah. Fine."

Normally he would have tried for a dashing smile to sell the lie, but Lanie Parish was no fool. He dodged her eyes, deciding instead to stare flatly to the side as she responded, "Look, no one would blame you for wigging out after what you two went through tonight. I know you and my girl have this avoidance dance perfected, so you'll likely not talk about what happened, but honestly, how many times are you going to do this to yourselves? You're stacking up regrets, both of y'all." She received no response from the normally loquacious writer.

She reached for her stethoscope then dug through the blankets draped over Castle's body and checked his heart and lungs.

"You had quite a workout, do you have any muscle cramps? Headache? Any scrapes or bruises you're hiding?" She pulled his bare feet from under the blanket, cupped them between her hands to try to rub heat into them as she had done with Kate, and then placed extra hand warmers under his freezing toes.

"No, just need dry clothes."

"Stiff upper lip, huh? For not being a cop, you've sure picked up their bad habits." She shook her head in disgust.

A side of his mouth twitched up at what he took to be a compliment. "I guess I have."

His mind wandered to his favorite cop and how desperately she had tried to cover her anxiety. "Actually, about that . . . for Beckett, are there symptoms should I be looking for? I know she won't walk away from the case for anything at the moment, but I'll be with her so I might be able to do some damage control."

"Well, her body temperature should steadily increase, but it's too low for what I'd like, so fill that girl with hot coffee and keep her warm as much as possible. Mutual body heat would be beneficial to both of you," she offered a mischievous eyebrow twitch, then crossed her arms, "but we all know _that's_ not likely to happen in this lifetime at the rate you two are going, so make sure she keeps bundled up. Throw an arm around her if she'll let you. She's gonna be coughing because her lungs are trying to get rid of all the fluid, but if it turns into a bark or if she starts wheezing or breathing shallow, that's a problem." He nodded his understanding as she continued, "Honestly, she needs rest, and not just a sit down for a few minutes, I mean serious sleep to catch up after a trauma like this." He felt her warm hand on his forehead. "You feel a little better, but those things go for you too. Get that temperature up and get some sleep." She sat down heavily across from him. "Castle, just, keep an eye on her. I gave you all the physical symptoms, but we both know that brain of Kate's can be a minefield. She walks away from some ordeals unaffected, but others will take hold and fester. Tread lightly, but keep her grounded."

His mind started rushing wildly at all the aspects of their underwater escapade that could cause a flare of PTSD.

_Claustrophobia? Darkness? The sound of running water? Seatbelts? Just being in a car?_

He knew his active imagination was chasing extreme scenarios. Honestly, how many perilous situations had Beckett simply brushed off? He tried to convince himself that he was overreacting but then he flashed back to pulling her limp body from the car and the grueling swim to reach the surface.

He needed to be alone.

He mentally repeated Lanie's words,

_Tread lightly but keep her grounded_.

_Right._

"Lanie, I've been trying to do that for years."

Lanie took on a mother hen look, "Honey, I know you have. You're a good man, Richard Castle." He couldn't muster a reply so he left the compliment linger.

After a few minutes of silence he spoke. "If you're done with me, would you mind if I waited for my daughter by myself?"

"Not a problem, I'll send Castle Junior in here as soon as I see her." She patted his shoulder then tugged the blanket tighter around his neck.

He smiled gratefully, "Perfect. And Lanie . . . thanks."

"The things I do for you people." She said lightheartedly as she took her leave.

* * *

><p>Kate had no intention of tweeting. She was feeling very weak but Castle saying that he could take her had demanded verbal retribution. She allowed herself a moment to smile at his distraction techniques - and his choice of underwear.<p>

After a few steps she was back to immersing herself in the case, sifting what actually happened from what limited information she could offer the NYPD. She hated being detached from her team. Keeping secrets from Esposito and Ryan felt like a piercing betrayal. She was cutting out family, and although they understood professionally, none of them liked it personally.

Throughout this case they'd left her in no doubt how they felt.

"Ryan, what do we have?"

The concern was etched in his lined brow and searching eyes. She recalled her dying moments, imagining Ryan holding Jenny and sobbing at the loss of his two friends.

_I should have started with Espo._

"Hey, Beckett. You okay?"

She blew out a breath, and resisted the urge to hug him. "Yeah, Lanie cleared me." She coughed, and cursed the bitter cold air.

Ryan's reply was hesitant, "You sure 'cause Castle said he had to revive you and all?"

She rolled her eyes, realizing that kindness at this point would worry Ryan more than annoyance. She answered irritably, "Seriously, does anyone NOT know that Castle gave me mouth-to-mouth?" She saw the ginger hair a beat too late. Kate answered herself quietly, "Apparently not." She put a hand on her forehead and rubbed it in frustration. "Ryan, look, thanks for your concern but I'm fine,"

"I don't know, Kate, you're still really pale. Maybe you should -"

She groaned when he played the 'Kate' card then shifted her gaze to Alexis then back to her friend pointedly and in a lower voice cut him off. "Kevin, not now. Please." He noticed Alexis and understood.

"Oh."

"Yeah. So, what've you got?"

"Not much. Victim is a white male, 60s, and looks remarkably familiar . . . " He left the sentence hang as though to prompt her to continue his thread, but she was completely distracted by the young woman standing awkwardly ten feet away.

"Okay, keep me posted." With that she dismissed Ryan and schooled her features to try to seem as confident and calm as she could. She approached Alexis, feeling ill-equipped to discern what the teenager should know.

The girl looked concerned to say the least. "Uh . . ." There were very few times Alexis was at a loss for words, but her desire to be professional warred with the unsettling reality of what she had just overheard.

Beckett forced herself to smile, hoping it would put the younger woman at ease. She decided that despite Castle's need to protect his daughter, the truth was necessary given what she let slip.

"Alexis, our car I ended up in the Hudson. Your dad is perfectly fine, just needs dry clothes. I know you overheard me talking with Detective Ryan, so I'll be straight with you. I lost consciousness and your dad pulled me out. He was never in any danger." She tried lightening the mood, "In fact, I'm sure he'll never let me live this down."

Her efforts fell flat. Alexis wouldn't meet her eyes as she carefully replied, "Detective Beckett? Where's my dad?"

Kate again questioned the wisdom of encouraging Lanie to accept Alexis as an intern. Sure, the girl was hyper-responsible, sharp, and enthusiastic, but Kate hadn't given one thought to the toll it would take on their father/daughter dynamics. Castle was such a dedicated parent and yet she hadn't consulted him. Any emotional shrapnel in the wake of this was on Kate, and she hoped neither Castle would resent her when the dust cleared.

She wanted to touch Alexis, to reassure her in some way, but she couldn't stomach being rejected if the girl flinched. Playing it safe as always, Kate kept her distance and directed Alexis to the van. "He's waiting in there. He'll be happy to see you."

"Thank you, Detective Beckett." Kate had to smile. The girl was polite even when she was clearly agitated.

Kate watched her walk away, settling again into the realization that Alexis was not much younger than she had been when she had to face her mother's violent death. It seemed a lifetime ago since Jim & Johanna Beckett regarded a teenaged Katie in the same way that Castle adored Alexis.

* * *

><p>Rick Castle sat alone, head tilted back and eyes closed, trying not to think. He wanted to whisk Beckett away from this, all of this, to give her a respite from violence, conspiracies and mortal peril. He wanted for just one day to wrap her in his arms and keep her safe, to cuddle away the cold and the coughing and the insecurities. He sighed. This would not be that day.<p>

_I may never have that day._

A quiet knock broke into his mental frustrations and he answered, "Come in," before he could muster the energy to look unaffected.

The door opened a crack at first then wide enough for his daughter to enter. She seemed to hesitate before approaching him, another sign that she was becoming her own woman and not just the little girl who lavished affection on him unconditionally. He regretted seeing the gravity in her blue eyes and wished he could have vetoed this whole experience for her. Yet, his daughter had earned the right to transform the Castle Kingdom into a democracy, and he had to trust her to start making her own decisions, even if it meant that she saw the chinks in his armor. At least she'd still have that cute little dimple even after her rose-colored glasses had shattered. It was a small consolation but it was enough that he smiled at her just a little bit.

"Hey, Pumpkin." He nodded his head towards the bench next to him, but she chose to sit across from him instead.

"Dad, what happened?"

_She needs to smile. I needed to fix this._

He couldn't fix this for her. Not this time. He had nothing.

His hesitation worried Alexis and her furrowed brow in turn increased his anxiety. He drew in a breath and extended a hand out of the blanket towards her, and to his relief she met him halfway.

"It was so much easier when you were little. I could have just spun a tale about how the river was a collection of tears from a lonely giant, and how a princess tried to comfort the giant but she slipped through his fingers."

Alexis rolled her eyes and flatly picked up the storyline, "Let me guess? Then Prince Charming jumped in the Hudson and saved the princess?" Suddenly her dad's eyes seemed lined and weary.

"Something like that." He squeezed her hand. "The problem is, I'm not looking at a little girl, I'm looking at the medical examiner's assistant. I am having a hard time with this, Sweetheart. I always knew you would grow up, but I didn't think it was going to happen today, or tomorrow, or this year . . ."

"Dad," He loved the way her eyes seemed to twinkle when she gave him the smile that confirmed he was being incorrigible. "It's not like I'm moving out and never looking back, it's just an internship."

More soberly he replied, "No, no it's not. It's dead bodies and horrific crime scenes. These experiences will change you. You have a tender heart, and I just don't want to see it break bit by bit with each body that arrives in the morgue."

She shook her head, "Dad, I feel like I'm helping them. Dr. Parish is a really good mentor and even though it's sad, I feel like it's a mission of sorts. I can't really explain it." Her shoulders slumped and she encased his cold hand in both of hers, trying to press some life back into it. "Dad, I didn't talk to you about it beforehand because I knew that you would've said no."

"You're right. I would have. I still don't like it, but you've made a commitment, and I know you will honor that no matter what I say."

Alexis had a hard time digesting her father's disapproval, but she set her chin and nodded, "I have to do this, Dad, but your objections are noted."

_Why do I feel so proud when she's actually defying me for once?_

"Okay. There is one more aspect to this internship that we haven't discussed."

His daughter's resolve wavered, "I think I've figured that out. It's different seeing you at the precinct. You're you, but all the dynamics are . . . off compared to how things are when the same people are around socially."

"Astute as always. Honey, I know I'm not a real cop, but I still don't like to bring work home with me, so to speak. You and Gram were my oasis from all the brutality, and the tension of that sort of work environment. You blurred that line without consulting me and I wasn't prepared for it. Honestly, most days carry little excitement, but for all intents and purposes, I am Detective Beckett's partner and there are times when things get dangerous. Not often, but it does happen, like today. Normally I would tell you only part of the story so you and Gram wouldn't worry, but now, well, here you are. I was going to sugarcoat what happened, but as much as I want to protect you, word at the precinct gets around and I owe it to you to tell you the truth before you hear it from the 12th grapevine. I also know this means that you will tell Gram, who will now carry the burden of worrying about both of us."

Alexis was conflicted. She was sensitive and he had laid it on rather thickly. She focused on her scrubs to rally all her professionalism then offered, "I will not tell Gram, but I don't need protecting. Tell me what happened."

Rick Castle imagined the words coming from a six-year-old version of his daughter and had to shake the vision from his mind. He tugged their entwined hands until she relented to sitting next to him and resting her head on his blanket-clad shoulder.

"Okay. Detective Beckett and I were in her car when the victim tried to flee. He was shot then an SUV rammed her car into the river. I had access to air the entire time, but Beckett's seatbelt was jammed so it took longer to free her. She went a short time without breathing, but as you can see, we're both okay now."

Alexis quirked up an eyebrow, "You left out the part where you gave her mouth-to-mouth, but I'll chalk that up to things you'd rather I didn't know and move on."

He looked incredulously, "You knew?"

She shrugged, "I wanted to see how brutally honest you could be. Not bad, Dad." She bumped her shoulder against his. "Seriously, though, that must have been so scary."

Castle leaned down and kissed his daughter's ginger hair, "It was, Pumpkin, but she's okay . . . we're okay."

She smiled up at him, "You know, Dad, it's nice that we had this talk, but you really should get some clothes on." As she stood up she eyed the sopping wet pile of his clothes mixed with his partner's. "Please tell me you aren't wearing your silk 'dog's playing poker' boxers"

He shook his head conspiratorially, "Argyle boxer briefs."

She crossed her arms, "Well, that's not too bad considering the alternatives."

He smiled at her adoringly.

"What will I do without you . . . in ten years when you move out?"

She smirked, "At least you'll always have Gram."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**February 15, 2012**

Alexis had brought her father fuzzy socks and flannel boxers. He felt like a new man, aside from his aching muscles and a lingering chill that dwelt deep in his core.

As he exited the van he caught a whiff of the coffee that his daughter had been keeping warm for him. The heavenly scent had him considering forgiving her for her insolence. After all, taking this internship was his daughter's first defiant act in all her seventeen years.

"You're a lifesaver," He kissed her cheek.

"Dad, not at a crime scene!"

"Sorry, Pumpkin."

"Dad!"

"No 'Pumpkin,' either?"

She shook her head, offering him the second cup.

"I got this for Detective Beckett. Go on, she looks really cold."

He took the second cup and leaned in with puckered lips. He was stopped abruptly by his daughter's palm.

"Dad . . . "

"Sorry, Sweetheart, habit."

_"Daaaad!"_

"Oops, I mean, 'Sorry, _Miss Castle._'" He bowed formally, and then turned from his flustered child.

* * *

><p>After doing what she could to assist with the investigation, Detective Beckett found herself staring at the secondary crime scene. Subtle waves were masking the malice that had bound them below the surface. Her unit was still submerged, and she imagined that it was still savoring all her frantic regrets. This had not been the first time she'd thought that she would die, but there was just something eerie about the forced surrender, the impersonal enemy encroaching on her inch by inch, as though coating her with hopelessness. She shivered, imagining frigid tendrils emerging from the waves, firmly taking hold of her leg and pulling her under the surface to complete her demise.<p>

She felt as though moving away from the edge would be ceding to her fears. She had to stand resolute against the imagery, proving to herself that she was not a coward. She wondered if this event would change her; if her knee-jerk reaction would be to follow darker paths of solitude, as she had done during the sniper case, or if she and Castle would just let it all blow over making tomorrow just another day. In both eventualities led to very lonely conclusions.

_Maybe it's time for a new result, one with a warmer outcome._

She willed herself to replay her dying thoughts. She reasoned that if she had one less regret by the next life-threatening situation, she could mark that as progress.

_Dad._

She knew that he would be more okay with her dying if it had nothing to do with her mom's murder. She had promised Castle that she would drop it and while she hadn't opened her shuttered murder board since, the details still marinated in her mind daily.

Pursuing the truth came at a cost. If something should happen to her in pursuit of the Dragon, she would be risking her father's hard-fought sobriety.

_Alexis._

Castle put himself in risky situations but there was a difference between what happened today and him getting killed or injured as a direct result of Kate's obsession. Kate, having been brought up by two lawyers, had been resilient even before her mom died but Alexis was a naturally sensitive girl. Seeing the teen digest the possibilities of what could have happened tonight made Beckett wonder if she had already been a party to the chipping away of Alexis' idealistic world.

Since the summer, Beckett had fallen hard off Alexis' carefully crafted pedestal. Kate knew her credibility with the girl had been leveled. However, she also knew that generally Alexis seemed to be nearly allergic to ill will. The detective could see the young woman wrestling to strike a balance between accepting her, and keeping a safe emotional distance from her. All the people Alexis truly loved, while not having conventional lives, were consistent in their affections. Even her chaotic mother was predictably thoughtless and absent. Kate Beckett had been a constant icon of justice, a hero of sorts to Alexis, until the detective pulled a three-month disappearing act which threw the Castle universe off kilter. The teen had no frame of reference for how to cope with the inconsistency. Even though Beckett was on shaky ground with Alexis, she respected how much of an effort the girl was making to try to be okay with her return to the Castle realm.

Since the summer, every perilous situation in which she and Castle had found themselves had threatened to upend his daughter's world irrevocably. Beckett knew that she could not convince him to walk away from shadowing her, nor did she assume the blame for his presence at the 12th. He was a grown man, an honorable man, as passionate about right and wrong as he was about literary integrity. However, Kate would be accountable to Alexis if Castle were to be killed while helping her pursue her mother's case.

She sighed. The truth came at too high of a cost. Her mother had been gone for over a decade, nothing would change that. Castle, her dad, Alexis and Martha were here now. She would not pursue justice if it meant letting The Dragon steal their lives as well, or their happiness. She felt an overwhelming peace that came with her resolution to walk away for good. She picked up a pebble and tossed it into the river. With the _plop_ she felt as though she were finally keeping the bitter tendrils at bay.

* * *

><p>Castle, coffees in hand, searched for his partner. He found her a few feet from the edge of the harbor, looking pensive as she scrutinized the water; her arms crossed and her loosely curled hair lilting on her shoulders. The writer stopped to appreciate the beauty of the scene and couldn't help a dramatic narration.<p>

_The moonlight reflecting off the water played against her far away gaze. Detective Beckett elegantly stooped to pick up a stone and caressed it with trembling fingers. She straightened, squared her shoulders, and then lobbed the pebble with a perfect arc into the deep that had nearly claimed her. As the river swallowed the monument of her resolve, her whole person shone of serenity._

The intimate gesture Rick Castle had witnessed simultaneously arrested his movements and drew everything within him to her. She turned towards him with a genuine smile and he hoped she could feel the reverence in his expression.

He offered her coffee but didn't trust himself not to ruin the moment by speaking.

She took a sip and looked at him shyly, "Thanks . . . and thanks."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**February 15, 2012**

The peace that came with the simple action of throwing a stone into the river had been shattered by the arrival of Sofia Turner. Beckett had known that this would be the next logical step but she still resented the fact that until they solved this case, there would be no respite from her interference. The only thing about Sofia's reaction that relieved Kate was that the CIA agent had not offered any trumped-up sympathy about their near demise. The detective could have stomached neither Sofia's sentimentality towards Castle nor her patronizing concerns towards herself. Defiant Beckett was on the rise . . . until an agent handed her a black hood.

_No._

Her expression remained set but she shot a sideways look to her partner, who understood both her horror at what she was expected to do and her need for his discretion.

He crossed his arms, "Sofia, really, aren't we past this?"

"When you have CIA credentials in hand, then you can enjoy the view, until then, no, you have no choice."

Castle was trying not to cross the line from casual persuasion to desperation because he knew that Kate would not appreciate pity from his former muse. In the end all of his attempts fell flat. Apparently, there was no negotiating with the CIA. Beckett walked resignedly to the car, sat in the back and loosely secured her seatbelt. She faced forward and pulled on the hood without ceremony.

_"Oh, she's good', _Castle thought. He knew she was in distress, but it came off as annoyance to all other witnesses. He sat next to her and put his hood on.

Beckett was bound in darkness, restrained by her seatbelt and felt strangled by the hood. The combined condensation from her wet hair and ragged exhalations threatened to pull her under again. She focused on all the ways she would love to off Sofia Turner but the distraction only nudged her breathing from ragged to shallow. It helped, but resentment and force of will alone could not sustain her.

Internally Richard Castle was panicking. He was freaked out by the darkness and the stifled air supply but that paled in comparison to what he was feeling on his partner's behalf.

_Of all the cruel punishments to inflict on her._

He was livid at Sofia's thoughtlessness, but his priority had to be Beckett's sanity. He listened to her shortened breaths and remembered Lanie's advice.

_Keep her grounded._

Externally, Richard Castle was working the situation. His solution was two-fold. First, he started talking to the agents about anything and everything. If Beckett had to be confined, she would have his voice as a lifeline. His words had stilled her jittery hand when she had aimed her gun at a suspect after returning to work last fall, so he reasoned that they could soothe her again. Second, he risked a show of affection, hoping she would forgive him if the front seat passengers noticed. He rested his hand on the seat between them, slinking it towards her until it reached her clenched fist and with his finger he stroked her hand rhythmically back and forth . . . back and forth . . . Soon she had slowed her breathing to match his movements.

Kate Beckett would never complain about her partner talking too much ever again. He was relentless in his efforts to sustain light conversation, all for her benefit. She could focus on his voice hearing,_ 'You're okay, Kate. You've got this,' _despite the words that were actually pouring from his lips.

She was conflicted at first when his finger brushed her hand, wanting to have that security, but desperately hoping that no one would see. Soon she found herself loosening, easing into a pattern . . . inhale . . . exhale . . . inhale . . . exhale. He was resuscitating her once again. He continued his efforts until the car came to a stop. He retracted his finger before they were freed from the seatbelt and guided to the elevators.

When the hoods were jerked off their heads, they both greedily inhaled as though they had just resurfaced, which sent Kate into a coughing fit. She tried to shut her mouth to quell the magnitude, but that only resulted in prolonging the attack. Castle knew that she would not want to be embarrassed by either a pat on the back or an inquiry into the state of her health so he helplessly stood next to her, facing straight ahead, until the elevator dinged and they exited. Beckett turned straight for the ladies' room.

Sofia turned to him, looking more amused than concerned as she pointed after his partner, "Is this one going to survive?"

He stifled a cringe at Sofia referring to his partner as _this one_, as though Kate Beckett were his flavor of the day. "Yeah, she's fine." He turned down the hall to the hub of activity, knowing Beckett would find them.

* * *

><p>Kate was leaning over the sink, gasping and coughing repeatedly. She was thankful that at least she could run hot water over her hands while she coughed up a lung. She hated that she was physically compromised in the CIA's bathroom right after fending off a panic attack in the car while Sofia was no doubt flirting with Castle. She wanted Nikki Heat to be stronger than Clara Strike. Kate wondered if she would be able to read the Derrick Storm novels again without resentment, or if the oh-so-perfect agent would forever taint the books which had been the prologue to her relationship with Castle.<p>

She was exhausted and irritated that they had to be there, that she couldn't work the case at the 12th on their terms. By the time the coughing subsided, Kate was actually thankful that she had time in the bathroom to compose herself and morph her fears into anger. Anger could keep her balanced; it could keep her other emotions at bay. She splashed warm water on her face, dried her hands and face then walked out of the room, poised for battle.

* * *

><p>The field trip to the CIA had been a monumental waste of time. It had resulted in very little shared information, professional information anyway and Sofia's accusation had done nothing to improve their moods.<p>

_You can't rewrite the ending like you did with us._

In the end they had received a dressing down, an agent had escorted them back to the car, hooded them then unceremoniously discarded them at the 12th.

Beckett was stewing.

The car ride from the CIA was traumatic, more so because she'd refused to let Castle comfort her. She had pulled her hand away from all his attempts to soothe her, despite feeling as though she were on the verge of hyperventilating.

Castle was frustrated, yet he felt smugly defiant in that she hadn't been able to stop him from at least keeping a steady conversation going. She heard his voice, even if she rejected his hand. He winced at that last thought and prayed it wouldn't prove prophetic.

* * *

><p>Lanie couldn't believe that the two adults who were bickering like toddlers were the same two who had treated each other so tenderly just hours before.<p>

Kate's insecurities were raw after such an overly emotional day. She knew that she was being unreasonable and petty but she was frazzled beyond the point of reason. Castle had not so much as seen Sofia Turner in the last _decade _and regardless, Kate had no claim on him even now. Yet, after being tucked into her partner's arms only hours before, she just couldn't stomach the thought of another woman having had that kind of intimacy with him. It was not logical or fair, but the resentment served to tether her mind away from other emotions that were festering just below the surface.

If she hadn't been exhausted she would have wisely chosen to drop it. However, she was exhausted and so she prodded and gouged at Castle until she reached the height of irrationality and spouted, "Sleep with whomever you want! The more, the merrier."

Cue Alexis Castle.

Beckett had just put the nail in the coffin of Castle's resolve. His expression said it all. He was done. He turned on his heel and walked away.

Lanie took the report from Alexis, while Kate turned to the girl to apologize. Alexis simply raised her eyebrows and said, "None of my business." Then turned to her boss, "Dr. Parish, is it okay if I ride home with Dad?"

"Sure, Sweetie. Good work today. Go. Get some rest and I'll see you for your next shift in a couple of days."

As soon as the door shut Lanie rounded on her friend, "Girl, I don't even know what to say to you! Have you forgotten what all that man did for you today? And what do you do to repay him? You treat him like he's chasing CIA skirts, cheating on you when half the time you won't even give him the time of day, and all that in front of his daughter? That's just rich."

Kate started another coughing fit. She paced a few steps then leaned her fists on the desk. Her body started trembling. Her expression was hidden behind a veil of hair but there was no mistaking that the unflappable Kate Beckett was crying. Stunned, Lanie stopped mid rant to smooth the brown curls behind Kate's ear, revealing silent tears of guilt and exhaustion. She was breathing rapidly. Kate didn't lose control like that ever. Lanie led her friend to a bench, sat her down and rubbed her back as she hunched over, resting her elbows on her knees. Kate's chest felt raspy and she couldn't manage a decent breath, yet she felt that the discomfort was too light of a punishment for what she had inflicted on her partner.

Lanie had grabbed her stethoscope and listened to the rattling in Kate's lungs. "Oh, girl, I knew I should've sent you to the hospital." She shook her head in self-reproach.

She pulled open drawers and grabbed some equipment. Dealing with obstinate detectives, mainly Kate Beckett and Javier Esposito, as often as she did, Lanie knew enough to be prepared. She could intimidate little Irish boys so she didn't have to worry so much about Ryan ignoring medical advice, and Castle was too respectful to give her much guff, but Kate? She was stubborn and proud. At the crime scene Lanie had called in a prescription for her friend as a precaution, and then picked up the medicine and nebulizer on the way back to the 12th. Detective Beckett didn't believe in taking care of herself at the expense of a case so Lanie made it her mission to keep her going during the tough ones.

She pulled out the small machine, poured in the liquid medicine and fixed the mask on Kate. Her eyes flared wildly in response, but Lanie put her hand firmly on Kate's back and kept her still.

"Breathe, you foolish girl, and don't even _think_ about taking that mask off." Lanie saw her nod as a few more tears fell. She cleared the bench next to Kate, folded a towel into a pillow and nudged her to lie down. Lanie sat on the floor, smoothing her friend's hair as they sat listening to the hum of the machine.

* * *

><p>The next thing Kate knew there was a hand grasping her shoulder and Javier Esposito's sober face was hovering above hers.<p>

"Yo, Beckett, sleepin' on the job?" His tone held an unsettling hint of gentleness.

She sat up straight, trying to look unaffected. The clock on the wall showed 2 am. "Apparently. What are you doing here, Espo?"

"Taking you home. Come on." He pulled her to standing and kept his hand at her elbow for stability until she nudged it off.

Lanie stood against a table, arms crossed. Kate shot her a pointed look, not appreciating that she had called in reinforcements.

"It was either calling Javier or Castle and I didn't think Writer Boy deserved any more guff from you tonight. Javier, on the other hand, can take whatever you dish out, so have at him." She nodded them towards the door.

"Gracias, Chica. You owe me!"

"We are so not even close to me owing you. Take our girl home."

* * *

><p>Beckett pretended to be asleep during the drive and Esposito let her. Neither one liked to parade a weakness, which was exactly why Lanie had called him. He understood Beckett. When he turned onto her block he parked and she rolled her eyes as he stepped out.<p>

"You aren't seriously walking me to my door, Espo?"

"Lanie's orders. Sorry, she's much more intimidating than you on your best day."

Kate turned on her heel away from him, "This has not been my best day."

Esposito surprised her by putting his hand on her shoulder and squeezing. "Tomorrow's gotta be better, right?"

"Law of averages." She uttered in response.

She put her key in the lock and when the door to her building opened she added, "Thanks, Javi, I've got it from here."

He smiled warmly at her, "Anytime, Beckett. Get some sleep." He turned, hands in his pockets and walked back down the sidewalk.

She had little memory of anything after that except collapsing into bed and feeling like an idiot.


	7. Chapter 7

****Chapter 7****

****February 16, 2012****

Castle sat in his office chair, flipping the folded piece of paper over and over in his hand after Sofia Turner showed herself the door. He hated this. There was nothing that Beckett could have said, whether in front of his daughter or not, that would have made him feel worse about the whole situation than he already did. He knew that they both had their pasts and while it was not pleasant to hear about the other's exploits, it was infinitely worse hearing it from the former love interest. He had gone from saving her life to trying to diffuse an entanglement with a former muse in record time. He had let Sofia blindside Kate when she had been most vulnerable. Sure, he was irritated that his partner had taken all her frustrations out on him, especially when it meant that she wouldn't let him comfort her in the car, but he did understand. She'd felt cornered and Sofia Turner, his former muse and love interest, had rattled her cage.

Alexis had seemed more amused by the exchange in the morgue than anything, for which he was oddly thankful. He didn't want her to fume about any perceived injustice in Beckett's comments since his partner was already on shaky ground with his daughter. In fact, during the car ride home Alexis had asked how she was and seemed genuinely concerned about her welfare, which gave him hope.

He put down the paper that Sofia had given him and picked up the spare phone they kept in the loft for emergencies. Alexis had killed her battery more than once so he'd learned to be prepared. He considered calling Beckett then remembered that her phone was in the Hudson. It was just as well since he likely would have driven her to say more things that she would regret in the morning. He sent Lanie a text instead.

"Thanks for your help today – RC"

He took off his shoes and ran the hottest shower he could tolerate in order to get circulation back into his feet. When he was ready for bed he checked the phone one last time,

"See me before you see K. You owe me. GO TO BED!"

He said, "Yes, Ma'am," out loud, pulled back the comforter and felt as though he dropped right through the mattress into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p>Rick entered the morgue holding out a white bag. Lanie was in no mood to suffer pleasantries. "Give me that pastry, Castle."<p>

He relinquished the bag containing, a sprinkle doughnut, an apple fritter and a scone, "You deserve options."

She hummed her approval, "You thank Martha for raising you right."

"I do every day. What's up?"

"Your girlfriend kept me here past two."

His jaw tensed, "I left at 12:30, what happened? Is she okay?" He ran a hand through his hair.

"She had a bit of a meltdown, but I fixed her up and called Javier to take her home."

"What do you mean by a meltdown?"

"I gave her a talking to after the way she was treatin' you. She didn't take it too well."

"Look, it was fine. She was exhausted and the trip to the CIA was stressful. I didn't take it personally."

Lanie cut him off, "I guess Martha didn't teach you any self-respect! It is _not _okay for her to treat you like that, and she knows it. Anyway, I was giving her an earful and the next thing I knew the girl was sobbing."

Castle grimaced, "Beckett . . . cried?" He let that sink in then rounded on Lanie, "Why didn't you call me?" He straightened, which only served to rile the medical examiner.

"Why? So she could abuse you more to save face? Nu-huh. She was in a bad place but she was not the only one who was traumatized last night. I had two people to worry about. You got your sleep. I did you a favor then and I'm doing you a favor now by telling you what I know." He crossed his arms to emphasize that he didn't appreciate being managed, but he let her continue, "Don't you even look at me like that. You get your medical degree and stick around Beckett for a decade, then you can judge me."

Castle stopped as the words _medical degree_ registered. He grasped Lanie's elbow, "Lanie, you said you 'fixed her up.' What else happened last night?"

Lanie appreciated the intensity those blue eyes could hold, "Calm down, I was gonna tell you. Her lungs sounded worse so I gave her a breathing treatment."

He loosened his grip. "What is that, like oxygen?"

"No, it's like an asthmatic inhaler, but stronger. The fluid in her lungs could lead to a form of pneumonia. She should be on oxygen and have consistent treatments until it clears, but good luck convincing her of that. She was too tired to fight me last night. She even slept through most of it."

Castle paced, tapping his fingers against his leg, "What do we do?"

"Honey, she's stubborn and hurting, which is not a good combination. I called you down to broker a compromise." She pulled open a drawer and pulled out an inhaler and placed it in his extended palm. "This is better than nothing for the time being. Once this case is over, she has to use the machine regularly until those lungs clear. You have to make sure that she does, or you'll be bringing her coffee in the hospital."

He inspected the plastic cylander. The last time he visited her in the hospital he had entered the room bearing flowers and brimming with hope and had left it feeling dejected and abandoned for months. He wasn't sure he could stomach walking into the same situation, even if they were in a better place. "I promise I'll do what I can."

"Castle, _any _signs of distress, she needs it."

"Thank you, Lanie. I got this."

"See that you do. And Castle, no more spats today, okay?"

"I'll be on my best behavior, although I can't vouch for Beckett."

"Oh, I hear ya."

She scrutinized the man before her, "Castle, you look really pale. You feeling okay?"

He shrugged. "Just concerned."

"Just remember you need to take care of yourself, too."

"I will, so don't waste any worries on me." He waved the inhaler, "Thank you for this."

"Good luck." when he left the room she shook her head and continued, "You're _so_ gonna need it."

* * *

><p>When the elevator doors opened he saw Beckett with her elbow on her desk &amp; head leaning in her hand. At the sound of him sauntering towards her desk she straightened and smiled meekly. He handed her a coffee cup and waited for her to set the tone for the day.<p>

She started with a sheepish, "Thanks, Castle." She sipped the drink, keeping her eyes on him over the lid.

He smiled and twitched up his lip, "Always, Beckett."

_Cheesy, but effective. _

He needed to communicate that they were okay, that they had a solid foundation that would not unravel from one night of insensitivity.

Her fingers played along the lid of her coffee cup. "Listen, Castle, about last night . . . I'm sorry."

He placed his fingers over hers and shook his head, "Hey, it was an intense night. We were both tired and I was traumatized so let's just call it nearly a wash."

Her fingers stilled under his light touch.

"Nearly?"

He leaned in like he was going to tell a juicy secret, "Well, you did question my moral integrity in front of my daughter." He theatrically grimaced at his own accusation.

Kate rolled her eyes. "I guess I'm not used to scanning the room for Little Castle before I besmirch your good name." She bit her lower lip to suppress the fluttering surging through her from his index finger gently caressing hers. "Actually, Castle, I'm sorry that I never gave you a head's up about Alexis working with Lanie. When she approached me, I was so relieved that she was asking me for help. I don't think it's a secret that I've been in the dog house with her, so I jumped on the chance to do something nice for her." He made to object but she stopped him, "Castle, her skepticism is justified. And regardless of my selfish agenda to get on her good side, I also thought you'd like the surprise of seeing Alexis more before she left for college. But, I'm not a parent, and I didn't think of how much it would complicate your relationship with her, or how much extra stress it could cause you."

Castle's eyes were soft and smiling. He tapped her finger to stop her apology. "I hadn't realized that your motives were so altruistic and that knowledge is making it hard for me to hold this against you, especially if you use the word 'besmirch' again." Kate was laughing at him, and coughing, but he still took it as a win.

When the fit subsided he continued, "Nevertheless, I have conditions to this partnership for the rest of the case, and a little beyond, actually."

He resumed stroking her fingers, hoping it would make her pliant.

"I'm feeling generous and incredibly guilty so it might be your lucky day."

His eyebrows shot up, "In that case, I have a few more conditions -"

In a warning tone she reeled him in, "Castle."

"Okay, okay, I'll stick to the original terms. Anyway, first condition," He tapped her hand," If we have to go to the CIA, I want to be able to hold your hand. The black hood is scary."

"Okay, I'll protect you from the diabolical piece of fabric." She knew it was a self-serving concession. There was no way that Rick Castle had endured a bigger panic attack than she had. "What's next?"

"Second." He squirmed then produced the inhaler from his pocket and deposited it in her palm.

"Castle, what is this and why does it have my name on the prescription?"

"Lanie." She closed her eyes in defeat thinking of how utterly fragile she must have seemed to her friend in the middle of the night.

She pointed it at him, "You said this was a condition. What exactly does this condition entail?"

"You use this when_ I_ think you need it during the case, then the minute the case is over you have to go along with whatever Lanie deems medically necessary." She glared at him but examined the canister, considering all she had put him through the night before. This little device was the embodiment of her diminishing pride. She knew that Castle would not think less of her for something as insignificant as using an inhaler, but years and years of abhorring the appearance of weakness was hard to combat.

She placed it back in his palm then curled his fingers around it. "Then you'd better keep hold of it. I don't trust myself not to lose it intentionally." That was as close to a verbal agreement as she could manage so he nodded. She sat back in her chair, flicking a pencil against her desk, "Any other conditions of my absolution?"

"Well, the last one is more of a favor." She was boring a hole into him and he could only glance at her then look away, as if he were looking indirectly at the sun.

"This is going to be good, isn't it?"

He closed his eyes, knowing that what he was going to ask next would be a bit much, but he had to make sure that she took care of herself.

"It's just . . . when this case is over, I'd like you stay at the loft . . . for a few days."

"Excuse me?" She said incredulously.

He tried to backpedal.

"It's just that I promised Lanie that I'd look after you, not that you can't look after yourself, but please, just let me do this. I assure you my intentions are honorable." He looked flustered, which was how Kate could tell just how important this was to him.

She thought about how secure she'd felt curled in his arms when he rescued her, how the warmth of his body repelled the bitter chill in the air. Normally she would have tried to create distance after such an intimate moment, but that was before she tossed the stone into the Hudson, symbolizing not only the end of the hold her mother's case had over her, but also the freedom to move forward in other areas of her life.

She feigned hesitation, "Well, I don't know. If word got out about that arrangement it may besmirch my reputation . . ." She really tried to look serious but she couldn't stifle the satisfaction that came with baiting him.

He gave her a pleading smile, "Please?" An idea popped into his mind. "I actually have something planned and you'll really enjoy it. I think you will anyway."

"Well, since you had to give me mouth-to-mouth yesterday, and not the good kind, I will humor you. Okay, Castle, you have a deal. I find myself intrigued."

"Oh stop! You cannot use besmirch and intrigued in the same conversation and expect me to behave!"

She reached over and gracefully ran her finger back and forth along his forearm. "And to think, we have the whole rest of the case for me to entertain you with my beguiling verbal arsenal."

She flicked an eyebrow then retracted her hand as the door to Gate's office opened. Castle rubbed his arm where her fingers had played and eloquently replied, "Oh Snap!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**February 16, 2012**

Kate armed herself with a new phone, a new pistol and a borrowed cruiser. She ignored the seatbelt for the first time in her career and cracked the window. Her partner said nothing despite the cold. She appeared well composed but he knew she was hurting. Her whole body ached from shivering the night before and coughing ever since, and the simple act of breathing was depleting her energy. It was only one-thirty in the afternoon but as she cut the ignition and she felt ready to call it a day.

She and Castle arrived at Blakely's apartment and stared at the intricate web of consequences. They followed string after string and wondered how one event could force a seemingly unrelated reaction. Kate could not help imagining what her life would look like diagrammed in such a fashion. She tried to fathom how many strings would lead from the linchpin of Johanna Beckett's murder. Without a doubt, the thickest cords would end in thumbtacked pictures of Montgomery and Castle.

She thought about Montgomery's children and wondered what tendrils of consequences his death would spin for them. She hadn't had the courage to call on them since the funeral; afraid she would see her younger self in their eyes. She wondered if as adults they would ever approach her looking for answers; if the same quest which had defined her life would consume theirs.

She caught sight of her partner.

While she would always miss her mother, she gravely considered 'what if.' Without Johanna's death, she would not have been a cop. Richard Castle would have remained just a handsome mystery writer; a safe celebrity crush, completely ignorant of her existence and possibly with another muse. It seemed cruel that the two dearest relationships in her life were mutually exclusive. She chided herself for pitting Castle against her mother as if on some sadistic cosmic scale of destinies. Still, she felt the heavy hand of guilt as she realized for the first time that she might not choose to have her mother back if it meant Castle reverted to being a stranger.

She'd never before admitted to herself how dear Castle had become to her and it was unsettling.

Not only was she swearing off her mother's case, now she was supplanting her in her heart. If her mother were alive, it would have been natural for Kate to shift her primary affections from her parents to such a man long ago, but her relationships had been stunted when she was 19. She hadn't allowed herself the freedom to assume that her mother would have wanted her to gain more independence from the devotion of (or obsession with) her memory.

Beckett was too weary to process the cascade of epiphanies. Instead she felt like getting a pair of scissors and hacking at all the strings overhead, as though that action could stop the tide of events in her own life. She was tired of this case and all the tension suffocating her. She bent over, placed her hands on her knees and tried to regain some emotional leverage.

To Castle the room was a conspiracy theorist's utopia. During Beckett's sober musings, he had been flitting around the room, chasing string after string with a child-like fascination. He had blurted one eventuality after another as he'd fingered the pictures. The endless ramifications had brought to mind the blank pages of possibilities that crafted each of his books. He would create a linchpin event and then would proceed to map which route of consequences the characters would experience. This room was a fantastic manifestation of all the directions that his mind would take as his fingers wielded story arcs after story arc. It was as though he were seeing his own writing process fleshed out for the first time, but with theoretical outcomes for a real world, which made it that much more awesome.

He was so absorbed in the tangle of endless possibilities that he only stopped when he bumped into Kate's slouched body. His hand went to her back to steady himself and he could feel her wheeze, which put a thumb on his enthusiasm. "Beckett?" She shook her head in reply. He kept his hand on her back and with his other pulled out the inhaler, which she took with a scowl. She stepped away from him, shook it, and then puffed. She waited a few minutes then did it again. She had to admit it did help. She handed it back to her partner without acknowledging any thanks.

The inhaler interchange pulled both partners from their separate webs of thought and back to Blakely. Together they followed the cord to a picture of a little girl.

Before she knew it Gage was there, bullets littered the place and they were heading back to the CIA.

Joy.

* * *

><p>This time in the SUV Castle inched his hand over and found Kate's upturned palm. Their fingers mingled and she once again allowed Castle to caress a soothing rhythm on her hand. She was tense, but she could focus on her partner and manage.<p>

Once back at what felt like the CIA dungeon, Kate longed to be facing down bullets rather than enduring the presence of Sofia Turner for an indeterminable amount of time. Castle's idea of locating the mountains had been a good one, but also extremely time consuming.

At nine PM Castle had asked to phone his daughter. They had not been allowed any outside communication on their prior visits to the CIA, but he had no idea how long this would take and he didn't want Alexis to worry or to call the 12th to instigate a search party. Sofia relented and allowed him to use the phone in her office. Kate did not follow, for which he was thankful.

"Hey, Pumpkin."

"Dad, this showed up as a blocked number. Where are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I just wanted to let you know that we're wrapped up in this case and it's likely we'll be chasing leads until sometime tomorrow. I didn't want you to worry."

She paused, "You're not in any danger?"

He looked around and smiled, "I'm in about the safest place you could be in New York at the moment. Don't worry."

"Okay, Dad. Is Detective Beckett with you?"

"Yes, she's here, too."

"Is she okay? I mean, should she even be at work today?"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. Dr. Parish doesn't think she should be working, either, but this is a very important case. I can't go into details but as soon as it's over Detective Beckett is going to stay with us for a few days."

There was silence. It was not often that her father made decisions about house guests without asking her, not necessarily for her permission, but out of courtesy. This had not been presented as a request.

"I guess I could go to Paige's or maybe Gram and I could go somewhere."

Castle shook his head, "No, I haven't seen you aside from crime scenes for days. Me inviting Detective Beckett over does not mean that you leave. If you are uncomfortable with her and want to keep your distance, that's one thing, but the loft is ours, and we are a package deal. You and Gram come and go as you please, but not because you think that's what anyone else would want." There was more silence, but Castle knew that his daughter needed time to process what he had said. He continued to speak to her concerns. "Kate understands why you don't trust her and I think she's looking for ways to earn that trust back. I am not asking you to forgive her today, or tomorrow, but I do hope that there will be a day when the two most important women in my life will work through the awkwardness."

"Dad, I am not over what she did to you last summer, but I can't help but care about her. I keep thinking of how awful it must have been for her to be stuck in her car drowning. Then I think about how it would have been if she hadn't made it. I would have been really upset, and not just for you. I just don't know how to get past the resentment and be okay with her again."

"Well, Gram would suggest show tunes, but I don't think Detective Beckett would be up to singing 'Defying Gravity' with you since her lungs are compromised."

She giggled, "Daaad!"

"Well, now you understand why I have poor conflict resolution skills, that I've apparently passed on to you." He let her laugh subside, "Seriously, though, I'm very proud of you. It would be easier to cut Kate out, but instead you're trying to resolve the issues, which shows great maturity. I don't expect you to suddenly be okay with everything. You have a right to your feelings, and I promise that I will respect them."

"Thanks, Dad."

"So, we'll see you at the loft after the case?"

"Yeah, I'll be around."

"Great. Love you, Sweetheart."

"Love you too, Dad."

He ended the call and sighed in relief. He really didn't know what he would have done if that conversation had gone badly.

He picked up the phone one more time.

"Esposito"

"Hey, it's Castle."

"Bro, where are you?"

"About that, well, we're safe. We're running down leads and it looks like we'll be tied up until sometime tomorrow at least. Could you let Gates know not to count on us being in tomorrow?"

"Not _really_ tied up, right? This isn't you trying to send some distress code or something?"

"No, no," then exuding enthusiasm he continued, "but maybe we should have a secret distress code, though. How about . . . haberdasher?"

"And how would _that_ fit into a normal sentence?"

"We could say 'We have to go question the haberdasher,' then you and Ryan would know right away there was trouble. Anyway, we wouldn't want something that was too common, like 'tied up' or we might end up crying wolf."

"Dude, no. Just no. So, just to clarify, you are not in trouble?"

"No."

"You need backup?"

"Nope."

"Castle, You gonna tell me what's going on already?"

"Can't. Sorry."

"Have I mentioned this sucks?"

"Yes."

"Just sayin'. How's Beckett?"

Castle blew out a breath, "Hard to tell. I heard you took her home last night. Thanks for that but Lanie really should have called me."

"You do realize that we had her back for years before some fancy writer boy decided to play cop. Anyway, you needed your beauty sleep. You looked like crap."

"Thanks."

"And, Castle? If you bring her back to the 12th looking even worse, she won't be the only one hurtin'."

He wished he didn't sound so resigned to taking a beat down from the boys as he responded, "I'll do what I can."

* * *

><p>It was three AM and no amount of coffee could make the wait palatable. Castle had slipped Beckett the inhaler every few hours, and she had slipped it back to him after a quick trip to the ladies' room, but the unfortunate trifecta of lack of sleep, excessive caffeine and drugs was giving her tremors. Castle had noticed her fisting her hands to try to keep them still and when she started to refuse both the inhaler and the coffee he knew it was serious.<p>

Beckett was struggling to remain unaffected in an environment that accentuated all of her inadequacies, whether it was a fancy computer system usurping her whiteboard, or Sofia Turner physically looking down on her, she couldn't escape the comparisons. She wanted nothing more than to sleep for a very long time anywhere but there. She would even condescend to sleeping in the break room at the 12th for everyone to see just as long as it wasn't the CIA. She couldn't keep her eyes open but there was no way she would blink during a staring contest with Sofia Turner. If Clara Strike was awake, Nikki Heat had to be that much more vigilant. The problem was, Nikki Heat was not one hundred percent and was fading fast.

Castle was cursing the computer system for taking so long, cursing Sofia for relentlessly stoking Beckett's insecurities and even cursing Beckett for refusing to sit down. He had observed her leaning against a desk for hours, caught in a cycle of nodding off and jerking awake. She seemed to make herself less comfortable after each failure to remain conscious. After he caught her digging half moons into the skin of her arm with her fingernails, he could not watch her torture herself any longer.

He turned to Sofia and asked, "Are you going to be keeping an eye on the search?"

She smiled loftily without a hint of drowsiness, "Of course, Rick." _Unlike your partner_ was implied.

"Well, if you are staying here, we're just going to go to the lounge and get some coffee. Send someone when a location is found." He accomplished his goal of removing Beckett while having Sofia commit to not following.

Kate, mildly impressed, followed her partner with no objections.

When they reached the empty lounge, Castle closed the door, led her to a couch and tugged her down next to him. "I scoped out the room earlier and didn't find any security cameras so I think this is as private as you'll get in a CIA facility." He waited until he held her eyes, much as he used to do when Alexis was little to make sure he had her full attention. "Kate, you need to sleep." He looked too worried for her to refuse.

She ran her hand over her face, "I hate this, Castle. I feel like I'm going to implode if we have to stay much longer."

He started stroking her hair and lulled her head onto his shoulder. She was allowing his affections in an enemy's stronghold, another sign that all was not well in Beckett's world. He felt and heard her breathe, as she fell asleep and wondered if he should get her medical attention, despite their agreement or the blow it would be to her pride. His hand lingered through her hair and skimmed her brow and diagnosed a low-grade fever. He decided to just let her sleep and see if it would abate. He kept guard so he could wake her at the first sign of a break in the case.

During Kate's nap a few people came into the room for coffee, but she didn't stir. Castle would nod in their direction, but made no move to distance himself from her, not caring if her sleeping against him seemed unprofessional. Finally, at 8 AM Sofia swept into the room and stopped short at the sight of Rick Castle's thumb tenderly caressing his sleeping partner's arm. She raised her eyebrows and simply said, "We got a hit. Wake your girlfriend." She turned abruptly and left.

Castle pulled Beckett closer and spoke into her hair, "Kate, sorry to wake you but they have something." She felt like lead so he squeezed her shoulder a bit harder, "Kate?" She nodded, yawned, and then offered some crackling coughs, which sharpened her senses. "Yeah, Castle . . . I'm up." She held out her hand and he gave her the inhaler, which she used, not bothering to even turn away. She stood and extended him a hand. He took it and she pulled him up. She let him keep hold until of it they reached the door.

He raised his eyebrows, "Ready to wrap this up?"

She had morphed from sleepy Kate to determined Detective Beckett right before his eyes.

"You have no idea."

Actually, he did.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:The images/trains of thought from the linchpin web were so gripping to me when I watched the episode that the first part of this passage was one of the first scenes I wrote for this. I view this whole fic as an illustration of consequences stemming from the linchpin of Castle rescuing Kate in the context of that case, and with all the 60+ chapters, that scene remains one of my favorites.**

**Hope you're enjoying this so far. If so, you know what to do to make an author's day! :)**


	9. Chapter 9

****Chapter 9****

****February 17, 2012****

Castle was fascinated by how Beckett could will herself to be in complete control despite physical and emotional turmoil. He thought back to Blakely's apartment when she'd reacted purely by instinct while being showered with bullets. She'd simply brushed off an event which would have terrorized a normal person. In contrast, Castle could tell that the drowning episode had really gotten to her; that she was suffering from aftershocks, physically and otherwise, yet with only a few hours of sleep she was able to set the trauma aside and morph into a cop on a mission.

This time in the car Beckett, albeit a bit wheezy, confidently reached for her partner's hand and squeezed as though comforting him.

_I'm okay. We're almost through this._

However, only minutes later they found themselves on their knees at the mercy of a suddenly very Russian Sofia Turner.

_A year._

Rick Castle had followed her for a year and had been so blinded by the long legs and shiny CIA toys that he hadn't seen past the surface. Looking back, he could envision how she had manipulated him to give credence to her CIA persona. Clara Strike had served to immortalize Sofia Turner's patriotism and humanity. In the writer's defense, he had been fascinated with the actual research, but she had wooed him with everything in her CIA arsenal. He had registered no obvious warning signs at the time, but he eventually distanced himself. The fancy toys and short skirts weren't enough in the end. He had chosen to walk away from the CIA, and Agent Turner after the novelty had worn off.

Regrets were worthless as Sofia Turner held the gun on them.

_I should have been more cautious. I should have seen this coming. _

This time there would be no proverbial air pocket or firearm within his grasp. He would not be capable of saving his partner.

Beckett was watchful. She shifted her eyes, desperate for a distraction, a makeshift weapon or any way to pull Sofia Turner's attention from Castle. She never trusted Sofia and yet she had turned her back to her based on circumstantial evidence. Royce and Montgomery had trained her better than that.

Instead of minutes of reflection as she'd had in the Hudson, she had seconds to mentally flick though snapshots of every person she was letting down by her inability to act. Royce. Montgomery. Castle. Her mom. Alexis. Castle. Her dad. Castle. Lanie. Martha. The boys. Castle.

Then Sofia spewed the most unexpected words at Castle, "Your father would be proud." As Beckett saw his lost expression she was incensed that the woman not only had a gun to his head, but a knife in his heart. Suddenly he looked like a ten-year-old boy, longing to understand why he had been abandoned. That would be his dying thought. Not that he was loved and wanted. The traitor was planting seeds of despair for him to carry into eternity. Kate was trying desperately to plot a way to get them out of there that included offing Turner, but she had only seconds before the gunshot sounded. She cried out, expecting her partner's blood splatter to be the final thing she saw before she followed him in death.

Castle flinched and Beckett lurched.

The world stopped.

She thought she was hallucinating, or that fate had somehow distorted her last moments until a wave of reality broke over her. It was Sofia Turner's lifeless body sprawled on the floor. Panic and relief warred within Kate, both feelings magnified by adrenalin. She couldn't order her body to react, to move to comfort Castle. They were both still frozen, poised for execution when Agent Danberg's footfalls roused the detective and she reacted involuntarily to his orders. She was reluctant to leave her hurting partner, but saving the world had to come first, if only for the next few moments, then she swore she would devote time to helping him heal.

An unarmed Beckett focused all her spite on Sofia's partner in crime, tackling him against Danberg's orders to stay behind him. Danberg had the gun, but she had too much animosity writhing inside her to be a passive participant. She hit the ground hard, taking her target with her. She roughly manipulated him into cuffs and forced him outside where Danberg coordinated with security to have him detained.

She had to get back to her partner. The world was safe, but she had left Castle in turmoil.

As she rushed back to him, Kate felt her lungs tighten and tried to cough but could only do so weakly.

He was sitting on his heels, staring at the corpse of his former muse. Stunned and weary, he hadn't registered Beckett's footsteps nor had he reacted to her presence until she knelt in front of him and turned his face towards her gently with her palm. Her thumb stroked his cheek, and then when his eyes found hers what she found caused her to lunge forward and embraced him.

"I'm so sorry, Castle." His hands were shaking, one splayed on her back, the other holding her head so their cheeks were flush. He had no idea why she offered an apology. He was incapable of speech so he pulled her in closer.

He was in shock and she let him take comfort in her until she heard steps in the distance. She placed her forehead against his to hold his attention and cautioned, "Castle, that will be Danberg. He'll need us to corroborate his story. We're nearly done. Just hang in there a little longer. Can you do that?"

He cleared his throat and nodded. They stood and she led him away from the body, keeping hold of his hand until she was sure he had his footing. She then dropped his hand after a reassuring squeeze when Danberg approached.

* * *

><p>By the time they hailed a cab, Castle was more himself, albeit a much quieter version. He clicked his seatbelt then put his arm around Kate, who fastened her seatbelt then loosened it considerably for the short journey. He pulled her head onto his shoulder and felt her forehead again. Her fever was worse. He was so thankful that the case was over, save a debriefing from Danberg scheduled for the following day on their turf. Now he could hold her to her promise.<p>

As they entered the precinct looking haggard, wearing the same clothes as the previous day, they were met with equal doses of frustration and concern. Ryan took in their appearance, "I hope it was worth it, whatever it was."

Esposito crossed his arms, looked the lead detective up and down then spat, "Law of averages, huh, Beckett? By the looks of it, your odds suck." He shoved her shoulder with his as he walked away in false indignation. Castle tilted his head, questioningly but she just shook hers and smiled after Esposito.

There was a new iphone on her desk with a post-it note that simply said, _for Dad_. Castle immediately picked up the phone and started thumbing through the apps. Next to it Kate spied a plate of cookies on her desk, with a note addressed to her. _Detective Beckett, I'm glad you're okay – AC_. She fingered the cookies, handed one to her partner and said, "From your daughter."

"Ah, chocolate and butterscotch chip. These cookies are her way of trying to fix a situation when she's at a loss as to what to say or do." He took a bite then added, "I got a lot of these last summer." Fatigue let those last words slip. He'd said them as a matter-of-fact, not as any sort of accusation or barb and she absorbed the comment as a rare admission of what he'd suffered at her neglect.

Kate traced the writing, trying to remember the last time someone took the time to make her baked goods from scratch. She dropped onto her chair, "I don't feel like I deserve them."

Her partner shrugged, "I think that's the point. To Alexis, cookies aren't earned, they're just given when needed."

"You've done a great job raising her, Castle."

He beamed, "She's made it too easy for me. Let's get everything wrapped up here so we can get home and thank her in person."

To hear Castle say 'home' so casually implying a shared destination warmed her weary soul. Then a thought struck her with panic. She hesitantly asked, "Castle, is Alexis expecting me? I really don't want to push her." The fear of rejection was rearing its head again.

He picked up a cookie and handed it to his partner. "She is. She probably has another plate of cookies waiting for us at the loft." She sighed her relief.

The meeting with Gates was brief. The Captain heard Beckett wheezing, although the detective's body language suggested that she was trying in every way to hide her discomfort. Gates appreciated the calculated effort that Beckett made to maintain her poise in such a state of exhaustion. She knew her detective had offered more than what was likely sanctioned by the CIA but not the whole truth. Gates swallowed the compromise gracefully by ordering her to get some sleep and medical attention and not to come back for the rest of the week.

While his partner was with her captain, Castle made a few phone calls. The first was to Alexis to thank her for the cookies and iphone and to let her know that they had solved the case, and the other to Lanie to tell her to expect them shortly. He was thankful that Kate had given him a pass on talking with Gates since it had been at least thirty hours since he'd had any sleep.

He tried to keep his mind off the bombshell that Sofia had dropped on him but the echo remained of her sneering voice. 'Your father would be proud.' He pushed it down only for it to return a few minutes later like a mental game of whack-a-mole. Between the reoccurrences of that memory he thought only of Beckett. Ever since she had apprehended Sofia's partner it seemed as though she lacked the will to even try to take in a decent breath. She had gotten worse.

When she emerged from Gate's office she smiled at him, but it was weak enough to communicate her exhaustion and need to be free of prying eyes. Castle grabbed her jacket, placed his hand on her lower back, and then led her to the elevator.

* * *

><p>Lanie had been expecting them but she hadn't expected Kate to make a bee line for the bench and lay down with her elbow strewn over her eyes. She scrutinized her patient who simply stated, "I feel like crap."<p>

Lanie took out a thermometer and stethoscope and replied, "Admitting it is the first step, Sweetie." She listened to Kate's lungs then looked at Castle, "You don't look much better than our girl, are you going to be able to be responsible for her?"

He flashed his iphone, "I have all your instructions written here and I programmed alarms to keep us on schedule. She'll be in good hands, Lanie."

She smiled affectionately at him, "I know she will, Honey."

Kate chose that moment to break into their conversation, "You do realize that I can hear you and that I'm not six. I can take care of myself."

The other two looked at her as if to say _yeah, right_ but it was Lanie who answered, "You _can_, but you don't so Writer Boy is in charge and you are to go along with whatever he tells you to do, medically anyway. If he starts in with laser tag or video games, you have the right to veto."

She replied with a flat, "Gee, thanks."

"You're welcome. Now here's everything and you'll need. You have to have a breathing treatment as soon as you get home. I should give you one now but I know that fragile pride of yours will fight me and I don't want you in any more distress. So, for now I'll let it slide. You have a fever because your body is fighting what is likely the onset of pneumonia so feel free to take Tylenol for that every 4-6 hours in addition to all the instructions I gave Castle."

Kate let Lanie help her up as her partner grabbed their things and the bag the ME had prepared. The doctor turned to him, "If she gets hotter, you call me."

He really did try to stifle a smirk as he responded, "That's really not possible," which was met with eye rolling from two directions.

"I'm starting to think putting you in charge is a mistake. You know what I mean, Castle, you call me if she gets worse in any respect."

He sheepishly replied, "Sorry. I will be on my best behavior."

Kate grabbed his ear and led him out the door.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**February 17, 2012**

Castle had called his car service to pick them up from the precinct and take them to his loft by way of Kate's apartment. She insisted on going in by herself, claiming she would only be a few minutes. In reality, she needed to be alone for what she was about to do.

She grabbed a bag and threw in several days' worth of comfortable clothes then she placed it by the front door and went back into her bedroom.

Ideally, she would have taken more time to work up to her task, but her partner was waiting and she was feeling exhausted, feverish, and in short, terrible. In the end she indulged herself with a few moments of quiet reflection as she fingered the shutters.

_Mom, I hope you understand._

She opened them and looked at each picture and document, this time not as leads in an ongoing case but as a final overview of a finished work. She took them down one by one and with shaky hands inserted them into an envelope, save two items.

Kate looked at the face of Roy Montgomery.

_I hope you know you're forgiven. As for me, Ryan, Esposito and Castle . . . you will always be our Captain._

She thought again of his children.

_I promise to do what I can to protect them - to keep them from falling into the same rabbit hole looking for answers._

She tucked the picture in the box where she kept her mother's ring and her father's watch.

She turned back towards the window and its one remaining picture. She peeled the tape and carried the picture to the bed. She sat and reverently touched her mother's face.

_Mom, I tried. I wanted to do this one thing for you but whenever I move closer to finding the truth, it only causes more death, more pain. Dad lost himself for years after you died. If he lost me to this same conspiracy he wouldn't survive it._

She studied the pictures and realized that her mom had been gone for a third of her life.

_You've missed so much. You never got to know me as an adult. If you're somewhere looking down on me, I hope you're not disappointed in me, or Dad. It might not seem like we've done much more than exist at times, but we've done our best._

_I'm sure my life is a far cry from what you wanted for me. I'm not a high power attorney who has a devoted husband and a couple kids. I know you always dreamed of taking grandchildren to the cabin in the summers so Dad could teach them to fish and you could teach them card games. _

_Nope, I'm a single cop. It's a risky, solitary life - mostly solitary. My 'partner' has been trying to nudge himself into my life for years. I resisted at first but he's worn me down._

She couldn't help a rueful smile at her next thought.

_I nearly drowned and your __'dreamboat' of an author rescued me. I can't believe you, my own mother, used to refer to Castle as a 'dreamboat'. You would've gotten a kick out of his heroics - and made me rehash every mortifying detail over cookies, or maybe it would be wine by now. The combination of you and Lanie would be relentless. _

She knew the two women would have been fast friends when it came to hounding her about men. She sighed at yet another image of what would never be.

_I wish you could have known him; you would love him. He's a good man, Mom. There's so much more to him than charming manners and a roguish smile. He's loyal, especially to his family and those he cares about. He's relentless, which can be a gift one moment and a thorn in my side the next, but his heart is in the right place. He cares about me more than I deserve. _

She thought of him holding her so closely when they sat on the submerged step, how precious she felt in his arms. Her resolve strengthened and the words tumbled through her mind.

_If I delve into your case, I'll end up dead or self-destructing and taking him with me. I can't hurt him or his family like that again. _

She felt her chest tighten at the thought of how much pain she'd caused him.

I_ can't roll back into a downward spiral and end up jumping at shadows, more than I already do, anyway. I'm still a mess, Mom. I'm trying but I have a lot to atone for and a lot more to work through. The one thing I know for sure is that I have to give it up. The case will forever be unsolved and I need to find a way to make peace with that._

She hated the word 'unsolved.' She thought of all Johanna Beckett stood for and how she never stopped seeking justice. As Kate propped the picture against the box, she couldn't blink back the tears and she said aloud, "I'm so sorry, Mom."

She put the envelope in the bag and tried to settle herself before facing Castle. As she made her way back down the steps she felt as though she had to reach for each breath. Combining that with her emotional distress, she feared she was headed for a full-on panic attack.

_This is so not good. _

* * *

><p>Castle started to worry. He had seen five, ten, then fifteen minutes pass with no sign of his partner. He started to imagine her passed out and gasping for air so he reached for the door handle to rescue her from whatever fate had held her captive. When he stepped onto the sidewalk he saw the door to her building open and a very distressed version of Kate Beckett approaching him. He rushed to her side, took her bag and put an arm around her back guiding her to the car. She still stood erect, but her eyes were red and she was nearly hyperventilating.<p>

He knew her well enough to know she wouldn't want him to make a fuss so he kept his words to a minimum. "Let's go."

She nodded and let him ease her into the car then she put her elbows on her knees and placed her head in her hands, trying to calm herself and regain control. She felt his eyes on her as his hand rubbed her back.

He addressed his driver with a forced calmness, "Henry, take us to the hospital."

She placed a hand on her partner's thigh, "No, Castle, no. I'll be okay at the loft. I'm just . . . I just need to rest. Please?" She knew part of the problem was psychological and would pass.

Henry looked to Castle for final instructions.

Reluctantly he agreed, "Okay, we'll go to the loft." He pulled the inhaler out of his pocket and she took it, but it didn't help nearly enough. She kept her head down and tried to inhale and exhale as slowly as she could while her partner remained uncharacteristically silent. He was too nervous to even think of calming her with words, so he kept his hand on her, rubbing her back rhythmically. Every vibration he felt increased his anxiety.

Finally they arrived at his place. He grabbed their things and he put one arm on her lower back as they rode the elevator without speaking. Castle felt as though words would somehow delay them. She sensed that his verbal restraint was somehow important so she remained quiet as well.

He fumbled with the lock, swung the door open, dropped the bags then led her directly to his bedroom.

At the threshold she turned to him. "Castle, I'm not sleeping in your bed."

He answered her with a determination she'd rarely witnessed from him. "Yes, you are. It's the most comfortable bed we have and you can barely breathe when you walk, so going upstairs is not an option. For today this _is _the guest room, so come in and sit down. It's not up for debate."

Awestruck and too tired to argue, she complied. Her partner knelt in front of her and took off her shoes. He then gathered several pillows and propped them against the headboard and explained, "It'll be easier to breathe if you're elevated. I'll get the nebulizer and after that you can change if you want."

She reclined against his luxurious pillows on top of his comforter in his masculine yet elegant bedroom. The exhaustion she'd held at bay over the past few days overtook her and she felt sluggish in body and mind. It seemed as though Castle was moving at Matrix speed and she could barely focus on him through her long blinks. Before she knew it, she was wearing the clear plastic mask and Castle was sitting next to her hip, leaning one hand on the mattress on her far side. He was consumed with worry which concerned her in turn.

"It's okay, Castle, I'm okay."

She ran her fingers up and down his forearm. He closed his eyes and took comfort from the brush of her skin on his. Now that the momentum of the case had passed he felt suddenly choked up at the thought of how close she'd come to dying. Not just from drowning but also from Sofia holding them at gunpoint. There was a terrible second in which he thought it had been Kate's body bleeding out.

Her fingers stilled as she fell asleep. He swallowed awkwardly and blinked back the dampness that threatened to betray his own exhaustion.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to all parents who can relate to the first paragraph. **

**Chapter 11**

**February 17, 2012**

When Alexis was three, she had bumped her head and her father had rushed her to the emergency room, only to be told that he could have just given her Tylenol at home. When she was eight and had the flu, he had helplessly watched his slip of a daughter waste away in a matter of a few days. By the time he'd brought her to the hospital she had been overly dehydrated and he'd been chastised for not bringing her in sooner.

Rick Castle knew he was not good at walking a fine line. He would either overreact or not react; he never seemed to have the sense to react in the right proportion to a given situation.

He smoothed his sleeping partner's hair and listened to the machine, praying that it would be enough; that _he_ would be enough.

She looked so fragile, which was not a word he often associated with Kate Beckett. When the medication had evaporated he turned off the machine, sat on the edge of the bed and lightly shook her shoulder, "Hey, Kate, wake up, Sweetheart." The term of endearment slipped passed his lips unchecked. It must have caught her attention because she drowsily opened her eyes.

"Hmm?" She focused more clearly on him then asked, "Castle, you okay?"

The irony of that comment caused a hint of a smile, "Yeah, Beckett, I'm fine. You feeling any better?"

She reached for the mask, pausing as if to ask permission. He nodded and she took it off, "Well, I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore so that's an improvement." He closed his eyes for a long beat. He hadn't realized that she'd been feeling the same physical effects as when she had been trapped in the Hudson days before.

"I'm so sorry. I should have insisted on taking you to a hospital that night."

Kate gave a strangled laugh that inevitably ended in a cough, "When have you ever been able to _make_ me do anything?" His head tilted, ceding the point. She sat up and brought her legs over the side of the bed, positioning herself next to him. "Anyway, taking me to the hospital would have resulted in World War Three, remember? Between global unrest and a mild case of pneumonia, I'll have to go with pneumonia every time."

"I'm still sorry."

"I know, Castle, but I wouldn't be breathing at all if it weren't for you . . . and your infatuation with Liz Martin, I suppose." Her respirations were labored, and talking seemed to double her exhaustion.

"I should send her flowers."

"She'd probably just file a restraining order." Beckett bumped his shoulder.

"Good point." He bumped her shoulder in return.

She leaned her head on his shoulder and he rubbed slow circles on her back. Neither broke the silence for several minutes until Kate yawned and straightened. "I'm beat."

He gave her shoulder a squeeze before standing, "You'll sleep better if you're more comfortable. I brought in your bag. Go ahead and change and I'll be right back."

Castle went to get some provisions and the rest of the supplies provided by Lanie. When he returned to the room, Kate was looking much more comfortable, this time in the covers. She seemed almost embarrassed by the bold step of peeling back the comforter and slipping in between the sheets, even though he had dictated that she would be sleeping there. He balked at how perfect she looked in his bed and had to bite the inside of his lip to prompt himself not to say so out loud.

"Can I sleep now, Nurse Castle?"

She said it through another yawn and he didn't even try for a witty comeback. "Almost." He sat on the bed, handed her a plate with a sandwich, a drink bottle and two Tylenol then felt her forehead to gauge her temperature.

"You definitely need the Tylenol first."

"You brought me Gatorade?"

"I haven't seen you drink anything but coffee for several days so I figured you could do with some electrolytes. Look, I gave you a bendy straw!"

She imagined that 'bendy straw Gatorade' was part of Castle's magical cures for Alexis, right up there with kissing scraped knees. Indulging him she replied, "Well, if it has a bendy straw . . ." It might not be a sanctioned medical cure but she did feel warm and fuzzy at his thoughtfulness as she swallowed the pills and drank the cold liquid.

After a few bites of the sandwich she put the plate down and admitted, "I don't think I'll be awake long enough to finish this."

"Uhh before you take a nap, there's just one more thing . . . " He hesitated then pulled a canister attached to a nasal cannula from a bag Lanie had given him.

"You've got to be kidding me." She flatly replied.

He insisted, "I know you're not happy about this but Lanie said you need it, at least for now." He lifted it slightly as though asking permission to put it on her.

"Fine. Whatever. I'm going to sleep."

She let him adjust it over her ears but as soon as it was secure she curled away from him and closed her eyes. Castle was right - she wasn't happy with him or Lanie for pushing this, but mostly she was frustrated with her own inability to will her body to heal. Despite her resentment of the situation and the players, she allowed Castle's comforting hand on her back to lull her to sleep.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so well and truly spent. He looked longingly at the unoccupied side of his bed, but after Beckett's cool demeaner just moments before, he thought it would be in poor form to hop in bed with her uninvited. At the same time, he was not about to leave. She was not in a position to yell for him if she needed anything, and creepy or not, after the week they'd had, he needed to be with her as he slept so she'd be the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. He pulled a chair from the lounge and placed it on 'her side' near the end of the bed, he then propped his feet on the mattress near her hip, made sure his alarm was set and closed his eyes.

* * *

><p>When Martha entered the loft she was struck by the air of solemnity that enshrined the place. She hung her coat and remembered that Alexis had said something about Kate being injured and staying with them. The actress hadn't seen much of her family in the past week and all she knew of their most recent case was that Alexis had come home in a hurry at one point to get clothes. Something about Richard and Kate ending up in a river. Seemed par for the course for her son and his 'partner,' or 'muse,' or whatever he was calling the woman who had become his significant other in all respects but officially.<p>

"Richard?"

No response. She saw his shoes had been carelessly strewn by the door so she picked them up. Seeing the bedroom door open, she went to put them in his closet but stopped short at the scene that met her. She dropped the shoes when she took in the dramatic sight of Kate Beckett, attached to oxygen and wheezing in her sleep while her son was slumped in a chair as if he was keeping vigil over her. Kate hadn't stirred at the noise, and her son had only shifted position. Martha grabbed a throw blanket from the study, draped it over him then kissed the top of his head.

_Oh, Kiddo ._ . _._.

Once in the kitchen Martha let all her maternal instincts surge. She might not understand what had happened, but she certainly understood the depth of her son's devotion to this woman. If Kate was hurting, her son was in agony. That was more than telling. Martha might not have been a conventional mom, or even a good mom for Richard, but she had tried to make up for his poor upbringing by helping him with Alexis, and now he had another woman in his life who could use a mom from time to time. Martha thought of how helpless the normally unflappable cop looked snuggled in the corner of her son's king-sized bed. Martha had no idea what Johanna Beckett would have done in this situation, but she promised the woman's memory that she would try to do what she could for her daughter.

* * *

><p>Castle woke to the sound of his alarm and was taken aback by the fact that he'd been covered in his sleep. It was a single blanket, so his guess was his mother rather than his child who would have not only covered him with several blankets, but also would have added a pillow and tucked a stuffed animal under his arm. He had fallen asleep writing often enough to make that educated assessment.<p>

He yawned, stood to stretch his legs and leaned over his partner. She looked so young and vulnerable as she slept. It pained him to see that even in sleep she seemed to need to concentrate to breathe. He ran the back of his fingers across her forehead then nudged the oxygen lead off of her and replaced it with the mask from the nebulizer, thankful that she was sleeping through this round.

He had almost lost her twice this week, three times if you count the gunfire at Blakley's apartment, which he doubted Beckett would. Looking at his partner, he wondered how such a small person could cope with so much, how she could bear so much adversity on such slim shoulders. She saw herself as broken, as damaged goods on a quest to be okay enough to not drag him down with her. He saw her as a superhero, every chink in her armor endearing her to him all the more. Castle was certain he could not only survive the existence of 'the wall' if they were to be more than partners . . . friends . . . whatever they were now, but he had no doubt that he could grab a metaphorical sledgehammer and help her tear it down faster it they were together. All the same, Kate Beckett could not be rushed.

When the medicine ran out, he replaced the mask with the oxygen. He sat in his chair once again and leaned forward to rest his head on the crook of his elbow on the bed by her feet. With his other hand he rubbed Kate's leg through the comforter. She was here, and that in itself was forward progress. It had to be enough for now.

The next time the alarm sounded it was Beckett who awoke. She found the phone and silenced it before it roused her partner. She took in the sight of an unconscious Richard Castle, his top half strewn over her feet, a few blankets draped over him and a very ragged looking stuffed otter nestled in his arm.

_ Alexis._

Kate smiled at how much care she took in looking after her father. Then she felt very self-conscious at how she must have appeared to the girl. She looked to the nightstand and noticed that there was a plush little elephant positioned next to a plate of cookies.

She washed down some more Tylenol with the now warm drink then picked up the nebulizer and inspected it. It seemed easy enough and she couldn't think of anything else that would warrant setting an alarm, so she used the machine. She spent that time running her fingers over Castle's back, and hair, trying to communicate things while he slept that she couldn't yet verbalize. She reluctantly adjusted the tubing over her ears once again, made sure there was another alarm set, then placed the phone back by her sleeping partner.

Kate examined the blue elephant and then repositioned him closer to the bed before nodding off again.

* * *

><p>Before she knew it she felt a familiar, steady hand stroking her hair. She could hear voices but chose not to open her eyes.<p>

"I think this is out of your league, Son, Kate needs a hospital."

"She refused to go and if I push her she may end up going home - alone. Anyway, if she were to be admitted, I don't know if I could handle being reduced to the status of visitor. Last time that didn't end so well, if you remember."

After he had said the words he noticed a slight brow furrow, and suspected that his patient had overheard.

_Oh well, I can't unsay it._

He wasn't sure he wanted it unsaid.

"Oh, Richard, for heaven's sake, this is certainly _not_ about you. Don't let your irrational fears keep you from getting that poor woman help. If it were you in that bed, I would have taken you in by now. Think what her mother would want you to do?"

He paused, and smiled, "From what I've heard she was as stubborn as her daughter, so I'm guessing they would have argued and both dug in their heels until she got better on her own."

Beckett's mouth twitched slightly, confirming Castle's suspicion that she had woken during their discussion. He let her feign sleep and wished he could do the same.

"Lanie approved all of this and Beckett is complying. I've got this, Mother, so you don't need to get all maternal on her behalf, although I will say it is very amusing to finally see this side of you." He gave her a syrupy smile. She gave him a swat.

She looked dramatically to the ceiling and with the sweep of an arm said, "I tried, Johanna." Looking back to her son she added, "I hope you know what you're doing, Kiddo. I've gotta run, I have young acting careers to mold. Tell Kate I hope she feels better soon."

"Thanks, will do." Once the front door closed Rick leaned down and stage whispered, "She's gone, Beckett, you can wake up now."

She gave a wheezing laugh, "I wasn't sure if I would be able to hold it together for much longer. Thanks for that, by the way. I like Martha, but she is a bit overwhelming first thing."

"Oh, believe me, I know." His eyes opened wide to make his point.

"That was sweet, though."

"She has her moments."

The partners took in the sight of each other for a moment and Castle, still smoothing Kate's hair, wondered how long he could get away with touching her so intimately.

"You didn't wake me."

"I figured out what the alarm was for and you needed your sleep too. You didn't have to stay in the chair, you know."

He shifted awkwardly, "The guest room and couch were too far away."

She put a hand on his thigh, "Castle, I promise that I lack the energy to take advantage of you. You need to sleep - in your own bed." She tugged until he crawled over her to the other side. He looked at the nightstand and hesitated until she understood and said, "I've got this, Castle, grab your otter and go to sleep." He placed Francis on the nightstand then rested his head on the pillow and watched as she took off the tube, turned on the machine and put on the mask. She propped herself up on one elbow and considered him. She felt a surge run through her as he looked at her with those blue eyes and for a second time she cursed the mask for keeping her from leaning in and kissing Richard Castle. She settled for running her fingers through his hair until his eyes closed and he truly looked at peace for the first time since Sofia Turner had upended their lives.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**February 18, 2012**

"Hi."

Light streamed in the room and Castle was lying next to his partner, frozen, with his bent elbow resting on her hip and his hand firmly on her back. His face was just inches from hers, blue eyes wide with a mixture of awe and fear. Beckett blinked in confusion, ran her fingers over her face and when she hit the plastic tubing she realized that he was not a hallucination.

Suddenly feeling the need to backpedal, he started speaking quickly, "I woke up like this and you really needed your sleep so I thought I shouldn't move and risk waking you." He cringed, "On second thought, this is probably creepy on a much grander scale than me watching you do paperwork. Sorry."

He started lifting his arm off her but she rested hers gently over his to stop his reatreat. Trying to suppress a smile she replied, "I've gotten used to creepy. Somehow you manage to make creepy endearing." Relief washed over him.

She took in their situation and remembered tugging him next to her and he must have stayed on top of the covers beside her.

He took advantage of her permission by moving his hand across her back from shoulder to shoulder. She closed her eyes, looking mighty comfortable aside from the persistent need to cough.

"How are you feeling?" She took a mental assessment before answering.

"Better, actually." Her fingers started slowly drawing patterns through his hair and she said in a highly persuasive tone, "Think I can get rid of my tether now?" She added a flick of an eyebrow for flair.

He knew she was playing him, but he held her smoldering gaze and basked in the delightful feeling in his scalp before flicking his own eyebrow up and answering her, "No." As predicted, frustration clouded her eyes as her magic fingers pulled away.

"Come on, Castle!"

He grabbed her fingers, and replaced them on his head and chided her, "Detective Beckett, there is no such thing as a conditional head massage in the Castle Loft."

She laughed but her fingers started working again, "I think I missed the orientation. Any other rules I should know about?"

"Only that a sick day means a mandatory sci-fi marathon, of the patient's choosing, of course."

"Shiny."

"Most definitely. So what will it be?"

"How about the classic Star Wars episodes? I remember when we bought the box set on VHS and my parents and I spent an entire snow day watching them. My mom and I even took turns trying to perfect the Leia buns." Her partner got a mischievous look on his face. "Castle, did I just contribute to your perfect sci-fi fantasy?"

"Add a blaster and the outfit from episode 6 and yes, all my adolescent dreams would come true."

He rolled on his back, laced his fingers behind his head and smiled at the image. After a brief reflection he mentally flicked through the Star Wars movies to determine if anything in them would be distressing. It was chock-full of daddy issues, but he would be fine. Nothing came to mind that might upset her.

_The last thing I want to do is upset her. __She__ could still run. _

That single thought sent a surge of all-to-familiar insecurities through him.

His more sober expression caught her attention. She propped herself on an elbow, curled her fingers through his hair once more and regarded him carefully.

Their eyes locked.

"Castle, are you okay, I mean after everything . . . ?"

"I'll be okay." He smiled reassuringly.

Kate bit her lip, "Sofia Turner deceived you, tried to kill you then you had to watch her die." She decided not to even broach the issue of his father.

Castle was taken aback as it wasn't often that she initiated serious conversations. After all, emotional prodding was normally his shtick.

"Yeah, well, when you put it like that it's a lot to process." He rubbed a hand down his face and hesitated, "What bugs me the most is that I'm too trusting, always have been. I was so enamored with the CIA gadgets and the coolness of her being a spy eleven years ago that I hadn't seen that anything was off with her. When I saw Sofia again this week after I'd spent the past decade building her up in my mind as Clara Strike, as the consumate patriot, I never doubted her and it nearly cost you your life. I will always regret that."

She nodded but fought the urge to offer platitudes. He would never accept that it wasn't his fault. Instead she removed her fingers from his hair and lightly touched a path down his arm to mesh them with his.

"Thanks for telling me."

He looked down at their entwined fingers and squeezed. "Can I ask you something?"

What she replied was, "Fair enough." while internally she pleaded,_ 'Please let it not be about last summer.'_

He cleared his throat, "What was going through your mind in the Hudson?" It wasn't an easy questions, but she appreciated that he was going easy on her.

"A lot of regrets. I've never felt so helpless or useless in my life. All I could do was think of how our deaths would affect everyone. It was sobering." She licked her lips, "Castle, I thought you'd . . ." She closed her eyes and her partner felt the tremor in her hand and the shakiness in her slightly accelerated breathing.

"Come here . . ." He pulled her onto him so her head lay on his chest. He adjusted the oxygen line then cradled her against him. "I wanted to let you know I was still alive, but I knew seconds mattered. I found air so I didn't take the time to resurface. I should have at least tugged on your foot to let you know I was okay. I'm so sorry."

"No, you did the right thing. You got us out of there, and that's all that matters."

Her fingers massaged his chest next to where her head rested while he ran his thumb along her cheek, "Kate, by the time I got to you, you were unresponsive. I thought I was too late."

She nuzzled into his chest, "I'm right here, Castle. You saved me."

Both his arms wrapped tightly around her. His voice wavered, "Kate . . . I would never have survived losing you."

She let those words envelop her. If she had jars to preserve moments in time this one would be stored right next to _Kate, I love you . . . I love you, Kate._


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to staunch supporters of the 1995 A&E version of Pride and Prejudice. For those who think the 2005 version is the bees knees, I apologize in advance for any feather ruffling that may ensue.**

**Chapter 13**

**February 18, 2012**

Kate didn't respond to his confession with an automatic _I would never survive losing you, either, _but he didn't expect it of her, nor did he want a parroted reply. He had brandished the heartfelt words to great effect but he knew she was mulling over what phrases she could offer in return, each one seeming desperately more trite than the last. When she spoke sentiments, they had to be internalized first, which was why he had every intention of waiting for her to use the three magic words, or some variation, in the future, unprompted by him. He had no doubt he could find the words to respond to her but she needed to work on her own emotional timetable. In this moment, he understood that her silence was a way to communicate where words would fall short. In the end her only response was what sounded like shuddered sighs as she clutched hold of his shirt.

The phone alarm sounded, mocking him with another moment over too soon.

Kate cleared her throat and sat up awkwardly, running an unsteady hand through her hair, "I have no idea what time it is. I feel like I've been sleeping for days."

"It's nine am, we came home sometime yesterday afternoon, and we've slept for most of that time." He sniffed his shirt. "Wow, I really need a shower." He cringed. She realized that he'd never changed from what he was wearing for the past two days.

She nodded towards his bathroom. "Go ahead." He nodded towards the nebulizer and she waved him off, "Yeah, yeah, I know the drill."

He started rummaging through his closet and called back to her, "Thanks for going along with this."

Kate ran her hand on the softest sheets she could ever imagine, "I'd hate to defy your mom, but I'm not sure I would ever willingly go to a hospital again if staying at the Castle Ritz was an alternative."

He reflexively replied, "It's always an alternative." Her hand stopped and he froze, realizing what he'd just implied. He added nervously, "You know, if you're injured, sick, apartment gets blown up, or . . . you miss me too much." He walked out of the closet and offered her a cheesy smile before heading into the bathroom.

She rolled her eyes, "You forgot to add if I nearly freeze to death, or if I'm stalked by a serial killer." She wanted to add, _or if I'm paralyzed by PTSD, if I need comfort from a bad case or am just lonely, _but she wasn't up to admitting that yet.

He stopped at the bathroom door, "Yeah, then too." He gave her a warm grin that seemed to add, _Kate, you never need a reason._

* * *

><p>He closed the door, leaned against it and slid down, head in his hands.<p>

_That was not treading lightly._

This was his chance to make inroads, and he needed to do it right, not push her. He had joked about indulging his cuddle fantasies when they were shivering on the banks of the Hudson, but with the case behind them and no risk of being called back into action, he could finally lavish attention on Kate. Her defenses were down so low that she not only allowed him to touch her, to comfort her, to draw her into him, but she was _inviting_ his affections.

He was again walking a fine line.

He wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let go, but at the same time he did not want to cross a line that she would regret once she was feeling more physically and emotionally sound. He knew all too well that if there was one relational trait in which Kate Beckett excelled, it was introspective backpedaling. Castle only ever wanted to move forward. His partner would have been Kate Castle for a while by now if they had gone by his timetable. Yet, she was definitely worth the winning and therefore worth the cautious plotting of each tentative step in the right direction.

When he stood and took in his haggard appearance he decided that his next step had better be into the shower.

* * *

><p>Several years ago after a particularly difficult case, Kate Beckett had escaped reality by renting the recent remake of Pride and Prejudice. She had fallen in love with all of the Austen books in high school, barring Northanger Abbey, and when she watched the A&amp;E version of Pride &amp; Prejudice with her mom, the actors perfectly complimented what she had envisioned for all those years. Collin Firth and Jennifer Ehle <em>were<em> the Darcy and Elizabeth of her imagination. When she watched Keira Knightly and Matthew Macfadyen ten years later it was as though the book had been hijacked. It was all wrong, especially Keira Knightly, who in that time period would have been considered emaciated and therefore of a sickly constitution. The movie seemed to be the book on fast forward and the whole experience left her feeling cheap.

She had the same feeling when she'd found out that Sofia Turner was Clara Strike.

Before Kate complied with the nebulizer routine, she wandered into Castle's study and fingered the spines of his Derrick Storm novels. She picked Storm Warning off the shelf and brought it into the bedroom. After she put on the dreaded mask, she flipped through the pages until she found a chapter with Derrick interacting with Clara Strike. She supposed it was a test to see what image she would conjure now that she knew not only the physical attributes, but also the duplicity of the woman who inspired the female lead. Kate dissected a passage she knew well, and found that Clara was still the strong but compassionate woman who she had grown to consider a constant companion through tough times.

She removed the mask once the machine had run its course then read the passage one more time, reluctantly trying to impose Sofia Turner's face on Clara Strike. She was relieved when it just didn't fit.

Castle opened the door to the image of Kate sitting on the bed, intently reading Derrick Storm. He hadn't voiced his fear that she would forever shun the books after all the damage Sofia had inflicted, and he suddenly felt insecure while watching her immerse herself in his work. He sat next to her, shifting his weight onto his hand on the mattress behind her. He scanned the page over her shoulder, distracting her with the remnants of his manly body wash or shampoo, or whatever it was that was addling her senses.

"Starting in the middle?"

"I know them all so well, it hardly matters." She admitted, leaning slightly into him.

Castle read aloud, close enough to her ear that she could feel his words, "Clara never saw Derrick Storm for the flawed man that he knew himself to be. She saw only his potential to be more . . ." Kate closed her eyes as she listened to him breathe the characters to life. He continued to read of Derrick's regrets after a lapse in judgment and how steadfastly Clara supported him through his doubts. He watched her drink in his prose and had to concentrate on not leaning the remaining two inches to kiss her check. After the passage, he closed the book in her hands, hopeful that he had helped Derrick's plight to remain on Kate's bookshelf.

She opened her eyes, "That was . . . inspiring, Castle. Have you ever thought about reading for the audio books?" If he had, she would buy them all just to try to replicate the intimacy of the moment.

"No. Black Pawn has prodded and pleaded, but somehow I've stood my ground on that. I give in when Paula requests readings of short passages at book signings now and then, but I feel like reading entire novels aloud would be akin to giving a public confession. Gina always argues that it would be no different from people reading my written words, but to me, how I read the characters is personal. There's so much of my life that's public, I have to draw lines somewhere."

He tapped the book in her hands, "I actually wrote this after everything with Gina went south. I had married her for the wrong reasons and I needed Derrick to share my pain." He scratched a hand through his damp hair. "I had no idea that him falling for a femme fatale would prove so prophetic." He sat up straighter, pulling away at his admission of guilt.

Kate fingered his portrait on the back cover, "So, if it was autobiographical, then who was it in real life who 'saw only your potential to be more?'"

"No one outright, I think it was more my ego trying to save face. Either that or a combination of Mother and Alexis, neither of whom were ever crazy about Gina. I guess this," he gestured to the book, "was what I would have preferred to the reality that sounded more like _I told you so_."

Selfishly she was glad that there hadn't been another woman to comfort him at that time. She wanted nothing more than to be the only muse he thought about for the rest of the day, or honestly the rest of his life. She placed the book on the nightstand, planning on reading it later in the context of what the author had just shared.

"Well Castle, flawed or not, Derrick saw me through a lot. I'd have to agree with Clara, he's way too hard on himself."

"Well, if I hadn't killed him off, I'm sure he would have been grateful for your high opinion."

She turned towards her partner and noted that he was looking more ruggedly handsome than on the book cover, albeit a bit frayed from worry and lack of sleep. Kate considered her own appearance. She hadn't cared so much when she was sleep deprived and struggling to breathe, but suddenly it mattered. Her coughing fits, though still consistent, were no longer crippling and each inhalation, though still shallow, did not feel as though it were a quest to extend her life. She felt better, and now she wanted to look and feel human again.

"Castle, I _really _need coffee."

He took in the sight of the book joining the rest of her items on the nightstand. It was evidence that she was planning to read it later, here. He felt nearly giddy as he bumped her shoulder, "And a shower. There's a towel for you on the counter. I'll be in the kitchen when you're done."

* * *

><p>Rick Castle strolled to the kitchen, whistling. He caught the scent of coffee beginning to brew and the sight of his daughter making smiley pancakes. He reached for two mugs, "Morning, Pumpkin."<p>

"You look better, although last time I saw you, you were passed out, strewn across your partner's legs, drooling, I might add, although that's nothing new."

He put his daughter in an affectionate headlock, "I do not drool, but if I did drool over Beckett, no guy with a pulse would blame me." He kissed her head and released her, "Thanks for Francis and Elliot, by the way"

Alexis suddenly seemed uneasy. "Dad, the door was open, otherwise I wouldn't have gone in, but when I saw you guys - I don't know, I just felt like I needed to do something to help, as silly as it was. Detective Beckett has elephants on her desk so I thought maybe she would like Elliot. I hope she didn't think it was weird that I did that. I mean she's normally a really private person and I would never make a habit of barging in on you guys. I really shouldn't have intruded-"

He stopped his daughter who was over thinking the situation, "Sweetheart, I think Elliot was perfect. Between that and the cookies she's probably feeling spoiled, or suspicious that you're trying to lull her into a false sense of security before you interrogate her about her intentions." She rolled her eyes at her dad, who continued, "If you're going for the later, the smiley pancakes should completely throw her off. No one would suspect that congenial breakfast food could be capable of subterfuge."

"Maybe the pancakes are to lull _you_ into a false sense of security." She slyly added, "After all, the current state of affairs does beg the question, what are _your_ intentions, Richard Castle?"

He tickled her side. "I believe, Miss Castle, that you have usurped Jim Beckett's line, but I'm pretty sure you're not asking for quite the same reason he would be."

"No, I suppose I'm not."

"I think my intentions are embarrassingly obvious."

"True. You were never good at subterfuge." She sighed dramatically, "I blame myself - too many smiley pancakes over the years."

Rick poured the coffee, then walked around the island and sat across from his daughter. "Perhaps, but to answer your question, I'm following Beckett's lead. I wish I had a more concrete answer for you, Sweetheart. I understand that you'd like to know what to expect, but things between us are- "

"Complicated." Alexis finished the sentence for him.

He looked into his daughter's eyes, "Yeah." He reached for her hand, "I am glad you feel comfortable enough to stay while she's here, though."

Alexis asked uncertainly, "Is she okay, Dad?"

"She will be."

"Are you sure? Because when I poked my head in your room to say goodnight to you, it looked pretty serious. I thought she would be staying in the guest room so I hadn't expected to see her there. Really, Dad, if the door hadn't been open, I wouldn't have even knocked. I really shouldn't have –"

Her dad cut her off again, "Alexis, you're my daughter. If my door is open, you are welcome to say goodnight, especially to let me know you made it home. That hasn't changed."

She nodded and seemed a little less flustered as she continued, "Anyway, when I saw Detective Beckett hooked up to oxygen, I kind of freaked out, especially since you were at her bedside, rather than sleeping in the bed." Her eyes widened at just the thought of how awkward that would have been. "Not that I would have wanted to walk in and see you _in bed_ with Detective Beckett!"

Castle took a sip of coffee to hide his smile as Alexis worked through her mortifying train of thought. He knew from experience that listening was his best move when his daughter was this perplexed.

She flipped a pancake and sighed. "Dad, I guess I'm just not ready for that, I mean it was weird enough with Gina, even when you were married, but I know you're more in love with Detective Beckett than you ever were with Gina, I'm just not ready to see her parading around the loft in underwear and your shirt just yet."

Castle looked towards the office and was thankful that Beckett hadn't appeared. In one breath Alexis had both confessed his feelings for her and assumed that Kate was destined to prance around the loft half-clad. He swallowed a large gulp of coffee to regroup.

"Well, neither is she, so not to worry." He leaned his elbows on the counter. "She wanted to sleep in the guest room, if that makes you feel better. She's not faring well and my bed is the most comfy so I insisted. I couldn't leave her In case she woke up and needed anything. Until she's better, that will probably be the arrangement, but I'll close the door if you're wigging out at the possibility of seeing us 'sleeping together'" he used air quotes to emphasize the literal meaning of the phrase.

"Seriously, Dad. Trust me, I'll steer clear of your room while she's here, door open or not."

"Whatever you need to do." He remembered their plans for the day and gladly changed topics, "Hey, Kate picked Star Wars, are you okay with that?"

"Seriously! Oh, Dad, we haven't watched those in ages! You're sure it's okay if I'm here for part of it? I have plans later, but I'm free for a while, if Detective Beckett wouldn't mind."

"She would be disappointed if you didn't join us."

He realized that Beckett had been in the shower for a log time so he grabbed the coffee and took it to the bedroom knowing the sooner she got caffeine, the better.

* * *

><p>Kate had finished her shower and dressed, lingering over the scars on her chest and side, remembering Castle's discomfort when he saw the long one on her ribs while they were in Lanie's van. She felt so damaged. Not only was she scarred, but the simple act of showering had drained her reserves. Adding to that the tremor in her hands from the medication mixed with an empty stomach and she felt like a real prize.<p>

She dressed and reluctantly declared herself presentable. She opened the door to the heavenly scent of coffee. The bed was made, the room tidied, and a steaming cup of coffee was on 'her' nightstand. She cradled the mug in her shaky hands, inhaled the aroma and savored a sip. She looked longingly at the bed but knew if she sat she would fall asleep in seconds. She willed herself to walk out of the room and towards the kitchen, where the island bore two plates with pancakes adorned with chocolate chips in the shape of a smiley face.

"Castle?"

He appeared from the sitting area and gestured towards the plates, "Hey, looks like we got ourselves a house elf." He chided himself again for the casual way he threw around the term 'we.'

Kate graciously overlooked it, "Well, your house elf is very thoughtful. Let me guess, Alexis Castle's signature 'cheer up' pancakes?"

"And a point goes to Detective Beckett." He went for the refrigerator and pulled out the whipped cream, offering her the can. Kate waved it off.

"I suppose she made a lot of these for you last summer as well?" Kate rarely brought up the previous summer, and while he wanted to take her question as an invitation to discuss it, she looked too fatigued to carry the conversation.

He focused on making a whipped cream hair and beard for his pancake's face. "You suppose right. Not so much since then, except after the bank incident and a few other times when I've been preoccupied, although she hadn't known the reasons." Kate filled in _when we suspected 3XK was back, when I was paralyzed with fear and shutting you out during the sniper case . . ._"

Kate took a bite and added, "Wow, Castle, if I were you I would fake despair just to get these all the time. These are amazing! Where is Little Castle, anyway?"

He tried not to stare at her trembling fork. "She already ate, and I might have let the Star Wars marathon slip so she's getting supplies."

"It requires _supplies?"_

Just then Kate heard feet trotting down the steps and Alexis appeared carrying a small plastic container and a hairbrush. She balked at the sight before her, "Hi, Detective Beckett. Are you feeling better?"

Kate put down her fork, wrapped both hands around her mug to steady them and smiled warmly at the girl, "Well, thanks to some cookies, an elephant and some amazing pancakes, I am. Thank you, Alexis, and please call me Kate." She was still unsure of her footing, but her goal now was to try to put Alexis at ease. She added, "You know, no one has made baked good for me in over a decade. I had forgotten how good it feels to be handed a plate of cookies." Both Castles processed that correctly as _since her mom had been murdered._

Rick could identify 'Stage 1 Mistiness' in his daughter's eyes as she quietly replied. "You're welcome." She turned towards her dad, gave a weak smile and left the room with her supplies in tow.

Castle watched intently as Kate lifted her coffee cup with both hands in an attempt to minimize the shaking. She took a sip then picked up the fork and tried to use the side to sever another piece of pancake. She had to work for each movement and she was getting frustrated. After she finally lifted the fork and brought the poorly cut piece to her mouth, her partner pulled her plate away and cut her pancakes into pieces. She crossed her arms on the island and buried her face on them.

"You're cutting my pancakes." It wasn't an accusation or even a complaint, just a flat statement of fact.

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"Okay, just so we're both clear on the depths to which my pride had fallen."

"Do you want a bendy straw for your coffee?"

She groaned and banged her head on her arms.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**February 18, 2012**

While Kate brushed her teeth, Alexis and Rick readied the lounge for the movie. Alexis had taken sheets and started to tuck them under the couch cushions to make Kate the traditional Castle sick bed, but her dad stopped her.

"Thanks, Pumpkin, but I think Kate may feel a bit self-conscious if she's laying down in a made up bed. Maybe we should just have our pillows and some throw blankets, then we can all lounge and she won't feel singled out."

Alexis looked taken aback for a moment. Castle traditions were not often modified, especially when they involved pampering. This was more evidence that the detective was different from most women who would fawn over her dad and cling to any chance to milk his attention. Alexis was not convinced that Kate could stick with her dad for the long haul but she was convinced that he was committed to her and knew that he could do, and had done, so much worse.

Since the near drowning, Alexis had decided to make more of an effort, hoping that if she did nice things for Kate, she might _feel_ more willing to accept her. It might seem backwards, but she reasoned that the alternative of skeptical bitterness would be painful to not only Kate, but also her dad. It had only been a few days and she had already felt her attitude following her actions. Alexis had begun to care more for Kate again, despite months of keeping a calculated distance.

Alexis tossed one side of the sheet to her father so he could help her refold it.

"She really isn't used to being taken care of, is she?"

"No. She was about your age when her mom died, and although Jim Beckett is a good man, he just didn't cope well with the loss. I imagine Kate just got used to looking out for herself."

Earlier the girl had been shocked that Johanna Beckett had been the last one to make Kate cookies. Alexis thought about how much cooking she did with her father and the fact that Kate had been stripped of that really had gotten to her. Maybe her dad was right and Kate did have her reasons for being aloof at times.

"That's really sad."

He handed his daughter the folded sheet, "It is, but she's here now. We'll just have to look after her without making a fuss, if that makes sense."

"Yeah, so, we just do the opposite of what we would do for Gram."

Rick turned his daughter towards the linen closet and lightly pushed her shoulders, "Exactly!"

* * *

><p>Kate entered the room and hesitated, wondering if there were assigned seats as part of the tradition. She decided to sit on the near side of the couch.<p>

"Incoming!" Castle lobbed pillows in her direction. She caught them and placed them next to her. "I'll be right back, just a few more things."

He went into the bedroom to retrieve the tank and tubing, Kate's dreaded tether. He knew she would prefer not to wear it in front of anyone else, but her health came first, and Alexis was family. They were a packaged deal, as he had assured his daughter. Castle knew it would still take a gracious effort on Beckett's part to appear vulnerable in front of the girl so he braced himself for opposition.

When Castle entered the room, Kate saw what he was carrying and visibly paled. He placed the tank behind the couch, out of view and strung the piping over the back and handed the end loop to Kate.

Kate shot a glance first at Alexis, who had busied herself with the DVD player, then at Castle, who placed a hand firmly on her shoulder and simply stated, "Resistance is futile."

She lifted the piping and sighed, "Apparently, this is my destiny."

"Nice!" He had fully expected resistance.

Alexis disappeared for a few moments then returned with a tray full of snacks and three Gatorades with bendy straws. "All set!"

Kate was thankful that breakfast, despite wounding her pride, had helped to steady her hands. She sat on the couch with her knees bent and feet tucked beside her. Castle, hairbrush in hand, sat on the other end with Alexis perched at his feet as he gave a dramatic reading of the scrolling prologue. His voice resonated and brought the words to life, then as the spaceships came on screen he asked, "So, what will it be, Princess Alexis?"

"Forest Moon of Endor."

"Ah, speeder chase or Ewok Village?"

She seemed to consider, "Speeder chase."

"As you wish." With that Castle brushed, parted, pinned and manipulated his daughter's hair into an exact replica of Leia's crown of plaits from that part of the movie. Kate was mesmerized at how expertly he accomplished this, and how delicately his strong hands laced through his daughter's ginger hair. He pulled bobby pins from the container to fix errant strands, but the end product was nearly flawless. Kate barely noticed that Luke had already entered Mos Eisley. She had seen Star Wars dozens of times, but watching Castle braid his daughter's hair, that was new.

While he worked, he stole glances at his partner and smiled with pride that he'd stunned her with this hidden talent, and waited patiently for her to comment. Her restraint lasted until he had finished and Alexis tilted her head around for him to inspect his work.

"Wow, Alexis you look beautiful." It wasn't her father complimenting her. Kate was beaming at the girl.

"Thanks, Detective." she shook her head, "I mean, Kate."

"Castle, you've been holding out on me! All those times I've thrown my hair into a messy bun, and you can do this?"

He was appraising his handiwork.

"I have to keep the mystery alive, Beckett."

"So, was this your talent for a dad of the year pageant? There has to be a story here."

Alexis supplied it. "We were going to be Princess Leia and Han Solo for our Halloween party when I was seven, and Dad took me to the salon, but instead of just letting the stylist do my hair, Dad asked her to teach him how to do it. He sweet-talked her into giving us the rest of her appointments for the day and she taught him how to do every Leia hairdo. He practiced for hours and hours." She considered her dad, "In hindsight, I think he probably had a bad case of writer's block, but either way, he does have mad skills with a hairbrush."

"That, I do," he turned towards Kate, "and I take requests, Princess Katherine. I can even do the quintessential episode four buns." At this he winked at her and she nearly spit our her Gatorade remembering his earlier confession. Instead she tried to swallow while suppressing a giggle and ended up hacking to clear her throat. She leant forward and he rubbed her back to help her recover. He would have felt bad if it weren't for her amused expression once her airway was clear again.

She took a few deep breaths then asked, "How about a French braid?"

"Boring!"

"What, Castle, is that not in your braiding wheelhouse?"

"Of course it is. I'll have you know my wheelhouse is extensive."

"Prove it."

"As you wish."

Castle scooted behind her on the couch and she slid to the floor in front of him between his legs. He gently removed the tether, then accused her, "This wouldn't be a devious ploy for freedom, would it?" She tipped her head back and smiled innocently at him, "Of course not, but on second thought I'd like episode four, awards ceremony instead."

"Oh, Detective Beckett, you are incorrigible! No, you asked for a standard hairdo from this 'verse, so nothing more than an efficient NYPD suitable French braid for you, and you're lucky to be getting that."

He took the brush and slowly worked it through her hair. There were no tangles, but she seemed to enjoy it so he took his time. She tilted her head to accommodate his movements, soaking in the feeling of his hands painstakingly parting and weaving her hair. Alexis handed over the container with elastics and bobby pins so he could tie the end and fix a few loose strands. He very gently positioned the tubing back over her ears, then placed hands heavily on her shoulders and started kneading them. She relaxed against his leg and found herself nearly drifting to sleep.

She felt his fingers tap her shoulder. "Kate, come on, you'll be more comfy." He guided her to sit on the couch then placed a pillow on his lap then patted it. Giving into exhaustion, she tucked her feet upon the couch, laid her head on the pillow, and felt his fingers lightly scrape with the grain of her braided hair.

Thankfully she slept through the trash compactor scene, although Castle found his pulse elevate when Luke was submerged. He adjusted the tubing on his partner's face just to distract himself from getting too sentimental. He ran the back of his hand over her brow and confirmed she had a fever with his Jedi parenting skills. She couldn't hide her symptoms while she slept and while she'd made a vailant effort to seem better, she still was not breathing easily. She started wheezing, which sounded like a cute little snore. Alexis looked at her dad and stifled a smile.

"We will never speak of this, Number One!"

"Understood, Captain."

More seriously Alexis asked, "How long will she need the oxygen?"

"Well, it depends on when Dr. Parish gives her the okay. Her lungs aren't filling to capacity, so she needs the extra help for now. She's really worn out from her body making such an effort to breathe, so she'll need to rest a lot to recover, especially since she couldn't get treatment right away."

"Dad, I know she's dedicated to her job, but how could a case be so important that you couldn't take the time to get her help? Couldn't Detectives Esposito and Ryan have covered for you?"

Castle could tell that his daughter was concerned not about Beckett's priorities, but about his. He blew out a breath. "No. Believe me, they were willing, and I would have taken her off the case kicking and screaming if I could have, but there were bigger issues at stake. We were personally involved, and couldn't walk away. At least one person was saved, maybe more, and that made it worth the sacrifice for her. I did everything I could under the circumstances, but not everything I wanted to do for her, which is what I'm trying to do now."

"And she's letting you."

He smiled down at his sleeping partner, "Yeah, she is."

Alexis stood, handed her dad a blanket and kissed his cheek. He took the blanket and covered Kate, snuggling the top around her shoulders.

"Well, Dad, that sounds like progress."

* * *

><p>Kate slept clear through to Dagobah. She woke feeling short of breath and a bit disoriented. All the space between herself and Yoda came into focus and she realized that she had her head on a pillow in Castle's lap and his hand weighed heavily on the side of her head, essentially pinning her down. She guessed he had fallen asleep as well. Alexis was sitting on the floor, leaning against a chair and she turned towards Kate when she sensed a shift in her position.<p>

"Hey, Alexis." She felt a bit awkward talking to her while pinned to her father's lap. "I guess I missed a lot."

"Yeah, you and Dad both. He fell asleep about twenty minutes after you did. He's a really heavy sleeper, so don't worry about waking him." She looked uncertain, "But maybe you already know that, sorry."

"Well, most of the times that I've been around your dad when he was sleeping we'd been rendered unconscious, so I don't really know what's normal. Thanks for the tip."

Kate smiled at the girl then wrapped a hand around Castle's wrist and lifted it slowly until she had enough clearance to remove her head from the pillow. Kate sat up and leaned against the back of the couch, trying to get into a better position to fill her lungs. She tilted her head back and tried a few deep breaths. When she looked forward again, she caught Alexis studying her. Kate took a risk by sliding to the floor to be closer to her. She leaned against the side of Castle's leg, and adjusted the piping around her ears before speaking.

"Hey, Alexis? I just wanted to thank you for being okay with me staying for a few days. I know this must be a bit . . . strange for you."

She shrugged, "I knew it was important to Dad." She continued carefully, "I know what it's like for him when you're hurt and he can't help, so if you were willing to come . . ." She ended in another shrug. Her tone was not spiteful, but the truth in her words was enough to imply injury.

Kate smoothed her slacks, and then responded in an equally intentional tone, "Alexis, last summer . . . I know I hurt a lot of people, including you, and especially your dad. I won't ask for your forgiveness because I don't deserve it but I would like to explain, at least in part."

Alexis looked everywhere but at Kate, unwilling to prompt her to continue.

Kate cleared her throat and tried to order her thought so she could be as concise as possible. She didn't think she had the stamina to get through a long conversation but she knew that getting this right was crucial. "I'm not sure how much you know but Captain Montgomery's death was linked to my mom's case and I was shot because of my interference in the investigation. When I woke after the surgery, I was nervous. I knew that someone had tried to kill me and that your dad nearly took that bullet for me."

Kate leaned harder against her partner's leg and squeezed his foot. She knew he was asleep, but she hoped that what she was saying would somehow seep into his dreams. She should have had this conversation with him first, but she never knew how to start it. She also felt strongly that Alexis needed to understand. What she hadn't realized was that her voice had roused her partner before she had even lifted his wrist.

Kate paused to catch her breath. She was almost thankful that her illness gave her an excuse to talk through this slowly and to carefully choose her words. She skipped over seeing Castle in the hospital; her treatment of him was too painful to recall.

"I spent the summer in seclusion. I needed my dad to take care of me at first but I was convinced that it was only a matter of time before another sniper had us in his crosshairs so I sent Dad away as soon as I could be on my own. I didn't contact your dad or anyone else because I knew that if I gave him any encouragement, even indirectly, it would be the same as luring him to his death. Alexis, if your dad had died protecting me, I would have never forgiven myself. I never would have been able to face you or Martha again. Your gram and dad are all you have, and I thought it would be selfish of me to risk his life just so he could keep me company as I recovered." She waited until the girl looked at her before stating, "The last thing I want, Alexis, is for you to lose your dad and end up like me."

She paused to breathe and regroup. Alexis was wiping moisture off her cheeks, not sure how to process what she was hearing.

"I'd convinced myself that everyone would be better off at a safe distance, even if that meant that your dad was upset or . . . or had moved on by the time I returned."

Kate nearly started when Castle's leg nudged her, confessing that he was awake and listening. She looked up and he appeared to be sound asleep, no doubt for his daughter's sake. She rubbed her thumb on his ankle which was the only comfort she could offer inconspicuously.

"I understand now that it hadn't been fair for me to make that decision for your dad. When he first started shadowing me, I made calls all the time on how best to protect him, and I have made it my mission to keep him safe. The problem is that me calling all the shots is not really fair to him anymore. He has good instincts and there is no one's judgment that I trust more. Last summer I had robbed him of the right to make his own choice whether to keep his distance or . . . not." She couldn't say the words, _or be with me_, because the phrase seemed too loaded for a discussion with the girl.

There was another heavy pause. Alexis' eyes were fully red, and she remained incapable of speech or eye contact.

"Alexis, you and your dad both have a strong sense of right and wrong. He's chosen to be my partner and he's a vital part of our team. He may not have the uniform, but he is as dedicated as all the other cops at the 12th. I think both of us need to respect that he has earned the right to make some decisions on his own. While there are no guarantees, I can promise you that I will always do what I can to have his back."

Kate looked at the ceiling and blew out a breath. She was fatigued after the physical exertion of such a long speech coupled with emotional exhaustion. She had hashed and rehashed all of this with Dr. Burke, so she got through the discussion a bit shaky, but without tears.

Alexis Castle was a mess.

She had her legs pulled up and arms crossed her arms on top of them. She faced away so that all Kate could see was her ginger hair. She had been so angry with the detective for hurting her dad, thinking that she had been heartless and selfish. The teen had only let that harsh opinion begin to thaw in the past month or so. The past week she had started to reevaluate, haughtily weighing whether Kate was good enough to make a step towards her good graces, when in reality, Kate had spent the summer hurting and alone in an attempt to save her dad. It didn't completely erase all the hard feelings, but she finally understood. Kate was not indifferent to her dad, or even Alexis herself. If anything, the evidence proved the opposite.

After a few minutes Alexis' body stopped shaking. She wiped the last tears from her face and rested her chin on her arms. She looked intently at the show as she responded. "After Captain Montgomery's funeral, it was . . . bad. I had nightmares and Dad was . . ." Alexis thought better of recounting her father's months of torment. She shook off the thought, "It was just easier to be angry with you."

Kate reached over and put a hand on Alexis' arm, "You had every right to be." She withdrew it after a few seconds, not sure if the contact was too much.

Alexis clarified, "You were trying to protect him?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Alexis, are we okay?"

"Yeah, Kate, we are." Alexis still couldn't meet her eyes but she put her hand on Kate's outstretched foot for confirmation.

Both women watched silently as Han Solo faced the carbonite freezing chamber.

"_I love you_." As Leia confessed, Kate nuzzled her partner's knee.

"_I know_," She felt a strong hand squeeze her shoulder with Han's reply.

Alexis was not the only Castle who was reeling.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**February 18, 2012**

Castle had the advantage of 'sleep' to mull over what he had just heard his partner confess to his daughter. Even though he had never heard Kate explain her absence, nothing that she'd said had surprised him. What_ was_ surprising was that she had verbalized her thoughts and even her fears to his daughter. Part of him wished that they would have been alone, that Kate would have poured her heart out to him with tears on his shoulder and they would have comforted each other in their mutual regret. But he was in love with Kate Beckett, who didn't do melodrama if she could help it.

Maybe it was because it was Alexis that Kate could be as open and factual as she was. She'd known he was listening, so maybe it was just easier for her to confess indirectly. At any rate, he now knew from her own lips that she hadn't wished him away for those months, plus, he had no lingering worries over the relationship between Kate and Alexis and that was a huge relief.

His current predicament was how to 'wake up.' His hand was still subtly massaging Kate's neck and shoulder, but his daughter was too distracted to notice. He decided to go with the 'loud yawn and stretch' option. He exaggerated his movements so that Kate was certain that she would not have bought it, but it brokered no response from Alexis aside from the retraction of her hand from Kate's foot.

"About time, Castle, you missed just about all of Empire" They shared a knowing smile then he turned to Alexis.

"Report, Number One!"

His daughter seemed to snap to attention, all angst put on hold. "Current mission is . . ." she waited for the ending fade then continued, "accomplished, Captain."

Castle ignored her red eyes, "Very well. Provisions?"

"Holding, but could do with fortification."

"Excellent. I'll take point."

"Captain, permission to disembark? I have a rendezvous with Ensign Paige."

"Granted." With a salute his daughter took her pillow and blanket and fled up the steps to get ready.

Kate slid up to sit on the couch, cross-legged, facing towards her partner but keeping a few inches between them. She looked spent, but made a valiant effort to seem okay.

"Just for the record, that was the worst fake wake-up in history."

"Yeah, but at least you had no idea that I was not really sleeping until I gave myself up."

"Very true, your mastery of fake sleeping is noted, right along with your superior prowess with a hairbrush. Wow, Castle, your skill set is getting more diverse the longer I stay."

"Oh, I have skills," He raised an eyebrow then continued, "just wait until I break out the Boggle."

"Now, that one does_ not_ come as a surprise."

Castle checked his phone. It was already nearly three. He flipped through the contacts and dialed, looking at his confused partner.

"Hey, Agent Danberg, Rick Castle. Yeah, about that . . ." Kate listened as Castle explained that they would not be able to meet later that day and that he would let him know tomorrow if they could do it then. She had completely forgotten about the planned debriefing. The cop in her felt the overwhelming need to get the case wrapped up, and to provide closure to Danberg, who had just been forced to kill his traitorous partner. The feeling surged through her, but then she felt a hand on her knee that kept her still.

When Castle hung up he simply said, "Meeting today would not make this any easier on him." Cutting off her reply he looked at her intently and continued, "Kate, you don't have the strength to go in, and there are more important things than tending to the dead."

Just then Alexis returned, still sporting the Leia hairdo, backpack slung over her shoulder. Castle removed his hand and his demeanor lightened instantly for his daughter's sake.

"Bye, Dad, Kate."

"Bye, keep your tricorder on at all times. Coordinates?"

"P3X-242. Why? Are you going to send a MALP? Seriously, Dad, I'm just going to Paige's overnight. Maybe see a movie."

"Steer clear of Comic-Con, or you'll have to beat the nerds off with a gaffi stick."

"I'm plenty used to sci-fi nerds, Dad." She rolled her eyes.

Kate joined in the conversation, "I hear ya." She lifted her hand and Alexis gave her a high five on her way out.

The door shut, and Kate considered her partner, who was smiling at her.

"I think you've won over my daughter, Detective Beckett, not an easy feat."

"I know I've said it before, but she's a really good kid, Castle. Although she's not so much of a kid anymore."

He looked at her ruefully, "Don't remind me."

She squeezed his shoulder. "She's just protective of her old man, but I can respect that." She smiled at his mock contemptuous glare at her reference to his age.

His expression soon softened. "Thank you for talking to her. She's been struggling and I know it meant a lot to her that you brought everything out in the open."

Kate, one side of her braided hair looking disheveled from sleep, tucked a loose strand behind her ear and steeled herself for the next phase of the conversation.

"Castle, I've wanted to talk to you for a while now . . . I hadn't handled things well last summer and it's taken me a long time to sort it all out."

Kate was taking shorter breaths, wheezing, and was overdue for her next round of medication. Castle knew she was also emotionally drained from her discussion with Alexis. He weighed whether it would be better for her to talk this through first, or use the nebulizer but risk having the topic dropped. He chose against his better judgment.

"Go on." He was intent on letting her lead this conversation and initiate any physical contact, sensing that she needed to prove to herself that she could be the one reaching out for once.

She picked at an imaginary spot on her sleeve. "As soon as I woke from surgery and could think clearly, I decided my only choice was to push you away. I knew it wouldn't be easy, that I would have to wound you to do it but it would be worth it if you survived." She flicked her eyes at him for a second then continued, "I had no doubt that regardless of where I was or who was protecting me, I would be dead within a matter of days or weeks, maybe months if I was lucky. My dad catered to my paranoia by keeping all the curtains drawn and making his cabin into a fortress. Dealing with me last summer had to have been worse than me dealing with his whole battle with alcoholism. It wasn't pretty, Castle."

He closed his eyes, imagining her flinching at shadows and refusing sunlight for weeks at a time. He had witnessed the aftershocks of her PTSD during the sniper case, but it must have been heartbreaking to experience it full-force.

"Kate, I wanted to be there with you."

He felt her stiff fingers slowly working up and down his forearm as though she were appreciating a precious work of art. She stared at her trembling hand completing the rhythmic pattern to avoid looking at him as she confessed.

"I knew that, but at the time I wouldn't let myself think about how you must have felt or how much I was hurting you. I just focused on how much better off you'd be without me. Every morning I woke expecting it to be my last. I couldn't put you through watching me die a second time."

She took his hand in both of hers, garnering courage, then she met his eyes. "Maybe I'm a coward, Castle, but I couldn't _watch_ you lose me a second time."

She let the truth of that statement sink in.

He felt a chill envelop him, "You remembered? This whole time?"

"Yes."

He pulled his hand away, rested his elbows on his knees, and cradled is head in his hands. He felt as though she had punched him.

Kate started to panic. Her instinct was to withdraw, to run away and lick her wounds, but she couldn't abandon him again. She willed her hand to rest on his back and splayed her fingers. He didn't flinch, so she took that as a sign to continue.

"When I returned I was still sorting through which feelings were rational and what I had blown out of proportion. I was trying to adjust to the possibility that I might live to see another case, another month, another year. I also had to adjust to the noise and unpredictability of living in the city again. I went to the mandatory psych evals so I could be reinstated, but even though I passed and would be back to work, I knew I was still a mess. The last thing I wanted was to have you take me back then suffocate you in my brokenness or let you watch me die again. I couldn't see a third option, at least not while my mother's case was unsolved. The thought of seeing you in despair again . . . I couldn't do that to either one of us."

She leaned against his back and felt him shudder, "I heard what you said, Castle. I savored those words, they comforted me, haunted me, they drove me to want better for you. I guess I thought that if I didn't acknowledge them then you would be free to walk away. I was giving you an out."

_She was giving me an out? What?_

Castle was hearing her words but couldn't absorb them. It was as though they were bouncing around his head individually and he couldn't put them together because they hadn't matched what he'd expected to hear. He was too stunned to move or speak so he kept silent.

"That day on the swings, I wasn't sure what to say to you." She gripped his shirt. He felt her breathing becoming more raspy and her voice was a pitch off. He knew that pitch. He had heard it when they had been trapped in the freezer and when he'd held her outside the hangar. "I knew I needed you and not just for Mom's case. All last summer I needed . . ." She paused to catch her breath. As much as he wanted to comfort her, to stop her as she sounded more distressed, he was too hungry for resolution. "Castle, I _wanted_ you to be with me but I had convinced myself that those feelings were wrong, that to reach out to you would be to condemn you. . . either to my death or my shattered life . . . "

Castle had been worried over the simple question of if she loved him in return, when there was so much more surging below the surface for her that made the answer so much more than a simple yes or no.

Her ragged staccato of breaths pulsed through his back as she continued. "You deserve more than me . . . You deserve so much more . . . I'm sorry . . . I'm so sorry."

She ended on a sob and it was then that he fully registered how badly she was hyperventilating.

_What have I done?_

He reached behind himself, grabbed her arm and maneuvered her so that she curled in his lap. His arms wrapped tightly around her and he kissed the top of her head. She was shaky and feverish and he cursed himself for selfishly making her push through. He could feel her wheezing and grasping for air in a rapid stuttered pattern. He slung the oxygen off her and quickly carried her to his room.

He gently placed Kate on his bed. She looked at least as pale and sick as she had been the day before. She fixed her frantic eyes on him and gripped his wrist as he fixed the nebulizer mask on her and smoothed her hair back. She was willing herself to stay awake, unable to speak but needing to not leave things unsettled. Her brow furrowed in determination. He finally realized that she was holding on to either finish her apology or hear a response from him.

He leaned his forehead against hers, feeling the heat radiating off of her. "Kate, it's okay. We're okay. You need to rest. Please, I'm not going anywhere, I promise." She heard his broken voice and focused on his intense expression through her tears. The exhaustion had completely worn down her defenses. He wiped his thumb below her eyes, "Kate, I love you. I meant it then as much as I mean it now and that will never change." That was the last thing she heard as she lost consciousness.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Not to worry, Kate's not back to square one and she will improve at a quicker pace over the next few chapters. We just had to slosh through the emotional mire first. Although some of you are fond of the mire, I like a bit of variety so I don't like to linger too long in angst before lightening the mood.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**February 18, 2012**

Castle pressed his lips to his partner's forehead then inched the comforter and sheet out from under her. He slipped her legs inside, and tucked her in. He chastised himself for upsetting her, for encouraging her to relive a nightmare when she'd already been exhausted, and for thinking that he could heal her with bendy straws and luxurious sheets.

_Focus, Castle, focus._

He made a beeline for his phone.

"Yeah, Lover Boy, what's up?"

"Lanie!" he ran a hand through his hair, "It's Beckett . . . " He couldn't get himself to grasp any other words, but his voice bled of distress.

"Castle, tell me what's going on."

He paced in a frenzy, "She has a fever, she's wheezing and she was sort of hyperventilating before she passed out."

In a calming voice she asked, "Okay, what have you done?"

In his panic he answered, "I pushed her too hard and she got really worked up and now she's worse. Lanie, tell me what to do."

"Oh, Honey, I meant what have you done, _medically_, although we'll be discussing your little confession when I get there."

Kicking himself he replied, "Right. Uh, she's propped up on pillows and the nebulizer is going now."

"Are her fingernails blue?"

He flipped the covers down and gently raised her hand, "No."

"Lips blue?"

He lifted the mask, "No."

"That's good. She'll be fine until I get there. Castle, calm yourself and sit tight, okay?"

"Okay, just hurry."

"Will do."

He spent the long twenty-three minutes sitting on 'his' side of the bed, cross-legged, brushing back Kate's hair and staring intently at her for any sign of change. He held one of her hands gingerly in his own so he could monitor the state of her fingernails. As soon as the machine ran its course he nearly vaulted to get the oxygen tank so she wouldn't go long without it. Finally, he heard a knock.

The door whooshed open and a startled Esposito met his eyes. Castle ignored him and quickly scanned for Lanie and pulled her in. Before the detective had a chance to comment on his friend's frantic demeanor, he was ushered into the loft and led into the writer's bedroom along with the doctor. His breath caught, "Bro, she's not looking so hot."

Castle, distractedly replied, "Well, she feels hot. She definitely has a fever."

Lanie took charge, "Alright, alright, Javier, take Nervous Nelly here and get him some water." She gave him a pointed look that clearly stated, "_Get him out of my way."_

He grabbed Castle's arm and shot back, "Girl, We're so even after this."

"Agreed."

Lanie looked at her unconscious friend, "Goodness, you certainly know how to mess with that man's sanity." She felt Kate's forehead, took her temperature (101) then rummaged through for another round of IV antibiotics. She inserted the needle, taped it, and then rigged a way to hang the bag from the headboard. She took her time listening to her friend's lungs (which were thankfully no worse than before) and her heart rate (slightly elevated). She switched the nasal line for a full mask before leaving her to sleep in peace.

* * *

><p>Esposito watched Castle sit at the island with head in his hands and his leg bouncing manically. The detective poured a glass of water and pushed it towards him.<p>

"Drink this or I'll have to answer to Lanie."

He obeyed mechanically.

The detective continued, "She's looked worse, Bro."

Silence.

He continued, "If she was that bad off Lanie would have called 911 by now."

Castle considered the truth in that, but it still didn't stop the guilt bursting within him.

Esposito looked around, "So . . . Beckett's staying here?"

Even though he knew Esposito was just asking to make conversation, Castle wasn't in the mood for his normal ribbing. He flatly replied, "Not like that. It was a compromise for her finishing the case."

He shrugged, "I didn't mean anything by it, just sayin'. She's never been good about looking after herself. Glad you have her back, Man."

Castle shrugged and humphed derisively. Esposito could count on one hand the number of times he had trouble making small talk with the writer. They seemed to be back to how things were in the hospital after Beckett had been shot and Castle was needlessly shouldering the blame. Nothing Esposito said had helped then either. He was thankful that this moody version of Castle didn't surface often.

He decided to at least make himself useful by going to the lounge and picking up the dishes and empty bottles.

Lanie came out of the room and Castle was out of his seat in an instant, rubbing his palms on his pant legs, "So?"

"So, she'll live. You, on the other hand need to get your blood pressure down. You and I are going for a walk."

His arms crossed, "Not going to happen. I'm not leaving her alone."

Javier chimed in, "Dude, what am I? Chopped liver?"

Lanie persisted, "If you want intel, you need to buy me a Diet Coke - from a place at least five blocks from here, that's my price."

He hated being manipulated, but he appreciated that Lanie had dropped everything to come to Kate's aid. He tried to explain, "I promised her _I_ would be there when she woke up. It's important that _I'm_ there."

"Honey, you need to calm down, and you're not going to do that inside these walls. Trust me," she pointed to the bedroom, "that girl will thank me for this."

He relented, shooting a look at Esposito who assured him, "I'll explain if she wakes up. I got this, Buddy Go!"

"Fine."

* * *

><p>During the entire walk to the store Castle was trying to use the length of his legs to his advantage. Lanie was passive-aggressively walking slowly to make him wait for her. After she had a Diet Coke in hand she sat on a bench and waited for him to follow suit.<p>

"Okay. Here's the deal. She's likley got what's called aspiration pneumonia. She ingested some bacteria in the Hudson that's set up camp in her lungs. The first round of antibiotics either didn't target the right kind of bacteria or wasn't strong enough. I put another IV in her with a different kind to see if that does the trick. I switched her to an O2 mask, but aside from that, keep using the nebulizer every 4-6 hours and load her with Gatorade and water, but for your own sake I'll let you slip her some coffee if she behaves."

"So she doesn't need a hospital?"

"Honey, she's no worse off than she was before, and I can't imagine any medical facility fussing over her the way that you do. The fever is just a sign that she's fighting an infection, nothing that can't be controlled with Tylenol. The mask will make it so her body doesn't have to work so hard when she sleeps, but if she wakes up and is not in distress, she can switch back to the nasal line. Just keep doing what you're doing, she'll be fine."

She patted his knee. "Now, Richard Castle, what in the world could have happened to make you think that this was your fault?"

His leg was bouncing, and he spoke quickly, still agitated at being away from his partner, "I pushed her. She started talking about the shooting and last summer. She was overdue for the nebulizer, but I didn't want to risk her dropping the subject. I saw that she was short of breath and wheezing, but I withheld medical treatment so I could listen to her apologize for keeping me away so I wouldn't end up shot, or watching her get shot . . . again."

Lanie blew out a breath, relieved that Kate had made some psychological progress, even though it was taking a toll in the short-term. "So, let me get this straight, she was upset when rehashing an emotionally charged episode, then started hyperventilating?" He winced, rubbing his hand down his face.

"Yeah."

"Castle, what that sounds like to me is a panic attack. If she weren't sick she would have been able to work through it, but with her lungs being compromised, feeling any tightness in her chest combined with hyperventilation would have resulted in more anxiety, which would manifest itself in more physical distress. I'm sure it was a pretty scary episode for both of you. But, she didn't turn blue and she was wearing oxygen?" He nodded a reply, "Good, then you did fine. If you want to blame anyone, you can add it to the list of sins of the sniper who pulled the trigger last May. Honestly, without the PTSD, she would still have had a fever and would have been hooked up to the IV eventually. So, I absolve you from guilt on this one. Now, you can escort me back to your place, Mr. Castle."

He offered his arm, hoping that he could charm her into walking faster on the way home.

* * *

><p>Javier Esposito cautiously walked towards the bedroom. He prayed that his team leader would sleep through his babysitting stint, not because he didn't want to talk to her, but because he knew she would feel monumentally uncomfortable seeing him in this room watching over her. Plus, it just seemed wrong hanging out in another dude's bedroom. It was a territorial instinct, he was sure, but in this case it seemed that Castle would blow a gasket if Beckett woke up alone. He tried to put his own discomfort aside as he entered.<p>

He took in the situation. There was a chair that had been pushed to the side so he pulled it near the bed. Beckett seemed so small in the king-sized bed, hooked up to an IV and O2 mask, her hair semi-braided. He felt an urge to brush her hair back, but he decided if she woke to a sign of affection from him she would immediate jump to the conclusion that either she was on death's door or Castle wasn't coming back. Something had obviously happened since Castle had been hell-bent on making sure she knew he hadn't abandoned her.

He noticed that the nightstand housed water glasses and a Gatorade bottle, all with bendy straws. He had to smile. Castle was always about the details. He then saw one of the writer's books. He picked it up and started flipping through the pages. He didn't like reading about murder off the clock, but he had read all of Castle's works as a brotherly protective background check when the author started following Beckett. He had to admit that the guy was talented and thorough. Esposito flipped through the book to kill time.

* * *

><p>Beckett dreamt she was back in the river and a hand was covering her mouth, keeping her under. She gasped, sat up, and looked squarely in the face of . . . Javier Esposito. It made no sense so she blinked several times to try to change the image. She was in Castle's room but Esposito was the one sitting in a chair next to the bed, clutching <span>Storm Warning<span> in one hand. His other hand was firmly wrapped around her arm, trying to anchor her to reality.

"Kate, hey, it's okay." He let go as soon as he knew she had assessed her situation. "Castle'll be right back."

She closed her eyes, seeming to calm herself and nodded. She then felt the mask on her face, inspected the IV line in her arm then rolled her eyes and flopped back on the pillow. She muttered flatly, "You have got to be kidding me."

She was too uncomfortable to do more than glance at her friend when she asked, "Did you draw the short straw, Espo?" She felt terrible, and the look that he was trying hard _not _to give her confirmed that she looked at least as bad as she felt.

"Roshambo." He smirked, "You know, there are easier ways to get in between Castle's sheets. The guy's been drooling over you for years. It's pathetic, really."

She ignored his attempt at humor. "No offense, Javi, but why are you here?" What she really wanted to know was why Castle wasn't by her side as promised. She worried that she had dreamt her partner's confession. She wouldn't blame him for leaving her or at least needing some distance after what she had done. At least he cared enough to leave her a chaperone since even she had to conceded that it wouldn't have been good for her to wake up alone with her thoughts. Espo was always good for a strategic distraction.

"Well, Beckett, apparently, you swooned and Prince Charming called in reinforcements that demanded a gum ball escort."

"So, Lanie asked you drive her and you jumped at the chance . . . _obviously_." She quirked an eyebrow at him, knowing he was hardly over the medical examiner.

"Yeah, well, I was only helping a damsel in distress," He snarked.

"Watch it, Esposito."

"I meant Lanie . . . _obviously._" Obviously, he hadn't. "Anyway, when we got here, your boy was so tightly wound that he needed a time out so Lanie made him take a walk. He thought it was crucial that he was here the second you opened your eyes, but you're stuck with me and this," Javier brandished the back of the novel with the author's picture for emphasis. "for the next few minutes. Really, Beckett, you're reading his books while slumming in his bed? Yeah, that won't be good for his ego or anything."

She tried to swipe the book but it was a pathetic attempt. "It was case related. Anyway, Espo, you were _watching me _sleep in Castle's bed. If that's not disturbing, I don't know what is."

He cringed. "No argument here. Is there such a law as reluctant stalking? I thought about either cuffing myself, or burning my eyes out after being forced to watch you lounge in his bachelor pad." He looked around appraisingly, "Although this is a sweet room. I could see how you'd want to kick back in a place like this."

She closed her eyes, trying not to give into exhaustion. Even this short exchange was draining her energy. "Please tell me at least Ryan hasn't been here."

"Nope, but I took a video of you snoring and posted it on Myface, so don't worry, Boss, he'll get debriefed." He shuddered. "Now I feel like I have to wash my mouth out for saying 'debriefed' in here."

Kate grabbed a bendy straw and flung it at him.

"Yeah, you're definitely on death's door."

The front door opened and they overheard Lanie saying, "Nu-huh, Castle, you requested a house call, I get to check on her first. Park it!"

As she walked into the bedroom alone, Esposito nodded his chin, "I'll be in the kitchen, Chica. See ya, Beckett."

Lanie closed the door and sat on the edge of the bed, "So, how you doin'?"

"Tired of this . . . all of this." She motioned to all her accessories.

"I know, Sweetie, you just have to hang on a little longer, okay? Hopefully the meds will kick in and it won't be long before you can get rid of everything. The IV should help that along, but the biggest thing you need is rest, and I don't mean just sleeping. You need to keep calm."

She looked at the ceiling, "So, before . . .?"

"Well, . . ." Kate had never been completely open with her about her PTSD but Lanie was no fool. Still, she continued carefully. "from Castle's description, it sounded like your acute episode could have been caused by stress."

She was too tired for her friend to mince words, so she clarified, "Panic attack." Her hand flew to her forehead, feeling so embarrassed that Espo was close to the truth when he said she had swooned.

Lanie sternly replied, "Hey, that is not something to be ashamed of. With what you've been through I'm surprised you don't have them more often. I'm guessing you have coping mechanisms, but you just didn't have the energy to see it coming or stave it off. The good news is that it didn't cause any physical damage so you haven't lost any ground. You feel worse right now because of the fever, which is easy enough to bring down. With the new antibiotics you should steadily improve."

Lanie removed the IV.

"How's Castle?"

Lanie sat in the chair Esposito had abandoned, "That boy is rattled. I made him get some fresh air and assured him that you were fine and that he hadn't caused any damage. He's pacing out there right now, probably giving Javier the evil eye for not letting him in here until I give the okay. I had to nearly blackmail Writer Boy to get him to leave your side."

She gave Kate some Tylenol and water, then continued, "So, this is what's going to happen; I am staying in this chair until you are asleep, then Javi and I will get out of your hair. When you wake up, you promise to keep calm. No more dramatic confessions until you're weaned from some of this. I told Romeo the same. You need sleep and he doesn't need another reason to beat himself up. Are we clear?"

"Crystal. On one condition."

"What's that?"

"You threaten Espo to never speak of this again."

"Done."

"Thanks, Lanie, for everything."

"Don't mention it. Just promise me that you'll let Castle take care of you. That's thanks enough . . . well, that and a serious girl's night once you get yourself pulled back together."

"That I can do." Kate curled away from her friend, falling asleep almost instantly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hope you enjoyed the Beckett/Espo exchange as much as I enjoyed writing it. Just an FYI, I did intentionally use the slang spelling of 'Roshambo,' because that is how I hear Espo saying it, much like writing 'gonna' instead of 'going to.' I do apologize if that made those of you with finer literary sensibilities cringe.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**February 18, 2012**

Castle had not appreciated being kept away from Kate, but he knew that Lanie had only been trying to ensure that his partner would go back to sleep without another incident. Esposito had told him that she'd been well enough for attempted assault with a straw and that there was nothing to worry about, but his words had been a poor substitute for laying eyes on her himself. When Lanie had opened the door she cautioned him once again about keeping Kate calm then she and Esposito took their leave.

Castle entered the bedroom silently and padded his way to the bed. He resisted the urge to sit on the mattress next to her hip and stroke back her hair. He wanted to tell her that he understood and that he meant every word he had spoken as she'd lost consciousness. At the same time, he needed to take a step back and think what was best for her, medically this time. She was fatigued and needed to concentrate on physical healing. All other declarations and questions welling inside him would need to be tamped down for now. He needed to give her breathing room so to speak.

He allowed himself to feather a kiss on her forehead before he retrieved his laptop and purged his pent-up emotions vicariously through Rook.

Several hours later Kate woke and saw her partner sitting in the chair, putting down his laptop and trying too hard to force a wan smile.

"Hey, Beckett."

_Hmm, I'm back to 'Beckett.' _

Over time he had gotten more and more comfortable calling her 'Kate' outside the 12th. In the past few days, 'Beckett' had been reserved for banter, so to hear it said in a serious tone sounded too stilted. Granted, she rarely referred to him as 'Rick' but he was always the one nudging them forward, and 'Beckett' in this context felt like a step backwards.

"Hey, Castle."

His smile faltered at the hesitation in her reply. He rubbed his palms on his pant legs, a sure sign that he was nervous.

"Lanie made me leave." He explained.

"Espo told me."

"Probably not how you expected to wake up?" Castle leant his elbows on his knees and locked his hands together as if to restrain himself from touching her.

_Is he afraid I'm going to break?_

"In_ your_ bed with Javi watching? Yeah, it might have hurt my pride if I had any left. But, I've seen the guys in bad shape too so I have leverage. When Ryan's on painkillers he usually sings Irish ballads but Espo ends up weepy, and I've had more than one damp shoulder as his team leader." They shared a tight smile, both trying to force normalcy. "Don't ever let that out or I'm certain there will be pictures on page 6 showing Richard Castle's muse receiving mysterious medical treatments in his loft."

"You can be assured of my confidence."

She reached her hand from under the covers and settled it on his knee. The strain in his expression relaxed at her touch and he trapped her hand with his. She felt his fingers tracing back and forth along the back of her hand.

"Are you alright, Kate?" _Kate_ - much better.

She ran her other hand down her face, resisting the urge to take off the oxygen mask.

"I feel rather foolish, but better." She closed her eyes, "sorry about . . . earlier."

He shook his head, "No, I shouldn't have -" He was forcibly cut off.

"No, Castle, my . . ." she cringed before adding, "mental instability is not on you, okay." He could hear the self-loathing and irritation in her tone, and a slight hitch in her breathing. Before he could try to respond she added, "I need to keep my blood pressure down so you have to humor me on this because I'm not giving in."

He relented, "Fine, as long as it's noted that I'm agreeing against my will."

"Fine. Noted." She changed the subject to safer ground, "Castle, back at the 12th when I agreed to this arrangement you said you had something planned. Was that the sci-fi marathon?"

He smiled slyly, "Oh no, Detective, movies are standard Castle procedure, I had something else in mind, but it will have to wait until you're unshackled for you to fully savor it."

Thinking about the envelope that contained her 'murder board,' she replied a bit more seriously, "Actually, I have something for you as well, once I'm deemed emotionally stable." She closed her eyes and sighed in defeat, "Sorry, that might not ever happen. Once I'm . . . better physically, I guess." She felt so hopelessly broken.

He smiled gently at her, understanding her frustration. "Lanie said you should keep improving." He knew he should start steering the conversation away from regrets so he added, "Until then I think we should resume our original itinerary for the day. Care to join me on Tatooine, Princess Katherine?"

She nodded, "Only if you promise to feed me and fix my hair. I'm not fit to be seen by Banthas at the moment."

"As you wish."

* * *

><p>Before long Kate found herself on the floor in front of the couch, eating Thai and being spoiled with a slow and thorough hair brushing. She let Castle pick the style and she found herself with the Ewok Village crown of braids in the font, the back hanging down for further brushing opportunities.<p>

Castle put the hairbrush down then fitted the thin tubing over her ears. Kate had expected the full mask so she tipped her head back and smiled her thanks.

"Come here." He nudged her up on the couch next to him. He tilted into the corner so she could rest her back against his chest and stretch her legs across the length of the couch. His arm circled around her stomach, holding her to him.

_There is . . . another . . . Skywalker . . ._

Kate asked, "Is that why you don't want to know? It might throw your universe off balance?"

He smiled, "Yeah, this movie has always been a cautionary tale for me. Think about it, a few scenes ago Luke was swinging on a rope, Tarzan style with a scantily clad, smokin' hot babe in tow, only to discover that said woman, whom he had _kissed,_ was his _sister_. I mean, what happens if it turns out that Jim Beckett has a long lost brother? No thanks, I'd rather be blissfully ignorant."

"So if the kids have three arms, that's okay with you?"

She hadn't really thought through that casual statement before she'd blurted it out. He recognized the spontaneity for what it was, although it didn't stop him from feeling more than a little giddy.

"I'm sure Mother would hook them up with a career in puppetry. Plus they would _rock_ at video games. No, I'd be good with that." He couldn't resist hugging her just a little closer.

She nuzzled into him and decided she could do this. She wanted this. The comfort of being here with him felt right. She started wondering about their future, kids and all, and instead of listing all the obstacles, her thoughts took on the unfamiliar sheen of hope.

She added. "Yeah, and think of how useful it would be during take-downs. They could hold a Weaver stance and pull out their cuffs all at the same time. Hmm, I'm starting to think that the kids might suffer if you don't turn out to be my cousin."

He kissed the top of her head, amused at how normal that small action had become. A week ago he had still been keeping a professional distance and now they were freely cuddling on the couch talking about the hypothetical deformities of their future children.

As they watched Luke's anguish at being deceived, Castle mused, "It's true, though. There is just no way that the 'long lost father' scenario doesn't end in disappointment. Either the man knows all along that he has a kid, whom he's chosen to ignore, or he has lived in ignorance and the best that can be hoped for is a mountain of regrets and a profuse apology. Then there is the added bonus that said man might end up being a galactic villain. My best case scenario is that my father turns out to be a super spy, but that would only mean that I had missed a childhood full of playing secret agent with the guy. See, Beckett, it's a lose/lose situation."

Kate, who was drawing patterns on the arm that circled her waist, looked up at him and sighed, "Well, who knows, Castle, maybe we can at least rule out my long lost 'uncle' . . . eventually."

Oh, he really liked the sound of that.

As the show progressed, Kate faded in and out of sleep. She fought to keep her eyes open, but failed.

Castle, meanwhile was engrossed. All the daddy issues were getting to him in full force, more than they had since he saw it for the first time as an adolescent. Castle felt Luke's torment and despair through Vader's attacks, redemption and death. In the end Luke had closure but it had been eclipsed by grief.

He looked down at his partner, who unfortunately slept through the whole '_I love you . . . I know.' _Exchange. He smiled, though, because he really did know.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**February 19, 2012**

"Hi."

It was Castle's turn to wake up to stunning eyes watching him.

He was sprawled next to Kate and both their heads were resting on her pillow. His arm was slung over her waist and her hand rested on his bicep while her fingers offered a soothing welcome to the day. The night before, Kate had been half asleep as they had readied for bed so Castle had to decide where he would sleep without her input. The top of the covers had proven safe, and with how the day had gone, safe was good.

He took in the now tattered crown of braids that weaved a frame around her face. He slowly blinked himself awake.

"Close enough . . . "

She looked confused, "What?"

"Waking up to an impressive woman with episode six hair. And on a side note, you know, the whole 'you watching me sleep thing?' So _not_ creepy."

He made her laugh, which made her cough. She was trying to keep her lips shut as she quickly pulled her elbow to cover her mouth. The result was her whapping him in the jaw.

He covered the spot with his hand and started laughing, "I guess I deserved that."

"I'm sure _that _never made it into your fantasies." She rolled onto her stomach and buried her face in the pillow.

He propped himself on his elbow and rubbed a hand on her back, "No, but it confirms that this is reality, which is so much better."

It was only morning and he already had her melting. She needed to pace herself. She looked at the clock, then turned back to face him.

"Castle, I slept clear through until 10AM?"

He cringed, "Well, I woke you up a few times, but you probably don't remember."

She shook her head. "No. Thanks, Castle, you're going to need a break after this, you've hardly slept through the night in the past week."

"I've had longer stints. When Alexis was a baby I got up several times a night for months. I didn't think she would ever sleep all night."

"That must have been exhausting."

"Yeah, sometimes it was frustrating, but I wouldn't have traded that time for anything."

"Meredith didn't take turns?"

He smiled ruefully, "No, she needed to sleep to get rid of the bags under her eyes. That pretty much set the tone for her philosophy on motherhood. Anyway, after a guy sees a woman give birth to his child he's willing to do anything for her out of an abundance of adoration and a sprinkling of guilt, at least I was. Sleep deprivation seemed like small potatoes in comparison."

Kate knew Meredith had always been a negligent mother, but she was still shocked every time she heard details. Castle deduced her thoughts.

"Meredith is shallow, but at least she's not vicious. She just honestly isn't programmed to think about anybody else." His eyes flew wide, "Maybe she's an android or something! I admit that in the folly of youth I fell for beauty over substance. I never even thought to ascertain her humanity!"

Kate squeezed his arm, "I think Alexis debunks the whole android theory."

"True. Anyway, I'm just thankful that she saw her as too much of an inconvenience because that meant that I didn't have to share. If Meredith was vindictive, she could have made me jump through a lot of legal hoops out of spite. In the end, I asked for full custody and she gladly signed her daughter away. We even went for coffee afterwards."

Kate couldn't wrap her head around that, especially the part where Meredith could leave the man whose hand was circling her back.

Castle, wanting only to think about the woman beside him, changed the subject, "At the risk of sounding repetitious, how are you doing?"

"A lot better, actually."

"Your back doesn't feel as raspy, if that makes sense."

"Yeah, I know I'm probably due for it but I don't feel like I need the machine yet." He gave her a look so she pacified him, "But I'll use it anyway, if you reward me with a walk to get coffee and a muffin. I need to get out."

"Lucky for you I'm a firm believer in positive reinforcement."

* * *

><p>Kate wore jeans, needing to feel less sick and more human. She relished her short stint of freedom in the fresh air as they walked around the corner to the nearest coffee shop. She took a three-hour nap in the afternoon for her trouble, but to Kate it had been worth the effort. She had kicked Castle out of the bedroom while she slept, hoping he would be able to distract himself with writing or anything else that he had put on hold for her sake. When she woke in the early evening, Alexis and Lanie were sitting at the island having sodas and talking with her partner.<p>

Lanie was the first to comment, "Well, look who's made a miraculous recovery?"

"Please tell me it's me so that I can ditch my accessories."

"Let's check you out, then we'll talk." She took her friend's hand and led her directly back to the bedroom and performed the now familiar exam.

Kate got to the point, "Fever's down, lots of fluids, not enough coffee. I've been following orders so _please_ tell me that I can be rewarded with my freedom."

"Congratulations, you may be free of the oxygen. Try cutting back on the nebulizer to twice a day, unless you need it – I should say unless_ your nurse_ thinks you need it more often." She cautioned, "Just because you're off the oxygen doesn't mean you're cured. Your lungs are better, but you still have a ways to go until you're functioning at normal capacity, and there's still a rattle. You still need to take it easy. If you don't you could end up with a residual cough and have to suffer the inhaler for the foreseeable future, and I know you don't want that."

"No, I really don't." She considered something for a moment then asked, "Hey, Lanie? Am I contagious?"

She cracked a sly grin, "And why are you asking? You and Writer Boy _finally_ been swappin' spit?"

She rolled her eyes, "No, but we've been . . ." she nearly said 'sleeping together,' and while she would mean it literally, and suspected Lanie had figured out the sleeping arrangements, she knew her friend would not ignore the implication. "I just don't want him to end up sick."

She sighed in dismay, "Well, as much as I would love to encourage forward progress, any tongue action should probably wait for now. Let the antibiotics kick in for a few days at least. He shouldn't catch this kind of pneumonia through casual contact, but as much as it pains me to say it, after four years, a few more days _probably _won't kill you." She put her hands on her hips, "However, after that you had better let that man make a move, Girl! He should be sainted for his patience."

"Lanie, believe me, after this I'll be the first to make a move."

"You'd better!"

* * *

><p>"So, Dad?" Alexis drew out his name as though it were an implied question.<p>

"Yes, Daughter?"

"How's Kate? Detective Esposito came down and talked to Dr. Parish, and I tried not to pry but I sort of gathered that there was some problem yesterday after I left."

He tapped her hand, "No need to worry. I overreacted, Beckett's actually a lot better now."

Alexis eyes widened sarcastically, "_You _overreact? Shocker."

"I know."

Alexis shifted a little, "You know, Dad, we talked while you were sleeping during Empire. I just wanted to let you know that I approve with very few reservations."

"Very few reservations, huh? Why such high praise?"

"Well, there's no doubt that she's firmly in love with you." Alexis said those words with a crease in her brow, as though stating a scientific principle. She had obviously put a lot of thought into this, so her conclusion served to make her dad feel that much more warm and fuzzy. "It's just that she comes with inherent risk because her job is so dangerous. But, I know if something ever happened to you that I would never be the same, so I can't fault her for doing what she does. Aside from that, I approve."

"Thank you, Pumpkin. That means a lot, to both of us." He leaned forward and kissed away the crease.

They saw the other two approach and Castle suggested to Alexis and Lanie, "Would you ladies care to join us? I think what we really need is some . . . Serenity." His eyebrow twitched up mischievously.

Alexis' hand flew to her brow. "Seriously, Dad? Not again!"

Lanie completely missing the reference responded, "I'm all about peace, but I have dead bodies to tend to. Castle Jr., it's your call if you want to . . . meditate or whatever."

She sidled to her dad and pleaded, "Please don't wear the costume. We _like_ Kate. We really don't want to scare her off, right?"

All three adults exchanged subtle glances at Alexis' blatant approval of Kate.

Castle agreed, "Okay, no costumes this time. Are you in, Number One?"

"No, I still have some things to wrap up at the morgue then I told Gram I'd be at her studio tonight for a performance."

Lanie assured her she could stay, but Alexis would not consider backing down from a commitment.

In the end, both women left and Castle was alone with his partner.

"So, what will it be, Detective Beckett?"

"I can be bought with a food and coffee, Brown Coat."

"You'd be doin' me a kindness to grant me the honor of your fine company no matter the terms."

She rolled her eyes at his 'Verse accent then flatly replied, "Come on, Cowboy."

She grabbed the pillows this time, and he met her with the promised provisions.

He stood in front of her, eyed her carefully and asked, "No tether?"

She beamed as she confirmed, "No tether."

A smile spread slowly across his face as he reached for her wrists and pulled her against him. His hands meandered until one secured her head to rest below his chin and the other wrapped around her. Her arms circled to his back and rubbed up and down.

He tilted his head so his cheek was resting on her hair. He shut his eyes in thankfulness and responded, "Well, that is good news." She felt him exhale as though he had been holding his breath since her 'episode' the day before.

Throughout the day Kate had observed Castle trying to keep things light, not edging on anything that might be stressful or too serious. This embrace was the first time Kate felt that he was truly at ease, not second guessing himself, and that put her at ease in turn.

There was a rustle at the door and they pulled away before Martha entered. Castle cursed his mother's impeccable timing.

"Hey, Kiddos." She made a grand entrance then kissed her son's cheek. She turned to his partner, who still looked pale and weary, but no longer as fragile. "Detective Beckett, you're looking remarkably improved. Please tell me that my son has been treating you well."

"He has been very attentive." She tried to suppress the smile she shot his direction.

Martha gave her son a pointed look and commented, "I bet he has." Kate fought the ensuing blush. "Where's Alexis?"

"The 12th. She'll meet you at your studio later."

"Perfect. I'll just run up and grab a few things then I'll be out of your hair. Never mind me."

Castle replied under his breath, "Easier said than done."

The older woman clutched Kate's hand briefly.

"Darling, I'm so glad that you're on the mend." She met Kate's eye and the words that could have been taken flippantly suddenly held more weight. Martha had been worried, and that concern warmed Kate. Before she had a chance to process that feeling the actress glided up the stairs simply called back, "As you were."

Castle looked at Kate who was grinning and biting her lower lip, a sight which he found adorable.

He jerked a thumb behind his shoulder, "I'll just get the movie then."

She ran a hand through her hair, "Yeah, okay."

He opened the cabinet and fingered the Serenity box, pulled it out then reconsidered. There were some intense and heart wrenching scenes that he had not thought about when he suggested it. He replaced the box then skipped his finger a few spaces over and smiled at his selection. He put the DVD in the player and sat down on the couch next to Kate and watched her reaction when it was not the Serenity she had anticipated.

She smiled, "So, Captain, are we watching all fourteen episodes of Firefly tonight? Is this your ploy to keep me here?"

He _really_ liked that she called him 'Captain.'

"It would have been a much more effective scheme if the show hadn't been prematurely cancelled, but no, I promised you Serenity for tonight, so the pilot it is." He stretched his arm around the back of the couch then rubbed her arm with his thumb. "My master plan is to get you hooked then keep you coming back for more."

"Shiny."

Martha descended the stairs, "Oh really, Richard!"

"What? It's a classic."

"It's not old enough to be a classic. When you were six wanting to be a space cowboy was acceptable. Your current obsession, however, is proof that I really should have gotten you into therapy. My apologies, Kate. It's because he didn't have a father figure, you know."

Kate smiled at the exchange, but also marveled at how lightly they tossed around the fact that Castle didn't know who his father was.

She couldn't help but add, "At least he resisted wearing the costume. That could be considered progress."

Martha's hands flailed in exasperation, "You have no idea. That boy was always in one costume or another until he was thirteen years old."

Castle jumped in to defend himself, "Okay, okay, 'that boy' is sitting right here and would like to get back to the show, unhealthy obsession or not, if his partner has no objections." He nodded questioningly at said partner.

She shot an apologetic look to the older woman before directing, "Make it so, Castle."

Oh it was so not fair how she could tease him with sci-fi references.

At her son's ensuing air of admiration towards the younger woman, Martha took her bow.

"Until tomorrow . . ."

The door shut.

Kate tugged his arm to guide him to sit on the floor in front of her.

"Why, Miss Beckett, are you going to braid my hair?"

"No, but I thought you were overdue for some payback for your styling services. She started kneading his shoulders, her fingers feeding off his delighted sighs.

"I have been rather attentive, haven't I?"

"You have." She dropped a kiss on the top of his head and rested her chin on the same spot.

"And I did give you some epic hairdos."

"You did." She slid her hands over his shoulders and hugged his chest.

He looked up at her, searching, "I didn't do it to get payback, though." She leant down so that their cheeks grazed each other.

"I know."

"Are you . . . okay with that?" Despite being wrapped in her arms he felt nervous.

She answered firmly, "I am."

The rest of the episode she spent lavishing attention on his shoulders, neck and hair. He basked in all she wasn't saying.

_I had a good day._

_You had the Alliance on you . . . criminals and savages . . . half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded, including yourself . . . and you're harboring known fugitives._

_We're still flying._

_That's not much._

_It's enough._

Kate still had pneumonia, she hadn't made any overt reciprocal confessions, and Castle wasn't sure if he was allowed to kiss her, or where the line of safe conversation was. However, she was here with him, no longer on oxygen, and her fingers were speaking volumes, filling in where words fell short.

Yeah, it was more than enough.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I really couldn't help myself with the Sci-Fi references in the past few chapters! It seems to be an involuntary reflex to embed them wherever I can.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

**February 19, 2012**

Even though it had been a low-key day, Kate Beckett was ready to retire after one episode of Firefly. She stood and stretched, then confessed, "I'm beat. I'm going to get ready for bed, but if you want to stay up, don't let me stop you."

"Would it bother you if I typed in the bedroom?" She thought for a moment of how comforting that sound would be as she drifted to sleep. "Not at all, knock yourself out."

After twenty minutes Kate had finished with the machine and was reading another passage from Storm Warning. Castle knocked on the door then entered. He had his laptop but rather than sitting in the chair he climbed over her and perched himself on 'his side' of the bed. He glanced at Kate's choice of reading material and wondered which scene held her fascination this time. He leant over her shoulder and read about Storm having to feign ignorance at his former love interest's duplicity in order to gather intel. Castle had gone most of the day without directly thinking about Sofia Turner but after recent events she was ever lurking in the shadows of his mind, and his partner's.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away that I'd been involved with Sophia."

Kate shook her head, "It would have been better to have a head's up, but it's okay, Castle. It was a tense night and I'm sorry I overreacted. It was a long time ago and I had no right to hold it against you."

He thought about all the people who had muddied the waters between them, many before they had even met. Sometimes it seemed that they would always be fighting insurmountable obstacles from their pasts. Nothing was easy with them, except the fact that they needed each other. Not going forward was no longer an option, no matter what they had to face.

Kate studied him, "You okay, Partner?"

He wearily replied, "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life."

"Join the club. You've had to suffer through my biggest ones. I have plenty of regrets."

Kate started reading aloud this time, "Derrick forced himself to respond to each touch and seductive smile with enthusiasm while seeking the refuge of Clara Strike's firm voice in his mind. 'This is only a role you have to perform for the mission. It is not who you are, Derrick, but if you don't play along you're as good as dead and so are countless innocent civilians.'" She looked to Castle, considering.

He offered, "I had to play nice with Gina since she was still my publisher, so I made Storm suffer with me. Are you sensing a theme?"

"Yeah. Apparently you worked out a lot of issues vicariously through Derrick Storm. I'm guessing that by Storm Fall he was begging for you to end it all."

"Basically." He hesitated before asking, "Kate, are you okay reading Derrick Storm now given . . . everything."

She closed the book, "I wasn't sure that I would be but yeah, I am. After my mom died I had gotten so lost in this world you created that the Clara Strike in my head was permanently etched as someone very different from Sofia Turner. Even if I try, I can't put her face on the character."

He sighed in relief. "Good, because I'm sure Gina would not have appreciated pulling the whole Storm series."

She smiled, "No, I suppose not."

Castle tapped the cover of the book and added, "Although I'm sure she wouldn't have minded seeing this one off the shelves. She read between the lines and I wasn't very subtle."

Kate smirked at him with a knowing twinkle in her eye, "You mean you mixed reality with fiction? Castle, I never would have guessed!"

He smirked back at her, "Never. Nikki Heat is pure fiction, I can assure you."

"Fiction and fantasy, you mean."

"Yours or mine?"

He leaned into her slightly and her heartbeat picked up. Kate willed herself not to look in his eyes or glance at his lips She was drawn to him without a doubt but she didn't want the first time she truly kissed him to be as a tag to a conversation concerning two of his exes. So, she held the book in both hands and turned her focus to their own tangled case.

"Castle, can we meet with Danberg tomorrow?"

He was disappointed that she'd let the moment pass but not surprised. "Yeah, Kate, we'll do what we can to give him closure."

"And us."

"Yeah, and us."

She put down the book, turned off the lamp and slid down so her head was on the pillow, facing away from her partner. "Goodnight, Castle." She sensed him shifting to lay next to her then felt his fingers guiding her hair behind her ear and his lips gently gracing her cheek. She closed her eyes, savoring the feeling.

"Sweet dreams, Kate." He stayed close beside her and ran his fingers through her hair until she fell asleep. He then typed a sunnier situation for Nikki Heat, one that he hoped would evolve into more than a fantasy in the life of his muse.

* * *

><p>Castle had fallen asleep while typing. When he woke he heard the shower running and was sad he'd missed morning pillow talk. He started wondering what was going to happen in a few days when caring for Kate would morph from a necessity to a pretense, and how long she would let their current arrangement continue.<p>

They had talked some and had gotten cozier with each other, so much so that he could almost still feel her fingers running through his hair and kneading his shoulders as they had during the show. However, he still felt unsure of where they stood. He was certain of his own feelings and suspected that she felt nearly as strongly about him but feelings were not the only issue. It was much more complicated than that. He needed and feared that conversation the loomed on the horizon. She was physically better, but he still wasn't sure if it was okay to tread in emotional waters.

He heard the water stop and Kate opened the door a few minutes later and emerged dressed for the day and towel drying her hair. Castle's heart stopped at the normalcy that small gesture evoked. She paused, not having expected him to be awake. She put the towel back in the bathroom then wandered to the bed.

"Morning." He was too captivated to say anything more.

"Morning, Castle." She climbed on the bed and sat with her back against the headboard, legs loosely crossed. She placed a pillow over them to lure her partner to her. It took only seconds before he flopped his head in her lap and she started running her fingers through his hair.

"How'd you sleep?"

"Really well. You didn't wake me up on the sly again did you?"

"No, I hadn't realized how tired I was, I must have fallen asleep not long after you and obviously slept in."

"Alexis was right – you are a heavy sleeper. You slept through me untangling your arm, running the nebulizer and the showering. And before you ask, the answer is 'I feel better.'"

_I missed an entangled arm? That's so not fair. _

"Glad to hear it, but why the rush to start the day?"

"You mean, why not spend that hour basking in your handsomeness while you lay unconscious next to me?"

"I_ am_ rather handsome." He offered with a cheeky grin.

She patted his cheek as she stole Captain Reynold's line. "You are _so . . . very . . . pretty . . ._ as you well know."

He admired her so much in that moment. He hoped he wasn't drooling.

"What I know is that I"m not the prettiest in the room, not by far."

That earned him a full-on Beckett eye roll. "Right. After the past few days I'm sure I look like a dream."

"Well, in my dreams-"

Beckett covered his mouth with her hand but it didn't stop him from finishing with a mumble. She spoke over him to change the subject. "_Anyway, to answer your question,_ I wanted to get an earlier start today so we could arrange a meet with Danberg."

She slid her palm to his cheek so he could reply and he nuzzled into it. "Ah. Of course, duty first. Would it help you to know we already have an appointment scheduled with him for four today?"

"Yeah, I just wish it could be sooner." She sat up straighter and withdrew her hand, leaving his skin feeling lonely.

"Apparently, there's a lot of paperwork and debriefing involved when a double agent is killed so that was the only time Danberg could fit us in. I didn't think you'd mind when I arranged that yesterday during your nap. I figured I could cancel again if need be, but you seemed like you'd be up for it today."

"I am."

"You need to stay rested before then."

She saw the fear behind his words and tried to reassure him, "I will. Don't worry, Castle, I'm not going to break again."

_At least I hope not._

Castle brushed the back of his finger along her cheek as Kate leant forward so her damp hair formed a curtain secluding them both from the outside world.

"I'm not going anywhere if you do, Kate." There was a slight tremor in her hands as she traced the sides of his face and his hair with the tips of her fingers.

She closed her eyes, seeming to concentrate on breathing evenly then quietly confessed, "I'll never deserve you."

He took one of her hands in his, kissed it, and then placed it over his heart while rubbing his thumb on the back of it. "Is that what's holding you back? You . . . what? Feel like you need to _earn_ this?"

She placed her other hand firmly on his cheek, steadying his face to look, albeit upside down, at hers, "I've hurt you so much, Castle. You said before that you are too trusting. What if I ruin this? What if I break _you_?"

She started breathing a little quicker, and Castle pulled her down so she hunched closer to him. He scooted himself lower on the bed so his face was even with hers as she leaned forward, nearly on her elbows. "Kate, the only way you could break me is by walking away. Are you planning to walk away?"

She shook her head, "I couldn't, not ever again."

"Neither could I. So we make a deal. No walking away, no dealing with things on our own. I have no doubt that I'll hurt you, and you'll hurt me along the way, but this," he pointed alternately between them "is not negotiable."

Kate leaned down the rest of the way, rubbed her cheek against his, closed her eyes then allowed her lips to find his. She felt him gasp then shudder as his lips responded to hers. It was a wisp of a kiss, tentative but powerful. Kate pulled back slightly, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and blushed. Castle, gazing affectionately at her, lifted his arm and tucked the other side of her hair behind her ear and offered the breathy response, "extraordinary."

The kiss left both partners reaching to catch their breath.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

**February 20, 2012**

Castle lay motionless, his awe-struck expression only interrupted by relaxed blinks. Kate slowly sat up, sure that she would risk infecting him if she didn't create some distance. She resumed tenderly running fingers through his hair and lining his brow.

"I have something for you, Castle. But I need coffee first." He appropriately translated that as 'I need a bit of emotional space to regroup before I share more.'

He cleared his throat and tried to come back to reality, "Sure, I need a shower anyway."

Neither moved.

Castle worried aloud, "What if I get up only to find that this was all an elaborate, fantastical dream?"

Beckett pinched his ear, thankful for the chance to backpedal to familiar ground.

"Ouch! Okay, not a dream." He sat up.

"Definitely not a dream. If it were you wouldn't need a shower."

"If it were I wouldn't be showering alone."

"Not a dream, Castle!"

"Right, not a dream." As he rose she could almost see the electricity that was still jolting her senses surging through him as well.

* * *

><p>Richard Castle braced his hands against the counter in the bathroom, trying to calm himself from the intimate exchange. It had been the lightest of kisses, but he had never been so overwhelmed by such a slight movement. Despite the urge to chase her lips with his own he chose instead to savor that sole monument of her budding commitment to him. Anything that followed would be amazing, but it will never again be <em>that<em> kiss.

He blew out a long breath.

He had planned to rehash all that he had felt the previous summer; his fears for her being unprotected and alone which alternated with his constant fight to erase the image of Josh by her side, and the insane jealously that picture evoked. Then there was the rejection that he bore at her 'not remembering' the declaration of his affection. The summer days had run together, and he had only focused on the case until those leads burnt themselves out. By the end he had felt spent and jaded.

Now he reconsidered. She already felt as though she didn't deserve him; that she didn't trust herself not to hurt him. If he rehashed the extent of his misery at her hands, it would only serve to enforce the perception that she was unworthy. Telling her might be therapeutic for him, until he saw the self-loathing in her eyes. No, he was certain that she had an accurate picture of what he'd gone through. Maybe one day when they were on firmer ground he'd share it with her, but for now he needed her to look forward, not back.

* * *

><p>Kate had gone to the kitchen and brewed a pot of strong coffee. It was already nine-thirty so she made some toast and eggs as she tried to still her hands, heart, and lungs. She had not remembered ever being this affected by a guy, with the exception of their undercover kiss. It had been a year ago yet she still felt the aftershocks of the exhilaration of being thrown off-kilter; the unbearable task of trying to think tactically warring with the overwhelming sensations that crashed over her. That kiss had been unexpected passion borne as a ruse, this one had been ardent affection without pretense.<p>

She was very aware that what had just happened had changed everything.

She took a long pull of her coffee, not waiting for it to cool. She needed the burning sensation to ground her.

_Better. _

She put down the mug and saw two notes. Alexis had class and would be back at one, Martha was 'out all day, maybe longer.' As much as Kate enjoyed their company, she was glad they wouldn't be interrupted. She drew even breaths then fingered the envelope that she had pulled from her bag.

_I can do this. I need to do this._

* * *

><p>Castle walked out of the bedroom with a spring in his step and a barely suppressed smile. He sat at the island, across from where she stood, and accepted a plate and mug.<p>

He blew over his coffee, "Thanks."

"Sure."

He eyed the envelope, but didn't pry. He fingered the notes from his mother and daughter and nodded, thankful to have privacy for the next several hours. He then inspected the woman across from him. She still had the same chronic shortness of breath, but seemed no worse for wear physically after the earlier excitement. She was shifting the envelope every few minutes as they ate then finally slipped it in front of him.

She kept her fingers on it, retaining possession as she cleared her throat. "By the end of the summer I could only see one way out. I desperately needed to solve my mother's murder. I felt that it was the only way I could be whole; the only way that I would be free to be with you without putting you in danger. That is why I rode the fire inspector as hard as I did. If this remained unsolved, I was afraid that you would either move on or suffer through a life compromised by my demons."

He ran fingers over her hand and searched her eyes for warning signs. She took measured breaths, and made frequent eye contact to communicate that she was okay to continue.

"I had a psych eval before I was cleared to return to work. I chose to continue seeing the psychologist and am still in therapy." He nodded, having guessed as much. "I wanted to be more than the shadow of myself that I'd been at the end of the summer. I didn't want to just get by, trying to mask all my insecurities. Castle, I never want to be that broken and alone again. Dr. Burke has helped me work through it, but more than that, he's helped me work to get here." She pointed between them.

She paused again to catch her breath, which was holding at an acceptable level of impairment.

Her partner stepped in, "You said you couldn't see a way out before. What changed?"

"Drowning. I had time, Castle. I had just enough time to dissect the ways in which I had failed everyone around me. I know it sounds cliché, but my failures flashed before my eyes and the biggest ones centered on this." She slid the envelope the final few inches and removed her hand, symbolically releasing its hold over her.

He hesitated, studying her before he lifted the flap and pulled out the notes and pictures in her familiar handwriting. He scanned them, knowing at once what they were and where they had resided for years. "Kate?" He didn't know quite what it meant. He needed her to spell it out for him and she needed to say it.

"I found another way. I love my mom, always will. I'll always regret that I couldn't do this for her, but I refuse to throw another life away even for the sake of getting her justice. The truth cannot bring her back, and if my dad had to bury me, or if Alexis, Martha & I had to bury you . . . no resolution could ever justify that loss."

Her elbows were resting on the counter. She was tiring, but not panicking.

He arranged the pictures to keep his hands busy as his mind swam. After a few moments he asked, "So, you're giving this to me?"

"Yes . . . sort of. Consider it a symbolic gesture with a practical component. I refuse to pursue this any longer but if a new lead arises, I want you to be my filter. You have all the facts and evidence that I've collected through the years. If the case is reopened, you have full access. I won't willingly take lead on this investigation ever again. I kept two pictures, aside from that it's all there."

She was relinquishing control to him. The contents of this envelope had defined her, driven her, and held her captive. Now she gave it to him freely. He closed his eyes, feeling the full impact of the sentiment. He put the envelope aside and grasped both of her hands. He went to open his mouth and found no words until something clicked in his mind and he asked, "The pebble . . . that you threw into the Hudson?"

Kate nodded. "You saw that?"

"It seemed like a sacred moment."

"It was only partially about my mom." She met his eyes and pressed forward, "I've had feelings for you since before the shooting but I never felt like I was emotionally healthy enough to be with you. I've finally realized that it's not about waiting until Mom's case is closed or until I'm over all my issues; it's about the choices I make each day. I'm far from where I'd like to be and I still think you deserve better than an emotionally wounded cop with PTSD, but I can't deny how I feel any longer. I'm in love with you, Richard Castle, have been for quite some time."

He squeezed her hands, swallowed deeply and shifted his glossy eyes. He knew she had felt it, but to hear her say those words to him was . . . magical? Intense? Perfect? Adjectives were failing him. Words were failing him. His heart ran amok, his palms started sweating, and his mouth felt slack. Kate Beckett was in love with him.

She was similarly affected, feeling raw and more than a little nervous despite his reaction. She waited patiently for his response, while enjoying that he was too overpowered to form one. She could hear his breathing pattern rivaling hers, which had become labored.

"I . . . Kate . . ."

_Smooth._

He was torn between banging his head on the counter in an attempt to jostle words into place and ignoring words altogether by kissing her senseless.

"You just have to promise me one thing, Castle." She leaned her forehead against his.

"Anything."

"You _cannot_ try to solve this case. If someone else opens an investigation, that is one thing, but I am giving this to you to keep us both safe. That won't work if you start poking around."

"I promise." His mind flew to his own murder board, or rather crime board centered on Kate's shooting. He vowed to export the file and put it, along with Kate's envelope, in his safe. If she was letting this go, he had to as well. He had wanted so badly to be able to seek justice for her, but he knew every step he took toward finding her shooter would put her more at risk. Kate was right. He had to let it go in order to save them both.

Their noses glided against each other as he leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. His fingers caressed her cheek as he kissed her again and again, each touch gaining momentum. She pulled away with a whimper before either felt the moment had resolved. He looked uncertain and she grimaced. "Castle, I have pneumonia."

He said with a shaky breath, "What if I _really_ don't care if I catch it?"

"I care." She leaned towards him but veered to the side and placed a lingering kiss on his cheek, "and I'm not going anywhere so pace yourself, Partner."

"Will you . . . stay?" He asked, being intentionally ambiguous.

"I will tonight, then I need to go home. I have a lot to catch up on." She squeezed his hands and kissed his forehead. "I just need to get my bearings. I'm still damaged, Castle. I can't promise a smooth path but I can promise you that while I work through everything we won't lose any ground. Okay?"

He tried not to let his disappointment show. He had hoped that she would have decided to never leave or at least to stay for several more nights, but he didn't want her to feel guilty about leaving when she was being honest about what she needed. He tried to remain upbeat.

"Whatever you need, Kate."

She bit her lip, "You've been more than patient."

He shook his head, "Katherine Beckett, Never doubt that you're worth the wait. Anyway, I'm quite enjoying where we are."

She leaned in and said quietly by his ear, "So am I." He felt her breath on his skin then her lips offered a tender confirmation.

He nearly swooned.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This won't be the last we see of the envelope containing evidence. (insert maniacal laugh)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**February 20, 2012**

Castle worried that Kate would not have the energy to transform into 'Detective Beckett' for their meeting with Danberg. The morning had been intense, and while she hadn't panicked or shown any signs of severe respiratory distress, she was flagging. To keep the day low-key he suggested that they read some books that he was supposed to endorse.

He brought a few to the lounge, sat on one end of the couch and put a pillow on his lap to once again test the 'pillow lure.' Kate sat then twisted herself to lie down and Castle noticed that she winced just barely. Her motions remained smooth as she placed her head on the pillow and stretched so her feet hung over the armrest.

Before he picked up the books he scraped his fingers through her hair and asked tentatively, "Are you still in pain?" He realized that he hadn't asked her in months because she hadn't given him any cause for concern. Now he wondered if she had a better poker face than he thought.

"It's not so much pain as twinges sometimes. There are nerves in my side that didn't heal properly, but it's not anything to worry about. Considering all I went through, the permanent damage is minor."

Seeing the regret in his eyes, she took his hand in hers and gently placed it on her shirt over the scar on her side. "Castle, I promise that I'm okay now."

"I hadn't realized how long the incision on your side was until . . ."

"Until you saw it when I changed in Lanie's van."

He nodded. "Yeah, I uh, hadn't expected you to be shirtless."

"I could tell." She gave a tight smile remembering her embarrassment at him seeing her scarred, shivering body. "It wasn't much of a look even though I know you're curious."

She lifted his hand; rolled on her side then with her other hand she edged up the side of her shirt slowly then replaced his hand directly on her skin. The whole time they kept their eyes locked.

Kate assured him, "You know I'm damaged, but you should probably know exactly what you're signing up for." She had said it evenly, but he heard the underlying shame at what she viewed as a gross imperfection. His gaze wandered to the thin white scar that lined her ribs. His fingers ran the length of it, and she sensed the ghost of a touch through her flawed skin.

"Does it hurt when I touch it?"

"No. In fact there's a numb patch on the skin around the scar so I don't feel much of anything there."

"Can you feel this?"

"Sort of. I can feel the pull of the healthy skin around it." He edged his fingers half an inch to the side. "I can feel that." He ran the pads of all his fingers up and down her side. She twitched and he withdrew his hand in an instant.

"I'm so sorry!"

She laughed, "No, Castle, I'm ticklish, always have been."

"Ahhh, good to know." She glared up at him in warning. "No worries, I'm on my best behavior today, I'll just file that information away for later."

Despite her assurances he was hesitant to touch her again. She placed his hand back over the scar and pinned it against her side for emphasis, "Castle, you won't hurt me."

"I guess I don't quite trust myself."

"I trust you."

His thumb swept back and forth over her ribs as his palm covered the scar.

"I always thought scars were fascinating."

"Must be related to that murder fixation you have."

He shook his head, "No, it's more due to my creative interests. Scars add depth to a person's character. They reveal strength, resilience . . . those superhuman qualities that have always appealed to me. It is no secret that you are a beautiful woman, Kate, but this . . ." He grazed the back of his fingers down the scar, "will always be evidence of how much more there is to you than what others see. I'm honored you showed it to me."

She had braced herself to endure polite commentary on how the scar wasn't so bad, but what she got instead had her close to tears. She turned her face into the pillow, needing to hide just how affected she was by his admiration. She willed herself not to lose it yet a hitched breath still escaped.

With his other hand Castle carded soothing fingers through her hair.

"Kate, never be ashamed of what you've survived."

Unable to form a coherent reply and feeling completely overwhelmed, she curled her legs and shifted on the pillow so she faced his stomach. She closed her eyes, focusing on feeling the contrast of numbness and pinpoint sensations as his hand graced the skin on her ribs.

She drifted to sleep finally feeling healed.

The author in him knew that he was romanticizing, but he thought she looked more serene than she had in the past year, or possibly since he'd met her. He didn't want to end the intimate contact with that part of her precious skin so he lingered, careful not to tickle her awake with any sweeping movements. He let the warmth of her skin seep into his hand as a confirmation that they had both survived, scarred but stronger for it. She curled tighter for warmth so he tugged her shirt down and covered her with a throw blanket from the back of the couch. He resumed running his fingers through her hair as he picked up Alex Conrad's newest novel.

* * *

><p>Before he knew it hours had passed and the front door opened. Alexis quietly walked into the room and pressed a kiss to her dad's hair. She saw Kate asleep in his lap and whispered, "Hey, Dad."<p>

"Hey, Sweetheart. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just spent the morning in the library then went to my class. Everything okay here?"

"Yeah." Her eyes flitted to Kate then back to her dad, who couldn't suppress a giddy smile.

"Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not, but she kissed me."

His daughter eyed him with an odd expression.

"I guess I assumed that you'd already ticked that box. Wait, is that a good idea? I mean given . . ." she shrugged towards Kate's obviously compromised physical state.

"Closed mouth. Not to worry."

She pressed her palm into her forehead, "Eew, TMI, Dad. No visuals, please. You really need some friends. There are certain things that you really shouldn't share with your daughter."

"I have friends."

"Yeah, but ones that might as well be your girlfriend's brothers don't count. They're more likely to punch you than give you a high five."

"Point taken."

She leaned down and hugged her dad's neck, "But I am happy for you, Dad."

"Thanks."

"I know I've been gone a lot, but Morgan needs help with calculus and her mom invited me to dinner. I think I'll just sleep there tonight since they live closer to the 12th and I have a shift tomorrow."

"That's fine." He paused then added, trying to sound nonchalant , "Just so you know, Kate's planning on heading home tomorrow."

"Oh. I didn't think about her leaving, especially so soon. Is she okay to be on her own? More to the point, are _you_ okay to be on _your_ own?"

He gave her a knowing look, "It wouldn't be my preference, but she has her own place and she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She'll still be around a lot, I hope."

"Yeah, and who knows, in another four years maybe you'll be kissing with tongue!"

Castle reached behind him with his free arm and made a pathetic effort to grab his child, "Watch your six, Red Shirt!"

Alexis, trying to contain her whispered giggles, ran up the steps to her room.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

**February 20, 2012**

Kate woke to a strong hand gently circling her stomach.

"Kate, wake up, Sweetheart, we need to get ready to go."

She rubbed her eye, "Sweetheart, huh?"

"What? Not ready for Sweetheart?" He was _so_ ready for Sweetheart.

"Definitely not in public."

Hmmm, that wasn't a 'no' so he pushed, "Well, _Pumpkin_ is taken, and my mother has the rights to use _Darling_, so you see my options are limited."

"That's quite a dilemma, Kitten."

He tickled her until she laughed hard enough to end in a coughing fit. Castle felt guilty and rubbed her back through it.

"Sorry."

Once her fit subsided she patted his thigh and responded, "Don't be, it was worth it."

* * *

><p>Half and hour later they were riding in his Ferrari to the precinct. He usually made a point of not driving the sports car there but today he felt as though his partner needed a treat. Cars had been such a source of anxiety for her between the near drowning and the CIA abductions that he wanted to make her as comfortable, or at least as distracted as possible.<p>

When they arrived at the 12th, Detective Beckett felt as though she'd been gone for weeks. The case scrawled across the murder board was foreign to her and she had nothing at her desk that needed tending. Ryan and Esposito had finished the NYPD paperwork for the Blakely case, such as it was, and she had no responsibilities to the CIA beyond giving Danberg a statement.

The boys were leaning on her desk within moments.

Ryan tilted his head as he inspected their team leader, "Espo, she doesn't look so bad. You think they've just been off doing some 'team building' exercises?" he used air quotes, "Or do you think they've been two-timing us with the FBI this time?"

"I don't even want to know, Bro." Javier crossed his arms and looked affronted.

"Yeah, yeah, good to see you, too, Boys." It had only been a few days but Beckett had missed this. She knew Esposito would have told Ryan the state that she'd been in, but he was family, and he had a right to know.

They both scrutinized her, not asking very loudly if she was really okay. "I'm fine. I might even be in tomorrow." Castle cleared his throat but chose not to comment. "What?" His eyes flew wide as hers bore into him.

"Nothing." As soon as she turned around he shook his head and crossed his hands back and forth to communicate to the others that it was not a good idea.

Esposito rolled his eyes at the writer then addressed Beckett. "Gates has you on leave. Tell you what, though. If we get a weird one we'll stop by the loft and fill you guys in." Castle shifted his gaze to the window as Beckett flatly said, "I'll be back home."

Esposito, trying to diffuse the tension teased, "Oh well, I'm sure the slumber party was fun while it lasted. You can't stay up late every night talking about boys and braiding each other's hair."

Before he could stop himself Castle blurted, "You knew about that?"

Kate covered her face at his knee-jerk response.

Castle's eyes flew wide open and his lips pressed tight in regret as the cops said in unison, "Dude . . ." which Espo followed up with "That's just wrong."

Kate, having the wisdom to choose 'flight' over 'fight,' turned on her heel and headed to the ladies' room.

Ryan, wanting clarification, asked "You _braided_ Beckett's hair? "

He defended himself, "Guys, I have a daughter, who has a worthless excuse for a mother. I've had to evolve." He leaned in closer to Ryan, "And FYI, hair brushing – better than flowers, braiding is just the icing on the cake. Trust me."

Ryan replied, "Really? I'll have to try that." With a hard look from Esposito, Ryan cleared his throat then asked, "So . . . you and Beckett are . . ." He left the question hang unfinished.

Castle smiled conspiratorially, "We are . . . working on it."

Ryan pried further, "Define 'working on it.'"

Javier stepped in, "Beckett's been sleeping in his crib - do you _really_ want to know the details?"

"Are there details?"

His partner put him in a headlock. "_I _don't want to hear the details." Then to Castle he added, "No offense, man."

"None taken."

The boys broke apart then Javier asked, "So . . . she is better right? It's not just an act?"

Castle shrugged, "She needs to get her strength back and her breathing is still shallow, but she's much better than when you saw her. Thanks for that, by the way."

"Anytime, Bro."

Ryan, seemingly cursed with the need to probe sensitive issues, commented, "So she's going back to her place?"

His partner smacked the back of his head, "What is wrong with you?"

"What?"

Castle ran his hand through his hair, "Yeah, the deal was she stayed while she was sick. She's getting better so she'll head home tomorrow."

Esposito clutched his shoulder, "One night back on her lumpy bed between her scratchy sheets and she'll reconsider being so aloof."

Castle corrected, "Well, she hasn't really been _aloof_."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Ryan burst in again, "What exactly does _that _mean? The pool is at stake here, Buddy."

The writer considered carefully, "What exactly is the criteria for the pool?"

"I don't know, Castle, you guys getting together. A date? A kiss? Wait, why?"

He smiled slyly. He really couldn't help himself.

* * *

><p>Beckett returned to the three men feeding the birds and rolled her eyes. Ryan saw her first and picked up a file and started whistling, tipping the others off.<p>

"Okay, let's have it." She grabbed Castle's ear.

In a knowing voice Ryan asked, "Have what, Beckett?" Both detectives feigned innocence. Castle gave them a thumb's up for their 'cover,' which Beckett saw so she pulled his ear at a more awkward angle.

"Who won the pool?"

Ryan pointed an accusing finger. "Esposito."

Castle responded, "Wait, you were at the loft, isn't that insider trading?"

The detective pulled himself to his full height and Kate swung Castle to face him. "All I saw was Beckett hanging in your pad. What? You gonna blackball me from the office pool, Little Man?"

"Ah, no, not planning on it."

Javier twitched an eyebrow at Beckett, "And I figured that the pool was the only fair way to compensate me for the pain and suffering that visit caused. Any complaints, _Kate?_" He tried to make her given name sound like a thinly veiled threat.

She scowled with her eyes but her mouth still twitched up at her friend. "None. Come on, Castle, we have a date." She turned and tugged Castle out of the bullpen,

* * *

><p>They had commandeered a conference room for the meeting and entered several minutes early. Castle sat in a chair and Beckett, after scanning the windows to make sure there were no witnesses, leaned on the table next to him and reached for his hand.<p>

"You ready for this, Partner?"

He blew out a breath. "I'm ready to be done with this. You have permission to shoot me if I spout 'CIA conspiracy' as a motive ever again."

She swung their joined hands slightly then replied, "After how much effort I've put into training you? Never."

They shared a knowing smile then with a final squeeze, their hands dropped a few seconds before Danberg joined them.

The agent did a quick visual sweep of the room as he shook their hands.

"I am so sorry that you two were caught up in this."

Beckett replied, "It wasn't your fault. We were just glad that we could be of assistance."

He shook his head, "Sofia had been hell bent on making you as miserable as possible, and I stood by and let her. After being her partner for years I had became complacent about her manipulative streak and gave her a wide berth. I guess it was easier to play nice so I stopped questioning her motives years ago. I just chalked it up to her being driven and wanting results. I never dreamed that she would have gone to such great lengths to attempt everything from drowning you to inciting World War Three."

Castle firmly responded, "You couldn't have known what she was planning. If it wasn't for your quick thinking we would be at our funeral right now."

Danberg nodded, "Well, I'm thankful that it didn't come to that. I'm glad you're alright, and I am sorry about the Cloak and Dagger routine."

Castle replied, "Makes me thankful to be with the NYPD. What you see is what you get, no offense to you personally, of course."

"After this week? None taken."

Danberg recorded their account of what had happened throughout the case, asking questions to clarify here and there, but overall just listening, his stoic expression shifting towards repulsion more than once. When he was satisfied that he had everything he needed, he pocketed the digital recorder.

He stood and extended his hand to each of them. "I have been officially tasked with giving you the CIA's sincerest appreciation for your cooperation. Unofficially, thank you for everything. If there's ever anything I can do for you, please let me know."

This was Castle's one chance for answers. "Agent Danberg, Sofia said something . . . something about my father being in the CIA. Would you know anything about that?"

"I'm afraid I don't. Sorry." Castle's disappointment was palpable despite his best efforts to hide it.

"Oh, Detective Beckett, here." Danberg relinquished her keys. "I had our guys take care of your car. I think you'll find it better than new."

"Thank you." With the keys in hand, she felt that the case was finally behind them.

"It was the least that we could do." He cleared his throat then added, "They said that the seatbelt had been shot. That must've been quite an ordeal."

She paused then replied, "Yeah, it was a few tense moments, but we survived." They had survived, and it was a relief to declare it.

Danberg took his leave and Kate tenderly considered her partner.

It didn't take long for him to lend voice to his thoughts, "Do you think she was telling the truth? About my father? I mean that would explain why he completely disappeared."

He had that lost, insecure look again. If they weren't in the precinct she would have fixed her hands on either side of his face, stroked her thumbs on his cheeks and made sure he felt wanted. But in this place she was Detective Beckett, not Kate, so she fell back to coaxing his confidence through more subtle means, a weighty gaze, a meaningful pause, the minutiae that comprised their own special brand of subtext.

"I think that Sofia told a lot of lies. It must be tough, finding out that she was a traitor especially after you based Clara Strike on her and all."

"Well, Clara started off as Sofia, but she ended up more like you; you know, smart, fierce, kind. I think that's the reason I was drawn to you . . . as a muse."

She could barely contain her smile at his philosophical air.

A hint of his signature smile emerged, "Do you think Dr. Blakely was right?" He offered an endearing eyebrow twitch, "About the linchpin? Do you think that we actually saved the world?"

Castle had the tragic abandonment back-story worthy of a superhero so she was willing to let him feel the part. What she _said_ in reply was, "I think we saved a little girl's life, and that's enough for me." As they sauntered down the corridor, he interpreted the following shoulder bump as, d_efinitely._

* * *

><p>Kate wandered into the morgue, hoping the boys would have had the courtesy to let her break the news to Lanie, who was hunched over a corpse. "Hey there."<p>

"Well it's none other than Detective Kate Beckett. You better not be workin', Girl."

"Just a debriefing. Castle's taking his time getting the car so I could stop down and say hi."

Lanie had divested herself of the protective covering required for the autopsy then gave her friend a hug.

"How's it going, Sweetie?" This time she didn't ask as a doctor.

"Really well, Lanie." The accompanied smile spoke volumes. She wanted to spill her guts like a giddy schoolgirl, but she couldn't lightly mention that in the past several hours she had kissed Richard Castle, shown him her scar and told him that she loved him. When put like that, even Kate was amazed by her own progress. "We need a girl's night, definitely."

"Oh, I like the sound of that!"

Kate was glowing. "I'll be back at my place tomorrow if you want to stop over. I'll have wine."

Lanie's expression fell, "Is Writer Boy kicking you out so soon?"

"Definitely not. I think he was hoping I'd never leave but I need to pace myself."

Warning bells sounded in Lanie's mind. Kate envisioned them and assured her, "I promise you that I'm not running, in fact for once I'm the one taking the initiative."

"If you say so."

"Lanie," She bit her lip to try to conceal the extent of her delight, "I am hopelessly in love with the man, I'm not going to risk losing him ever again."

The ME pulled her friend in for a rib crushing hug. "You keep him close, Honey, you need that boy, almost as much as he needs you."

* * *

><p>The ride back to the loft was exhilarating – Kate felt the freedom with the windows cracked and her hair whipping around inside the sports car. Castle had been the one to crack the windows for her benefit, despite the cool temperature. He kept a furtive eye on her to make sure she hadn't felt suffocated by the seatbelt or unduly short of breath. On the ride to the precinct Kate had seemed content. This ride, however, she seemed almost carefree, even with her seatbelt snug against her.<p>

She was captivating. He had to force his eyes to focus on the road and not solely on Kate Beckett relaxing in his Ferrari. When they returned to the loft she got out of the car and ran her fingers over the cherry red paint as she walked around the vehicle.

"This is a beautiful machine."

His idea of beauty had little to do with the car, but the fact that it was making her smile made it more than worth the exorbitant price tag.

"That it is. What do you say I pick you up for a real date one of these days."

She barely held a cheeky smile in check as she answered, "You're on, Castle, but next time I'm driving." She flicked an eyebrow.

If she drove he could spend the ride basking in her loveliness, which sounded like a win/win to him. As though already in 'date mode' he flashed her a dazzling smile, put out his elbow, and entreated, "Shall we, Miss Beckett?"

As she placed her hand in the crook of his arm she thought, _Oh, I could really get used to this._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I normally don't like to rehash direct dialogue from an episode, but I felt the Danberg conversation was important both for closing the case and for addressing the issue of Castle's dad. I tweaked it a bit, but much of it was verbatim. Sorry about that, won't happen again!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**February 20, 2012**

Kate felt relieved to never have to tango with the CIA about the events of the past week ever again. Within minutes of her settling on the couch there had been a glass of water pressed in her hand along with a few Tylenol tablets. Castle sat next to her, slung his free arm behind her and took a sip from his own glass as they reveled in the silence. They had no dead bodies, no threat of a call to go to the precinct, no oxygen line looming between them, no one else in the loft adding complexity. They had only the sound of their breathing; his long and even, hers less so, but the rhythm had improved enough to be a comfort to him.

While Beckett reflected on their conversation with Danberg, she felt closure for herself but she knew that Castle had been left feeling short of satisfied. She placed a hand on his knee and said, "I'm sorry you didn't find what you were looking for."

He shrugged.

"I'm no worse off than I was before."

"But you were hoping for answers. I've hardly ever seen you so . . . eager for intel." She wrinkled her brow feeling that the words came out too cop-like.

He sighed and put down his glass. "I know I said that there could be no happy ending, but yeah, part of me will always want to know the truth, the other part will always fear it."

"Have you ever just come out and asked Martha?"

He shook his head. "No, and she's never offered. I was likely the result of a one-night-stand, anyway, and who really wants to _know _that. She may not even know who the guy was. Anyway, it's her story to tell, or rather her secret to keep. I might have thrown a wrench in things for her all those years ago, but I can at least give her that privacy."

She put down her glass and got his full attention, "Seeing the way Martha looks at you, there's no way she harbors regrets. Think about it, if you knew how things would end with Meredith, would you do it all over again to have Alexis?"

"Of course I would."

"I have no doubt that Martha would say the same about you." She slid her fingers up and down his arm, "You know, we're not CIA, but there are some resources that the NYPD has at its disposal and with how much you've pitched in over the years, I doubt anyone would think twice about us pulling a few strings." She really wanted to assuage his pain and give him closure; anything to offer something in return for the myriad of things he had done for her.

He considered her and seemed to read her thoughts. Shaking his head, he replied, "I'm disappointed, but it will pass. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's for the best if I leave it alone. My mother has not had the best taste in men. The last thing I want is to find out that I was the result of some sordid tryst and that my mother has carried the lifelong burden of looking at my face and seeing the unsavory fellow looking back at her." His expression tightened, "I obviously don't favor Martha."

Kate pressed herself into his side. "You're ruggedly handsome because it's you looking out of those striking blue eyes. You're a good man, Castle, and even if you have an evil father with the same facial structure, that would not take away from who you are. You're not your father no matter who he is."

He kissed her temple. "Well, I am resolved at present to remain famously fatherless. I'm okay, I promise."

"But if you ever aren't okay, I'm here."

He rubbed a cheek in her hair, "I know."

Sensing his need to switch topics, Kate asked, "So . . . now that the case is closed, do I get to find out the secret plans are that you have for me? You enticed me to stay here by promising a surprise and I've complied with everything you've asked. How about it, Partner?"

He tugged at her arm to turn her into his chest. He placed one hand firmly on her back as she took a few breaths to gauge her wheezing. Then, with his other hand he brushed her hair back and felt her forehead. She rolled her eyes up at him, "Do I pass inspection?"

He kissed her forehead as if to make doubly sure that she was only warm, not feverish. He figured the Tylenol should remedy that nicely. "Yes. You can't fault a guy for caring, you know."

She bit at her lower lip, "No, I guess I can't."

He wrapped both arms firmly around her. "When we were shivering at the harbor, I never thought I'd be able to indulge my cuddling fantasies when you were warm and dry and in your right mind."

She smiled into him and snuggled closer. "You were quite a distraction from hypothermia." She splayed her hand on his chest, "You know, not everything from that night was traumatic."

"No, I would rather you hadn't suffered through everything, but I can't help but feel . . . thankful."

She held his eyes. "If it hadn't happened, we wouldn't be here. I would still be keeping you at arm's length and you would still be wondering if I'd ever get my act together."

"Well said," he mused. He dipped his head down and she tilted hers so that they met in the middle. He kept the kiss slow but light, feeling that every sensation was a gift. He was going to savor every kiss, every touch, every step forward.

When he pulled back Kate was the one who gave the simple breathy response "Wow." He loved that he could take Kate Beckett's breath away.

"You, my dear detective, have one more night at Casa Castle, and I, your humble servant, am on a mission to make it the most entertaining experience yet. So I invite you to sit tight, and I will be right back to fetch you in a few minutes.

She gave him a puzzled look, knowing his capacity for going overboard. "Okay, Castle, you've definitely spiked my curiosity."

"Excellent." He turned on some classical music, to try to cover what he was up to. He emerged ten minutes later, turned the music down to a background level and offered his hand to her, tucking his other arm formally behind his back as he leant forward slightly, emulating a proper butler.

Her smile grew from suspicious to sublime as she placed her hand in his and he brought it to his lips and kissed it. She rolled her eyes at his chivalry, but honestly she was eating it up, and he knew it.

He straightened but kept hold of her hand, lightly leading her through his study. He simply said, "Come," and led her into his bedroom.

She hesitated at the doorway and asked, "Castle?" He placed his hands on her elbows, rubbing them gently with his thumbs then pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. She leant into him, but he kept her at a slight distance and nodded towards his bathroom. "Go on. Tell me when you're situated." She quirked a questioning eyebrow at him then made her way towards the bathroom.

Kate entered the room to the hum of Jacuzzi jets and the scent of lavender. She leaned against the door and took in all the evidence of Castle's thoughtfulness. He had poured her a bubble bath in his elegant master bathroom. Not only that, but there was a set of the softest cotton pajamas she'd ever felt folded on the counter. She fingered the fabric and noted that they seemed much more L.L. Bean than Victoria Secret. A pair of fluffy socks and a ponytail holder rested next to them. As she caressed the brown pajamas with pink edging on the sleeve and neckline, she felt both unworthy and . . . well . . . loved. She took the ponytail holder and smiled. He was always about the details.

She pulled her hair into a messy bun, slipped out of her clothes and dipped a toe in the tub. It was hotter than she would normally have drawn it, but then again, this was Rick Castle, who didn't do anything by halves. If he poured her a hot bubble bath, he would make it the hottest, bubbliest bath she'd ever had. She poured a little cold in then slipped under the surface, extending in the enormous vat of luxury. With the jets running, new bubbles quickly recovered the surface. She supposed being 'situated' meant being submerged under four inches of foamy suds.

"Okay, Castle."

He tapped lightly at the door and opened it a crack.

"Are you decent?"

"I am not sure how to answer that."

"Are you sufficiently bubbled?"

"I believe for the first time in my life, I am."

"Splendid."

He turned to face her and it was then that she noticed the items he carried, an overly full glass of wine in one hand, and a plate with an arrangement of cheese, crackers and fruit in the other. But her attention was on the tattered notebook held against his chest by his elbow. He put the plate and glass down on the edge of the tub then sat on the floor, his back against the bath, his face turned towards her.

"Hi."

She took a sip of wine then laughed, "Hi, Castle."

"Kate, you're in my bathtub, you can call me Rick."

She was nearly blushing at his statement of fact. "Okay, _Rick_," He took the glass from her hand and sipped after her. They were sharing a glass of wine, which seemed almost as intimate as him striking up a conversation with her while she was having a soak in his tub after a tough case.

"So, what's in the notebook?"

"This? This, Katherine Beckett, is vintage Ricky Rodgers. Before there was Richard Edgar Castle, there was melodramatic prose, far reaching metaphors, and run on sentences galore, all of which you might find as endearing as I find appalling." He brandished the tattered Mead notebook with a flourish, "I submit to you Death in the Shadows, by Richard Alexander Rodgers, fifteen, read by the author for your amusement and ridicule."

He had stunned her again, most pleasantly. He drank in her wonder at the unexpected gesture.

"That is so . . . sweet."

He took a sip of wine, and then offered her the glass. "This was my first murder mystery novel." He flipped through the pages revealing a less polished version of his unique scrawl. Kate could see places where the pencil had been repeatedly erased, words crossed through and other options noted above, and whole lines crossed off here and there. It was all a monument to hours upon hours of devotion, the seeds of Richard Castle, sown by fifteen year-old Ricky Rodgers.

"Was it ever published?"

"I sold seventeen copies at boarding school for five dollars each, but aside from my first customers, only Mother, Alexis and Kyra ever saw it. I figured Gina would only value it as a potential publicity ploy, and Meredith, well she would have preferred to wait until the movie came out."

"Why me? Why now?"

He reached up and tucked a few loose hairs behind her ear, "Seemed right." She tilted into his touch. "You showed me your scar, and I'm reading you a low quality narrative that bleeds of my teenage insecurities. These are the things that make us who we are."

She nodded, digesting that, then after a significant pause her eyes narrowed playfully, "Come on, Castle, the suspense is killing me!"

"You're in the tub, Kate!"

"Right, sorry. _Rick,_ the suspense is killing me._"_

"So, can I call you Katie?"

"No, but I won't make you revert to Beckett."

"Okay, Sweetheart, on with the story." He really was incorrigible.

He sat back down, leaned against the tub and cleared his throat. He started reading with over-the-top passion, "The burden born by Alex Fisher was one too terrible to fathom. Not only had his father died under incomprehensible circumstances, but his mother was shipping him off to boarding school . . ."

Kate closed her eyes and basked in the timbre of his narration as she listened to the angst poured out in the pages. She loved every bit of it, from his use of impressively big words and the clichés of single tears to high school worthy "I love you" exchanges (not surprisingly the love interest was named Liz, no doubt after the lifeguard). It did have a rather developed plot, and an unsuspected twist, considering his inexperience and the short chapter count.

He concluded with, "He packed his suitcase not only full of clothes and his toothbrush but also full of memories that would change his life forever." He shut the notebook, "And that, Katherine Beckett, is the end of our story."

But it wasn't the end of their story. It could have ended at a cemetery. It could have ended with a bomb, in a freezer, or at the hands of countless criminals. She realized that she had lived her life expecting there to be a premature end. Yet, instead of being pinned down in the freezing Hudson, she found herself comfortably warm, albeit pruny, sitting in Castle's Jacuzzi tub. There were more plot twists and surprises to come for them. All the possibilities her imagination started spinning rivaled the threads woven in Blakely's apartment. She had originally viewed that web through the lens of her past, but never before had she dared to imagine cords of hope weaving through her future.

Castle felt shaky fingers at the nape of his neck. When he turned towards Kate he saw her misting eyes dart from the pajamas to the wine to the notebook and finally his face, which transitioned from being lighthearted to uncertain. She tried to explain, "This . . . you . . ." suddenly she was completely overwhelmed. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes as her breath hitched. She let silent tears come.

_I don't deserve him. I don't deserve any of this._

He made her feel so thoroughly cherished and she wasn't sure how to accept it. She felt her tears being thumbed away and opened her eyes to see his deep blue eyes piercing hers with concern.

"Kate?" Castle was kneeling by the tub, leaning over her, unsure what exactly was going through her mind. He worried that he had somehow crossed a line, or that she would at any moment start hyperventilating. He was waiting at the ready to react once he could figure it out. She read it all in his expression, and wanted to reassure him, but couldn't find the words. Instead, she held his gaze and reached up and gripped his arm with her foamy hand.

He waited as she formulated the right words.

"There are few perfect moments in life, Rick . . . I didn't think I'd live long enough to see this one."

Suddenly her eyes weren't the only ones misting. Their foreheads met, his fingers grazed over both her cheeks and he kissed her soundly.

"Oh, Kate, this is only the beginning."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This is the conclusion of Part I, but it is still only the first part of the story. I have so much more in store for them (and you). So stand and stretch, grab a cup of tea or a glass of Gatorade (with a bendy straw if you're so inclined) then settle back down for the rest of the story. **

**This would also be the perfect time to click on that 'review' button if you haven't yet. :) There is little more exciting to me in FF than having reviews trickle in after a story has been marked complete for a while. **

****Okay, enough chit-chat. On with the story!****


	24. Chapter 24

**Part II is a series of one-shots that connect Part I & Part III. The specific scenes I picked might seem random but I wrote them with Part III and the epilogue in mind.**

**Part II**

**Chapter 24**

**February 20, 2012**

Once Castle had left her to dry and dress, Kate sat up in the tub. She cleared the surface of bubbles and stared at the still water. The longer she considered it, the more intensely she relived the feeling of being slowly swallowed by the Hudson.

_It's just bath water. It's fine. It's nothing._

Her pulse quicken despite the mantra.

She felt as though she could almost see the surface tension; the billions of cells holding firm, linking arms, and challenging her to break through them. She thought back to grade school when the kids would play Red Rover. She excelled at it, leading with her bony elbow against her side as she slammed against the weakest grip. And with that image she realized the absurdity of her situation.

_I'm in Castle's bathtub. This is ridiculous._

She couldn't believe she was seriously letting water taunt her.

In her whole life, until letting go of her mother's case, she had never backed down from a challenge and even then it had been her choice. Now her rapid heartbeat spoke of one more thing to overcome.

She leant forward and as she neared the surface she was hit with a strong revulsion. She jolted back and nearly sprang out of the tub altogether.

_You have got to be kidding me!_

As with most irrational fears, it hadn't seemed, well, rational. She had showered without a problem, she had relaxed in Castle's Jacuzzi tub for the past hour, but once she had moved forward to break the surface with her face down, she balked. She took a while to shake off her frustration as she dressed, determined that she would not let the incident ruin her night. She filed that worry away for when she had time to herself. Tonight she wanted to just be with Castle . . . Rick.

She dried herself and pulled on the impossibly soft pajamas that he'd laid out for her. She focused on the fabric hugging her rather than thinking about the implications of the aversion she'd seemed to have developed. As a detective, Kate was good at compartmentalizing, so she opened the door with a smile and didn't give away any hint of what had happened in the few minutes that had passed in her partner's absence.

Castle, dressed in a t-shirt and flannel pajama bottoms, was working in the kitchen to pull together a light dinner. He assembled a tray of sandwiches, carrots and chips and added water with bendy straws for good measure. He sat in the corner of the couch and tugged Kate's arm until her back was pressed against his chest. They had picked up the books that they had started reading that afternoon. When he wasn't taking a bite of dinner or turning a page, Castle's hand massaged Kate's shoulder or rested protectively across her middle. His warmth combined with her post bubble bath snugness made it hard for her to stay awake for long. As she slept she made an adorable whistling snore now and then, a remnant of the pneumonia, but she seemed to be comfortable so Castle just held her as he read a few more chapters.

He was exhausted from all they had been through and so it was only nine when he gathered a sleeping Kate in his arms and carried her over the threshold into his bedroom. He was fairly certain that she wouldn't have gone for being carried under normal circumstances, but he couldn't help dreaming of one day doing this while she was awake . . . and wearing a white dress. He checked himself for getting so far ahead of where they were, but as far as he was concerned, it was a foregone conclusion. However, he was fairly certain that even on their wedding day Kate Beckett _(or Castle . . . no, she'd probably keep Beckett)_ wouldn't go for such an antiquated tradition. He blamed his own romantic notions on watching too many princess fairy tales over the years with Alexis.

He tucked her in the sheets, then settled himself under the covers on 'his side,' feeling giddy that he had a 'side.' He edged near her, worked his arm beneath her pillow and rested his hand once again over her scarred ribs, his new favorite part of her. He knew she wouldn't mind if he closed the gap between them, but he wanted her to remember the first time he enveloped her in his arms as they fell asleep. Castle fought to stay awake, determined to savor the beautiful image of Kate sleeping next to him. After all, despite her assurances, he wasn't certain when it would happen again.

* * *

><p>He woke to Kate's breath puffing warmly on his neck. He was on his back with his arm securing her against him. Despite being asleep, her fingers twitched against his t-shirt and her feet had pushed up his pajama pantleg and were rubbing along his shin. He stayed frozen in place, just drinking in the sensations. It was another half an hour before she made a mumbled noise and slowly blinked her eyes open.<p>

"Morning." He said confidently, leaning in to kiss her forehead.

"Hey, Castle." She rubbed her eye.

"Kate, the bathtub rules apply; you're in my bed, you can call me Rick."

That earned him a dreamy smile.

"Okay." She yawned, "Hey, Rick."

She closed her eyes for a long blink but kept rubbing her feet against his leg. He feathered his fingers through her hair, which was much more knotted than advertised.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry!" Castle jerked his hand back, and once it was free from her unruly locks he leaned over her and smoothed her hair down. "That was meant to be relaxing and slightly romantic."

She laughed, "It was a suave move until you pulled out a clump of my hair."

"Perhaps I should have written a poem or brought you breakfast in bed instead."

"I thought you were strictly prose."

"Maybe I just never had the right inspiration until now." He traced her cheek and chin with his finger. "You bring out this strangely sappy side of me."

"Okay, now I need proof."

He cleared his throat.

"Roses are red, violets are blue . . . your hair is sassy, just like you."

"Sassy? Really? That's the best you can do?"

He twirled a strand of her hair. "I could've said 'kinky' since your hair's knotted in places, but I thought that might sound too forward. Wouldn't want to besmirch your good reputation or anything." He smirked, proud of himself for his comeback.

She rolled her eyes, "Ever the gentleman."

He rested his hand on her waist and grazed his thumb back and forth along a patch of exposed skin. She resumed scratching lightly at his chest, offering him a barely contained smile.

"Well, maybe you'll have another chance to perfect your charming morning routine."

He blinked slowly, "You have no idea how perfect that sounds."

"I might have some idea."

Kate anchored her fingers on his jaw, framing his expectant expression. She leaned in and stopped a mere centimeter from his lips. His brow furrowed, questioning why there was still any distance between them. She diverted and kissed his cheek.

"What was that?" She felt him exhale the words on her cheek.

"I'm holding out for a better poem. I bet Patterson would have at least offered a haiku."

"Yes, but is he anywhere near this handsome?"

She massaged his chin, "With this chiseled jaw you win that contest hands down, Pretty Boy."

He nuzzled his cheek against her palm. "Would Patterson" he nearly spit the name, "have adorned you with comfort jammies that have over two yards of fabric?"

Kate laughed. "The pajamas were a nice touch. Most guys would have gone for what they would want to see, whereas most women prefer wearing flannel to lace. You chose wisely." She patted his cheek for emphasis.

His fingers played with the edging of her shirt.

"I'm a student of my environment."

"I will thank Martha and Alexis every time I don my favorite pajamas."

"Hey! _ I _picked them out."

She paused thoughtfully, "When, exactly did you do that?"

"When Alexis left a new iphone for me the first thing I did was order them on-line with next day delivery. I thought you needed a hug and I wasn't sure if you'd let me give you one directly. My original plan was to lure you to the loft, draw you a bubble bath, leave you to it with a glass of wine then grovel for you to stay over in the guest room and read 'Death in the Shadows' to you as a bedtime story."

Kate leaned into him so that he rolled onto his back. She wrapped both her arms around his torso, hugging tightly against him.

"Thank you, Castle, for everything."

"Thank you for staying with me."

"Well, you did resort to blackmail to get me here so I'm not sure it was much of a choice."

"Don't tell me you have regrets, Detective?"

She sighed, which made him realize his poor choice of words. "I have plenty of regrets, Rick." _I regret shutting you out for the summer, for not having the sense to choose you over Demming sooner, for wasting time with Josh when you were the one who was always there for me._

He braced his arms around her securely and broke into her thoughts, "Hey, hey, don't let your mind go there. We're here. In this moment nothing else matters." He peppered her with kisses for emphasis.

"How I treated you . . . that will always matter to me."

He waited until she met his eyes before responding, "All our missteps, all our choices have led to now. As long as I can hold you in my arms I can't seem to regret a thing."

Slapped his shoulder lightly and said, "You really are a sap."

"And you love me for it."

She had to laugh at his smug smile.

"That I do."

He drew patterns on her back, and delighted in finally being the object of her affection.

* * *

><p>Lanie had just left after their much needed girl talk so Kate was left to face her first night in her apartment alone. Castle had been bursting with the desire for her to stay with him for a few more days or possibly forever, she wasn't sure. She had let him walk her to her door and carry her bag, but hadn't invited him inside. She had been fighting the same desires but she'd known that she needed to tackle the mundane – laundry, bills, cleaning, and while she longed for that picture of domestic partnership, the girly side of her wanted to hold out for a few dates before he helped her scrub her shower or fold her socks.<p>

In the end he said goodbye with a slow kiss as his fingers tenderly explored the hair behind her ears. Her stomach did back flips and rendered her own fingers useless. He pulled away and lingered just inches from her, drinking in the way her closed eyes reflected all he was feeling.

She'd made him promise that he wouldn't knock on her door until at least 48 hours had lapsed and that he wouldn't spend that time in the hallway checking his watch. He had a daughter who had hardly seen him in the past week, not to mention writing to do, and she'd known he needed to take time to tend to the things that he had cast aside while he was caring for her.

Aside from her to-do list, there were two specific reasons that she was glad that she had some time to herself.

Firstly, she needed to feel her independence. She had spent the better part of a week simply _needing_. She'd needed Castle to rescue her in the Hudson. She'd needed Lanie to force the IVs and medications. She'd needed the guys to pick up the paperwork slack that her absence, both during the case and afterwards, had caused. While she appreciated everything that they had done for her, she'd missed her independence.

Secondly, she wanted privacy to test herself. Her PTSD was an unspoken concern among the team. Loud noises were a trigger, but she also could end up hyperventilating when she was emotionally charged. While she could normally tamp down the symptoms of a panic attack, she had failed miserably a few days earlier and she'd witnessed how it had affected Castle. She knew he wouldn't think less of her if she had trouble coping after the drowning incident, but she needed to discover the extent of the damage on her own.

She poured herself a bath and grabbed a Derrick Storm novel, almost as a talisman against anxiety. She eased herself in the water and thought about her last sudsy bath. It had been perfect, well, nearly perfect. Castle had done everything to pamper her, and she had finally let herself experience the gracious gift of hope. It had only been after he had left the room that she'd realized what she was up against. Getting in the water now felt like preparing for battle.

She tried to distract herself with the first few pages in Storm Front. She focused on the words and imagined Castle's voice reading them to her, but after the first chapter she realized that any further distraction would be useless.

It was time to act.

She shut the book and tossed it lightly on her towel, took a few slow breaths then leaned forward. She faced the surface and forced herself towards it, her nose getting within a few inches of the water before she realized that one could break out in a cold sweat while in a warm bath. She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly.

_On the count of three. One . . . two . . . three . . ._

She didn't budge. She tried again.

_One . . . two . . . three . . . _

Her anxiety trumped her determination. For the first time since she was a toddler she had an aversion to going underwater.

She spent the next several minutes berating herself.

_Suck it up, Beckett. Come on._

The same little girl who had refused the nightlight had grown into a woman who was now faltering in the face of a challenge. She longed for the persistence she had as a child, or even a year ago.

She drained the tub and drying off angrily.

An hour later when she was tucked in her own bed she stared at the ceiling and wondered just how broken one person could be.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: FYI – The rest of the story will NOT be all about Kate conquering this fear, it will pop up a few more times in Part 2, but it will be peripheral for the story as a whole. (Just a personal note of justification: I was on a springboard diving team yet have a strong aversion to swimming freestyle because it requires keeping my head facing down and I feel like I will suffocate. Makes little sense, right? Anyway, it made me consider how terrifying nearly drowning must be and I took the liberty of amplifying my neurosis and projecting it on Kate.)**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

**February 22, 2012**

Kate opened the door to Castle, who was beaming and carrying an old game box and a pizza.

She stepped back to let him in and felt a flutter as he brushed by her. It had only been (exactly) 48 hours since he'd reluctantly driven her home.

_Geez, I need to pace myself._

"You look fantastic, Kate."

"That would be in comparison to me being tied to oxygen and looking like I was on death's door."

"I'd be okay if I never saw you like that again, but after the past week I am convinced that there is no situation in which you would not be breathtaking."

"Poor choice of words, Writer Boy."

"What? You think you were the only one hyperventilating?"

She shook her head at him. "Well, hopefully there won't be an pulmonary equipment necessary today."

"I don't know, you completely rocked the nasal cannula."

She couldn't help but laugh. "I bet you say that to all the girls."

"Nope, I can assure you that's an original line inspired by you and you alone." He paused and shifted almost nervously in front of her. "How pathetic would it be if I told you that I missed you?"

"Moderately." Her mouth slowly expanded into a smile.

"Hmmm, because if you said you missed me, I'd only think it was mildly pathetic."

"I can cop to mildly pathetic." He squinted his eyes accusingly.

Kate glanced at the box and looked at him incredulously, "I'm recovering from pneumonia and you brought over a word game to kick me while I'm down?" She had played the version of Boggle that had 4 lettered cubes across and 4 down, but not to be out done, Rick had the 5x5 'Big Boggle' game. "Unbelievable."

"Seriously, Kate, would you prefer that I humor you in your weakened state?"

The way her eyes leveled him, he knew that he'd made the right call, "You're on!"

Castle slyly responded, "I think we should make this more interesting. We'll play five games, if I win all five you have to work the knots out of my shoulders and neck, if you win any games I have to braid your hair."

"You had better loosen those fingers, Castle, because you are SO going down!"

Before she knew it she was frantically scribbling while shooting daggers at the sand which was slipping all too quickly through the hourglass. She was now 0 for 4 and fuming that Castle had offered to let her use three-letter words to give her a sporting chance. She refused and was more determined than ever to win this round.

"Time's up!" Castle exclaimed gleefully, looking over his list.

Kate groused, "You can start, or do you just want to skip to the part where you win?"

"No, you go, Beckett, I want you to feel like you're doing well."

"No, you want to savor your victory as I shoot myself in the foot with my paltry list of words."

"Well, there is that."

"Fine." Kate started through her list, Castle stating he had nearly every word. She ended her list with, "Exit"

"Got it."

"Trade"

"Yep"

"Order"

"Yeah . . . wait! I don't have that one! How do I not have that one?"

"Ordinal"

"No way, I have to have found that!"

"Ordinance."

He started to panic. "This cannot be happening! Where did you see that?"

She pointed out the progression of cubes, as he gulped. That gives me eighteen points.

"So, Writer Boy, what do you have left?" She flicked an eyebrow in his direction.

After he nearly exhausted his meager list of words he ended with

"Tyre"

"I said 'tire.'

"Not t-i-r-e, t-y-r-e."

"British spelling doesn't count."

"How can it not? Is it not the definition of _English_?"

"You can't have it both way so if you want t-y-r-e you have to cross off liter, for that matter, which is a 2 pointer. Check your passport, Castle, James Bond you are not."

"Fine. That leaves me with thirteen points," he growled.

"Now who has mad skills?"

He whined, "I haven't been beat at Boggle since boarding school. I don't understand."

"Don't worry, your mad skills with a hairbrush will never be contested."

"Thanks for that."

He stood to clear the table, smiling conspiratorially to himself as he threw away his list that had contained the 9-point word 'extraordinary,' which he had left unspoken.

* * *

><p>Castle sat on the couch with Kate perched between his legs on the floor in front of him as they watched the next two Firefly episodes. During the shows he braided Kate's hair half a dozen different ways. He let her see his handiwork then laced his fingers through the strands to loosen the plaits, massaged her scalp then gave her hair a slow and thorough brushing before starting the next design. Kate was so relaxed from his attentions that she was yawning despite the early hour.<p>

He kneaded her shoulders. "I should let you get to sleep."

She shook her head. "I'm sorry I'm not better company."

"Kate, I've had a delightful evening with a beautiful woman. I have no complaints." He kissed the top of her head.

"Castle . . . it's been really quiet without you around." She tipped her head back so she could see his face.

"I've missed you, too." He leaned forward and met her lips with his own.

He was kissing Kate Beckett. He decided it would never be possible to kiss Kate Beckett and not feel hopelessly overwhelmed. It was not their first kiss, but with each one he had experienced a new blend of fantastical sensations. His writer's mind started grasping at grandiose phrases to try to define what this woman did to him, but nothing as common as words could come close to reality.

As his mind reeled, he found himself seeking more and she didn't temper him. When he came back to himself, he remembered that she had been ill and as magnificent as caressing her tongue with his own felt, (and 'magnificent' didn't do the feeling justice), he did need to pace himself for her sake. He reluctantly stilled his movements and they stayed frozen in their intimate exchange for a few second before he broke contact.

Kate was well & truly stunned. Her cheeks flushed, her extremities tingled and this gorgeous man was staring at her with so much adoration that she couldn't find a coherent thought.

He cleared his throat. "Uh . . . I probably should let you get to bed."

She was breathing heavily. "Are you kidding me? You're going to make me feel like _that_ then walk out the door?"

He slid to the floor and gathered her in his lap as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Why, Kate Beckett, what are you suggesting?"

She considered him and tried to come across as nonchalant. "I suppose you could stay."

"Really?" He really did try to tamp down his enthusiasm.

She casually replied, "Castle, my electric blanket's broken and I need to curl up with a heat source. You're already here so if you stay it's an easy fix."

"Funny you should mention that because my bed's been feeling chilly and way too big the past few nights." He pecked her lips lightly then rested his forehead against hers. "Are you sure?"

She placed her hand on his chest and felt the rapid heart beat from their kiss. "Castle, don't over think it. My intentions are to cuddle with you and zap all your heat. Once I'm one hundred percent again then you can harbor hope that I'll take advantage of you."

"Well, my hotness has been well documented so if all you want is to use me for my body, I guess I can live with that."

"Well documented, huh?"

"I know you're one of Richard Castle's most dedicated fangirls. Do you really need me to cite your words back to you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Like I'd need to keep up with your fan sites when I see you nearly twenty-four seven."

"I bet you're 'RookieHeat19,' no wait, 'RookLine&Sinker'! Either way I'm sure one could glean dozens of quotes about how I'm the most handsome man on the planet, if one were to Google me."

"Wow, I had no idea there are so many deluded people out there."

"I know! I mean, I never made number one on the list of New York's most eligible bachelors, so I couldn't possibly be the hottest guy on the planet no matter what 'Heatcrazed105' says. But, I have to admit, those misguided people have been pretty good to me over the years." He worked his fingers through her hair and massaged her neck. "But there's only one crazy fangirl's opinion that really matters."

"Yeah? Would that be 'NotaMused'?"

"Something like that."

She suddenly straightened. "Hey, uh, is Alexis okay with you staying?"

"Yeah, she pointedly said 'see you tomorrow' instead of 'see you later.' when I left. She's really not good at being subtle. I didn't expect to stay, but I didn't bother to correct her either. A man can dream, you know."

She twined their fingers together. "Well then . . ."

Castle stood and pulled her up by both hands. He walked backwards towards her bedroom and replied, "Well then, 'StormMyCastle', it seems I'm free to do your bidding."

"Watch it or "Stayinthecar4ever" will kick you out."

Kate got ready for bed then came out to see Castle wearing his t-shirt and flannel pajama pants and holding a toothbrush. He looked so cute that she couldn't help but tease him a little. "So, should I put away the toothbrush I bought for you to keep here?"

His eyebrows shot up. "No, no, that brush will no doubt be much more effective." He bounded to put his toothbrush back in his backpack then nearly strutted to the bathroom.

When he returned Kate was sitting against the headboard reading. He flopped on the bed and looked at her with utter glee.

"Ready for bed, Castle?"

"So, in your bed I'm still 'Castle'?"

"House rules."

"I'll wear you down."

"I have no doubt."

Kate put her book down and tugged at the comforter beneath him, giving him the green light to hop in. When they settled themselves beneath the sheets Castle leaned over her and glanced his nose over her ear, her cheek then nudged her nose, all while his breath kissed her skin. He gave her the proper goodnight kiss that he'd suppressed all the other nights they had shared a bed.

He took his time caressing her neck with his fingertips and lips then he tugged at her shirt and kissed his way down until he found her scar. He feathered his fingers over the mangled skin then slowly lowered himself to pepper the sacred spot with kisses.

Each one penetrated profoundly.

Kate ran her fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head. She had never felt so intimately exposed nor so intensely secure.

She loved this precious man.

Castle adjusted her shirt with care then rolled to his side and took a minute just to admire her. She blinked a few times slowly but kept her eyes trained on him as though she shared his unspoken disbelief that they had gotten to this point. She felt an arm burrow under her pillow and a warm hand on her stomach. She scooted closer to him, turned on her side and pressed her back against his chest. As he kissed her neck her cold feet snuck under his pant leg and found his shin.

"ARGH! You need a pair of socks, Woman!"

Kate dug her toes into him and he felt her gently laugh. "Are you having second thoughts about letting me use your body, Castle?"

She felt his breath on her ear as he replied, "No, I'll suffer through anything as long as you promise that you plan to use me for more than a foot warmer someday."

She hummed a reply then for the first time he experienced the joy of holding Kate Beckett, whom he knew to be 'StormHaven99', as she fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>AN: Okay, I really would love to know your thoughts on this one - it's been reworded and edited to death. Every time I read it I add more to it or change the fan site monikers. If you have other ideas for those (Kate's or any of the teasing ones they threw around), I'd love to hear them. ****


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

**February 28, 2012**

Despite the differences in their fundamental make-up, Martha Rodgers and Kate Beckett were bound by mutual admiration. Through Kate's bout with pneumonia she had endeared herself to Martha to a degree which could have only sprung from an uncomfortable level of vulnerability. In Martha's view, the independent young woman had fallen straight into the loving care of her son, and watching Richard fret over his partner had stirred Martha's maternal instincts for her in turn.

Richard had grown up having a superhero fixation, which Martha had blamed on his lack of a father figure. He'd always been in awe of their courage and nobility, especially those with obvious flaws. When he met Detective Beckett, a cop with a tragic back-story (and in Richard's mind, a cape), she had been a natural choice for a muse. Kate was flawed, no doubt about it, but it had been her personal fight for justice, her strength amidst tragedy, and her unassuming nature despite her stunning good looks which had held him captive.

The detective had spent years resisting his charms, which had only made Richard more persistent. Their unconventional partnership had been full of missteps and setbacks, but for once, they were moving forward. From Martha's dramatic perspective, all it had taken was for the tables to turn so that Richard got to play the superhero by saving the normally unflappable damsel in distress from drowning then doing everything in his power to cure the resulting pneumonia with his ardent affection. During Kate's stay which Martha, despite her romantic sensibilities, had thought was a foolhardy alternative to the hospital, the two had _finally_ turned a corner.

As she performed her one-woman show, Martha was pleased to see her son's discomfort as she dished out some embarrassment at his expense. What she hadn't expected was the intensity in which his muse absorbed all the embellished events. Instead of just enjoying the semi-fictional ranting of a _nearly _has-been diva, she was sifting each scene to find the nugget of truth then trying to discern how it had affected her partner. For Kate, this play hadn't been about entertainment as much as research. That was her nature and Martha took her interest as a compliment.

There was one expression, however, that surfaced several times throughout the play. No one but the star of the show would have seen it and while she delivered her lines seamlessly, she was determined to understand what had troubled the younger woman as soon as it ended.

* * *

><p>Kate apologized again for missing the first show then congratulated Martha on a superb performance. While basking in the compliments, Martha made an obligatory gesture of waving them off then changed the subject.<p>

"So, Kate, how are you feeling? You look so much better."

"I feel better, thanks."

"Richard said you were back at work already, and while I can respect your tenacity, I was surprised."

"I started back as soon as Lanie cleared me for duty."

"Sounds like you hit the ground running."

"Yeah, well, a string of fairy tale murders doesn't come along every day. Your son was nearly giddy."

"That would be right up his alley. How people think of such ways of killing each other I'll never understand."

"I'm just glad we wrapped it up in time to see your performance. The play was informative on many levels." She smiled slyly and raised an eyebrow in her partner's direction. He was busy helping his daughter rearrange the furniture out of earshot but as if he sensed her attention he looked up and gave her a lopsided grin in return.

Martha leaned in and nudged Kate with her elbow. "I thought you'd enjoy seeing Richard squirm. Heaven knows what he's put you through with those books of his over the years."

"It was nice to have the tables turned for an evening. His reactions were priceless."

Martha patted her arm, "I do fancy a bit of melodrama, but really he was a great kid, always very flexible and dependable. I still feel guilty about putting him in boarding school, but I knew he needed stability. He always made the most of every situation. It isn't a secret that he wasn't intended, and I certainly wasn't ever mistaken for mother of the year, but he always knew I adored him." her gaze drifted to her son. "That seemed to be enough."

Martha's regrets caused the detective to think about the subject that had been gnawing at her since the performance. Despite the embellished stories and fabrications there had been absolutely nothing said about Castle's father; no swoon worthy romantic arc, no illicit affair, no preamble to his birth involving a boyfriend or even a one-night stand. It was as though he had been sired solely by the art of acting. Kate couldn't suppress her curiosity.

"Kiddo, that's not the first time I've seen that face tonight. What's troubling you?"

"Oh, I just was thinking, it's nothing, really."

"That," she circled her finger for effect, "is not nothing. If it was something in the play, I admit that I took some liberties in translating reality to the stage." She leaned in conspiratorially, "But that's just between you and me." Kate smiled at being let into the best-known secret of the evening, but then she sobered again. Martha urged, "Come on, out with it."

The actress was too determined to let the subject drop so Kate felt she had no choice. She started carefully, "It wasn't what was in the play as much as what wasn't. It's a professional hazard to try to fill in the blanks, but in this case I know it's not my place."

The detective saw the moment it clicked.

"Oh. I see. Well, Dear, I can't blame you for being curious, and I certainly can't blame you for wanting to discover the story behind Richard's origins, especially when you've fought so hard to get answers about your mother. But, even an actress needs to keep a few secrets." She winked at Kate then continued, "When Richard is ready, he'll ask. Until then I won't impose upon my son by broadcasting in plays what I have yet to be able to tell him privately."

This response cut Kate with how insensitive she'd been. She physically took a small step back. "I'm sorry, Martha, I shouldn't have pried." She rubbed at her forehead, clearly embarrassed at pressing Rick's mother.

The older woman lightly replied, "Nonsense. I was the one who was so determined to draw the thought out of you. Anyway, I honestly don't have many details about the man, but what I do know I'll gladly tell Richard one day when he asks me outright. Until then my lips are sealed and my one woman show will go on with a key plot hole."

Kate was still clearly uncomfortable. Martha placed a hand on her arm then continued. "You care about my son. You want him to be at peace, and for you that means knowing the truth. Richard is obsessed with poking his nose into other's people's secrets, but he has decided that his own story should remain a sacred mystery. He used to assume that his father was a man of adventure, but now I think he worries that one day you'll run a DNA test to ID a sociopath and the only partial match will be to him. I'm afraid the truth lies somewhere blandly in between."

Martha had put Kate at ease by her tone and casual smile so she knew there weren't any hard feelings.

"No matter who his father is, he is lucky to have always had you."

"Keep reminding him of that, Darling, and we'll get along famously." Both women laughed as the Rick joined them.

"Do I even want to know what you ladies have been plotting?"

They looked at each other, turned to him and both answered, "No."

Castle turned towards Kate. "Can you stay for a glass of wine?"

"Sorry, Castle, I need to get up early tomorrow." It still felt strange for Kate to refer to him as "Rick" unless they were alone. Of course, out of the precinct he had no problem calling her 'Kate,' and she liked hearing him say it. He longed for the day when she felt as comfortable with his given name.

"Excuse me, Kiddos, I need to make the rounds." Martha flitted over to talk with a few of her students.

"I guess it is going on midnight. You're not afraid of turning into a pumpkin are you?"

"Cinderella didn't turn into a pumpkin, but my taxi might. Then there is the issue of the singing mice, or more likely rats, that have to make my slacks and dress shirt for tomorrow, and they get cranky if I don't give them enough time to work."

"If your Fairy Godmother has resorted to rats I'd say it's a hopeless business anyway, especially since she hasn't provided you with any glass slippers."

"Well, Prince Charming, I'm afraid you wouldn't recognize any piece of footwear as mine unless it had a durable four inch heel. Glass would be way too fussy."

"Too true."

He hooked her hair behind her ear then kept his palm on her cheek, "You feel alright?"

She answered flatly, "For the twenty-second time today, yes. I am tired, though, so I need to get home."

"You could stay, you know."

"I know, but I don't have clothes for tomorrow and," she looked around at the lingering guests "it looks like you have an after party so I might get more sleep at my place.

"Can I drive you home?"

"No, Castle, thanks but I'm a big girl. I can get there all by my lonesome."

He took out his phone and thumbed a quick text as he said, "Well, the taxi won't be an issue. I'm ordering the ever faithful car service that is completely pumpkin proof."

"Rick, you don't have to do that every time."

"We'll talk when you're one hundred percent again. Who knows what germs you could pick up in a cab."

She put a hand on her hip. "I've been in cabs all my life and have hardly had so much as a cold before this. You're overreacting."

He took her hand and started massaging it with his fingers. "Kate, if you won't let me come with you, at least let me lend you my carriage."

She was never one to need a strong man to watch over her, but she also knew that Castle had an inherent need to provide & protect and until now all the women in his life had savored and encouraged that quality. She had to admit that she was enjoying his pursuit of her, but it would take a while to adjust to his overzealous chivalrous streak.

She was too tired to think about finding a middle ground so she relented. "Okay, Prince Charming, but this will not become a habit."

He placed a hand on the small of her back as he led her towards the door.

"Of course not."

She couldn't see the ear to ear grin which negated his reply.

Alexis appeared with Kate's coat and said, "Thank you so much for coming, Detect-, I mean, Kate. It was great for Gram to have a second performance." Before she could relinquish the coat her father swooped in, took it from her, and held it out for his partner.

Kate smiled warmly, "I was happy to be invited. You did a great job keeping everything running smoothly." Alexis always seemed so mature, even while striving to forgive Kate. They had come to an understanding while she had stayed with them, but Alexis was still cautious, and Kate was determined to give her space. As a result, Kate was reluctant to commandeer too much of Rick's free time. He had insisted that his daughter was fine with their relationship but Kate's intuition told her that she was wiser to tread lightly until Alexis was more comfortable. Rick tried to respect Kate's reasons, especially since they were motivated by concern for his daughter, but he still felt any hesitation was unwarranted.

Alexis responded, "Well, considering who I live with, I have a lot of practice keeping things running smoothly." She gave a pointed look at her grandmother then her dad. "Although with you around more often I might have an easier time keeping these two in line."

"I'd be happy to tag team anytime you need reinforcements."

That small interchange infused Castle with a blissful picture of what the future could hold. He smiled dreamily as he kissed Alexis' cheek. She looked tired so to relieve her of small talk duty he ordered, "To bed, Daughter!"

Martha scooped her arm around her granddaughter, "I'll see she gets there. Goodnight, Kids." With that Martha and Alexis headed towards the stairs.

* * *

><p>They made their way to the elevator and once inside Castle gently put his hand on her arm and asked, "I saw you talking to Mother and you looked worried. Is everything okay?"<p>

"Yeah, Castle, we were just talking about the performance. I'm glad we were able to see it." Her eyes darted around him, not meeting his gaze for more than a second. He knew he would get no information from her tonight.

"Yeah, that's because it wasn't a fictionalized version of _your _life."

As soon as he had said the words he had realized his mistake.

"Well, at least it's not an international best seller!"

He sheepishly replied, "I think I owe you flowers, lots of flowers."

"Oh, we're _way _beyond flowers, Writer Boy. You're going to have to do much better that."

"Well, for now, this is all I have to offer."

He leaned in and gave her a kiss befitting of a princess.

She replied, a bit breathless, "That's a start, Rick."

They exited the elevator and walked to the awaiting carriage. He pulled her into a gentle embrace before kissing her hand and sending her home with a bow and the promise, "Until tomorrow, Kate."

She rode home feeling she had experienced a taste of 'happily ever after.'

* * *

><p>Martha Rodgers spent a sleepless night thinking about a time over four decades ago and wondering about the man with whom she shared that thinning memory.<p> 


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

**March 2012**

Jim Beckett cast his line into the water.

Fishing off the pier with his daughter had been a tradition that had yielded more memories over the years than fish. It was also a tradition that had been abandoned after Johanna's death, even though she had never been a party to it. When Katie had planned a trip to the cabin, he hadn't dared to hope that they would again pick up their poles, but when she'd suggested it, he'd known that it was time.

After years of watching Castle and Alexis' comfortable and witty interactions, Kate had a new appreciation for the degree of solitude that she and her father shared. While she was growing up there were moments of head-butting and heated discourse, but never while sitting on the pier. The poles were a symbol of quiet companionship. They would fish for hours, talking for only minutes of that time, but what was shared had been savored.

In the years since Jim Beckett had won his battle with alcoholism, he and his daughter had majored in small talk. Though their mutual affection ran deep, they kept a polite emotional distance. Jim held back because he felt that he'd lost the right to any parental authority or respect, Kate because she didn't trust herself not to cause him any more pain. They didn't talk regularly, although they both felt that special bond forged through loss and trauma.

After Kate's experience of near drowning, she wanted their relationship to move beyond cautious concern.

They sat side by side, alternately casting and reeling, catching nothing that couldn't be recycled as bait. The sounds were punctuated by a cough now and then.

"You have a cold?"

_Cast_

"I had pneumonia."

"Oh." Jim paused, eyebrows shot up as he reeled his line. "You okay?"

"Yeah, it was a mild case."

Kate knew that the comfort she had felt in her dad's presence so long ago would trickle back only after investing in times like these. He had claimed that she'd saved his life from alcoholism but the truth was she'd kept him at arm's length ever since. It was a coping mechanism for her, but one he could have interpreted as a punishment. One thing she knew for certain was that life was too short not to cling to those who remained. She didn't have her mom, but she did have her dad. He seemed to feel that he was only a shadow of the father she once knew, but she was determined to draw out more of the man who still resided within.

"Were you in the hospital?"

She reeled in her line and grasped the hook.

"No." She peeled off the soggy worm that long ago lost the will to wriggle then dug in the canister for a new one. "I stayed with Castle for a few days."

She glanced at her dad and saw the subtle upturn in the corner of his mouth.

"You don't say . . . " Jim cast his line. "Hope you weren't too much of an imposition." His expression became a full-fledged grin as his eyes flitted to his daughter. She valiantly tried to suppress a smile. Jim had flashbacks to unearthing his daughter's first crush while she dug for worms. It might have been over 20 years ago, but her blush remained the same.

"I went easy on him."

Jim thought back to the previous summer and how difficult of a patient his daughter had been. He'd spent a lot of time pacing outside the cabin, feeling helpless as his daughter had battled demons, both real and imagined. Despite the severity of her injuries, she had lashed out like a caged animal, and he hadn't had the guts to stand up to her. His biggest regret had been upholding her demand that he not contact Rick Castle. The man might've been able to have gotten through to her, or at least kept some of the darkness at bay. In the end Jim hadn't been able to risk giving his daughter any more reason to resent him. He'd done what little she would allow him to do, then had left her alone when she let him do no more.

"I'm glad to hear it."

After half an hour of nothing but the whizzing and cranking of reels, Kate gathered enough courage to confess.

"I walked away from it, Dad."

Jim blew out a breath. They didn't talk about it very often, not directly to each other unless there was a development in the case. Rick had honored his request and tried to get her to walk away, but after the shooting she'd seemed intent on finding answers at all cost.

_Thank God! Rick really must be something if he pulled this off._

"Is that right?"

Kate cast her line, while Jim focused on baiting his hook.

"Yeah."

"So . . . what brought that about?" He asked tentatively.

"I had a close call on the job and enough time for regrets."

"Will you regret not solving her case?"

Kate slowly reeled in her line.

"I'll regret that I couldn't bring her justice, but I'll regret more how much pain I've caused other people because of it." She pulled her line out of the water, placed her pole on the pier, and then reached to place a hand on her dad's knee. "After Mom died we both stopped living, but that needs to change. She wouldn't want us to spend the little time we have left in mourning. We've honored her, we've cried over her, I've even tried to avenge her. What she would really want is for us to start living for her."

Her dad looked at the water, and as he answered, his voice betrayed a hint of a quiver. "I'm not sure I remember how, Katie."

They let a comfortable silence engulf them.

"We need to help each other remember how." Kate picked up her pole.

He listened to the gentle plop of Katie's line breaking through the surface and as he watched the ripple he wondered if he had just heard the sound of redemption.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

**June 2012**

Castle was on a month-long publicity tour for Heat Wave, the movie.

The preliminary reviews had been so bad that it'd been released straight to DVD. Paula had taken the criticism very personally and so she'd sent him on a mission to salvage sales by doing interviews and DVD signings and warned him to be 'so handsome and charming that they forget it's crap.' He was wise enough to realize this wasn't a negotiable professional obligation but a personal favor and for all Paula had done for his career, he couldn't say no.

Kate had been chastising herself daily for how she'd look for him with every ding of the elevator and every whiff of coffee. He had arranged for a delivery of coffee each morning to the precinct, sometimes accompanied by other thoughtful tokens like flowers or gift cards for lunch. At first she was embarrassed getting these things at work but he knew her well enough not to send anything too outlandish. The modest flower arrangements were equal parts an "I love you" and a profuse apology for his absence.

Once when they had an especially tough case he had sent the whole team, including Lanie and Alexis, gourmet cupcakes. Ever the brown-noser, he had made sure to include a special one for Gates. The captain would never admit that maple cupcakes were a vice of hers, yet Castle had seemed to unearth this secret. She would also never admit that the meddling writer had started to grow on her.

Kate talked to him each night and got strings of texts from him during the day, but in her new world, there was no longer such a thing as a normal day without him. Things had been going well . . . very well. He'd wanted her to move in with him, but she'd felt strongly that he should have one last summer with Alexis then they could make that significant change. Truth be told, she had lived by herself for so long that she felt that she could use a time of transition before boxing up her independent life and living full-time with his family, even if it already felt like they were becoming her family as well. She never had any doubts about the fact that her address would change permanently come fall, it was just a matter of timing for her and extending grace to Alexis. Castle had been loathe to say goodbye to her some nights but he'd honored her resolve.

Alexis never offered her opinion on the subject but wondered if she was the reason why Kate wasn't a permanent fixture at the loft. Her dad's partner would stay over several nights a week, and although Alexis had quickly gotten over the awkwardness of seeing Kate in the mornings she was thankful that they seemed to be waiting. As much as she approved of Kate, she wanted some last one-on-one time with her dad. On a less selfish note, she knew first hand that her dad didn't take loss well. If Kate had moved into the loft already, come August, he would've been obsessed with grief over his only daughter moving out. Kate moving in afterwards would not only soften the blow, but would serve as a positive transition. For most of his adult life Alexis had been his world but the dynamics were shifting and she was more and more thankful that she would be leaving her precious dad in the capable arms of Kate Beckett.

When Beckett's phone rang around noon, she answered without checking the caller ID.

"Beckett."

"Kate, I . . . uh . . . it's Alexis."

The girl sounded shaken at best.

"Alexis? What's wrong?"

She stood up and started gathering her things. Two heads anxiously looked up from their paperwork to see if their services were needed.

"I was in a cab headed to the station for my shift and there was an accident." Kate's heart started thumping as Alexis rushed to assure her, "I'm fine. I'm just a little banged up. It's just . . . Dad's gone and I think Gram has a practice? Or . . . something . . . I can't remember."

Alexis always knew details so the fact she was rambling and couldn't remember Martha's schedule was worrying.

"Alexis, where are you?" She tried to keep her voice even

"I really shouldn't have bothered you at work. I can . . . . I can call Gram later . . . I'm sorry, Kate. I'm okay."

"No, no, I'm glad you called. I'm on my way now just tell me where you are."

"You shouldn't have to -"

Kate, using a firmer tone stated, "Alexis, I need your location."

With that the girl complied. As Kate scribbled the address Esposito broke into her thoughts, "Little Castle in trouble?"

Beckett pocketed her phone then answered him, "Car accident, she said she's okay but she may be in shock." She had to steady her voice and hands as she readied herself to go.

"I'll make sure it was called in," Ryan offered.

Esposito caught her arm and scrutinized her, "Do you want me to drive you?"

She shook her head, "Thanks, Espo, but it's not far from here, I'll let you know what's going on when I find out."

Ryan yelled after her, "If either of you need anything, Kate, call."

"Will do." She used her gum ball to get to the location as soon as possible.

* * *

><p>A young uniform was taking Alexis' statement while she leaned against a building and held an icepack on her swollen elbow. A few abrasions were visible on her face and arms. Kate paused when she realized that mixed with her expression of pain was a hint of bashful flirtation. Kate had to bite back a smile as she approached the pair.<p>

Alexis straightened when she caught site of her. "Kate! Thank you for coming. I really am okay, though." The teen's relief at seeing her clearly had morphed into embarrassment, "It was silly of me to bother you. I'm going to college in a few months, I should be able to take care of myself without calling for reinforcements."

Kate put a hand on Alexis' shoulder and stooped slightly to assess her pupils for evidence of a concussion. "Alexis, you did the right thing." Trying to put her at ease, she continued, "Anyway, I'm glad you called. You saved me from a mountain of paperwork, not to mention that Esposito and Ryan were having a spat about whether an Irish kid could pull off a Hispanic first name." She rolled her eyes and Alexis smiled.

"Javier Ryan? Hope it's a girl."

"I'm pretty sure Esposito's trying to pitch it for either. Truth be told, I'm not sure that Ryan hadn't considered it, but he has to give his partner a hard time. It's in the job description."

Alexis gave Kate a knowing smile, "Apparently."

The detective returned it. "Oh, you know your dad asks for it."

"Definitely."

At this point Kate turned to the uniform who looked as though he were debating whether to break in. She offered her hand, "I'm Detective Kate Beckett, Homicide."

He shook her hand and replied, "Officer Patrick O'Riley. Actually, I met you at Kev's wedding. I'm his oldest sister's kid."

Kate appraised his blue eyes, fair skin, close cropped hair and Ryan-esque expression. "I should have known, he told me he had a nephew wearing a uniform. So, what happened here?"

He replied with all the professionalism he could muster. "The cab was driving through the intersection and the blue sedan ran a red light and hit the cab on the passenger side." He pointed towards each vehicle as he explained. "It was lucky that he hit the front of the car, a split second later he would have hit exactly where Miss Castle was sitting." He actually blushed while saying "Miss Castle.' They were almost too cute for Kate to keep a straight face.

"Okay, was anyone else injured?"

"The cabby was shaken, but aside from possible whiplash, he seems okay. The driver of the sedan was seriously injured and is in route to the hospital. Miss Castle refused to let me call for another ambulance, but she should at least get her arm checked out. Might be broken."

"I'll see that she gets proper medical attention."

"Thank you, Detective." He seemed to have surprised himself by adding, "By the way, I think Kev's kid could definitely pull it off. After all, being Irish ensures that you know how to throw a punch." He then back pedaled, "Not that I would start a fight . . . or that I've ever punched someone except in self-defense, but you know . . . I'm sure the kid will be tough, that's all." He looked earnestly distraught and confessed, "I really don't condone fighting." He was blushing full stop at floundering not only in front of a detective, but one who was also the beautiful young woman's famous dad's girlfriend.

Kate gave him a nod, "I know he or she will be a good kid, regardless of the name." Then before the young man had a chance to dig himself into a bigger hole she concluded the conversation with, "Thanks for your help, O'Riley."

He was obviously disappointed to be dismissed, but he rallied the courage to offer his card to Alexis and stammered, "If you wouldn't mind calling . . . I mean . . . I just want to make sure you're okay." Alexis took the card and both young adults were looking bashful. "I will. Thank you."

The detective tried to remain professional as she placed her hand back on Alexis' shoulder and studied the girl, who clearly couldn't stifle a smile. Kate let a grin slip across her own face and said, "Well, it looks like you aren't feeling much pain at the moment." Alexis rolled her eyes, which made her seem to blush even deeper, if that were possible. Kate continued, "but I better keep my promise to get you checked out so I don't get in trouble with_ Officer O'Riley_." Kate twitched up an eyebrow meaningfully. "Come on."

As they walked Kate flipped through her phone contacts and dialed the Castle family physician to let the office know that they were on their way. Alexis looked at her curiously. Kate waited until they were in the car before answering her unspoken question. "Years ago during a case your dad was convinced he'd been cursed by a mummy. He asked me then to promise that if anything should ever happen to him that I would look after you." Kate glanced at the girl then continued, "But even if I hadn't made that promise, I'm still glad you called me today."

"I didn't know Dad asked you that, but I'm glad he did."

"Me too."

* * *

><p>Once they returned to the loft, Alexis called her dad, then passed her phone to Kate to talk him down.<p>

"Kate, she broke her arm, I really should be there!"

She walked into the bedroom to speak to him privately, "Castle, I got this covered. I took her to Dr. Weller, and aside from the arm and some scratches and bruises, she's fine."

"What about her head? Did he check for a concussion?"

Kate answered him in the factual tone that she used to calm emotional witnesses. "I did my own check at the scene and I asked Dr. Weller to make sure she didn't have any signs of head trauma. She was cleared. You only have four more days and she'll have a cast for six weeks so you'll have plenty of time to coddle her when you get home."

There was a pause then he replied, "It just doesn't feel right. It's like I'm abandoning her."

Kate chose her words carefully. "Actually, I'm kind of glad you weren't here. Rick . . . Alexis called _me_. Right after the accident _I _was the first call that she made."

The implication sank in as he replied, "Oh . . . Wow . . . that's . . . Wow."

"Yeah, I know. I called the precinct and I got some time off. She has strong painkillers for the first few days so she really shouldn't be alone. I'm not sure what Martha's schedule is, but I'll coordinate with her."

"It sounds like you have everything under control." He really did try to sound more encouraging than despondent.

"I got this, Rick. I know this is big, but I've got this."

There was a pause then, "I've just never missed something this monumental." Kate wished so much she could reach through the phone and comfort him. This summer was going to be an exercise in letting go for him and she knew every step would sting.

"I know it's hard, and if it makes you feel any better I think it took everything in her not to speed dial you first thing."

"You think so?"

"Without a doubt."

There was silence while he digested the situation.

"Rick, I know this is Alexis, and I don't have your magical ability to kiss her arm and make it better, but I _want _to do this for her."

They both let a quiet moment pass.

Rick blew out a breath. "You know how much I loved you when I left?"

"I have a pretty good idea."

"I didn't think it was possible to love you any more than that . . . until now. Thank you, Kate."

"Thanks for trusting me with her, Rick."

"You do realize that I've never trusted anyone but Mother with her before, and that was mostly out of necessity. Still, I wish I could teleport. It's going to be a long four days."

"If it makes you feel any better, I did take detailed notes on Castle sick day procedures, but believe me, even if I get it all right, I'm still not you. Once you walk through that door she'll be more than happy to have her dad fussing over her. Now stop worrying and go back to your adoring fans."

"Okay, I'll stay on the tour, but will you ask Alexis to leave the most prominent spot on her cast for my signature?"

At this Kate smiled, "Well, I wouldn't be surprised if you had some competition for that spot after today . . . "

* * *

><p>It took an extra ten minutes to talk Castle down from his new plan of coming home to interrogate Ryan's unsuspecting nephew. Kate refused to let him talk to Alexis, claiming he needed at least a fifteen-minute time-out. He yielded to her, which he had never done before when it came to his daughter.<p>

Kate handed the phone back to Alexis who shyly picked a card out of her pocket and asked Kate with such sweet insecurity, "Would you mind if I . . . " She raised Patrick O'Riley's card, "you know, just so he doesn't worry or anything."

Kate gave her a knowing smirk and answered, "Go ahead. I'm sure he's been waiting to hear from you."

"Thanks, Kate." With that she bounded to her room to make the call.

Kate prepared a tray with popcorn, sandwiches and Gatorades with bendy straws and brought it into the lounge.

Alexis beamed when she saw what Kate had done. "Oh, thank you! I was thinking that Sci-Fi is really more Dad's thing and I think he would be upset if we watched any of those movies without him, so I was thinking more along the lines of something different. How about a fairy tale? Have you ever seen Enchanted?"

"I think something idealistic and romantic sounds perfect." She nudged Alexis' good shoulder with her own. "I'm not familiar with that one, though"

"Oh, Kate, you'll love it."

And Alexis was right, she identified with Robert's practicality and laughed at the dancing rats and cockroaches. By the end of the movie Alexis had fallen asleep against Kate's shoulder.

* * *

><p>As Kate slept in Rick's bed alone for the first time, she realized that he was not the only Castle who had nestled a way into her heart.<p> 


	29. Chapter 29

****Chapter 29****

**September 2012**

Jim Beckett studied the man sitting across from him. He had anticipated and feared this conversation all throughout Katie's childhood, but in the past decade he'd had so much more pressing on his mind than the idea of making a young man squirm or determining whether a suitor was worthy of her. Now he wondered if his fiercely independent daughter would even approve of this conversation. After all, she was not under his authority whatsoever. Then his thoughts drifted to darker days just over a year ago when Jim had worried that he would no longer have a daughter to one day give away.

Rick Castle was waiting for his reply, one that Jim Beckett felt ill-equipped to give.

There was no doubt that the writer was a good man, the best man Jim could imagine for his beloved daughter. There was also no fear of her future security, financially or otherwise. Rick Castle had proven himself loyal in the worst of circumstances so despite two failed marriages, there was no one that Jim Beckett trusted more.

So why was he hesitating?

Castle had been bouncing a leg under the table for what seemed like ten minutes, but was actually closer to twenty seconds. He might be embarking on his third marriage, but this conversation was a first. Meredith's father hadn't been in the picture and Gina would have been affronted had he done anything so pathetically backwards as asking her father for permission for her hand. He wasn't sure what Kate would say to this, but something inside him felt that this was right. This was somehow the next step in healing a father-daughter bond that had been strained by years of tragedy. He was giving Jim Beckett the opportunity, one father to another, to reclaim his place and to feel that his little girl hadn't grown away from him. Castle also wanted to show him that he held the respect not only of his daughter but also of his future son-in-law.

Jim held his gaze before clearing his throat and replying, "Rick, I know Katie can speak for herself, but for what it's worth, you have my full support." He added wryly, "I might add that it took you two long enough."

Rick grasped Jim's proffered hand, pumped it enthusiastically, then gave a nervous laugh at his own insecurities. "Thank you, Jim. Your approval means a lot. I can't tell you how much I love your daughter."

Jim smirked a bit, Castle's feelings for Katie had been obvious from the first time he had met the man. "I think I may have some idea, Son." Their age difference might have been under twenty years, but the sentiment felt right.

Son. Castle realized that he had just had a monumental conversation with a father figure for the first time in his life. He might have been asking for permission to marry Jim's daughter, but he hadn't considered the sentimental side effect of finally claiming a father for himself.

As they rose from the table, both men were blinking rapidly. Jim Beckett got his first proper Castle hug, and found that despite his normal reserve, he didn't mind it a bit.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

**September 2012**

Kate slammed the door and walked out of their loft,_ his loft,_ she corrected herself.

Castle opened his desk drawer and pulled out the small box that had been benched until after this discussion. He lifted the ring, placed it in his palm and inspected the delicate object with his finger. The single diamond was set in a band that was designed with the help of an artist friend of his. it was a symbol of beauty in extremes, intricate but durable so it was elegant enough for book launches and charity events, yet secure enough so the diamond would not get knocked loose during arrests. The little object weighed mightily in the palm of his hand, pressing him with a burden of uncertainty. For the first time he had serious doubts that she would ever agree to wear it.

He had done this all wrong. Really, how could he have expected the conversation to have gone any other way? Day by day had gone by and he just never woke in the morning and put his feet to the fire. It was never the right time. While he had her father's permission, he could not ask her to marry him with this thing between them.

Now they had no more secrets, no more lies. But where did that leave them?

Looking back on the past hour, he could see how he had misled her. He had been floundering, reaching for the right words while nervously keeping constant contact with her – his hand on her thigh, his fingers kneading hers. Given that she had moved most of her belongings to the loft two weeks ago, he should have foreseen that she would have expected any attempt at a relationship-altering discussion to end in a proposal. He realized his mistake the moment her face had turned but it had been too late to fix it.

* * *

><p>Kate had been blindsided. He had talked about their history and how he felt about her during key moments, but when Rick had started talking about Montgomery and how she had been safe since the shooting, she'd thought that he had completely lost the plot. Then it'd dawned on her that this was not a proposal but a confession – and not purely of his undying love.<p>

She had caught bits and pieces of his explanation, not able to digest that he'd kept such a monumental secret from her. She felt betrayed by him and angry at herself for not sussing out that he had hidden evidence from her.

Her fury wasn't about the case, it was about trust.

Her chest constricted and tears flowed unbidden. She felt the world had closed in on her. For the first time since they had been together, she'd walked out on him without a word or even a backwards glance.

Two hours had passed. Kate had wandered aimlessly, no pattern or destination, only an aim to clear her addled mind. She had walked off the initial blow and now she needed to make a decision.

_This has the power to end us._

The thought had no sooner crossed her mind than understanding flowed over her. His concealment was never about manipulation or mistrust but about fear.

She sat on a bench, rested her elbows on her knees and dropped her head into her hands. She didn't like to think about the three-month stretch after Montgomery was killed. She still felt suffocated by remorse at how she'd shunned everyone who cared about her, even if it was out of a misguided intention to protect them. She'd been miserable without any contact with Castle, but she had stubbornly refused to reach out to him out of fear for his life. It was more important to keep him safe than to have him by her side.

_Is that so different than what he's done? _

Despite all she had relinquished with her mom's case, he had to have known that by burying a lead he was risking her going off half-cocked and leaving him in her dust when she found out.

She thought about how fragile she would have seemed in his eyes that fall. She would have sought him out eventually once she'd gathered her courage, but at the time it could have seemed to him that she was only using him to get a lead on the warehouse fire. She had tried to assure him that day on the swings that she'd wanted to be with him eventually, but she had been too broken to move forward. Of course, she had just abandoned him for three months, so how could she have expected him to believe her?

Castle had kept her under close observation for the first several weeks when they were finally working together again. She'd thought he had been evaluating her mental state and deciding whether he could truly trust her again. Looking back, she realized that he had been put in the precarious position of either keeping her alive or offering her the only thing she had ever wanted on a silver platter. She hadn't been steady enough to hold a gun then, much less strong enough to face a fight with The Dragon, so she had to admit that he had done the right thing by keeping it from her at the time . . . but a year had passed and she had healed so much, no matter how well-intentioned his motives, it still hurt that he hadn't told her before.

Their whole relationship boiled down to one question.

_What should I do?_

She had given Rick her private murder board and had sworn off her mother's case. She had asked him to keep her grounded so in order to make it easier for her to walk away he had buried his own murder board as well.

_Still, It wouldn't hurt to run Smith's phone records. It's probably a burner, but we could check any repeating numbers just to see if something pops . . . but then what?_

She knew the next step of investigating those individuals would soon lead to an ugly snare of next steps that would start off as innocuous but lead to a full blown case that could swallow them whole. If she had even a taste of this case she would be in it full-tilt, dragging Castle, Esposito and Ryan down an ugly spiral that might end in the truth, but would certainly end with casualties.

_But what if it could be solved?_

_At what cost?_

She ran through scenario after scenario. On one hand the pursuit of the case would throw her into a personal crusade with Castle's heart left as collateral damage in her wake. On the other hand, walking away from a viable lead left her feeling edgy and powerless. It would be a struggle for her not to resent Castle for this, even though she understood.

_Yet, for how much has he forgiven me?_

She imagined what it would be like to see him shot as a result of the case then have him refuse to see her for three months.

Her phone chirped.

_Kate, come home._

Home.

Maybe that was the only way to move forward.

She had a two-hour walk ahead of her and with each step she kept her mind fixed on why it was worth walking away.

_Rick, Dad, Lanie, Rick, Alexis, Rick, Espo, Ryan, Rick, Martha, Dad . . ._

* * *

><p>She opened the door and slipped inside. Castle was sitting on the couch and staring straight ahead, looking as though he was braced for the worst. She knelt in front of him, took the glass of scotch from his hand and set it on the table. She sat back on her heels, held each of his hands in hers then rested her chin on his leg. He freed one hand and slipped her hair behind her ear, leaving his warm palm against her ear. Despite the tender gesture his voice was firm.<p>

"Kate, I won't apologize for keeping you alive."

"I know." She held his gaze just as firmly.

His voice wavered, "What are you going to do?"

"For tonight . . . this." She nuzzled his leg. "Tomorrow will be another day, another case, but not this one. You're too important, Rick."

He had thought this conversation would be about coming clean, he hadn't realized until she had said those words that it was really about measuring his worth in her eyes.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: This chapter was inserted on 12/6/12. Thanks to duckys-dream and 1822andallthat for being impromptu betas.**

**Chapter 31**

**October 2012**

Coming to the cabin to spend time with her father was one thing, driving here with Castle was quite a different experience. For starters, they were in his Ferrari. The vehicle was impractical for the narrow winding lanes plus it was an arrogant cherry red, which seemed to flaunt its technological superiority in a place that was indifferent to the trappings of an modern world. He had insisted on taking it, and while she'd _said_ he was being ridiculous and tried to talk him out of it, he had seen the glint in her eyes when he grabbed for the keys. Kate Beckett loved muscle cars and she hadn't been able to suppress her giddiness when he handed her the keychain before she even had a chance to demand them.

In the beginning of their road trip, Castle was excited to play travel games that were clearly a reflex from being a fun dad. In reality, he was nervous and needed to distract himself. Kate needed to turn her mind from where they were headed and why she'd invited him, so she played along until sightings of road signs and license plates grew sparse and they were stuck on the letter 'Q' for fifteen minutes. He finally relented and while he was never a fan of silence, he courted it for her the rest of the way.

It had only been a few weeks since the argument that had left them both reeling. She had walked out on him, but she had come back. The next morning, wrapped in his arms, she'd asked him to come to the cabin with her. He had said yes in a heartbeat.

Kate kept her eyes on the road but Castle couldn't help stealing glances at her. Sometimes her eyebrows would narrow slightly. The vein in her forehead made subtle appearances, never long enough to speak of prolonged stress, yet there was a serious undercurrent to every involuntary twitch. He began penning a mental narrative based on the smallest of changes in her expression.

_Kate Beckett, NYPD homicide detective, leaves the security of the city; the buffer of nameless crowds that conceal her. Sure, she has stared down criminals, professional barriers and even bullets, but this . . . this vulnerability is what truly challenges her. With every passing mile she is pulling the velcro of her armor a little bit further and exposing the tender flesh beneath. She has faced death on the job willingly, but never before has she been strong enough to take a real chance with what matters most._

_What she doesn't realize is that what she has is a sure bet. _

Kate looked sideways at him and he reflexively lifted his eyebrows, making himself appear way _too_ innocent.

"Castle."

"What?"

"Stop."

"Okay."

_How does she always know?_

As the trees grew denser, Castle lightly scraped his fingers over the back of her hand that rested on the gearshift. Her shoulders released slowly with each stroke. She hadn't even realized how tense she'd become.

Her heart raced as she approached. She had been here since the previous summer, but only once to spend time with her father. For them it had been a neutral ground of sorts, a place where they had a long history and a foundation to which they could cling despite both their failings. It was an intensely personal place, one that she had never shared with any other man in her life, or any other friend, even before her mother had passed. It was the antithesis of New York City; it was a sacred place for the Beckett family where power suits were exchanged for flannel.

In the past decade it had been her own fortress of solitude, and sometimes the only place she felt that she could really communicate with her father.

_Instead of a crystal temple I have a rickety two-bedroom cabin that smells of pine and comfort._

Kate smiled at her train of thought, knowing that Castle would get a kick out of a Superman analogy. She made a mental note to share that with him . . . maybe next visit.

She turned onto a dirt driveway and rolled to a stop outside the modest vacation home. It wasn't the Hamptons, but he felt it was somehow so much more than an estate could ever be. Kate cut the engine and paused, placed both hands on the wheel and looked straight ahead. Castle felt that he needed permission to set foot on the hallowed ground so he waited for her to lead.

She drew in a breath, seemed to remember that she was not alone and gripped his forearm. "Ready?"

"Sure." Even after four years that look, that intimate understanding simmering beneath his crinkle-eyed smile, could melt her.

She still didn't move, and he wasn't sure if she was waiting for him to prod or to lend quiet support. Despite how well he knew her, she still kept him unbalanced at times. He loved that about her, that she wasn't an easy read. He had dated enough straightforward women and he much preferred Kate's depth, even if that meant that sometimes he made the wrong call.

_I wanted to spend the rest of my life deciphering her._

"Castle."

He must have betrayed too much for the moment. "Yeah? Oh, right."

They got out of the car and he popped the small trunk and pulled out their bag, their _one_ bag. Even if she wasn't ready for forever, they still had a merged duffle which felt prophetic. He hitched a half smile as he hoisted the symbol of unity over his shoulder then walked up and placed an arm around Kate. He kissed her temple as they both stood looking at the cabin.

"So, this is it?"

"This is it."

Kate was biting her lower lip and seemed to be at a loss as to how to move forward.

Castle leaned to rest his cheek on her hair. "This is so beautiful. I already feel that I've lost all sense of time."

"Yeah, this place will do that to you."

He winced, not having intended to say anything to allude to her seclusion until she led him to the topic. He squeezed her shoulder lightly and offered, "Let's put our bag inside and then you can show me around out here. After so many hours in the car I really need to stretch my legs."

"Yeah, that sounds good." She reached into her pocket and produced the key. They walked up the uneven wooden steps to the porch then Kate unlocked the door and opened it.

To her it still smelled of family, like security and a simpler time. She was thankful that her extended stay had not stolen the memories that had been deeply rooted in the very air they were breathing. She stepped inside and Rick followed, keeping a distance to both give her space and to observe. He was so honored that she'd brought him here, but he was uncertain as to why, or how she would react to returning to a place that so recently must have seemed more like a prison then a vacation home. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, as though cleansing her lungs from months of city life. He thought he saw a hint of a smile, a wan one, but it was there.

She looked back and saw that he was in the same spot. "Castle, you can put the bag in the room over there." She indicated 'her' room. It had a double bed, not exactly spacious, but it would never seem right to her to take the queen in what she still considered to be her parents' room. She felt that if she slept there it would somehow erase her mother's memory even more from their lives. No, the room would only ever belong to her mother and father.

He stepped on a rickety spot on the floor and seeing him here, causing that familiar noise stirred a deeper appreciation that he was a man, _the only_ man, whom she could bring through the door of her most sacred of places. This cabin wasn't her heart, but it was where she had chosen to mend it.

He entered the room and took in the quilted comforter, the dresser and the shelves with trinkets that had value to a younger Katie Beckett – arrowheads, interesting rocks, and fish knick-knacks. It was a far cry from the sophisticated style of her dress and furnishings in the city. He picked up a trout carved out of wood and inspected it.

"Dad and I spent a lot of time fishing together. For years he'd give me fish nicknacks for Christmas, especially when I was in my teens, I think he did it because he was in denial that I was growing out of being his little girl."

"I can relate." Sometimes Kate forgot that Castle was in her father's position with Alexis; he was the father of a young woman, fighting his own battles with letting go.

She wrapped both her arms around one of his and leaned on his shoulder, "He always made me feel like if things got too rough, I had a place to retreat. I came to him when Trevor Collins dumped me the week before junior prom, when I got a D on a calculus test my senior year, and even when I had all my bags packed for Stanford and panicked about leaving him and Mom across the country." Kate ran her fingertip over what looked like a large mouth bass saltshaker. "You'll always be that for Alexis. I'm sure she has a shrine to you as well, you just might not have recognized it."

She rose on her toes and kissed his cheek. He turned to her, quirking an eyebrow and said, "Well I, for one, am glad that Trevor Collins didn't stick around."

"Yeah, felt like the end of the world at the time, but now . . ." she pecked his lips, "not so much."

She stepped back and tugged his arm, "Come on, Davy Crockett, you wanted to explore."

He went in for a deeper kiss, "What if I changed my mind?"

"I didn't, so outside it is."

"Alright, just let me use the bathroom first." She showed him where it was then waited for him on the back porch.

When he went to wash his hands there was no soap on the sink so he opened a cabinet. He found bars of soap, but he also saw bandages and pill bottles. He shut his eyes against the regrets he still carried about not being here that summer. It had been her choice and he knew he was not culpable, but it didn't diminish his feeling of loss. He was allowed to kiss her wounded skin now, and he reminded himself to be thankful for that rather than dwell on what he had missed then. He opened his eyes and in the face of the bandages he willed himself to hurt for what she must have gone through instead of pitying his place on the sidelines.

Dealing with the memories was still an exercise in forgiveness. When a rush of emotions crashed over him, he had to remand the bitterness. He loved her. He had forgiven her, and they were stronger for having gone through everything. The pangs of resentment always subsided as quickly as they came, but he couldn't help them from cropping up entirely. Not yet, but he was getting there. He knew Kate was having the same struggle with the secret he had kept from her. They were each determined to not let those things drive a wedge between them ever again but they couldn't rush emotional healing any more than Kate could have willed herself to be physically whole a day, or a week or even a month after she was shot.

Castle walked out the back door to meet her, opened his arms and she walked into them, turning so he hugged around her stomach. She leaned her back into his chest and covered his arms with hers, grazing her fingers on his forearm as they surveyed the lake.

"You're the first."

She seemed too serious for him to utter the retort about her 'number' that was begging for release. He really had no context for what she was trying to say, and wisely kept quiet rather than ruin the moment.

"You're the only one I've ever invited here . . . ever wanted here." He hugged her tighter and kissed her hair.

"Thank you for bringing me." She felt the reverberations through the material of their shirts.

"I wanted you here that summer."

He nodded against her.

"I would have come in a heartbeat, Kate."

"I know. I'll always regret pushing you away."

She started shaking her head in self-reproach, a mannerism he knew she employed when she felt she had failed someone, whether it was him, or a murder victim. She always bore a heavy weight of expectations and extended herself so little grace. He reveled in the chance to bolster her, to remind her that she would always be so much more than the sum of her failures.

"Kate, let's not get caught up in the past. I'm here now. I'll always be here for you and I'll never let you run again."

She closed her eyes and leaned her back farther against him. "Promise me. You have to promise me to step up and stop me if I ever run, because I still don't trust myself sometimes. I have the capacity to wound you, Rick. I never want to do it again, but what if it's in my nature?"

She felt him exhale heavily in her hair.

"It's not. You said it yourself, that something inside you had changed, that it made you isolate yourself. It's not in your fundamental make-up to run but a byproduct of a tragedy. Sure, your mother's death transformed parts of who you are. You became a determined detective rather than a big-shot lawyer. You became a more loyal daughter who now knows the capacity of unconditional love you have for your father and how much he fought to overcome because loves you even more. Most importantly, your passion gave the writer of you dreams a meaningful pursuit in life."

At that she chuckled despite her mood.

"Pushing it, Castle."

"Okay then, you gave purpose to a man ambling through an empty existence. My point is that you let the trauma chisel you into a better version of yourself. Yeah, it also brought shades of darkness, but you are no longer captive to them. You've chosen to let those go."

She laced her fingers with his, turned out of his embrace and led him down the steps and along a path that circled the lake. Bumping her shoulder against his as they walked.

"When I was a little girl, I felt that walking around the lake was a huge adventure. I would go with both my parents. They'd hold hands, like this, and I'd run ahead or wander a bit off the path to see some strange tree or follow a butterfly, but I always gravitated back to them. When Mom died, I felt I had lost my center of gravity."

Rick glanced sideways at her, weighing whether to prod or wait.

This time he prodded.

"How difficult is this for you, being here with all the memories of her?" He didn't add the memories of what she had put herself through in this place as well.

He asked so carefully, as though he were still afraid that she'd break. "You know, at first it was terrible. Everywhere I looked I saw her and it magnified the loss. It was worse for Dad. After a while I wanted to come here to feel closer to her again. Dad and I have had a lot of good memories here with her, so after a while instead of being depressed about what we lost, we started to remember what we had."

"Is that why you chose to come here to heal?"

She looked fixedly away. She couldn't discuss it without another admission of how she'd mistreated him, but she knew he was trying to understand, not accuse.

"This place is remote. If anyone had been after me, everyone else I cared about, aside from my dad, was safely far away. I felt like a cancer and the only way to keep from infecting the rest of you was to cut myself off." He had understood her reasonings before, but being here and listening to her describe herself as a cancer gave him more perspective. "The first month I was so paranoid. I was convinced that I'd look at my dad one day and see a red dot on his forehead when he passed by a window. I worried that every rustle outside was made by a trained killer waiting to rush into the cabin instead of a raccoon or deer. On top of that, I had to live with knowing what I had done to you."

She paused and he realized their soundtrack was nothing but the leaves crunching beneath their steps and the distant cooing of birds. They were so very secluded, but they were together; she had been alone. He had to admit that he'd be nervous being here without her.

"Even so, Rick, you're right, coming here was about more than isolating myself; it was where I could concentrate on getting better once I got through the paranoia and depression. I had almost died, I'd pushed you away, was mentally unstable and I needed my mom. This place makes me feel her presence vividly even now. That summer after I sent Dad away, I started to think that if I were to die that it wouldn't be so bad if it happened here, almost like my soul would get to her sooner from here."

She shrugged.

Castle felt sick hearing how resigned she had been to her own death. He couldn't think of how it would have wounded him if she hadn't survived, how he wouldn't have been any better off than Jim had been after Johanna's death, and he hadn't even been dating Kate at the time. He didn't trust himself to speak so he kept his eyes on the path and waited.

Kate glanced at him and saw his set brow. She squeezed his hand tighter and added, "That thought might seem morbid, but in a way it was freeing. I started becoming bolder. I opened the curtains and spent time reading on the porch. After days, then weeks with nothing happening, I was no longer consumed with fear. I'd stopped searching the trees for sniper nests. I did my physical therapy plus I would challenge myself to walk this path as far as I could each day, sometimes barely making it home before collapsing from the effort, but over time I built back my strength, and my confidence. The day I made it all the way around the lake, I knew that I'd come as far as I could here. I was ready to go back to the city to face the consequences of what I'd done and to start living again, for however long I had."

Castle had spent so much time tormented himself with images of Kate, injured and alone, that he hadn't really considered how she'd transformed from a frail shooting victim into a much healthier woman on the swing months later. He thought this place had been her fortress, which it had been for a time, but it had become more of an incubator, keeping her safe until she'd grown ready to stand on her own two feet again.

"The last day I was here I felt at peace, Rick. I was resigned to the fact that I was still damaged, that I would have to accept that you'd probably moved on. I was at a place where I wanted you to have more than the little I could offer, but I was so afraid to see you with someone else, to see evidence that you were over me. That's why I stayed away from everyone those first weeks back in the city. I had to adjust to being there. The noise alone was overwhelming, and I was still getting winded going up the steps to my apartment."

She smiled slyly at him, "I held out some hope that I still had a chance with you, and I wanted to impress you with my ability to accomplish simple tasks without sweating or stopping to catch my breath. I guess being aloof was as much about vanity as it was about fear." She bumped Rick's shoulder playfully.

He hadn't considered that. The thought that she wanted to impress him did buffer the bitterness he'd felt about it considerably.

"Well, I might have been angry when you asked me to sign your copy of Heat Rising, but you certainly were an impressive sight to behold. I can't tell you how relieved and nervous I was, Kate. But I spent those months assuming you had spent them with Josh. Thinking of you in the arms of another man hurt more than anything."

"I didn't know how to bring this up when I returned without it seeming awkward, but I broke it off with Josh the day I sent you away. He saved my life, but he knew it wasn't for him. From what I hear, his fist kind of proved that."

"Yeah, Doctor Motorcycle Boy certainly can pack a punch."

She smiled imagining Castle and Josh essentially dueling over her.

They spent the rest of the two-hour walk swinging their joined hands and filling each other in on details from their summer apart.

* * *

><p>By the time the cabin was back in view, Rick Castle had made his decision.<p>

"Kate, what does this place mean to you now?"

She inhaled deeply and led him to the pier where she had fished with her dad months before. She faced him and held both his hands.

"It means good memories, it means hope and restoration."

He had to be certain. "So you won't look back and see the dark days. It isn't a place that will cause you pain?"

"I was in pain here, but I didn't stay that way. This place will always be sacred ground to me."

His smile started small and grew gradually.

"Then I have something to ask you."

This was a place she loved, a place she felt her mother's presence, and most importantly to him, a place no other man had been allowed to tread. Richard Castle knelt on one knee and pulled out the ring that he'd brought in the hopes that this would be the right time and place.

Her lip started trembling, tears glistened in her eyes as he asked, "Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"

* * *

><p>Kate had opened the windows so they could enjoy the wooded air even though it had grown crisp with the darkness. She used to love sleeping with the windows open, but that had been the one step after her shooting that she hadn't been comfortable enough to take until now.<p>

She woke in the early morning hours, cuddled to her fiancé, feeling the heat and security of his body as his arms wrapped around her in her cozy bed. She twisted her engagement ring and raised her hand in the moonlight for yet another inspection.

She knew he would have wanted to do something outlandish like take her up in a hot air balloon, have a skywriter pop the question then uncork a ridiculously expensive bottle champagne. Instead he had waited for an intimate setting, a private moment where they had neither cell reception nor internet access to even tell another soul until they returned. It had been intimate. It had been perfect.

Rick stirred. "Hmmm." She kissed his chin. "Go back to sleep, Kate."

She nuzzled back into his shoulder and ran her fingers over his bicep. "Rick, what would you have done if I had said no?"

He yawned. "Give you the keys to the Ferrari and wallow in self-pity on my long walk back to the city."

_Of course you would have._

He had handed her the keys to his cars, his loft, and as cliché as it was, the keys to his heart, long before she was ready to accept them. There's nothing he would deny her. She wanted to spend the rest of her life proving that she loved him just as unconditionally.

He was now fully awake, looking at her with adoration and the glow of suspended disbelief that he'd worn since she had said yes. He enmeshed one hand in her hair. "I haven't been that nervous since I held Alexis for the first time. I only had one shot at getting this right, and I wasn't sure if this was the right time or place."

He felt her words warm on his neck. "I think after four years, we finally have our timing down perfectly." She kissed his neck and ran her fingers up to stroke his jaw with her thumb. "And, Castle? You get to drive on the way home."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I would love to hear your thoughts! **


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to anyone who had a bike with a banana seat. Mine was a double hand-me-down Schwinn with purple flowers on the seat. **

**Chapter 32**

**April 19, 2013**

Kate began sifting through the closet and selecting items to pack. They were headed to Patterson's place on a private island in the Caribbean for their honeymoon. The two weeks in paradise were a wedding gift, which had been given indirectly as a poker bet. Rick and his writing buddies often threw in the use of sports cars or prized event tickets for fun so big events such as births & weddings resulted in gift wagers that were meant to be lost. Consequently, the hand that had earned them the honeymoon stay had been won by a pair of nines.

After pulling sundresses, shorts and shirts out of the closet she took stock of her bathing suits. She had hung on to a few bikinis which revealed too much scarring for public wear. She hadn't wanted the questions so she had bought new suits with a bit more coverage. Since they would be mostly on their own (there were only a few sizable neighboring estates owned by those who relished privacy as much as the next celebrity), she decided to only take the ones with less material.

When she opened her suitcase she found two elegantly wrapped boxes and a card from Castle. It had written on it, 'Roses are red, Violets are blue, I cannot wait to say 'I do.'

She opened the first package and pulled out white lacy, elegant lingerie that was perfect for their wedding night. The note simply said, "Because I'm hopelessly in love with you today . . . "

She opened the next box, which held a lilac two-piece pajama set with three-quarter sleeves and long shorts. The material felt like a favorite t-shirt that had been washed thinner and softer over the years. She fished for the note which read, " . . . because I'll love you always."

She sat on the bed, fingering both gifts, feeling washed in affection and overwhelmed with how lucky she was. She never would deserve him, and yet she was going to be his partner in every sense of the word.

She'd given him his gift when they'd gone to get their wedding license. She would be taking his name in every respect outside of the 12th, a first for him. Kate would be his one and only Mrs. Castle. She had struggled with the issue, always assuming that she would keep 'Beckett' if she got married. In the end she decided that with all he had given her, it was a way that she could give him something of herself, something that would be worth more than any token she could buy. He was so overjoyed that he immediate changed everything from his checks to the post box label in the lobby to "Richard & Kate Castle." At the same time, he told her that it wouldn't be right for her to be anything but Detective Beckett behind the badge; a perfect compromise.

There was one other gift that she had intended to give him but this one she would always conceal from him. She was determined not to go into this with issues, or at least not any more than she could help. She'd reached the deadline she'd given herself to cure what she now felt was a full blown phobia.

She'd kept it from him for over a year. He'd had enough to worry about with her, even though her PTSD had subsided thanks to continued therapy and a strong support system. She had not wanted to seem any weaker than he already knew her to be. There were seeds of insecurity in her mind sown from the repeated thought that her fiancé had first fallen in love with a version of her that had been confident and strong. The Kate Beckett that Castle had been so taken with five years ago hadn't been scarred, as emotionally fragile or had an aversion to going under water. She hadn't been entirely whole since her mom had died, but with each passing year Castle had had to adjust to a more and more compromised version of her. She worried that he would reach a point at which he started to have stray thoughts that he'd gotten in over his head. Even if he would stick it out, she never wanted to put him in that position. She was going to cure herself.

She had managed to avoid going underwater during weekends in The Hamptons over the previous summer. Castle and Alexis played in the deeper waves together, milking traditions formed over her lifetime – all part of 'The Epic Summer,' as it came to be known. Kate had made sure not to avoid the water altogether in order to not draw attention to herself but she never went in above waist deep. She would skip rocks with him and they would take walks and do a bit of frolicking in the water, which Kate kept in tight control. Her fears were always hidden just under the surface and he never suspected. There was one time when Castle had picked her up and made to toss her but she had employed a string of self-preservation maneuvers, which had ended in her distracting him by kissing him senseless to mask the real reason for her racing heart. That was one sure way to get him out of the water.

During their honeymoon Alexis obviously wouldn't be there to distract him when they swam. Castle wouldn't be spending any time writing. He would be focused one hundred percent on her. It had been over a year since she had almost drowned and not a week had gone by that she hadn't challenged herself to put her face in the bath water nor a day that she hadn't berated herself for the utter absurdity of the situation, and yet, she could not break the surface, physically or metaphorically.

Castle wasn't supposed to be home for at least another hour. She filled the sink and pulled her hair into a ponytail. She took calming breaths then leant forward so that her elbows rested on either side of the sink. She ran her fingers behind her head on either side and tried to knit the opposing digits together, forcing her face closer and closer to the surface. She stopped about two inches above the water and at the same instant her head revolted and her hands locked to keep it in place. She warred with herself, thinking how ludicrous she must look fighting herself and seemingly losing. She stopped struggling, loosened her fingers and rested her forehead on her hands.

_We're not even married yet and I'm failing him._

She remembered her mom soothing her when she'd fallen off her bike when she was seven. There had been so much blood that her knee and elbow had looked horrific to her young eyes. She'd cried hysterically until her mom had washed the surfaces and shown her that it wasn't as bad as she'd thought. While Johanna had stroked Kate's hair she spoke with a gentle firmness, "Katie, you're okay. Calm down. You're alright." Before her tears had dried her mom had put her back on the bike then held the back of the banana seat until her little girl was steady. Within an hour Kate was zipping up and down the sidewalk trying to ride no-handed.

Adult Kate watched as her tears rolled down her cheeks and into the water, mocking her with the ease in which they broke the surface. She drained the water then rolled down to sit against the tub, pulling up her knees and resting her head in her folded arms atop them. If only she could hear her mom speak those words again . . . but Johanna Beckett wouldn't be here to wipe her tears, or to make her get over herself with her firm but comforting manner. She wouldn't be here to fix her dress or give her the story of how she felt before walking down the aisle to marry her dad. The tears flowed freely, and she allowed herself to wallow just a little . . .

She stirred when she felt secure arms lift her enough to slide her onto a lap. She was dreaming that this was her miracle, that her mom was there to hold her just one last time.

* * *

><p>Kate had been myopic the past few days when it had come to their individual and combined to-do lists, so when Castle had come home and found her half asleep against the tub, he'd been more than a little concerned. He slid beneath her and she didn't fully wake, only clung to him, while tears dampened his shirt. He cradled her and ran the backs of his fingers against her cheek and wavered between hoping she would wake to let him know what was wrong and not wanting to jar her out of what he knew was much needed rest. She had slept very little during the past week and he had been wondering how she was keeping herself going. He reasoned that her body must have hit a breaking point.<p>

It wasn't long before she nuzzled into his shirt then seemed to startle at the unexpected smell and the feel of him. She blinked rapidly, wiped her face with a shaky hand then looked into his reassuring eyes. What she saw might not have been the miracle of her dream, but the fact she was snuggled here, a day away from marrying Richard Castle, was a miracle in itself. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and offered a simple explanation, knowing he would understand, at least in part.

"I miss her."

He kissed her hair, "I know, Sweetheart. I'm so sorry."

He shifted her around and edged himself down so he was laying flat on the bathroom floor with Kate on top of him. Her eyes were closed and her silent tears were still dampening his shirt. He alternated between playing with her hair and running his fingertips up and down her back.

She drew in a shuddering breath. "There's so much to do." She made to get up but his hands held her against him.

"Shhh. Just stay here for as long as you need. There is nothing more important than this."

She might not be whole, she might have a hidden fear and baggage that she just couldn't shake, but she knew this felt right. This _was_ right. While lying in his arms she realized how foolish she'd been to think that her psychological defects could cause Richard Castle to be any less than the man who adored her unconditionally.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Even sensible detectives can't have a wedding without a bit of melodrama!**


	33. Chapter 33

******Chapter 33******

**(Extended version - wedding scene added at the end)**

**April 20, 2012**

It was the morning of their wedding and Kate Beckett had slept alone in her old apartment one last time. Martha had recently moved in, and would be living there permanently as a her wedding gift to them. She swapped with Kate for the night so the bride and groom could avoid seeing each other the day of their wedding. After her emotional breakdown the day before, Rick had been reluctant to leave her alone but she had insisted. He had compromised by sending his mother over in the morning with coffee, a muffin and a letter that simply said, "May this be the last morning coffee we drink apart." She knew with their schedules it wouldn't be, but she loved the sentiment, and she desperately needed the caffeine.

After handing over the items, Martha enveloped her in a hug. "Darling, I couldn't be happier. I know my son, and I can say that I have always had reservations about where he invested his heart, until now. I never had a daughter, and as you can imagine, Gina and Meredith were not even interested in Alexis, much less me."

Kate smiled at the thought of being officially part of the Castle family. "Martha, that was their loss, although I have to admit I'm glad they weren't right for him in the end."

"Not as much as we are, Kiddo. In fact, I'd have to say that this is the third happiest day of my life, maybe even the second since I was scared to death the day Richard was born, but he doesn't need to know that." She winked at Kate.

"Your secret is safe with me, but knowing Rick, as long as Alexis' birthday is number one, I don't think he'd care where he fell."

"I know he'd prefer for you to be right up there with her."

Kate shifted her eyes, not feeling worthy of the sentiment. "Martha, he's been so good to me . . ." She paused, reaching for words.

"Darling, that has gone both ways. He's a better man for having known you, and I am confident that he'll always be your, what did he call it last night? 'One and Done'?"

Kate smiled thinking back to their conversation years ago. "Yeah, somehow I always knew it could only be him, even then. He was just too big of a risk at the time. If it hadn't worked out, I'm not sure I could have survived it."

"Well, we were all rooting for you, still are." Martha reached her arms out again, "Come here. Welcome to the family, Kate."

Martha embraced Kate, longer than they had ever hugged before, but instead of feeling uncomfortable, Kate suppressed tears at feeling the maternal vibes that flowed from her soon-to-be Mother-in-law. Kate was never much of a conventional girl, she and Rick hadn't had a typical relationship, and somehow all the quirkiness with his family just felt right. They would never be the arms of Johanna Beckett, but Martha Rodgers's arms felt pretty good, too.

* * *

><p>Castle was roughly pulled into a dark hallway. "Dude, we need to talk."<p>

"Guys . . ?" He looked from Ryan to Esposito, both of whom were wearing their most intimidating cop expressions and crossing their arms. Castle started to squirm and his eyes shifted back and forth between them.

"We like you, Bro." Despite the words, Ryan's tone was not reassuring.

"I like you guys, too?" Castle replied uncertainly.

Esposito stepped forward, "We've had an eye on you. You've had her back, and we appreciate that."

"It's been my pleasure?"

Ryan said, "But . . . we've also seen you checkin' out other women,"

"But not since –"

"Then there's the issue of the stash you mentioned when you thought you were cursed,"

Castle grimaced, "Gone, I swear!"

Esposito and Ryan alternated, "Not following her orders,"

"Playing Angry Birds when you told her you were texting Alexis,"

"Looking on-line at smart boards that rival the Fed's,"

"Bringing her deli sandwiches with regular mayo when she asked for light."

Esposito pushed him lightly against the wall. "It's gotta stop, Bro. This is it, you marry Beckett, you marry family. You mess up, you answer to us."

Ryan made a fist and hit it against his other palm slowly and repeatedly.

Castle's eyes were wide and he nodded emphatically. "I get it. Believe me, I'll make it all up to her and I swear I'll treat her like a queen."

Esposito shoved his shoulder.

Castle amended, "Better . . . better than a queen."

Ryan made a V with his fingers and alternated pointed them at his eyes then Castle. "We'll be watching, Bro, don't ever forget it."

"I wont . . . I promise!" The detectives looked him up and down as though they were thugs eying prey. Eventually, Esposito let go and smoothed Castle's tux.

"Oh, we know you will." He gave the groom one more intense glare.

They strutted away, leaving Castle unsure of what had just happened.

Once they were out of view Esposito slipped a giggling Ryan a ten and commented, "Dude, I was so sure we could make him wet himself."

"At least we made sure to get it on the security camera so we can give the evidence to Beckett as her wedding gift."

"Think she'll kill us?"

"Either way, it was so worth it."

* * *

><p>Kate had Lanie, Alexis and Martha hovering over her most of the morning, and while she felt so blessed to have those she loved around her, she did relish a few moments of quiet before the ceremony.<p>

She sat staring at a mirror while trying not to bite her lip. She wasn't kidding when she had told Castle that she had never cut pictures of wedding gowns out of magazines growing up. Yet she was preparing to marry Richard Castle of all people. She shook her head at the memory of meeting the man and how impossible he had seemed at the time.

She heard a light knock at the door and a moment later her father's voice floated into the room, "Can I come in, Katie?"

"Yeah, Dad, of course."

Jim Beckett looked dashing in his tux. He walked in and stopped five feet in front of her and took in the most beautiful sight that he had seen since Johanna wore a similar dress. "Katie, you look as beautiful as your mother did the day I married her."

Kate looked down at her dress and smoothed the front, trying to hide the effect of her father's compliment. He stepped forward and ducked his head to meet her gaze.

"Katie?"

"I wish she could have been here, Dad. She's missed so much."

He carefully hugged his daughter, minding both the dress and her make-up, then kissed her cheek.

"I know, Sweetheart. She would be so proud of you, and she would have adored Rick. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle giving you away without her by my side."

"You'll do fine, Dad." She looked him in the eye and assured him, "Mom would be proud of you, too, you know."

Kate pulled at the necklace with her mother's ring and fingered it tentatively. Her father placed his fingers over hers and asked, "May I?"

She dropped her fingers, allowing her father to gently slip the necklace over her head and hold it between them.

"Katie, I've been giving this a lot of thought. I know you have worn this for all these years, and it has served to honor her memory, but this is a new start for you. I don't want anything to be between you and your new husband."

Kate swallowed back her emotions as her dad tentatively continued, "When he asked for my permission to marry you," at this Kate smiled and rolled her eyes a bit at the image of Castle and her dad having that unnecessary but sweet conversation, "he asked if I thought you would prefer to have your mom's ring resized or if I thought a new one would be more fitting. I could tell he was leaning towards giving you this." He lifted her mother's ring for emphasis. "Honestly, Katie, I was going to agree with him until I gave it some more thought. This not only represents the memory of your mom, but also your need for justice, and although no one would agree with this, to you it also represents the burden of your failures. You've let her case go, and I can't tell you how proud I am of you, but this day is a clean start. I want your marriage to be only about you and that dashing husband of yours." Kate let the tears stream down her face and her hand shook as she took the ring back in her hand and lovingly brushed it with her fingers. She let all that her dad said sink in and she knew he was right.

He then picked up the watch from the dresser. "You know I would not be here today without you getting me through. I've seen this watch on you and it's made me proud that I raised such a strong daughter. I love you more and more each day, Katie, but my wedding gift to you is to set you free from the past. You have my permission to keep these two precious items safe in your wooden box, to take them out from time to time, but I want you to be free from the weight that you have carried for far too long. I want you to look forward, not back. You have spent too much of your life tending to the cares of your mother and me, and I want you to have a fresh start."

Jim Beckett took the ring off of the chain and slipped it on his daughter's right hand ring finger. "So, for the wedding, I want you to wear this in honor of your mom, then after you put on that shiny new band, that will be the only ring you need to wear from this day on."

It took Kate a while to muster the simple words, "I love you so much, Dad . . ."

She leaned in and hugged him.

"Never as much as I love you."

As he kissed her cheek, Jim Beckett felt the full measure of all that had been restored.

* * *

><p>When Richard Castle saw his bride, he experienced a new brand of anticipation and fulfillment. As she approached, holding her father's arm, Kate Beckett felt blessed beyond measure and nearly weak kneed at the sight of him.<p>

Throughout the ceremony the two were so lost in each other that their voices faltered during their vows and Castle had to be prompted twice to produce the rings.

The couple never noticed that their guests were similarly affected. Alexis felt that she was watching her father and Kate enact a real-life fairy tale, one they had shared with her. She smiled through her tears as she leaned on Martha.

Martha looked as fabulous as she had for Richard's other weddings, but for once she played the part of delighted mother of the groom without pretense.

Jim could not have been more content to see his daughter join hands with such a man. The bittersweet tears he shed stemmed from happiness for Katie and Rick as well as sorrow for the empty seat beside him. He had never missed his wife so much nor felt her presence stronger. Johanna had dreamt of this day since Katie was born; and for her little girl to be marrying Richard Castle, well, she would have been tickled when he proposed and a sobbing mess during the ceremony. Instead Jim was a big enough mess for both of them.

Esposito handed tissues to Lanie, Jenny and even Ryan. Of course he only cleared his throat and blinked rapidly - purely coincidentally. He wasn't getting soft while watching his 'sister' marry one of his best friends. He wasn't dangerously close to sentimental overload. That was his story anyway. If Kate had seen his stoic expression she would have seen right through him.

So much of their lives had been messy and chaotic, but this was a perfect moment. Kate finally was marrying the gorgeous man who meant more to her than anything in the world.

For always.

* * *

><p><strong>Author Confession: Playing 'Fashion Plates' with more than one color of crayon is the extent of my stylistic talents. W<strong>hile many authors take great care in writing beautiful wedding scenes, I initially avoided writing the ceremony all together because <strong>******I know my strengths and writing perfect iconic moments isn't one of them.****

****However, after BB was marked complete, a reviewer pointed out that they felt that not being a part of the actual ceremony left her feeling unsatisfied. I mulled it over and had to agree. (Yes, reviewing is power, even after the fact) So, **I went back and added the final segment. It took me a while to figure out what to write that didn't sound like, "They all looked pretty, it was perfect, and everyone cried." I hope it wasn't too cheesy and that it was enough to fill in that gap without me having to embarrass myself by trying to paint a detailed picture that I'm ill equipped to conjure.**

**The scene with Castle and the boys - now THAT was a pure joy to write! **


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

**April 24, 2012**

It was day four of their honeymoon, and the first time that they spent a long stretch outside. Rick and Kate Castle were lying on an oversized beach blanket, each lazily savoring a book and soaking in the sun. By noon Rick had been itching to take a body board out in the hope that there would be some credible waves. He had been playfully nudging his wife to join him but she had been putting him off with a string of 'one more chapter' responses. He eventually became antsy enough to take his board and run into the mild water solo.

Kate spent more time watching him than reading. The crystal clear water was wooing her. The surface was lazily undulating, showing no sign of whitecaps. It looked safe enough so she started to muster the courage to head in the water as though no anxiety could touch her. She reasoned that what she needed was not the privacy of a bathroom, but a setting such as this to get over herself. Since she was with Castle, her pride would assure that no matter what happened, she wouldn't overreact.

Before doubts could take hold, she grabbed the other board and made her way to where her husband was floating. She slung her arms across her board and held herself afloat, head erect, while they drifted a bit deeper. She felt a twinge of panic with every wave when her toes lost touch with the sand, but the ocean maintained a calming roll and she was managing as long as she faced the shore.

Rick was elated when she joined him. Kate was proud of herself for how normal she appeared as she ran a calming mantra through her mind.

_I've got this. I'm over this. Rick's right here, I'm fine. It's no big deal. I've got this . . . _

She worked to maintain a steady heart rate and she was managing well enough. As they were talking they had drifted deeper and the wind had picked up. The undulations subtly increased without Kate registering the change. She was still faring well until she saw Rick gaze in the distance with glee and heard him yell, "I'll race you!"

When she turned towards the open ocean she saw to her horror a succession of larger waves heading their way. Castle flicked his head over his shoulder at her, expecting to see her competitive streak kicking in. Instead she had stiffened and clenched her eyes shut. He immediately changed course and swam back to her. The first wave hit and knocked Kate forwards, away from her board, and for the first time in over a year she went under.

She felt the water saturating her with memories of being trapped. At first she couldn't order herself to move, ironically keeping herself in a watery prison. A surge of adrenalin finally broke through and drove her into a frenzy to survive.

Castle didn't understand exactly what had happened, but his lifeguard instincts had kicked in and he got to her as soon as he could. She should have been able to surface despite the pull of the waves, but she hadn't. He saw a splash, reached around her torso and pulled her up and before he knew it he had taken an elbow strike to his eye. Despite the pain, he used his full strength to hold her against him and pin her arms to her sides while he swam them to shallower water.

The whole event spanned only seconds but each second weighed heavily upon them both.

Embarrassed, She tried to untangle his arm from around her but he didn't budge.

"Please, let me go."

"No, Kate, not until you tell me what just happened."

"Noth –"

"It's not nothing!" He took a breath to calm himself then asked, "What just happened?"

"I don't like the water."

It sounded weak, even to her.

"I don't like broccoli, but I have never beaten someone up who tried to make me eat it."

Just then she realized how urgently she had been fighting him.

_Oh no, my elbow . . ._

She began to turn in his arms and he loosened his grip enough to let her.

She lifted her shaking fingers and gingerly touched around his eye. When she realized the damage she had done, her eyes reddened.

"Rick . . . I didn't . . . I'm sorry . . . I'm so sorry . . . We need to put ice on that."

He flinched away from her touch. "Not until we talk about this."

She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. "Alright, but not here, okay?"

Ignoring the boards that had floated toward shore, he motioned towards the beach and kept a hand solidly on the small of her back while they walked. They returned to the blanket and both sat, Kate as close to the edge as possible. Even though his instinct was to hover, he gave her space to work through her thoughts.

After a few swipes at her eyes with unsteady hands she explained, "I haven't been able to go under since the Hudson." She blew out a shaky breath and rubbed her forehead with her thumb and forefinger, shielding her face.

He was stunned. It had been over a year. "So every time you shower you're fighting this?"

She shook her head, "No, it's odd . . . I'm fine in the shower and even in the bath, so long as I don't go under. It's having my face completely submerged that I'm . . . that I can't tolerate."

Castle was sitting a few feet from her, his knees slightly bent and arms circling around them loosely. He lifted one hand and ran it through his hair then gripped the back of his neck. His adrenalin was still high and it was magnifying all his emotions. She'd had this pressing on her for over a year and he'd had no clue. He was supposed to be so intuitive and yet he'd missing the signs. Granted, she knew how to hide evidence. He mentally flipped back through their visits to the Hamptons. He couldn't remember her going under, but he couldn't remember her avoiding the water, either. She must have pushed herself just enough to seem like everything was normal, all the while fighting a high level of anxiety . . . and willfully keeping it from him.

Castle glanced back at his wife.

She was a mess.

Aside from the drowning flashback, she was clearly upset that she'd elbowed him and while her tears cut him to pieces, he wasn't about to gloss over her deceit. He had to choose his words carefully because he didn't want to make whatever this was worse, but she had to know that she couldn't keep him at arm's length any longer. She had to understand that he was in this one hundred percent and she didn't have to fight her demons alone anymore.

"Kate, why didn't you tell me?"

Through his tone she could hear just how deeply she'd wounded him. Now that she had been discovered, it seemed silly that she had worked so hard to hide it.

"Because it's irrational . . . and it's just one more thing, you know? I've been trying to get over it, and I thought maybe being here with you, if I forced myself . . . that I'd be okay, but I shouldn't have assumed . . . and now your eye . . . "

He could tell it was starting to swell, but he really didn't want anything to distract them from this conversation so he shifted to sit next to her so it was less in her line of sight. He took her hand and laced their fingers.

"Kate, it's not irrational. You nearly died, and that would affect anyone. The week after it happened, when you went back to your apartment I couldn't sleep. I kept lying in bed thinking what would have happened if I hadn't found your gun, or if I had been just a moment too late. I'd close my eyes and feel your limp body in my arms. Kate, that night when I swam us to the surface I didn't know if you were even still alive."

"I didn't know that."

"Maybe I should have told you at the time, but you were getting over pneumonia and I knew you needed time to yourself. Once you were over more often than not, it passed." He looked wryly at her. "Anyway, I was trying to impress a girl, who hadn't seemed emotionally scarred by any of it." He nudged her shoulder with his. She shook her head.

"Kate, it's okay to be human. It's okay if things affect you, but it's not okay to keep them from me." He found her ring finger and kissed it. "This isn't just a one-of-a-kind piece of art. This means we're in this together . . . everything, the good, the bad and the ugly . . . although that last part could never apply to either of us. I mean look at these fine manly features," he circled a finger around his face then up and down her as he continued, "and you're the embodiment of hotness." That earned him a smile at least.

"Rick, I was just so sick and weak than and you were such a mother hen as it was." She rolled her eyes and cut him off as he made to interrupt, "I know, I needed it. I just didn't want to give you another reason to worry. Time passed and I felt more and more guilty that I couldn't just make myself get over it." She shook her head, "I guess that backfired."

"Yeah, I suppose it did, especially since I brought you to an _island_ for our honeymoon. Talk about irony."

"You couldn't have known. It's beautiful here and as long as my head is above water I'm fine. And now I don't have to worry about you surprise dunking me."

He grimaced, "I can't believe I never did that. There were so many times I could have pulled you under. I could've never lived with myself had _I_ scared you that badly." He motioned towards where they had been in the waves.

"Oh, I knew you had sneak attack potential so I made sure to employ surefire distraction techniques." She flicked up an eyebrow at his dopey smile as he remembered some of them.

"Wow, you were good. I had no idea." His expression sobered. "Kate, I know you thought you needed to prove something to yourself, but that should never have been at the expense of trusting me."

"I know, and I'm feeling very foolish right now, if that makes you feel any better."

"Depends on how repentant you are." He twitched his eyebrow. He always seemed to be able to balance difficult conversations. He made her understand with no uncertain terms how he felt, but she always walked away knowing things were somehow better.

Her eyes shifted down. "I need to confess one more thing. The day you found me asleep against the bathtub . . . I'd filled the sink and given myself an ultimatum. I couldn't put my face in the water and I was so angry and frustrated . . . I never wanted you to have to deal with this, but it was never because I didn't trust you, it was because I didn't think it was fair to you."

"You do understand the flaw in your logic, right?"

"Yeah, what wasn't fair was me hiding something from you no matter how neurotic or embarrassing. Apparently, the consequences are not only broken trust, but also the occasional black eye. That alone will make me think twice about keeping anything from you ever again." She squeezed his hand. "I am sorry, Rick."

"Lucky for you the evidence of spousal abuse should be gone before we return to the precinct. I won't be able to press charges. Not that your henchmen would let me file a report anyway."

"Lucky me." She half laughed, half sobbed. "Wait, my what?"

"That's a story for another time." He touched her chin and they turned to face each other fully. She cringed as his eye came into full view.

"Kate, this was an accident. I'm not ever going to hold this against you, okay?"

She nodded.

"Now, is there anything I can do to help?"

"I don't know. I've tried everything to get myself over this, but nothing seems to work. After today I'm afraid that if you're anywhere near me next time I try that I might break your nose."

"I don't care."

"You will when your face is permanently mangled."

"It's a risk I'm willing to take. I don't want you to be alone when you try again, okay?"

"Okay." Although she had no intention of trying any time soon, she wasn't going to deny him anything after what she had just done.

"Anyway, you know I'm always happy to chaperone bath time."

She replied dryly, "You're too kind."

He lay back on the blanket, tugging her down on top of him.

He splayed both hands on her shoulders. "Kate, you really did scare me."

"I'm sorry, Rick. I really am."

He tenderly stroked her sides, "I know you are, I just need a minute."

She knew he needed to touch her, to feel that she was okay, that they were okay. She leaned down and kissed his lips then all around his eye. She lazily ran her fingers through his hair as she looked at him for reassurance and to assess the damage.

She framed one side of his face with her palm. "Rick, you need ice."

"Do you think Patterson has bendy straws?"

"I'm not sure there's anything Patterson doesn't have."

They made their way to the house, grabbing their boards from where they had washed up on the beach. Once inside, Kate wrapped ice in a towel, grabbed two bottles of Propel (apparently Patterson wasn't a straw or Gatorade guy at all) and sat on the couch. She put a pillow on her lap to lure Rick then iced his eye with one hand and ran her fingers through his hair with the other.

They gazed at each other, neither one wanting to break the connection. Kate brushed her fingers across his brow, his neck, his ear, his lips, touching a continued apology.

"Kate, You know how much I love you, right? No matter what either one of us is up against, it's you and me now . . . you and me."

He lifted a hand to skim his fingers on her neck then slowly down until he placed his hand over her scar, her heart. She secured with her own. She bit her lip and nodded, blinking back tears.

* * *

><p>Clouds had rolled in and rain soon followed so they opted to have a low key day and watch movies in Patterson's ridiculously lavish home theatre. They resumed their positions of Castle laying down with his head in Kate's lap. She kept ice on his eye and plied him with snacks. He smiled up at her and cought her fingers now and then and brought them to his lips, coating each one with kisses. He tried to tug her down to lie next to him several times but she just shook her head and kept running her fingers through his hair or kneading his muscles.<p>

Despite their reconciliation Kate had been tentative; not withdrawing completely, just very quiet. Castle had understood, after all, her elbow was sharp and his eye had nearly swollen shut so she couldn't exactly escape from the evidence of her sins. He'd forgiven her but guilt would eat at her as long as the bruising lasted.

He needed a way to put her at ease.

Eventually Castle commandeered the remote and turned off the TV. He sat up and turned towards her, waiting for her to meet his eyes. She did so only briefly. Instead of rehashing what had happened or offering more assurances that he was fine he hesitantly asked if he could draw Kate a bath. Instead of joining her, he read to her. That had become a ritual of theirs when they'd had a rough day at the precinct. It was a happy compromise; her instinct would be to cry for space and his would be to hover.

When he finished a few chapter, he closed the book and asked nervously, "Can I wash your hair?"

She looked uncertain so he continued, "You can tell me no, I'll understand. I was just thinking that it might be relaxing, and I'll make sure only the back of your head goes under, if that's okay."

Kate wanted to say no because she wasn't sure she trusted herself. Then she realized that the bigger issue was that he needed to know that she trusted him. Even though she was not completely comfortable, she agreed.

"I'll be careful. Just say the word and I'll back off. Hey, what is your safe word, anyway?"

"Back off."

"That's two words."

"It gets the point across."

"True." He smiled then soberly asked, "Kate, are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Rick, I trust you."

He moved behind the head of the bath and tugged her ponytail holder, freeing her hair to fall gently over her shoulders into the water. She scooted down and rested her head in his hands. He very slowly lowered her into the water, keeping her ears dry and she tilted her head back so she was looking upside down at him. She looked so vulnerable, and he knew that she was doing this for him. His expression showed the weight of this gift she was giving him as he cupped water and dampened the sides of her hair and took extra care not to dribble any on her face as he got the front. He lifted her then poured what Kate knew to be way too much shampoo into his hand and started to work it through.

Little by little she was relaxing.

He took extra time massaging her scalp and humming whatever seemed to come to mind.

He gently squeezed the back of her neck. "You ready?"

She nodded and eased back into the water. He kept careful control of her head and she allowed him to keep it afloat. She closed her eyes as he lowered her and used one hand to cup water to rinse the front and sides. He had to work a long time to clear the suds away since he had gone a bit overboard, but Kate hadn't minded.

Once he was done rinsing she felt a feather light kiss on her forehead and she sat up while he applied the conditioner. It was obvious that he had been a father to a girl. He worked it in with his fingers slipping down each strand to make sure all the tangles were out. He placed both his hands on her shoulders and started working them before gently guiding her so he could rinse her hair once again.

When he was finished, she tilted her head back and simply said, "Thank you."

He leant forward and hovered above her, their faces opposite. He grazed her lips with his own, bringing back memories of the first real wisp of a kiss she had given him over a year ago. He crinkled his one good eye as he spoke their simple promise, "Always."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This wraps up Part II. So stand and stretch, get a snack and pat your author on the back with a review if you feel so inclined. :) To those precious readers who have left reviews. THANK YOU! Each one makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside and gives me the will to keep writing.**

**Part III is jam packed and picks up the pace with a fluid storyline rather than a series of one shots. Be prepared to hold on tight!**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N to set up Part III: **

We're finally to the part I've been building towards! Please assume they have warrants for everything, I didn't always mention it to maintain the pace of the story.

Just a reminder - this went AU after Linchpin so Always did not happen and Maddox did not confront Smith.

Let the intrigue begin . . .

**Part III**

**Chapter 35**

**Wednesday, May 1, 2013**

Martha flitted around the apartment directing the young men whom she had charmed into helping her paint her new (and Kate's former) apartment that evening. Her phone buzzed and she answered it flippantly, expecting it to be Alexis needing her Gram to talk her down from finals week jitters.

Without bothering to look she answered, "Hello, Darling."

"Hello, Martha."

The masculine voice evoked memories of a lifetime ago and her heart started pounding a tattoo. She stiffened and placed a hand over her chest to try to stem the beating.

"Daniel?"

She caught the attention of Detectives Esposito and Ryan, along with his nephew, Patrick O'Riley, while the less observant volunteers kept painting. She feigned a casual smile and motioned that it was nothing as she slipped into the hallway.

She paced the floor as the man continued.

"I hear congratulations are in order."

The voice was as smooth and commanding as it had been over forty years ago.

She responded uncertainly, "Well, I hardly would have known where to send an invitation."

There was a pause. "It's so good to hear your voice, Martha."

After a significant pause she replied, "It's been a long time . . . How long have you known about him?"

His disappearance had been a natural consequence of their fly-by-night relationship, but she had hoped that he hadn't willingly neglected their son all this time. She laced the silence that followed with a bit of righteous indignation on Richard's behalf.

He carefully responded, "Martha, there were circumstances . . ."

She translated that to mean that he had been married. "Still, you knew about him and did nothing for four decades?"

There was a pause as he let the accusation roll over him.

"It was for the best. Honestly, I expected a knock on my door or a phone call at some point. He has to have resources and I figured in his line of work his curiosity would have led him to me years ago. I never saw any indication that he even tried."

Martha asked, "You've kept track of him?"

"I have kept an eye on him, yes." She couldn't formulate a response. "It's time, Martha. I need to see my son."

"Daniel, I'm sorry but you are nothing more than a ghost to Richard, a shadow in a little boy's dream. I wish you well, but I think as far as Richard is concerned, you'll find you are too late."

"Even so, please give him this phone number. I am giving you a chance to talk to him first. If I don't hear from him by Monday I'll have no choice but to call him directly."

There was silence. Martha mulled over what he had said. "Is that some sort of threat?"

He answered carefully, "I am certainly not threatening him, but there is a concern. I'm sorry, Martha, but I will only discuss it with Richard."

She couldn't stomach being manipulated, especially by a man who had abandoned her son, her compassionate, sensitive boy who spent his childhood dreaming of ways to rationalize this rejection. It was too much.

"You have not earned the right to dictate terms. Richard has not sought you so please respect his privacy. If you want to tell me something to pass along, I will do it, but I think you overestimate my power to influence Richard to contact you."

His tone softened as he pled, "Martha, for what it's worth, I am sorry. I would leave you both alone but it is for Detective Beckett's safety that I'm calling, or is it Detective Castle now?"

She ignored the question, feeling that explaining Kate's surname was completely irrelevant. "Please, Daniel, they've been through enough, and they are on their honeymoon. I'm hardly going to contact them and demand that they return home because of a vague threat passed along by a questionable source."

"They should be safe until they return Saturday night."

Martha felt a chill. "How do you know their travel plans?"

"I'm sorry, I just can't give you answers right now. I will give you a chance to talk to Richard, but this information cannot wait. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I'm sure you'd rather inconvenience them with the details of my existence than risk a tragedy so soon after a wedding."

She placed a hand on her heart as she fired questions relentlessly. "What kind of threat is this? A stalking fan? A prisoner released that Kate had put away? Please, Daniel, tell me what is going on!"

"You need to trust me. I know I haven't earned it, but please let me do this one thing for him."

There was an earnestness in his plea that reminded Martha of all this man had missed. She replied with a sigh, "I will see what I can do."

"I am sorry . . . for so much more than this intrusion."

She weighed her words carefully before replying, "Daniel, I've had Richard in my life all these years. I have no regrets."

"I always will."

She hit 'end call,' then pressed the phone against her forehead. That voice had uncoiled insecurities that she had long since buried. When she ran through the content of the call in her mind she knew that however sincere his regrets, he had forced her hand. She had to go along with his request in case the danger was real. She took her time calming herself as not to arouse suspicion then she reentered the apartment as her charming self, giving the performance of her life.

* * *

><p><strong>Sunday, May 5, 2013<strong>

The day after The Castles returned from their honeymoon there was a knock at the door. Kate, with Richard's arm caught around her waist, welcomed his mother with a beaming smile.

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Castle, aren't you are looking well. How was the honeymoon? Wait, I really don't want to know."

Rick kissed Kate's hair, "It was fantastic, but too short. We should have tried to schmooze Gates for more time."

"Castle, you're lucky she didn't kick you to the curb considering this." She flashed her ring finger. "If you were on the force you'd be off the team for good. I don't know how you managed to talk her into allowing you to keep 'shadowing' me. " She used air quotes for emphasis.

"I have my ways." He winked at his mom who knew that Gate's mother was a fan and Rick had been quietly working that angle for months. "In fact, I think I'm her favorite. I suspect she just treats me badly in public as to not make the rest of the class jealous."

Kate replied dryly, "Yeah, Castle, I'm sure somewhere she has a chart with all our names and your column has the most gold stars."

"Oh, Kate, I'm sure you're a close second, well, third, it would be hard not to give Ryan a gold star every time he batted those baby blues, but you definitely have Esposito beat."

"Wow, you know how to make a girl feel special."

Realizing that Martha was still on the threshold, Kate stepped back and motioned her into the loft. Even though for months she had stayed at Kate's old apartment more often than not, the younger woman felt awkward treating Martha as a visitor in her former home. It occurred to her that this was the first time Martha had knocked and not just used a key and announced her presence. "Come in. How were things while we were away?"

"Well, I am finally settled in my new place, which is lovely, Kate. I've taken the liberty of painting a few rooms. Aside from that, Alexis has decided to work full-time at the morgue over summer break, which I'm sure has nothing to do with a certain respectable Irishman who recently transferred to the 12th.

Kate could feel her husband bristle so she placed a calming hand on his arm. He answered suspiciously, "Funny, when she stopped by earlier she praised the educational merits of working in the morgue, not the merits of Ryan's nephew."

"Really, Richard, can you blame her?"

"What? Why wouldn't she tell me?"

Kate chimed in, "Maybe because you nearly made Ryan Jr. wet his pants when he asked your permission to date Alexis. Let me repeat, Castle, he _asked your permission to date her. _The kid makes Ryan look like a criminal, so I'm not sure who would be good enough if you don't approve of him."

"I gave my approval, but that doesn't change the fact that he's twenty-two! Alexis is just a teenager."

"Oh, you're one to speak about robbing the cradle! Should I remind you of how old I was when you were twenty-two?" She pinched his side.

"Okay, when she's thirty and he's thirty-three I'll be totally fine with it. Until then he gets the stink eye!"

"You realize that he's probably the only young man in New York who would respectfully cower in the face of your stink eye. That alone should earn your good opinion." In reality, Rick more than approved but O'Riley always seemed to carry a fearful respect for him. No matter how approachable Rick was, Patrick just hadn't been able to relax in his presence, and the others played this up as Castle intimidating him intentionally.

Rick turned to his mother expecting her to throw in her two cents. Instead he recognizing the polite smile she now wore as a façade. Their eyes met and she gave a slight shake of her head. They had been roommates for so long that they had mastered the art of subtle communication, especially when it came to keeping things from his daughter. However, the dynamics had changed. Kate was his wife and he was not interested in keeping anything from her.

"Well, for now the stink eye remains. Mother, I think we need some wine."

Kate motioned the older woman farther inside, "Can you stay for dinner, Martha?"

She hesitated, eyeing the two who were ignorant of what was to come. "Perhaps I had better. I'll get the wine, I think we'll need it."

As Kate set the table, she sensed the change in mood and became hyper-vigilant of nonverbal cues. They had been away for two weeks and anything could have happened in that time. She sat, her hand on Rick's knee as her mind started going through the possibilities, anything from her dad having health issues to a death at the 12th. She felt his hand cover hers in support.

Martha noticed a slight tremor in Kate's hand as she raised her fork. Her son tried to conceal his concern as he stole glances at his wife. Their hidden hands were no doubt clasped in solidarity. Martha chastised herself for worrying the young woman who had once been given life altering news. She reached over and touched Kate's arm. "I'm sorry, Kiddo, I forget how perceptive you are. Everyone is fine. Of course you would be thinking the worst." She turned to her son then continued, "I do have something I need to tell you, Richard, and I wish the timing was better, but it seems it can't wait."

"Okay . . . "

"Son, you have been so patient and content over the years to let me keep my secrets, but it's time."

She kept her hands busy to distract herself. Meanwhile Kate shifted her hand to cover her husband's.

He answered with a strained gentleness, "I don't need to know, Mother, really, I've made peace with that years ago."

"No, you do need to know." She sighed. "I have never been a model parent, and I don't know if I should have told you the truth from the beginning, or let you dream up fantasies for as long as you did. Regardless . . . here we are." She took a long sip of wine. "I got a call from him while you were away." Her son pushed food around his plate, which she recognized as an avoidance behavior from childhood. "He wants you to call."

He cleared his throat. "That's really not necessary."

"Actually, Richard, it is."

He put his fork down and straightened. "Why? Is he dying and needs a kidney? Does he need money? Is he on death's door and want closure? I don't wish him any harm, but I certainly don't owe him anything."

He hadn't yelled, but Kate had never heard Rick talk to his mother so sharply. She didn't want their marriage to start with a family conflict, but there was nothing that she could say into the scene unfolding before her.

"It has to do with Kate."

Silence.

Martha shifted her gaze to the younger woman who was floored by the unexpected twist.

Castle shook his head. "What does he have to do with Kate?" Under the table he turned his palm up to twine their fingers together.

"He claims that she's in danger." Two incredulous stares met her, and this time she addressed Kate, who looked nearly ashen. "He didn't say more than that. Whether this is a credible threat, or what basis he has for thinking this . . . I just don't know, Darling. I tried, but Daniel said he'd only talk to Richard." She turned to her son. "If you don't call him by tomorrow, he'll contact you. You deserve to hear what little I know of him from me first, and that is why I came tonight. I am sorry the timing is so poor."

Kate seemed to calm herself, but only just.

Castle spoke with a forced steadiness, "So, his name is Daniel?"

"Yes, Daniel Sutton. We had a bit of a tryst when I was in a production of Much Ado About Nothing." She smiled wistfully at the memory. "He came to three performances before getting up the nerve to talk to me, or that was his story anyway. He was in LA on business. We made that evening count, but I woke up alone, no explanation, no contact information, and all I was left with was Richard. I hadn't so much as heard Daniel's voice since then until the other day."

"How did he find out about me?"

"I would say the internet, you do favor him and he could have linked you to me easily enough and done the math, but it sounded as though he had been aware of you for longer than that."

He broke contact with Kate's hand to clasp his mother's arm.

"Mother, what kind of business was he in?"

Martha was taken aback by the urgency in his address.

"He wasn't specific. He said he was a government employee in . . . logistics or something equally as bland. All I knew for sure was that he said he traveled a lot with his job. He was charming and handsome, and the best date of my life, beyond that I honestly don't know. I even tried to look him up on My Face, not that I would have friended him, but none of the Daniel Suttons seemed to fit his demographic so that was a dead-end. I tried to Google him as well, but it came back with too many responses, all across the board. I guess I should leave the investigating to the professionals and their volunteer consultants."

Kate was impressed that her new mother-in-law had done so much legwork, yet she had to stop herself from pressing her for even more information. Castle was running point and she was there to have his back so she kept her hand on his thigh in support and kept quiet.

"Could he have been CIA?"

"Really, Richard, you're over forty years old. As much as you want to have him be an astronaut, explorer or spy, I'm afraid he's just a typical man with a conventional job."

"Mother, this is important. _Could _he have been CIA? There is a reason I'm asking."

Martha was silent for a few minutes. "Well, as unlikely as it seems, I suppose he could have been. He wasn't specific about much in the short time I knew him. He did say on the phone that he'd had no choice but to leave. Hypothetically speaking, he could have left on an assignment." She looked apologetically at her son. "I truly am sorry I don't have more answers for you."

Rick got up and started pacing. He slid his hand through his hair several times, and then walked into the study to gather his thoughts alone.

Kate looked at Martha, touched her arm and asked, "Are you alright?" Rick being that tense with her had to be heart wrenching.

"No, but that's hardly the issue." Remembering their conversation over a year ago she gave a weak smile and added, "At least you finally can fill in the blanks from my one-woman show."

"I'd rather it not be like this."

Martha placed her other hand atop Kate's. "Well, we are all called into account at some point and this had been a long time coming. I just wish I knew what was going on."

"I can't imagine that there's anything to worry about, but we'll get to the bottom of it. Rick will be okay, just give him some time to digest this."

She nodded and stood then gathered her things and headed towards the door. "Well, I'll leave him in your capable hands. Nothing like a mother-in-law to put a damper on your new life together. Oh, I detest being such a cliché!"

Kate put a hand solidly on her shoulder, "Martha, you're anything but conventional and we're both lucky to have you."

The older woman couldn't help the overflow of emotions and as she pulled Kate into a hug and kissed her cheek. "Thank you for dinner." As she turned to leave she pleaded, "Please . . . just be careful." Kate gave her final assurances then closed the door and turned her thoughts from Martha to Rick.

* * *

><p>Kate could handle interrogations, she could calm a sobbing witness, but she had very little experience how to approach Rick Castle in this introspective of a mood.<p>

He was leaning over his desk when Kate found him. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his abs. He stilled, closing his eyes and crossing his arms over hers.

"What are you going to do?"

He turned to embrace his wife properly then replied, "I'm going to call Daniel Sutton and ask why he thinks you're in danger. If the threat is credible, then we'll handle it."

"And . . . "

"And, that's all I can think about right now . . . " He paused to kiss her slowly, and she was thankful for the chance to communicate all she was feeling since her jumbled thoughts were too scattered for her to settle on the right words. She massaged her fingers through his hair and his hands worked up and down her back. When they broke apart he continued, "well, that and taking both of our minds off of long-lost fathers and death threats. I'm open for suggestions . . . "

It was as though they both knew they were heading into battle and needed to feel that they were going into it united before inviting an unknown adversary into their midst. Kate slid her hand down Rick's arm and pulled him towards their bedroom. He stopped her, and suavely said, "Allow me," as he swept her off her feet literally and carried her over the threshold. "I've so dreamed of doing that!"

She just shook her head, but instead of teasing him about being such a girl, she kissed his cheek and was content to let him carry her. "I was never much for fairy tales and here I have my very own Prince Charming."

"Well, here's to happily ever after . . . "

With that they postponed a much harsher reality for a bit longer.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

**May 5, 2013**

An hour later Kate was talking with her father, and Castle decided to make the call while she was distracted. He had hoped it would end up being something innocuous, but what if Johanna Beckett's case was lurking? How his biological father could be enmeshed in that was beyond him, but it would be fitting that their first case after getting married would be the one thing that had caused their relationship the most pain.

He was getting ahead of himself. It was likely nothing. Maybe the man was a scam artist and this was a ploy to get his money. He never thought that he would have ever wanted his father to turn out to be a petty criminal so badly, but the alternative was that Kate's life was at truly at risk.

He picked up his phone and dialed quickly to be done with it.

"Sutton."

It was one word - his father's voice, his name. He couldn't think about the ramifications, he needed to stay on topic. "It's Richard Castle. I heard you wanted to talk."

There was a pause, which made Castle wonder if he had been equally struck by hearing his son's voice. "Yes, but it has to be in person."

"What is this about?"

"Not over the phone. I'm sorry, but we have to meet."

His tone was firm but it didn't seem cold, although Castle had no basis of comparison. He knew nothing of the man's character or personality at all. Clearing his throat he asked, "How do I know this threat against Kate is credible?"

"You don't, but we both know that you won't risk her life by ignoring me. You can pick the place, but we need to meet as soon as possible. Tonight, if you can manage it."

He decided that it needed to be on their turf, but he wouldn't invite a stranger to the loft, even if that man shared his DNA. It was Sunday evening so their floor at the precinct would only have a skeleton crew and they would have the resources if needed. It would also be a way to test this man's integrity. If he were trying to pull something he'd be less likely to do so while inside a police station.

"The twelfth precinct, in one hour."

Sutton hesitated for a moment, and just then Castle realized that whether the threat against Kate was credible or not, the idealist in him needed this man to be honorable. "Okay, one hour. Thank you."

He was annoyed with himself for being relieved that Sutton agreed. "I'm not doing this for you or for me."

"I know."

"One hour."

Castle dropped onto the couch, his elbows on his knees, head sunk and one hand running through his hair. Kate walked in the room and froze.

"You talked to him?"

He nodded as he felt the couch dip next to him and a hand rest on his thigh.

"You okay?"

He shrugged, his expression unclear. He wasn't angry or relieved just despondent. "I'm not sure how I expected that to go, but I doubt the Hallmark Channel will be making a movie based on that long-lost father/son conversation. Hey, I wonder if they would get Jason Bateman to play me?"

He was deflecting and she let him.

"Maybe Natalie Rhodes would be willing to play both Nikki Heat _and _Kate Castle, although that might cause typecasting problems for her career down the road." She got a slight smile from him as she bumped his shoulder with her own. "Bad TV movie potential aside, are you ready to tell me what evil is lurking on our doorstep this time?"

He sat back and put his arm around her and started sifting his fingers through her hair, "No idea. He insists on meeting in person. I hope it's okay, but he'll be at the twelfth in an hour. That way if there is a threat we can get right on it."

"That's a good idea."

He let his frustration slip, "Kate, we just got married. How can this be happening? We're not even back on duty yet."

She rubbed his chest with her palm soothingly. "Hey, it could just be about a nutty fan who we can suppress with a restraining order. Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

He nodded but added, "I'm calling in backup just in case. I'm not going to risk anything happening to you."

They were going to be in a police station, so she couldn't see how much more protected she could be, but she also knew that over the years it wasn't just Beckett and Castle, they were part of a team, and that is how they functioned best.

"This is your call, Castle," She had come to a point where she only called him Castle around other people or at the precinct, so he recognized that her use of his surname was a way to somehow propel him into cop mode, to help him compartmentalize.

He stood and pulled her to standing, "Well, Detective Beckett, looks like we're back in business."

* * *

><p>Kate insisted on driving while Castle made the call.<p>

"Tell me you haven't screwed up already, Castle. You've only been married for two weeks, Buddy."

"No, you and Esposito have unsettled me into obedience for years to come, a lifetime to come in fact, so not to worry."

Kate turned towards him and raised a questioning eyebrow. Castle shrugged her question aside.

Ryan chuckled. "You know we have your back too, Bro, it's just . . . you know, it's Beckett. We had to let you know where our loyalties lie."

He smiled knowing that their exchange would be cemented in team Beckett lore and retold at his expense for years to come. He already had been working through a similar scene for Roach in his next Nikki Heat book. It was the stuff of classic tough guy clichés and he loved that they had done it . . . now anyway. At the time he had been seriously creeped out, until he saw them right after the ceremony and both men were barely keeping it together.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"So, do we have a case? I didn't expect to hear from you until work tomorrow. Wait, Gates didn't decide to bench you now that you're hitched did she?"

"No, I'm calling for another reason. We need you and Esposito to meet us at the twelfth, tonight, whenever you can get there."

"Castle, what's wrong?"

He could sense Ryan's dread.

"I'm not sure. The Reader's Digest version of the story is that my father will be there in 45 minutes, and he claims that Kate is in danger."

"Wait - What? Your _father_? What kind of danger?"

"Yeah, you know as much as I do. Can you meet the guy, Daniel Sutton, and bring him to interrogation? I'd rather not meet him for the first time in the lobby with an audience."

"Whatever you need, Bro, we got your back. You okay?"

"I'll be better once I know Kate's safe."

"I'll call Esposito, we'll be there."

* * *

><p>The Castles watched through the glass as Ryan led Sutton into the interrogation room then a few minutes later Esposito entered and handed him a coffee and a few sugar and creamer packets. Rick stared blankly ahead. Kate placed a hand on his back, and asked, "Are you sure about this? You don't have to do it. I could question him, or one of the guys while I stay with you." She moved so she was hugging the side of him, clearly worried.<p>

Rick turned and brought his arms around her. "I have to do this, Kate. You can stay here and watch, but I need to go in alone. I promise that you can pick up the pieces later if it comes to that, but I need you to stay on this side of the glass, no matter what that man says, until I come back in here."

Kate ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "I guess you've been second fiddle in that room for long enough." She tilted her head and met his lips, trying to transfer encouragement and comfort through the kiss.

"Was that a vote of confidence, Detective Beckett?"

His light response was reassuring. She ran her fingertips over his jaw, "If so you should be downright arrogant after how we spent the past two weeks."

He looked from her to Sutton and back to her, his face betrayed an amusing thought, "I just realized that this means the kids will only have two arms."

Kate let out an abrupt laugh. "Well, there goes the career in puppetry."

He hugged her close one more time. "I'm sure any Castletts we have will be genetically superior even without extra appendages."

"Castletts?"

"Sounds better than 'Beckles,' and much preferred to 'Casketts,' but we can discuss the kids later, for now I've got to meet my own personal Darth Vader." He released her and drew in a breath.

She reached for his hand and squeezed, "Rick, I'm here when you need me."

He turned to look at her and time froze for a second before he replied, "Oh, believe me, as soon as this is over, I'll need you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: FYI the puppetry reference was Chapter 17 if you need to jog your memory.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

**May 5, 2013**

Castle stepped out of the observation room and met Ryan who was clearly worried. He clapped Castle on the shoulder, and handed him a cup of coffee. "You ready for this, Bro?" Castle nodded and said, "Yeah, Ryan, thanks. Just give me a minute before I go in, okay? Then keep Beckett from pounding down the door, no matter what."

Ryan smiled, "I'll give you a minute, but the ring means Beckett's all yours. Espo and I claim no responsibility for her actions." He saw Esposito a few feet away nodding his agreement.

That earned them a wan smile. "Fair enough. Thanks, Guys."

The detectives stepped away and Castle placed his hand on the doorknob and paused. He had to think of this man as a witness, this meeting as case related, nothing more. He was so thankful for the setting. He could be in control here. He could do this.

His first solo interrogation was his father.

Castle had seen Sutton through the glass, but he had been too dazed to have taken in his features. Up close the man sitting at the table looked older than he had imagined. Sutton was fit for his age, had a full head of gray hair, only just receding at the sides. He had a familiar facial structure but his skin was creased with the remnants of an intense life. His expression seemed permanently tired. Perhaps he had sought Martha's carefree company to counter the forces that had etched the contours.

When Castle entered, Sutton rose and scrutinized his son as though he were seeing a distorted reflection of himself. "I suppose an introduction is long overdue. I'm Daniel Sutton." He held out his hand and Castle ignored it. Somehow the subtle lack of courtesy gave the younger man a measure of satisfaction.

"Richard Castle, but you know that."

The man had not broken eye contact, conveying curious evaluation more than intimidation.

"Yes, I do."

Kate placed her fingertips on the glass. The table was angled in such a way that once they sat she could see Sutton clearly and also a slight profile of Rick. He was good. He had observed and participated in interrogations for nearly five years, but he was running his own now, and doing it very effectively, despite how he must be feeling.

"What, exactly, is your involvement in my wife's concerns?"

Daniel picked up a sugar packet and turned it in his fingers, still observing his son. He hadn't expected to be met with a smile, but he had to admit it stung not to be asked the long-burning questions first. He answered indirectly after a pause. "The fact that she is married to my son is not enough?"

"Biology doesn't give you that license. I'm Martha's son."

Unfazed, he scanned the room then commented, "Interrogation room, nice touch." He smiled too casually, which unsettled Kate. Sutton continued, "This meeting being recorded by any chance?"

"No, you're not a suspect, not yet. I have no idea who you are or what you want. We are here because a restaurant would have been too public considering the press, and no offense, but I don't invite strangers home."

He nodded his agreement. "Well then, interrogation room, it is." He leaned back in the chair comfortably. "Richard, before I tell you what I know, you need context."

Castle was slightly unnerved seeing his own subtle mannerisms reflected in the older man as Sutton drank his coffee and cleared his throat.

"I'm listening."

"I met your mother while on assignment. She was not part of my plan, she was just . . . captivating." He looked to the side, remembering things that Castle had no interest in imagining of his mother. "I had no intention of getting involved with anyone, not knowing what path my career would take, but she was so beautiful and vibrant."

Castle cut him off, "I don't need your autobiography, just what's going on now." It took every bit of his self-restraint to focus and not seek to fill in the gaps of his own history. "For whom do you work?"

"Richard, you of all people should know the value of a complete back story. I wouldn't deny you that. I promise this all leads to a point. If I may?"

Castle motioned with his hand for him to continue then he crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair. Kate read it as Castle trying to keep an emotional distance.

"I was new to the CIA, on a short-term assignment to gather intelligence on a Russian operative in the area. I was recalled to DC in the middle of our one night together, leaving Martha to wake up alone in my hotel room. I hadn't wanted to go, but my options were either to leave her cold, or to leave her with empty promises and string her along. She hadn't struck me as the committing type and I assumed she'd flit into another relationship easily enough. Of course, I had no idea at the time that you were in the picture."

Richard Castle wasn't going to come across as needy . . . he wasn't going to show vulnerability . . . he wasn't going to betray the feelings that were surging below the surface. But as he was running that mantra through his mind, his mouth committed treason, "Would it have made any difference if you had known?"

Kate held her breath.

Daniel didn't drop his eye contact, but noted Rick's finger twitching against his coffee cup. For decades he had debated how this conversation would go. There was no positive outcome. He tried to diffuse the tension, "But I didn't know about you. 'What if' is a dangerous place to tread."

Ignoring the advice, Castle repeated, "But if you had known?"

"I would not have stayed."

Kate clenched her fists, resisting the urge to rush in the room.

Despite his churning stomach Rick breathed out the question, "Why?"

"My next assignment was two years of deep cover on foreign soil."

Rick let that marinate.

"You have a brilliant mind for plotting how things play out, Richard, I'm sure you can follow the logic. You would have had to go years without seeing your father, and Martha would have constantly worried that I might never come back. My son would have been more likely to go to my funeral than I would have had to go to his high school graduation. In addition, my boy and his mother would have had targets painted on their backs and could have been used to compromise me. Richard, I could be sentimental and list all my regrets, which, I assure you, are many, but I had my reasons. Anyway, I didn't think Martha would go long without other suitors, any of which would have been better father material than I would have been."

Castle nearly snorted derisively, "She's always had terrible taste in men."

"Well, if I'm the benchmark, I'd have to agree."

For a split second both men twitched up the right side of their mouths. Kate grinned at the resemblance despite herself.

Castle cleared his throat then prompted, "So, CIA?"

Kate was amazed at how he had composed himself so quickly given what he had just learned.

"Yes, I spent years in the USSR, then bounced between D.C., New York, and St. Petersburg. I stopped through LA about five years after my one night with Martha and while I was there I searched for her and saw her with a boy. I did the math but I would have known anyway. You were the spitting image of me at four years old. I did have a crisis of conscience, for what it's worth, but I resolved not to interfere. You both were better off without me."

Sutton tapped his coffee cup a few times then continued.

"I was entangled in precarious international security situations. I did what I could as far as setting up a means of child support. I had a trusted connection who made sure Martha's paycheck was padded with what I could funnel your direction using dummy accounts so I wouldn't leave a trail. In the same way, I also made sure you had scholarships to boarding school. Your mother could have managed the tuition, but I guess it was a way to show that I wished that things could have been different, even if neither of you had any idea."

Kate listened and although her heart broke for her husband, the cop in her accepted the urge to protect and extended Daniel Sutton a little grace. Not enough to forgive him for a lifetime of neglect, but on some level she understood. Perhaps because she had been guilty of the same sin - banishing Richard Castle, thinking it was in his best interest. Through therapy she had come to realize that her actions had been misguided and thankfully her partner had forgiven her and had not held a grudge. Regardless, the same betrayal that he had felt that summer must be simmering in him again with Daniel's account.

Another person who should have been there for him had decided, without his input, that it was in his best interest to be abandoned. Kate desperately wished she could be in that room with him.

Castle wasn't sure what to think of Sutton's meddling. In one way it unnerved him, in another, he was thankful that his mom never had to worry about finances. This guy had been under no legal obligation to help them, so the fact that he made the effort spoke at least to a guilty conscience. It wasn't safe for him to process the rest of his feelings so he urged the conversation forward.

"So, you kept tabs on us."

At this Daniel smiled, "Ah, yes, not always personally, but I was made aware of everything from the medical report from when you got stitches from goofing around backstage to a background check on your senior prom date. Sarah Redding came out squeaky clean, by the way. And for what it's worth, I did manage to go to your graduation ceremony."

At this Castle's brow furrowed. Meredith had not bothered to go to Alexis' ceremony, and he wasn't sure which was worse, that or his estranged father stalking him.

"That's quite unsettling."

"I've read your books and I'm sure that right now your mind is trying to settle on whether that information is disturbing but harmless or if it speaks to bigger sociopathological issues. The truth thankfully lies towards the former. Even though you and Martha didn't know anything about my life, the connection could have been made and so the surveillance served to assure me that you remained unconnected to me. I admit attending the graduation was a bit risky, but it had been years since I had seen you in person. Regardless of how heartless my actions might seem to you, I needed to know that you were safe. Ignorant, but safe."

Rick sat straighter in the chair and leaned forward, Kate recognized the action as him taking charge of the conversation.

"So, What I've gathered so far is that I grew up under the watchful eye of a stranger in the CIA who donated half of my DNA. Enough context. Why contact me now? Something must have tripped your security sensors, something relating to Kate?"

Sutton leaned back, and surveyed the room once again, pausing to look intently at the mirror.

Kate's heart thumped as she felt as though his eyes were boring into her own. It was odd, seeing a version of the eyes she knew so well coming from a stranger. She couldn't get a clear read on him. He seemed to have an even temper, probably seen as a nice guy in general, but reserved. He was intelligent but lacked Castle's depth of expression. It also struck Kate that he wasn't fidgeting. He was rather comfortable in a room that induced stress to the most even of personalities. This gave credence to his claim to be CIA.

"You know, I was so relieved when you changed your name. Not that it would have been reasonable for anyone to link me with you or Martha after twenty-some years had gone by, but the name change did serve to add an extra buffer since you were thrown into celebrity. Still I can't tell you how frustrated I was when I saw your books on the shelves."

Kate thought he might have said it to gauge whether Rick cared about his opinion at all, or to get a rise from anyone behind the glass. It was working. She fought the urge to bang her hand in protest as she worried over how her husband would handle such a barb.

Castle winced slightly. He had always sought approval, mainly due to the years of neglect by the man who had just gouged him in a sensitive spot. He couldn't help the bite in his response, "Sorry my career has inconvenienced you, although I can't see how your opinion is relevant."

Sutton smiled ruefully. "Well, therein lies the problem, Richard. Even your early books were outstanding. You launched a successful career and for that I've always been proud, for what it's worth. However, after all the years I spent shielding you, this success launched you into the celebrity spotlight and soon there were questions about your parentage. I had to be more cautious, keep more of a distance from you. I left you completely alone for several years."

He told Rick he was proud. Kate had no idea how her husband was proceeding given all the emotional lobs he'd been served.

"I really hadn't noticed." Rick added dryly.

"Well, I did keep a passive ear open for news on your career, and your personal life – your marriages, your daughter." With that last word Daniel Sutton's gaze shifted and he cleared his throat. Kate noticed the the first real evidence of a chink in the CIA armor. "I was relocated to New York when Alexis was about six years old. At that point I was high enough in the Agency to request the post in order to shift from the field into administration. By that time I had phased out all outside means of tracking you, preferring to check in every few months myself, which became easier as technology evolved."

"Is that supposed to make this all seem less creepy? That you did your own snooping?"

"No. It was done in the interest of your security, and for that I make no apologies and I deserve no forgiveness. I got sloppy."

"How do you mean?"

The older man shifted in his seat and leaned back. "I led Sofia Turner straight to you."


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

**May 5, 2013**

Castle paled. "How?"

"I had been tracking you, and Sophia had apparently been tracking me. I hadn't put it all together until after her demise, but it fit. We had worked together briefly in Russia and we ended up in DC in the same division. She must have dug into everything on me using CIA and Soviet resources and uncovered you."

"I met her at a coffee shop. Are you telling me that she orchestrated that?"

"I have no doubt. She would have read your novels and known that you have a penchant for accuracy and a fondness for gadgets so she led you to the idea of shadowing her."

"To what end?"

"She liked toying with people, testing to see how they would react. She most likely used you as a power play to see if I would balk. I was her superior and she was always looking for an angle to manipulate. At first you were just a pawn, a very eager pawn, I might add." Castle and Kate both scoffed as Sutton continued, "She had come to me and requested permission to give you limited access, spinning a yarn about good press and praising your artistic integrity. God help me but I allowed it simply to avoid suspicion. Every day I knew you were in the building and I had to fight the urge to find some excuse to cross your path."

"Richard, this is all hindsight. I had no reason at the time to suspect Agent Turner, but I always had a gut feeling and kept her at arms' length. If I had given our relationship away at that point I have no doubt that she would have found a way to coerce me in some capacity. Since her death we've found a trail of her doing just that to otherwise model agents. In the end I didn't flinch and she held on to her suspicions and waited for more concrete evidence. A few years later she moved on to a different division but I'm sure she kept an eye on me. I am surprised she never found a way to blackmail you since you definitely have means, but I believe she ended up falling for you enough to leave us both alone."

The mention of Sofia Turner brought a chill over Kate – the memories of her lungs filling in the Hudson, Sofia flirting with Rick and worst of all Sofia aiming a gun at his head. She had to step backwards until she leaned against the wall and crossed her arms over her stomach. It was the case that had transformed 'Castle' into 'Rick,' but Kate would never feel anything but bitter hatred towards the traitor.

Rick knew that his wife was tough, and this was her precinct, her turf, but he still wished he could spare her from more aftershocks from Sofia Turner. If she had to hear this, if she had to listen, she should be physically with him as hard evidence that they had survived the ordeal. He regretted leaving her alone.

Castle's mind was spinning. He summarized, "Okay, so you were Sophia's superior and she made a habit of blackmailing people. She used me to test if we were related but she couldn't confirm it and moved on. Enough back-story. Where does Detective Beckett come into this?"

"Turner could not have run an operation of that scale without several people in play. If she had still suspected our connection, she would not have kept that information to herself. No matter how much she respected you, she couldn't ignore a potential income source." Sutton indulged in a long sip of coffee then took a lingering look at his son, seeming to consider his next words thoroughly.

Meanwhile, Castle was growing frustrated as though he were grasping at threads that even his writer's mind couldn't quite knit together. He didn't trust Sutton's silence; he had witnessed too many interrogations not to wonder if he was stalling to figure a way to bend the truth. He was here voluntarily, so it didn't seem logical that this man would start offering intel then lie, but even the brief wait was killing him.

Kate watched the interaction on tenterhooks as Rick drummed agitated fingers against his leg and raised his voice, "It's late and we're wasting time. Tell me! How does this involve Kate?"

Sutton resumed fingering his coffee cup while studying Richard. There was no doubt that his son had inherited his facial structure but his expressions and his passion, they sparked memories of Martha, decades old but ever present. He recognized that Richard's frustration was a façade covering his fears and insecurities of not being able to protect his wife. He felt for him, and wished he could assure him that all was well. All that was in his power to do was to pass along information and wait.

"I understand Roy Montgomery left an insurance policy of sorts. Before his death he mailed it to a Mr. Smith, who made you privy to the arrangement"

Rick stilled, "What? How do you . . . "

His voice trailed as Sutton pulled a well-worn 8x10 picture from his jacket pocket, unfolded it and handed it to him. Rick was staring at a photograph of his smart board filled with all the intel he had gathered about Kate's shooting.

He asked with a threatening monotone. "Where did you get this?"

"I was assigned damage control after Sofia Turner's corruption came to light. She had emailed this to someone the day before she died. I got it from her phone history, but the recipient email was a dead-end." He made a show of appraising the room. "I suppose this is as good of place as any to confess that I withheld evidence from a treason investigation. Under the circumstances, I knew it wasn't related directly so I kept this copy and deleted the file to try to contain the spread. I'll let you work out how she took the picture in the first place."

Oh no. No. That night after Sofia had tried to drown them she had been in his loft, alone, waiting for him. She had given him the account numbers for Blakely then she had boldly brought the screen to life to tease him about his relationship with Beckett, or at least that's all he thought she had done. She could have had plenty of time to study each fact, each player, and she could have disseminated that information to others in a matter of minutes. He felt bile rising in his throat and barely kept it down.

Kate was trying her best to get a glimpse of the picture, but Rick was not offering her even the slightest peek. She watched him pale and could see sweat starting to glisten on the profile of his forehead. Adrenalin coursed through her. She needed to be in there with him. She needed to see what he was seeing; he shouldn't have to face it alone.

"Richard, the man you know as Mr. Smith is dead."

Kate lurched towards the glass and leaned both hands on it. No. She was in their crosshairs again. She couldn't do this. They couldn't go through this again.

Rick's heart nearly stopped and it took everything in him not to rush to Kate and take her somewhere safe. His eyes shifted to the glass. Nowhere was safe. This was so unfair. They were newly married. They had made the choice to bury the case. They had a future. He shook his head, grounding himself, forcing the thought they _have_ a future. They _can_ get through this. He scolded himself to stay on topic, to wring the suspect dry of information so they could make a decent go of finishing this once and for all.

"Was it related?"

He replied indirectly, "There are opportunists who love to meddle in conspiracies that are already so convoluted that by the time the truth shakes out, there's little way to connect them. Walter Smith was former CIA. I didn't realize that he was friendly with Roy Montgomery, and Smith being such a common name, I hadn't put together that he was the Mr. Smith in your equation. Walter was a good man but from what I've gathered in the past week, the Soviet loyalists caught him in a compromising situation years ago and the extortion money that kept him alive finally dried up. I haven't been able to identify the recipient of the blackmail. All I know is that he had connections to Sofia Turner and he was armed with this." Smith picked up the photo, showing Kate the full weight of what had been leaked. She hadn't thought her heart could race any faster.

Sutton continued, "I believe it was someone in Sofia Turner's circle who killed Smith to tie up loose ends, hoping that any investigation would lead to the Beckett case. Richard, Smith was one of a handful of people who knew you were my son. He was the one who kept an eye on you and your mother for me when you were young. Last week he told me where to find a package if anything should ever happen to him. It was then that I made the connection that he was your Mr. Smith. A few days later he was killed. I looked for the package, but it was gone. I waited to see if he had mailed it, as Montgomery had done before, but nothing came. His fingers were broken so he was tortured before he died. Son, she's not safe."

Too distracted to worry about whether it bothered him to be called 'son' a second time, Castle started pacing and frantically asked, "From whom? What else did Smith tell you?" He came back to the table and slammed both his hands down in desperation, "Sutton, if you care at all, if you truly have any regrets, all I ask is that you tell me who is behind this then you can walk away and consider yourself absolved."

He never intended to plead, but he would grovel to high heaven if it meant that he could save Kate.

"It's not that easy. Smith had refused to give any details, saying I was better off not knowing. I trusted Smith, but all the same I thought I'd have time to wear him down. In the end all I got was a confirmation that he had damning information that was keeping your wife alive. Since the killer hasn't contacted either of us to see what we would offer, it's safe to assume that either the killer from Turner's crew still has the package and will use it to blackmail the man you've referred to as The Dragon, or will sell the information outright to the guy to keep it out of circulation. Either way, your wife is now nothing but a loose end to be tied."

He produced an envelope and placed it on the table. "All I can tell you is that I'm certain that this person is involved. I have no hard evidence, nothing that would stick so I have not confronted him in any way. I have been careful so he should be ignorant of my poking around." He slid the envelope across the table but kept it anchored with his finger until he finished." He's a pawn, not the mastermind, but he could be your weak link. If you can get to him, the rest of the dominos should fall into place and you'll never have to worry again."

As Castle stared at the envelope, Daniel Sutton stood to take his leave. He placed his hand on his son's shoulder, and was surprised when the man didn't flinch at their first ever physical contact. "I'm sorry for the circumstances, but I'm glad to have met you. For what it's worth, Martha did an incredible job raising you. Please give her my regards." From Kate's vantage point she could see the remorse in Sutton's eyes. The simple touch affected him acutely. He squeezed Rick's shoulder then added, "Get to him, Richard, and the nightmare will be over. After that I hope we'll talk again."

Rick let his father walk out the door and stared at the envelope, not able to process half of what he had just heard.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The past 2 chapters were a lot of exposition, so if your head is spinning, keep reading, the characters will go over the important bits when briefing the others. I'm curious as to your thoughts on Sutton at this point, if you wouldn't mind leaving a review. I'd love to know how he comes across. **


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

**May 5, 2013**

On the other side of the glass it took everything within Detective Beckett to hold her position, not to bombard Daniel Sutton with follow-up questions or more pressingly, not to rush to her partner's side to see how he was faring. Castle was not normally one to need space, but she had promised him that she would wait. After all the times he had waited for her it was the least she could do.

As soon as the door to the interrogation room closed, Castle slumped forward and rested his head in his hands. He needed to get to Kate, but he needed this minute to gather himself first.

He had just met his father.

He blew out a long breath. Rick hadn't envisioned this scenario, nor could he think through the implications of it. He thought he had felt a surge of affection, or maybe it was just regret, transfer from Sutton's hand to his shoulder. It shouldn't matter. He shook his head, needing to push Sutton out of his thoughts.

As much as he would have preferred that Johanna Beckett's murder investigation remained far away from them, a new lead and more danger had been laid at their door. They had been married only a few weeks and the one thing that could unravel his bride had happened. He was determined that this time they wouldn't let it come between them. He had to think about her first. He had to protect her, but what if that meant playing with fire?

After a long minute he reached for the envelope and folded picture and placed them in his back pocket. He stood and walked with purpose out of the room. He had no sooner opened the door to the observation room than he was met with a rush of arms. Kate held him close in fear and comfort and something much stronger. He stroked her hair and she rubbed his back, feeling his quickened breaths. He had a desperate need to hold her, to feel that for the moment she was safe. Neither wanted to let enough space between them even to look into the other's eyes. Soon enough it was Ryan who broke the moment.

His voice preceded him, "I just escorted Castle's - I mean Sutton out and, Oh, sorry, guys, I'll just . . ." he jerked his thumb over his shoulder, "give you a minute." He slinked back out of the doorway.

Kate cleared her throat and distanced herself just enough to see the intensity in Rick's expression; worry etched in every feature. He opened his mouth but no words would come. He placed a tender hand on the side her face and his thumb brushed her cheek. In that one moment she felt both how precious she was to him and how terrified he was at the thought of losing her.

She snaked her arms around his neck and leaned in once again, skimming their noses then lips. She let him lead, showing him that whatever he needed from her emotionally, she would be there for him. After the desperate tempo of the kiss subsided, she brushed her cheek against his, and placed her other hand on his other cheek, securing him to her.

She knew this Mr. Smith had held the only collateral on her life. As much as she had given Castle an earful for keeping secrets when he told her about the arrangement, she had honored his wish that she not dig into Smith's identity. She had been tempted more than once to poke around, or to ask the guys to look him up discretely, yet she had asked Rick to keep her grounded when it came to her mother's case. In the end, his wide eyes and fearful look when he told her about Smith gave her a good indication of how insecure he felt about her priorities. She had to show him that he, Rick Castle, trumped justice for her deceased mother. Rick had known that by being honest he had risked chumming the waters for her to jump back into her old addiction, but it had been the right thing to do so he had put an end to the deception.

They found themselves free of secrets but on the edge of another free fall. Kate felt the oh-so-familiar thirst for justice taunting her, this lead wooing her into the myopic crusade that had permeated her adult life. She hadn't sought the pursuit this time, but there would be no question of her involvement. Judging by the strength of the arms around her, Castle also understood that they had no other option. This time, however, she was determined to fight every instinct to forge ahead alone. A solo mission might keep Rick protected from The Dragon but the wound she would inflict on her husband would be too deep to heal. She breathed steadily and took a moment to use all of her senses to soak in the feel of him and garner herself for what was to come.

Before he released his hold on her, Kate pulled the envelope out of his back pocket, and offered it to him. He shook his head in reply, "No, Kate, you do the honors." He loosened his grip on her, but kept an arm around her back.

She tore open the envelope and they both stared at the name - Judge Markway. "Oh." Kate paled, not having expected to even recognize the name, much less have a personal connection to the man. She felt the sting of betrayal on her husband's behalf.

Rick felt sick. How many rounds of golf and games of poker had he played with the man? The judge had even been in the Gothem City Crew that played poker with Beckett at the loft the first year they worked together. All this time he had been involved with the devastation that plagued the woman he loved.

"I'm so sorry, Rick, I know he was your friend."

He shook his head in reply. "Acquaintance." Kate hadn't missed his hand fisting as he answered.

"Either way, I'm sorry." Staring at the name, Kate realized aloud, "That actually makes sense. To be successful, dirty cops generally need lawyers and a persuasive judge in their ranks. Markway is always so unassuming so he would be above suspicion. Rick, he was Montgomery's friend. Do you think he knew?"

It pained Kate to mention Montgomery, even more so to confess his transgressions. Her captain had always been in her corner for all her battles, even when the final battle led her to discovering his guilt. She had missed his unwavering support, his faith in her, and his urging her to be a better version of herself. Her team had sworn never to breathe a word of his connection to Ragland or McAllister. They had maintained that Lockwood had led Kate to the hangar and Montgomery's call to her had simply been for an update on the case and she had used the opportunity to ask him to be her backup. It had been enough to persuade Internal Affairs that he had been a police casualty without a personal connection. Despite that small triumph for the sake of Evelyn and the kids, Kate felt a crash of despair when she considered that Montgomery had been right, no matter how many battles they survived, victory was an ethereal concept that would never be theirs.

Beckett was fighting the urge to drag Markway in and interrogate him, roughly enough to force a confession for the part he played in her mother's demise. She absently thought that this must be how it felt for her father to fight the urge to open a bottle. Feeling the need to satisfy the immediate desire but knowing that giving in would only result in devastation to everyone involved. She had a renewed respect for him as she persisted in trying to evolve from vigilante to team player when it came to her Achilles heel.

Castle was still kicking himself over Markway, "I wish I would have had the sense to see what was right in front of me. I could have saved you so much pain if I had kept my eyes open."

Kate placed a palm on his cheek to make sure she held his eyes as she responded, "Richard Castle, you could not have known. This is not on you. Okay? We don't even know what part he played in all this yet." Her voice broke as she continued; "I need you to get us through this. I need you to have my back. No looking back, no what ifs. We're here now and this is a chance to finally put this to bed."

He leaned in and breathed the word 'sorry,' on her cheek before lingering over her lips and adding, "I'm all in." She kissed him, trying to soothe his anxieties. When she broke away he leaned his forehead against hers. "You do know how much I love you, right?"

Kate had to laugh, "I think we've established that. You won't ever leave my side because you love me too much, and I'll never let you go because I've worked too hard to train you."

He poked her side in retaliation, which forced the admission, "Okay, that and the linens. You, although now I can say _we, _have the most amazing towels and sheets I've ever felt. There's definitely no going back now."

He lightly replied, "Never." Then as soon as the word was released his eyes sobered and his smirk softened, morphing the banter into a vow.

Kate let that promise envelop her. She would not let this case destroy them.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

**May 5, 2013**

They met with Esposito and Ryan in the conference room, and Beckett let Castle get them up to speed, resisting any urges to finish his sentences or interrupt his narrative. She did this not so much out of courtesy but to see where his mind was. She was surprised at the depth of Sutton's personal backstory that Castle shared rather than skipping straight to the salient points of the case. He was much more factual than the writer would have been in his briefings years ago but his friends read the emotions bleeding through his words.

He paused before telling them about the envelope and Ryan jumped in, "Oh man, Castle, that's . . . I don't even know what that is. He was always that close and you never even knew?"

Espo broke in, "That is just wrong, I don't care about his reasons. All these years . . . it's his loss, Bro."

Kate stroked Rick's knee under the table in agreement.

Castle smiled at their solidarity. "Guys, I'll make peace with it when all this is done. There are more pressing issues." He looked at Esposito and asked, "Where's Lanie?"

He tried to look ignorant, "Why you askin' me?" He was met with three flat expressions that told him he hadn't fooled any of them. "Fine, she's visiting her mom, she'll be back in a few days."

Castle continued, "Good, there's no need to worry her prematurely. Let's hope it doesn't come to us needing her help." He turned to Ryan, "You might want to think of arrangements for Jenny and the baby."

He nodded, "We have nine siblings between us, not all of them have seen Kelly yet so I'm sure I can convince Jenny to take her somewhere." He looked gravely from Castle to Beckett. "I think it's safe to assume that we're either talking 3XK, or your mom's case. Since we're meeting privately, I'm guessing it's not 3XK." No one spoke for a moment as Ryan silently pled for them to deny it. He shut his eyes while Esposito's eyes bore concern into Kate's. She couldn't hold his gaze, feeling guilty for tugging them towards her personal abyss.

It was Castle who broke the silence. "We have a lead, now we need to come up with a game plan." He pulled out the photo and piece of paper and told them the rest of the story.

They were in agreement on three main issues; they had to act quickly, they had to risk letting Gates in since they could not work this without her suspecting, and Montgomery would be left out of the equation as much as possible.

At eleven, a grumpy Captain joined the team, expecting whatever it was to be good, and she wasn't disappointed. Despite how difficult she could be and how little latitude she had allowed the team, especially Beckett, in the past, she could certainly be trusted not to be corrupt.

"So let me get this straight." She looked at Kate, "Your mother had been looking into the allegations of Joe Pulgatti, who was imprisoned for murdering an undercover fed. He claimed, and you have substantiated without hard evidence, that it was really two renegade cops, Gary McAllister and John Raglan, both deceased. The cops were kidnapping mobsters for ransom and were either found out by, or maybe working for, an unknown man who you refer to as 'The Dragon'. Pulgatti's absolution would have led to McAllister and Raglan, this dragon, and any other associates. You started investigating and Hal Lockwood was hired to take you out. When he failed, an unknown sniper nearly succeeded at Montgomery's funeral."

"How am I doing?"

She was met with nods.

"Alright, enough old business, now for the new. Mr. Castle's father is Daniel Sutton, as in CIA Assistant Director of the Office of Russian and European Analysis, Daniel Sutton." At this the four turned to each other, none of whom had known his exact title. "I see I have some information to contribute after all."

Gates paused and then continued, "Sutton claims that there was a man named Walter Smith, who had sensitive information keeping whoever had murdered Johanna Beckett from killing Detective Beckett. This man is dead, presumably killed by an unrelated corrupt CIA agent, who had been blackmailing him. Before his death he told Sutton about this insurance policy, as you call it, which is now in the hands of the blackmailer or worse, in the possession of this dragon."

"Yes, Sir."

"If there was an insurance policy, Detective Beckett, then why were you shot? Are you sure this information even exists?"

Castle spoke up, "Sir, we believe that there hadn't been a need to enforce it until the sniper . . . until Detective Beckett had actually been shown to be in danger. Maybe it was after Montgomery's funeral when Smith made contact, letting The Dragon know not to touch her." The fact that Castle could not say that his wife had been 'shot' had not escaped Gates' notice. It was still a tragic memory for each of them, and this team was facing the same possible outcome. What she didn't know was that he was also floundering to keep from divulging that Roy Montgomery was the sentinel before Smith.

There was no doubt in Gate's mind that she would help them, but she had to do her due diligence until she understood all the facts.

"Now, how does Judge Markway fit into this equation?"

Detective Beckett answered, "We're not sure yet. Sutton just told us that he's involved and that we need to connect him to this. He might have accepted bribes or favors for anything from rulings in favor of certain interests to keeping an ear to the ground for any investigations that could point to him."

Castle added, "He's on track to be considered for the New York Court of Appeals, maybe he didn't get where he is now without help."

"Okay, so we have possible motives. Anything else I didn't cover?"

Ryan chimed in, "Only that all the financial records from Raglan and McAllister and likely The Dragon were from Whitefall Bank, which had shut down in 1998. The records were destroyed in a warehouse fire in 1999. The fire inspector hadn't found evidence of arson and the report seemed unaltered." At this Kate slightly bristled.

"Okay, we will act under the assumption that there is an active threat against Detective Beckett and open a covert investigation on Markway." She turned towards Kate, "Satan must need a sweater, Detective Beckett, because I cannot see a way to run this investigation quietly without you in the center of it."

The captain felt their collective relief. "However. I_ will_ be kept in the loop. You _will_ operate in semi-seclusion, either in the conference room or off site. I will request any documents or records that you will need and pass them along. We will do what we can without warrants, however, we will need them and I know who to trust. With my reputation, no one with a crooked agenda crosses my path by choice." She gave Beckett a pointed look, "That should be the safest way to pursue this as I don't think anyone would suspect me of doing you any favors, Detective Beckett."

All three men suppressed a smirk.

"For now I want all of you to go home, get whatever sleep that you can then I want Ryan or Esposito in my office at 8:30 to pick up what I have at that point. I think it would be best if you worked off-site tomorrow so you can get your game plan established without prying eyes or ears. To limit surveillance on us, I will give you the number to my unofficial cell, and I expect at least one of you has one you can use to call me. I will arrange security detail for Detective Beckett, Mr. Castle and their families. If there is nothing else, you are dismissed. It seems I have a few things to attend to before I can see my own pillow this evening." She put on her glasses and picked up a pen, getting straight to work.

They all stood, but Kate hung back. "Thank you, Sir."

Gates put down her pen and took off her glasses. "I am doing my job, Detective. You were shot, your mother was murdered and there is now a credible lead. Despite previous professional indiscretions, you deserve justice like any other victim." Kate tensed at being called a victim. Gates continued, "You have worked to earn my respect and I will expect you to continue to act within the confines of your badge, especially because this is personal. You cannot have any missteps. If I am sticking my neck into this convoluted mess I will not let my good reputation be slurred due to any insubordination on your part. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir."

"That being said, I will do everything in my power to bring you closure. I know you respect me, now you need to trust me." She tapped the pen against her desk. "Mr. Castle, I know you're listening, I would like a word with you as well."

He sheepishly appeared, pointing towards the hallway, "I was just waiting, I didn't mean to - "

"Oh, I think we all know that you did. At ease, Mr. Castle." No one was ever at ease in the presence of Iron Gates, but he tried to look less stiff all the same.

"Daniel Sutton and I have crossed paths a few times over the years. Needless to say I didn't know his connection to you, although now I can definitely see the resemblance." She carefully considered how to phrase her next statement before adding, "What I do know of him personally and professionally is encouraging."

Kate noticed his eyebrows slightly lift and furl through Gates' speech, but he kept his expressions mostly schooled. He cleared his throat then replied, "Thank you, Sir."

Gates looked from one to the other seeming to weigh their combined baggage. "The first week back after my honeymoon, my brother-in-law died in a car accident. There's nothing like starting a marriage with a crisis. If you two need anything I am not as heartless as you may think." Gates let slip a trace of what looked like pity, but for her that was likely closer to compassion.

They both nodded and Beckett reached over and grazed Rick's arm with her fingers, "Thank you, Sir."


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

**May 5, 2013**

Castle had planned to sequester Alexis, Martha & Jim in The Hamptons, under private security as not to tax the NYPD. Gates granted his request to add one officer to the security detail. For his peace of mind, Rick needed someone he trusted to stay with them inside the house and there was only one person other than their team who he knew would not hesitate to take a bullet for his daughter. But first he had a more difficult call to make.

As Kate drove, Castle dialed his mother.

They hadn't left things well and Martha had been fretting over her son since she had left the loft.

"Richard, are you alright?"

"Yeah, sorry to call so late, Mother. I just need you to do me a favor."

"Anything, you know that, Darling."

"I need you to get Alexis first thing in the morning and go to The Hamptons."

Silence

"You talked to him?"

"Yeah. There's a vague threat that we are going to pursue, but in the meantime, I want you and Alexis to leave town for a while."

She assumed her authoritative motherly tone, "Richard. What is this about? Last time you sent us packing there was a dirty bomb threat. You can't expect us to leave you and Kate without knowing why."

"Mother, there's no bomb, no terrorist threat. It's personal, but we don't have many details right now. Until we figure it out, I need you and Alexis to go to The Hamptons. Kate is going to ask Jim to do the same."

"Okay, okay. Alexis finished finals on Friday, and doesn't start her internship until next week so I can't see that she'll have a problem. Oh, does she know anything about Daniel?"

His head was swimming, "No, no she doesn't. I haven't had the luxury of time to call her since finding out about him myself. I would prefer to tell her, but if you need to do it, I trust you."

"I'll improvise."

Castle smiled into the phone. "I know you will." He knew her loving curiosity about his meeting was eating at her so he added, "Listen, he seemed . . . upstanding." Kate flicked her eyes at him at his odd choice of adjectives. He shrugged then continued, "Really, you don't need to worry. I'm okay." Her silence proved she wasn't reassured. "I love you, Mom." He hadn't called her that since before boarding school. Martha's heart was all over the place as relief at his forgiveness and fear for his safety warred within her.

He called a private security firm and arranged for a detail, then his next call was to a drowsy Patrick O'Riley, who snapped awake when he registered the voice of 'Mr. Castle.' He listened intently to the sit rep, accepting that he couldn't know the details, and assuring that he would do everything in his power to keep his charges safe. Kate had to stifle a smirk when Castle made the sleeping arrangements abundantly clear. Patrick and Alexis would sleep in the bedroom his daughter had used when she was younger. It had bunk beds so O'Riley was to be close enough to watch over his daughter, but by no means could he confuse which bunk was his or there would be friendly fire, Ryan's nephew notwithstanding. Patrick took the threat seriously and assured Mr. Castle that he would be completely professional. Kate was inclined to believe the young man, since he seemed to be the only person that Rick Castle could actually intimidate.

When they opened the door to the loft Kate grabbed her phone. "I just need a few minutes."

Rick brushed his fingers down her arms, keeping his touches light as he watched her bolster herself for the task at hand. He knew she had to sound unaffected when she talked to Jim so he wouldn't worry, and that meant physical as well as emotional distance until the call was done. He grasped one hand and brought it to his lips, gently kissing it then rubbing it with both his thumbs. "Come find me as soon as you're done, or sooner." She nodded her thanks then he went to the office to prepare what they had while she dialed.

"Katie? It's late . . . are you okay?"

"Yeah, Dad, I'm fine, but I need you to listen to me."

"Honey, if you call at this time, I'm listening. What is it?"

"First thing in the morning you need to go to Castle's . . . to our place in The Hamptons."

"Excuse me?"

"Dad, I can't go into it right now, but I need you to do this." The reality of the situation was hitting her and she started to panic.

"Why? Just tell me why."

"I can't. I just . . . I need you to go."

"Will you be there?"

"No, but Martha and Alexis will."

"So, you're sending us away while you and Rick protect us? From what, Katie? You need to give me something here."

In recent years she had forgotten what it was like when her dad was in 'lawyer mode." It always made her defensive.

She bit back, "Consider this an order, Dad. You have to go."

"Without you? Not knowing why you're this upset?"

"Rick will be with me."

"Rick is a great guy, but can the two of you manage whatever this is without another trauma?" Once he asked that Jim Beckett inhaled sharply. "Oh, Katie, is this about your mother? I don't care who killed her. I don't care about closure. You said you'd leave it alone. It's not worth your life. If you don't walk away for me, do it for Rick."

Kate's hackles grew higher, "I didn't say it was about her, Dad, and I certainly wouldn't do anything without considering my own husband!" She sounded like a petulant nine-year-old. The conversation was going badly. Kate was worked up and couldn't talk herself down. "I can't argue with you right now. I will send Ryan to pick you up at seven tomorrow morning. I expect you to go with him without a fight."

Jim tried to back pedal softly, "Katie, I'm sorry for being persistent. I'm just worried, and it sounds like I have good reason to be"

Kate knew what the truth would do to her dad. If her life were taken, his would be forfeit as well. She worked to keep from sniffing or giving away the depth of her anguish. She forced a more steady tone and said, "I love you, Dad. I promise I won't do anything foolish, but I can't give you details and I need to know you're safe. Will you go with Ryan?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. After this is over, I promise to explain everything, until then just . . . try not to worry."

"You know I always worry. I love you, Katie."

"You too, Dad."

She ended the call and took a few minutes to try to settle herself before finding Rick.

During the conversation Castle had made a bee line to the safe and pulled out the jump drive that stored his murder board and the envelope that Kate had given him to protect her from herself. As he put the items on his desk he realized how much his hands were shaking.

He had just placed Kate's personal Pandora's Box on his desk.

Kate walked into the study and saw him staring at his trembling splayed hands. They had to get it right this time. It had to end, or she would never forgive herself for putting him through this again, or her father, or any of them.

She cleared her throat and he tried to busy his hands before she saw them, but he was too late.

Kate stilled. The right thing to say was well out of reach. She wanted to promise him that everyone would come out of this unscathed, but they both knew there were no guarantees. She wanted to say she was fine, but she had too many violent emotions swirling inside her to justify the lie. She wanted to say that this would finally be resolved, but she was too much of a realist. It was likely that they would suffer more loss without gaining any resolution, but as long as this case lingered, they were walking targets so she had to do something, anything. She needed to fix this so Rick's hands would never shake again, so her father wouldn't ever be driven back to the bottle. In the end she just reached for the manilla envelope and in a desperate tone insisted, "I need to review what we have."

Rick grabbed her wrist before she touched them. "We."

"What?" her confused eyes to jolted to his.

He saw the toll the day had taken on her, the streaking of her subtle makeup, and the darkness under her eyes. Despite her determination she looked nearly . . . hollow. He knew that she had intended to continue working through the night, but that most definitely was not what she needed. He had to stand up to her now, to advocate for her health and sanity. He couldn't be passive because she trusted him to temper her. He loved her too much to indulge her obsession, even if that meant she'd be angry with him.

"_We_ need to review what we have, but not right now. You need to sleep, Kate."

She looked at his desk and shook her head. Her voice was too high; she was trying to mask her faltering emotions. "We have to get this right, Rick. They could have someone on us right now, we don't have the luxury of time."

He took both her hands and squeezed to get her full attention. "We will dig into this, Sweetheart, we will . . . in the morning. You asked me to keep you grounded, remember? This is me, keeping a promise to you. When Esposito arrives we'll start, but until then we need to rest so we can think clearly. Let's grab a shower then get some sleep."

The adrenalin Kate had built up over the past few hours waned at the strength of his resolve. She felt so very weary of it all.

She went reluctantly into the shower but once the water hit her she was thankful that Rick had steered her there. The combination of the hot spray and her husband's hands kneading her neck and back started relaxing her overtaxed muscles. She spent most of the shower with her elbows braced against the wall, her head resting on her forearms as she let him tend to her. He seemed to respect that she needed to physically support herself to counter the reality that she needed him to do even the smallest thing for her at the moment. There had been so much cluttering her mind, but here in this windowless room with only her husband, she felt secure enough to lick her deepest wounds. She missed her mom, and nothing, no miracle they could conjure, could bring her back. She loved her husband and father, and nothing she could do could keep them from certain pain.

Seeing his wife listing, half asleep, Castle reached around her and turned off the spray then grabbed a fluffy towel to wrap around her. His arms followed and he held her towel-wrapped body firmly against him. At first he heard a sniff, then felt a few hitches, that soon transformed into the unmistakable staccato rhythm of sobbing. He folded himself around her even more, burrowing his cheek in her wet hair, steadying her as she fell apart.

He dried her and helped her into the brown cotton pajamas that had been a gift from him the day she had given him the envelope that was resting on his desk. She loved those pajamas and he didn't mind that they were anything but revealing.

Rick found a comb and ran it gently through her hair, knowing full well after living with two women that going to bed with damp hair resulted in a tangled mess regardless, but he didn't want the drone of a hairdryer to interrupt her grieving.

He guided her to the bed, lifted the covers and she slipped in far enough to give him room to follow. She lay on her back and watched her husband, who pressed himself protectively against her side, his hand starting a lazy course over her stomach. She scooted ever closer to him.

As she lifted her fingers to tenderly line his face she finally found her voice. "Rick, I'm sorry. You just met your father and tonight should have been about you. I haven't been very supportive."

He cut her off with a finger over her lips. "Kate, right now Daniel Sutton seems no more than a material witness. The rest will hit me sometime and I promise to be duly undone then, but tonight is not about him, just us."

His hand migrated to where the bullet nearly tore her from him. She covered his hand with her own and entwined their fingers. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips.

"Sleep, Mrs. Castle, we'll slay dragons in the morning."


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

**Monday, May 6, 2013**

Kevin Ryan pulled into the drive to the Castle house in The Hamptons, with his nephew, Patrick O'Riley, and Jim Beckett in tow.

O'Riley let out a long, low whistle then added, "Seriously?" He had not grown up in circles where people frequented the Hamptons, and had a pleasantly difficult time digesting that this was to be his assignment for the foreseeable future.

Jim decided that 'beach house' was too unassuming a name for the imposing structure. This was the place in The Hamptons to which Katie and Rick had tried to lure him several times the past summer. Jim was still practicing law but with much fewer clients as the years went by, yet, it always seemed that a trial or deadline would interfere with his plans to join them. Now it seemed he had no choice. He was much more at ease in his cabin nestled in the woods of upstate New York than a grand manor such as this, but Katie had pled, or more likely demanded, that he comply, and so he was there, with police protection to boot.

"Well, this is it." Ryan had filled the drive with easy conversation and Jim appreciated his company during such a stressful situation. Both older men in the car were skilled interrogators and knew how to run a conversation, so the drive had remained a friendly balance of Jim digging for details and Ryan giving him very little then steering him away, all while being mindful of the ignorant third passenger. Jim had to give Ryan credit for the effortless way he could thwart a lawyer, and eventually accepted that he was going to have to wait to interrogate Katie himself.

Jim opened the door and was met with a crushing embrace from his newly adopted granddaughter.

Over the past year the two had bonded. Jim lived closer to Columbia than Rick and was much more handy. A call asking Jim if he could fix a broken bicycle chain when her dad and Kate were on a case had prompted him to check in with her from time to time. Alexis had asked him for help with small tasks from assembling a bookcase to jump starting the Vespa. Jim had given her a Vespa Haynes manual and a tool kit for Christmas and had taken great delight in teaching her how to do everything from changing the oil to replacing the brake pads. Alexis was an enthusiastic student and the two ended up spending hours in his garage hunched over the vehicle.

As much as Jim hated that Katie rode a motorcycle, he enjoyed the fact that they had spent time doing maintenance and repairs on the Harley together. It had given them something positive to focus on while he climbed out of the darkness. Now he had another young lady who was eager to spend time with him bonding over a vehicle. After a while the two became as comfortable as if they were blood related and Alexis' roommate had started referring to him as "Grandpa."

Jim and Alexis had sat next to each other at the rehearsal dinner and that night she had decided that she would take the opportunity to officially adopt him. The only problem was that Jim needed a nickname. They had spent the dinner throwing around grandparent monikers, all of which had made Jim feel way too old, but Alexis was determined, and he had felt so endeared that he went with it. By the end of the night they settled for 'Pa,' which seemed like a compromise between parent and grandparent in deference to his younger age. Before Alexis, Jim had never felt so warmly towards anyone aside from his two Beckett women.

Now he wrapped his arms around his anxious granddaughter, and soothed her hair. "Hey, Alexis, it's going to be alright, okay?"

Katie had never been very touchy-feely, but Jim didn't mind adapting to the Castle style of affection.

"Are you alright, Pa?"

"Yeah, although I'm not sure that I know enough to be otherwise." He shot a piercing look at Ryan, who shrugged.

"There's not much to tell right now. I just was given orders to bring the kid and Mr. Beckett here to join you ladies, and tell you to mind the protective detail," he jerked a thumb at his nephew, "including this guy. Believe me, he's smarter than he looks, or he wouldn't be here." They appreciated that Ryan was at least trying to lighten the mood. "This is just a precaution, there's been no threat on any of you, so you can look at this as an opportunity to chill in the lap of luxury while the rest of us slave away in the city."

They nodded then Alexis asked Patrick if he wanted to see the place, and he readily agreed. She took his hand and started leading him up the stairs, telling him how glad she was that he was there as she went.

Ryan, looking after them assured the older two, "Between talking to Castle and getting an earful from me, Pat knows this is the most important detail he's ever had. We have to give him a hard time, but he was actually top of his class and is being fast-tracked to detective. Honestly, he's known how to follow orders since he was two and he's stood up for the little guy since he was five. I can tell you, he's the best we could offer outside our team, and Castle requested him."

Martha put up a hand to cut off his justifications. "We're quite familiar with the high ethical standards and professional competency of your nephew. We're happy to have him whether he's on duty or not. It will be good to see Alexis smiling at any rate."

Jim and Martha exchanged conspiratorial looks, and it was Martha who cornered Ryan on his way out of the house, "Okay, Detective Ryan, what have our kids gotten themselves into? Serial killer? Stalking fan?" She knew this had to do with Daniel Sutton's warning that Kate was not safe, but she hadn't known for sure the genre of danger that awaited her daughter-in-law.

Ryan's grim expression did not escape Jim's notice and he joined the interrogation, hoping that the man would break under their combined pressure. "Tell me it's not about Johanna. Look me in the eye and tell me." It was just a split second when Ryan's eyes bled a combination of sympathy, remorse and apology.

"Beckett doesn't want you to worry. We don't have anything concrete, just a lead." He looked determined, "We're all on this. We all have her back, and we will stay in contact, but you have to give her space to work this. She's worried about you, Sir, and she needs to keep focused. If she thinks you're ignorant, she'll be less distracted."

Jim closed his eyes slowly, digesting the news. He then clutched the younger man's shoulder. "Thank you, Kevin." Martha reached down and placed a tentative hand on Jim's other arm as he continued. "You know that we'll worry, so please give us updates as often as you can. I don't like keeping secrets from my daughter, but in this case, if she needs me to be ignorant, I'll need you to keep me sane."

Kevin shook his hand, "Agreed."

The door closed and Jim watched the unmarked cruiser pull away with all his resolve.

Martha had hovered in the kitchen while Jim paced the great room then sat with his head in his hands. Martha could read a room and she knew that small talk was not the answer so she kept her hands busy and her mouth closed, giving the man space.

Finally he broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, Martha. I've been down this path with Katie too many times, and to be honest, it's taking everything in me right now not to break my ten-year streak of sobriety." It was as though he had been told his daughter only had weeks, maybe days to live. He couldn't go through that again. History had proven that it could only end badly.

Martha and Alexis had removed all the alcohol in the house out of courtesy to Jim before he had arrived, and Martha had been so thankful that they had thought to do so. No need surrounding a struggling man with temptation.

"I can understand. I feel I could use a drink myself, but it wouldn't help me either. Believe me, watching my son get through the summer after Kate was shot gave me a glimpse of what you've been through. There's no doubt it's all our lives at stake one way or another."

Jim, still with his head in his hands, sighed, "They are quite a pair. I know there's no stopping this – whatever this is. At least they are fighting together, I suppose."

"They've seemed to have worked miracles in the past, so let's hold out hope that they can pull off one more." She sat next to him. "Jim, I don't know what's going on exactly, but I know that the source of the lead is Daniel Sutton. He's Richard's father."

Jim snapped his head to look at her, "But I thought . . . "

Martha raised her hand "I know. I hadn't told Richard anything about him. He was a one-night-stand after all, and there wasn't much to tell. He contacted me for the first time a few days ago, saying he needed to talk to Richard. I passed along the message only because he said that there was a threat against Kate. I have no idea how he would be connected to your late wife, except Richard had asked me if he could have been CIA. I'm afraid I can't speak to Daniel's character, or really much about him but I'm inclined to believe that he does care about Richard and Kate's welfare so maybe this time they'll have help." She patted his leg, "For now we have a granddaughter to distract and so I suggest we start working on our poker faces. No need to worry her just yet."

Suddenly, Jim was thankful that he was here with family instead of holed up in a cabin dangerously alone.


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: ****I have taken the liberty of giving the Castle loft a private patio on the roof. They needed fresh air in a protected environment so I made some calls and employed virtual contractors, who coincidently work for virtual Curly Wurlys. Coincidently, I write for virtual Curly Wurly's or reviews when CW's aren't available.**

**Chapter 43**

**May 6, 2013**

Esposito knocked on the door to the loft at 9am, armed with a filing box full of reports courtesy of Captain Victoria Gates, who had spent most of the night getting what resources they needed to start the investigation. Castle opened the door and motioned him in.

"Yo, Castle," He looked around. "Where's Beckett?"

Esposito walked to the dining area and thumped the box on the table.

"Rough night, I let her sleep."

His friend nodded his concern. "How's she taking it?"

"As well as can be expected, I guess."

The men on the team had been around this block a time or two and knew that offering their leader platitudes concerning Johanna Beckett's case did nothing. They honed in on the evidence, knowing that the only way to help Beckett was to keep their heads down and plow through. She would find no peace until they solved the case.

"And you?"

Castle ran a hand through his hair. "As far as Sutton? I'm fine, can't even really think about it right now. The rest . . . well . . . " The writer chose to shrug rather than try to narrow down how he felt with words.

Esposito clapped Castle on the shoulder in understanding, then started in with a sit-rep. "So, Ryan's dropping off Beckett Senior and Ryan Junior then will come straight here. I swung by the office and have all the bank and phone records to get us started. You know, Gates will never be Montgomery, but she's definitely growing on me."

"I'm sure it will be to her advantage to have us owe her one, but if this finally brings Kate closure, I'll do anything she asks of me until I pretend to retire from my fictional career in law enforcement."

Esposito knew Castle was kidding, but for some reason, he felt the fierce need to validate him, "Nothing fake about what you do, Bro."

"Just wish I was more effective on the cases that matter most."

Just then a very wonky-haired Kate emerged from the bedroom and through the study.

"Hey, Beckett."

She yawned and only managed to get out "Espo." In greeting. She padded to the kitchen where Castle had just gone to pour her a cup of coffee. "Hey." She leaned on her tiptoes and pecked a kiss to his lips. He smiled warmly at her, hoping that she wasn't quite awake enough to be on a warpath yet. He pressed the mug into her palm and searched her eyes to gauge her mood, "Thanks, Rick . . . and thanks." She said the second half under her breath. He blinked his eyes slowly and replied. "Of course." He wrapped an arm around her and leaned in for a lingering kiss.

The third wheel smirked his relief at seeing Kate being affectionate rather than belligerent under the circumstances, but he still whined, "Hey, are you trying to scar me, Beckett? It's bad enough I had to baby sit you while you slept in his bed, now I have to watch you stick your tongue down his throat?"

She pushed a stray lock of hair out of her face and took a commanding step towards him, "First of all, you 'babysitting' me was a mutually disturbing experience, and Second, Javier Esposito, if you come here before I have my coffee and am dressed for duty, you're going to get Mrs. Castle. Once I go back through that bedroom door, I'll transform into Detective Beckett. Until then I reserve the right to kiss my husband senseless and make you as uncomfortable as humanly possible."

She knew Castle thought it was hot when she referred to herself as "Mrs. Castle," and predictably he had puffed up his chest with territorial pride. After the night they had had, she wanted to start the day assuring him of her priorities. To further make her point she placed her coffee on the island and shared a knowing look with him. He twitched a seductive eyebrow then dipped her backwards and kissed her passionately, not just for show.

"Whoa, okay, okay. Just make it stop! No one wants to see Mom and Dad makin' out."

Their laughter broke the kiss but Rick pulled her in for one last crushing embrace, knowing that she had been right. Detective Beckett would indeed take over and with her came the harsh realities that they had to face.

* * *

><p>By early afternoon they were up to their elbows in paperwork but had gotten nowhere. There was just no way to directly connect Markway with Raglan, McAllister or any of major players, or even the minor ones. Their frustration was growing as they shot down one possible lead after another. Castle had expanded his flat screen murder board with what little they knew:<p>

**Judge Robert Markway **

-**Unknown connection**

**-Not assigned to Pulgatti case,**

**-No financial ties to cops (since 1999)**

**-Implicated by Daniel Sutton, why?**

**-NYU undergrad, Cornell Law grad, US Air Force JAG**

**-NY public prosecutor, appointed criminal court judge by FBI**

**-Married 32 years, two sons, ages 28 and 30**

Esposito was looking through bank statements, "Man, I will never make fun of forensic accountants again." Ryan looked at him flatly "Okay, I probably will, but at least I'll feel guilty about it."

Kate replied, "Come on guys, we used to do this sort of leg work all the time."

"But most of our cases spanned weeks or months, this is a forest worth of trees we're sifting through one paper at a time. If this were any other case we'd farm this out." As soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted them.

Beckett bit back, "Sorry to inconvenience you, Esposito. Feel free to walk away anytime the paper cuts get to be too much."

He shook his head in self-reproach, "Sorry, Beckett."

She kept her head down and they all worked in silence until Ryan started talking to himself to try to break the tension. Esposito had been twitching his leg for twenty-one minutes straight and Castle had been the one timing Espo's leg tic while pouring over phone records and worrying about Kate. He could almost see her blood pressure reaching a fever pitch. The movie images of rippling water that foreshadowed natural disasters or dinosaur attacks flitted through his mind. Her tells were subtle but spoke to the aggravation welling inside her. No one had suggested lunch, feeling that they couldn't lose any time so now, hours later, they were all tired and hungry and frustrated.

Kate had tented her fingers and lowered her head so her brow rested on the point. She had been stifling the need to leave the loft and DO something, anything to ruffle feathers or shake someone down. She knew the importance of evidence and procedures, especially with Gates' involvement, but she was fighting her primal need to act, even if it was rashly.

There were some areas where Castle felt his limitations, but one thing that he did well was observe. He definitely picked up on the workings of the NYPD, but he did more than that. He could tell what the team needed before they knew it themselves. He excelled at caring for others despite his egotistical public persona. He prided himself on his stealth, whether it was making sure that Espo always had his favorite gel pens on his desk rather than the government issue Bics or texting Jenny if Ryan was having a hard day so she knew to give him a call 'out of the blue.' The more secret the mission, the more fun he had with it.

Today was not a day for subtlety. He clapped his hands to break the monotony. "I'm taking requests for linner."

Rubbing his face Ryan asked, "Linner?"

He responded, "Yeah, it's like brunch, but lunch and dinner. We need to take a break."

Esposito thankfully "Dude, if you're cooking, I'll eat it, I don't care what it is."

"I'm going cross-eyed here. I could use a break." Ryan chimed in.

Kate didn't look up from her work, but made a hand movement that seemed to brush off not only the food also but the interruption. "I need to keep on this, you guys take a break."

They all looked at each other recognizing this as stage one of Beckett falling down the rabbit hole. It was Ryan who orchestrated the next move.

"You know, not that I don't appreciate a home cooked meal, but I really need to stretch my legs. Espo, you want to go with me to pick up something? Thai alright with everyone?"

The guys agreed then Kate excused herself. Castle placed a key in Ryan's palm so he could let themselves back in, then he gripped their shoulders and asked them to go up to the roof patio and make sure it was secure before getting the food. He was feeling stir crazy and he was sure that Kate would benefit from fresh air as well, but he knew she wouldn't agree to physically walk too far away from the case. Maybe he could get her to compromise. The guys agreed then a few minutes later they sent him an 'all clear' text. The security measures were likely overkill, but he couldn't help it, not today.

Kate had not returned so he went into their bedroom and saw her pacing. Her arms were crossed and she nearly hummed with tension.

He walked a few steps towards her and urged, "Come on." She stopped, but didn't move to follow.

She held a palm out in defense, "Castle, I can't right now."

He persisted despite the phrase 'Danger, Will Robinson' running through his mind. "The boys are getting food, and we need to get some air. At least I need to get some air, and I need you, so it seems you have little choice in the matter." He quirked a smile at her.

She wanted so much to have the freedom to walk down the sidewalks of New York City, holding her husband's hand as they talked strategy and picked up their lunch. She hated herself for feeling vulnerable, but she was wound so tight that she knew she was likely to have a panic attack if she were to be out in the open. It was almost as though the city she loved had turned against her as its numerous skyscrapers taunted her with their potential to be sniper nests. That fear countered her need to get out of the loft, to blow off steam. She couldn't calm herself enough to leave, but without leaving her stress was only mounting.

Okay, so the smile hadn't disarmed her. Rick would need to be practical rather than whimsical to win this particular battle. Keeping his distance, he sat on the bed and offered. "The boys secured the roof, and our patio would be an impossible target for even the most skilled marksman." She squeezed her eyes shut and stopped pacing, not facing him yet. "It's not exactly a gym up there, but if you get changed you can at least work off enough tension to clear your mind."

She nodded and changed without a word while he grabbed her mat.

She still hadn't felt like being touched, so when he extended his hand, she couldn't will herself to take it, she shook her head and quietly explained, "Not yet."

"Okay." His eyes were wide with a mixture of compassion and hurt feelings as he motioned with the hand for her to lead.

They made their way to the roof and automatically did their own search. Nothing seemed amiss, so she dropped and started frantically doing push ups, then alternated with sit-ups, and some Pilates moves. Castle all the while kept watch, only interfering to hold her feet for sit-ups. Every so often Kate's eyes would flick to places in the distance, and Rick could tell she was cursing herself for jumping at shadows.

Only after half an hour of relentless pushing did she start to flag.

She laid on the mat and offered him her hand, which when he grasped, she pulled down. He ended up laying on the mat facing her, both on their sides. Keeping his touches light, he ran the pads of his fingers up and down her back, soothing her. She leaned into him and he rolled slowly on his back, taking her with him. Her head on his chest, he absently started humming. The sound used to calm Alexis when she had nightmares. Now it was a reflex. Kate loved his voice whether he was spinning an outlandish theory or reading her one of his novels. She closed her eyes and felt the strong reverberations through his chest settle the anxiety in hers that even the rigorous exercise couldn't quell. She inhaled deeply and tried to clear her cluttered mind.

She felt, more than heard him ask, "What can I do?"

He knew it was a useless question. He was feeling his limitations acutely.

Kate replied, "Just this, and have more patience with me than is humanly possible . . . I'm not handling this well."

He fingered a loose strand of hair and hooked it behind her ear. "You're doing fine."

"It's only the first day and I'm on edge, frustrated, and taking it out on you. How is that fine?"

"Kate, you're here instead of rushing ahead of the investigation." All day she had fought against the instinct to shake up Markway, and Rick understood. "You're here with me. It's different this time. We're different this time."

"This is going to be a constant battle for me, you know."

"You're not fighting alone. After all, I've got your back," He gave her a cheeky smile as he stroked his fingers up and down for emphasis, enjoying that she was just wearing a sports bra instead of a t-shirt; "and your neck," he scooted her up then made a trail of kisses from her chin to her shoulder and felt the goosebumps forming; "and your legs" he ran his hand along the back of her thigh, pulling it so her bent knee hugged his hip; he waggled his eyebrows and added, "and especially your -"

He was admonished with a completely unconvincing "Castle -" which was followed by his lips cutting off her words as the hand on his back settled lower and the one on her leg settled higher, as if to finish his sentence. Kate skimmed the pads of her fingers down his face, neck, side, finally slipping under his shirt. The fabric lifted enough that he could sense the skin of her abs nearly touching his. She edged it higher and he pulled her against him to feel more of her. She understood his need to be closer and so the shirt was lost completely. For that moment there was no dragon, no snipers, no fathers. There was tenderness and promises of always no matter what they had to face. They took their time where they were, both needing this before they needed justice, and more than they needed answers.

Before more clothes were shed, the darker corners of Kate's mind brought her back to reality. She pulled away and rested her elbows on the ground next to Rick's ears and cleared her throat. Her hands fiddled with his mussed hair. Her eyes darted around then seemed to offer him an apology. She still felt unsettled about being outside and not vigilant. Somehow, he understood and conveyed his thankfulness for the few unguarded moments they had with a wistful grin. Rick, not wanting her to feel guilty for bringing them back to their senses, playfully rolled Kate on her back. Before planting one last memorable kiss he brought his lips next to her ear and confessed, "For the record, I was going to say 'eyes.'"


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: This is dedicated to my military source who has accomplished quite a lot by bribing low-level government workers with baked goods.**

**Chapter 44**

**Monday, May 6th, 2013**

They returned to the loft to the smell of Thai food and the boys sitting at the kitchen island hunched over papers.

"Hey, guys, linner's on the table."

Kate smiled at them, which seemed to diffuse the expected tension. She squeezed a hand on Ryan's shoulder as she passed, "Thanks, guys, I'll be out in a minute."

They turned in unison to face Castle, amused.

"She just needed to blow off some steam. Thanks for the recon earlier."

Ryan answered, "No problem." They continued to smirk at his unkempt hair.

Esposito added, "I don't know what you do to her, nor do I _ever_ want to know, but you must have superpowers to break the wild Beckett determination."

He put an arm around each of them conspiratorially; "I married her so she'd be part Castle. That, gentlemen, is the secret."

Esposito replied, "Whatever, man, we're just glad it's on you now."

Ryan chimed in, "Yeah."

Castle gripped them tighter in a manly fashion then let go as he said, "Not as glad as I am."

Esposito shook his head, "Seriously, if you start getting sappy, I'm out of here. There's only so much of this a guy can take."

Ryan, ever supportive, added, "I think it's sweet."

Castle was thankful for the two men whom he could trust implicitly. "As much as I'd love to wax poetic about the depth of my devotion to our fearless leader, I think we probably should delve back into the case before 'Detective Beckett' returns and kicks our butts for wasting time."

Esposito replied, "Fair enough."

Ryan grabbed the piece of paper on which they were writing and explained. "We have been mapping a sort of social network for each person for the time of the original crime, the time of Beckett's mom's murder and the time of Beckett's . . . Montgomery's death." They still felt as though if they said she had been shot it would cause blood to pour from her chest once again.

"Anything pop?"

"Not yet, but It's hard to find evidence of relationships, and knowing these guys, we may be looking at a friend of a friend of a friend. While Espo keeps on the financials, Castle, we can work on this. I'm not sure it will lead anywhere, but it's a start."

Kate returned after a quick shower with her wet hair pulled back in a messy bun. They filled her in and she nodded. Before long Castle had opened a new file on his flat screen and started mapping who knew whom in all pertinent points based on gym memberships, churches, jobs, and other community involvements.

After a few hours Esposito asked Castle, "Have you ever heard of 'The Manhattan Foundation?'"

"Yeah, it's like the United Way of Manhattan. I gave some of their registered charities signed books to auction at a foundation fundraiser a few years back. Why?"

"Well, nothing seems unusual in the regular bank statements. Markway lived within his salary, but then I started in on investment accounts. We only have since 1999; I'll let you guess where the initial accounts were held. Anyway, he's made monthly payments from his money market account of $3,000 to this Manhattan Foundation. Seems pretty generous, but by the looks of his portfolio, it seems he can afford it. How is it that he can be this loaded living in the city on 150K, not that I wouldn't love to see that kind of cash?"

"I met Markway about ten years ago when Bob introduced us at a golf benefit. I think both his parents were deceased by then so theoretically it could have been life insurance or family money, but the timing is fishy."

Kate piped in, "Some people assuage their guilt by being overly generous. It could be that he is trying to atone for something by giving blood money to charity."

Castle added under Markway's name:

**- Wealthy - inheritance or bribes?**

**- Monthly donations to Manhattan Foundation – guilty conscience?**

* * *

><p>By the evening Ryan and Castle had a large social web but didn't feel any closer.<p>

Castle asked, "Do we have military records? There could be a JAG connection."

Espo put down the statement he had been perusing, "Dude, you've never been military. Do you know how hard it is to get them to give up any information? You'll have to fill out forms to get approval to submit requests to get permission to get the service record. We won't get it anytime soon, that is unless you happen to know a dozen strategically placed low-level government workers, and offer them all cupcakes."

Beckett replied, "We don't have that, but we do have the country's most intimidating government worker willing to go to bat for us. Even if it's a long shot and will take time, it's worth pursuing. Was anyone else related to the case JAG?"

Castle flipped through some electronic files then answered, "Juror number 2, Shawn Anders, and the defense attorney, John Brody, but both were Army, Markway was Air Force."

"We might as well get their service records while we're at it." She looked to the complicated drawing on the smart board and asked, "Anything else with the social network angle?"

"Not much is overlapping. Markway's Catholic, so that could support the guilt angle."

Ryan's head popped up, "I can vouch for that."

"Well, you two went to the same Catholic high school, should I throw you into the mix so we have an excuse to connect a line?"

"If it makes you feel better, go for it, Bro, but in 1992 I was nine, and could produce a slew of older sisters as alibis." Castle added Ryan, then listed all six sisters' name under alibi. "Wow, you really do have a good memory."

Castle mused, "It's too bad we can't just pull up a membership list for the Legion of Doom or the Evil League of Evil. I hate these shades of gray. People should be divided into heroes and villains and declare their allegiance."

Kate quipped, "I suppose that would make you, what? Captain Inkblot?"

He raised his eyebrows at her and sang, "The only doom that's looming is you loving me to death . . . "

She crossed her arms and asked flatly, "When has that line ever worked? And please stop picturing me in a Wonder Woman costume, at least in public."

At the same time Castle said, "How'd you know!" Esposito covered his ears and moaned, "Seriously!"

Beckett said, "Sorry, Espo." She turned towards Ryan to apologize, but he had a dreamy expression, no doubt picturing Jenny in costume.

Castle turned back to the board and his hand rested above 'Walter Smith.' He followed the lines to both Montgomery and Daniel Sutton. He glanced at the others and noticed a slight uneasiness. He turned back towards the board and realized the thoughts they had been harboring.

He crossed his arms them accused them, "I don't suppose it occurred to any of you to look into Sutton as a suspect?" No one met his eyes.

He took his time looking from one to the other until they each looked at him. He was angry.

"All day, huh? You think there's a potential connection? You suspect that this man," he walked up to the board and jabbed at Sutton, "might be connected more than he told us and you ignored the lead to spare my_ feelings_?"

"Bro, it's your father. We just wanted to exhaust other avenues before attacking your blood."

"_Kate_ is my blood. She is the priority here. For all I care Daniel Sutton could be thrown under the bus if it means saving her. Do you understand?"

The boys nodded sheepishly and Kate was rubbing a hand on her forehead with closed eyes. She couldn't think of words that would make it better.

Even though he was miffed, he tried to refocus. "Okay, so Sutton came across bits and pieces of all this information mainly through CIA contacts, including Smith, whose death was a catalyst for him contacting me, and he is the only reason that we've opened this case. So, is there any other reason he would have to make us open this again?" Castle started flicking a pen on his leg as he paced in front of the screen.

Ryan raised his hand and Castle pointed and called on him.

"Personal grudge against Markway?"

Under Sutton's picture Castle added:

**Possible Motives:**

-**G****rudge**

"Okay, any other theories?"

Esposito, following Ryan's lead, raised his hand next and waited for Castle to nod before offering, "Maybe they were in something together and he wants Markway to take the fall for this. If we take Markway out, then any blackmail worthy information would die with him. Kind of like his explanation of someone unrelated to this case taking Smith out – we're a convenient way to off someone under false pretenses."

Castle added:

**- Blackmail/assassination by police**

"Kate?"

Her eyes softened and he could tell what she was going to say would be more personal. "Well, Castle, he's been out of your life for over forty years. Maybe he has regrets and feels that this information would be a way to get in your good graces. Whether it's a real threat or if the evidence is somewhat manufactured, he did make it so that you can't ignore him. Maybe he wants to make up for all that time by playing the hero now."

He turned back to the board and added:

-**R****edemption **

He ran a hand through his hair. "Do we have evidence supporting any of this?"

"No." The guys let Beckett represent them, at least until everything felt less painfully personal.

"Do we have Sutton's phone records or financials yet?"

"No, Gates is working that angle herself then will let us know what she discovers."

"You knew that and neglected to tell me?"

"Yes." She answered solidly, and he regarded her for a moment then continued, tamping down the frustration.

"Do we have the reports from Smith's murder?"

"Gates should have that for us by now as well."

"Fine."

Ryan, needing to break the tension, replied, "You know, it's getting late so Espo and I can run by the precinct and get everything Gates has then come by tomorrow. Jenny's pretty worried that something is up, so if it's all the same to you I'd like to call her before she goes to bed so I can pretend like everything's normal."

They could all relate to the need to downplay the seriousness of dangerous entanglements to their loved ones, and they all felt that they needed Jenny to be a carefree oasis for Ryan. He couldn't have made a better argument.

Kate added, "I would like to meet at the precinct tomorrow so we have immediate access to information. I know Gates will let us use a conference room so we shouldn't be interrupted."

They all agreed and the guys left the couple to themselves.

Rick started tidying papers and packing them back into boxes. Kate busied herself cleaning the kitchen while stealing glances at her husband. She could tell he was tense and still frustrated about being treated with kid gloves, but she didn't know how to fix it. She had married a very forgiving man, who was also very sensitive and she had a lot of experience erring on the side of saying nothing out of fear of saying the wrong thing. He was so good with words and knew how to wield the shortest phrases to great effect. She had not been so blessed.

Before she could broach an apology his phone rang. She knew it was Alexis by how his expression softened when he looked at the screen.

"Hey Pumpkin."

"Hi, Dad. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, we're just being overly cautious. How are Gram & Pa?"

"Gram has been entertaining us ad nauseam, Pa is being gracious about it, but I think he's either really stressed, or he really doesn't care for show tunes but is too polite to say."

Castle gave a light sigh that was almost a laugh.

"Your new grandfather is a very forbearing man."

The mention of her father had caught Kate's attention. As much as Rick wanted to hold his resentment, he couldn't pass up the opportunity to diffuse the tension so he narrowed his eyes at her playfully and added, "After all, he had to raise Kate. If that didn't require an inordinate amount of patience, I don't know what would."

He was swatted with a dish towel and let out a very unmasculine squeak.

"You totally deserved that, Dad."

"Agreed." As Kate started to retreat he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into him. She looked at him apologetically, then he tightened his hold and nuzzled her hair.

"Is O'Riley behaving?"

"Of course. I'm not sure what you said to him, but I feel like I'm surrounded by a force field that immediate sends you a signal if he gets too close. Seriously, Dad, you need to take it down a notch."

"Sleeping arrangements?"

"Gram has had no gentleman callers."

"Noted, but not exactly what I meant." He could almost hear her eyes rolling.

"I had the top bunk, Patrick took the bottom, and I know he made regular sweeps of the house throughout the night."

"Good."

"Thank Kate for recommending him for this."

"She backed my decision one hundred percent."

"It was you? Really? Thank you, Dad. I feel so much safer with him here especially since you're not with us."

"I knew you would, Pumpkin. Don't let it out but I really do like the guy."

"You like that he'll do your bidding in order to get on your good side."

"I like that I can trust him to protect my little girl."

"From what, Dad?"

"Oh, you know, The Borg, Reavers, Jaffa. . ."

"Seriously, we're in lock down and I get nothing?"

"Nothing but my unconditional love and the Richard Castle Estate, in fifty years."

"You're incorrigible."

"But you still love me."

He imagined his daughter shaking her head. She answered seriously, "Yeah, Dad, I do."

Goodnight, Sweetie."

"'Night."

Kate had curled her arms around him, her fingers scratched lightly up and down his back.

"I'm sorry."

Rick felt the muffled apology on his chest as much as he heard it.

He kissed her hair, "It's okay."

She could have elaborated that she was just trying to spare him any unnecessary pain, but he knew that her motives were well-intentioned.

She pulled back from him so he could see the intensity in her next words.

"I love you."

He emoted, "I know." He gave her a cocky grin worthy of a scruffy-looking nerfherder.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I had to throw Dr. Horrible in the mix. "A Man's Gotta Do What a Man's Gotta Do" was on endless mental repeat as I wrote this. **


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

**Tuesday, May 7, 2013**

The next morning, Kate felt settled enough to leave the loft. During the car ride, provided by Castle's normal car service, Rick had his arm slung around her and his thumb brushed an even cadence against her bicep as he kept up light conversation. She realized that he was employing the same techniques to keep her calm as he had when they were in CIA custody. It was working.

They had arrived at the 12th followed shortly by an obscene amount of pastries. Kate had tried to argue that they needed to fly below the radar and ordering in enough food to make a 2:1 ratio of scones to cops might raise suspicion, but Castle was feeling inspired and she was feeling generous enough towards him not to put her foot down.

Ryan had called Jim Beckett on his way in to give a report, or really to relay that they were safe and there was still nothing concrete. He had assured the man that no overt threats had been made to any of them and that he didn't have any reason to worry, but he knew the comfort would fall flat. Jim had appreciated the call all the same. When Ryan had arrived at the precinct he looked much more refreshed and ready to tear into the mountain of evidence.

Gates was waiting for them in a conference room. She had already pulled the blinds and had laid out many different reports for them to examine along with her handwritten comments.

"Detective Beckett, I am giving you a long leash with this case due to special circumstances and I expect that you will show the appropriate appreciation if not respect for my position to keep me in the loop. Keeping that in mind, where are you on all this?"

Kate brought her up to speed and as she recapped what they had done the day before, she was struck with just how little progress they had made. She expected Gates to be dissatisfied with the lack of forward movement, but it hadn't seemed to faze her.

"Well, this case seems to have a black cloud hanging over it so I hadn't expected you to break it wide open in one day. Officially you're team has 'earned' the right to work cold cases for a week." She dryly added, "You know, it's funny, no one seemed to be surprised that you would have gotten that far on my bad side."

Kate smirked. "That is shocking, Sir."

Gates nearly smiled, but instead raised her eyebrows. "I know." She gestured to the table and cautioned, "That being said, you do need some traction on this thing. I couldn't find anything concrete, but as you can see, there's much more to sift through. I have ordered the JAG service records that you requested, but I wouldn't count on them today. I've pulled just about all the favors I've amassed in the past twenty years to get you everything we have so far, so make this count."

Beckett replied, "We will, Sir. Thank you."

Gates crisply walked out of the room.

Castle looked at the stack nearest him. It was bits and pieces of what could be recovered from the past twenty years of Daniel Sutton's financials. He started flipping through them while Kate placed a hand on his shoulder. She considered suggesting that he look into Smith's murder file instead, but she understood that he had to know, to learn firsthand what he could about the man. Rick absently patted her hand, and assured her, "I got this. You heard Gates, pick a pile and dive in."

The first few hours were spent in companionable silence, then Castle started fidgeting and the others followed suit. Esposito stared at him until the writer noticed and stared back.

"What, Esposito?"

"Have you found anything?"

"That's the odd thing. I've found nothing. No trace of him making payments to Mother's agency to pad her checks, no evidence that shows that he supported me in any way over this time frame, although I would have been in college twenty years ago, so maybe by then he had stopped. There are utility bills, credit card payments, travel expenses, some sizable charitable contributions and a mortgage that was paid off in 2005."

Ryan chimed in, "Wait, in 2012 it looks like he started making mortgage payments again." He shuffled some papers then continued, "It looks like it was February 2012 through April 2013 but that payment looked like it was refunded."

"How much are the mortgage payments?" Esposito asked, just to be making conversation.

"$3417.27. We don't know how much he borrowed, but that seems about right for a place in the city with escrow. Anyway, If it were some sort of payoff wouldn't it be a nice round number?"

Castle wiped a hand down his face and replied, "Not if he didn't want to get someone's attention. The fact that there's a three and sevens in it, and no two of the same number are next to each other is suspicious."

At that the other three turned towards him waiting for an explanation. "While I was writing Eye of the Storm I went to a fraud seminar for research. It was a wealth of information of how people have worked the system and I've used elements I'd learned for several novels. The point is, when people think up a random number, in our case a typical amount for a mortgage, three and seven tend to be used too often and zero, one, five and nine, are used much less. They also avoid double numerals. If the amount was $2,559.05, I wouldn't be as suspicious."

Ryan added, "Anyway, why would he take out a mortgage now? It seems like he's comfortable enough. Do you know if he came from money?" Castle gave Ryan a look in response. "Okay, sorry, I get it, you really don't know much about the guy."

Kate had listened to this exchange and Esposito noticed the Beckett wheels turning as she flipped though the report in front of her. "What is it?"

She replied, "What is the name of the Mortgage company?"

Ryan read, "First Security Bank of New York."

Beckett stood and started pacing. "I don't see it on his credit report."

Castle got out his phone and started typing. His lips pressed into a tight line as he held up the phone. "I just Googled it. No hits." They all stared at him.

Rick Castle had just uncovered the evidence that could implicate his own father.

Kate started moving towards him, "Rick, all that proves is that he made regular payments to someone."

He held a palm out to stop her and said in a eerily steady tone, "Just give me a minute." She nodded with wide eyes as her husband turned on his heel and left the room. She could almost feel the anger radiating from him.

"Dude."

Kate rolled her eyes at Esposito's monosyllabic summary of the situation.

* * *

><p>When twenty minutes had passed, Kate decided to find her husband. He was in the gym, dress shirt cast aside, punching a bag with no gloves. She saw the tension in his neck and shoulders and the angry skin on his fists. While she wanted to pull him away and make him stop, she didn't want to take the outlet from him. Instead she circled him then held the bag. He gave a few final punches before folding his forearms against the bag and resting his head on them, panting.<p>

"I'm okay, Kate."

"I can see that."

He let out a strained moan.

"My hands hurt."

Kate took that as an invitation. She touched his back lightly, ran her fingers up to his shoulder and gently pulled him from the bag. He wouldn't look at her, but he did let her continue to touch him. She turned him towards her and ran her fingers down his arm and held his hand in both of hers. She lifted it for inspection then kissed each knuckle. She did the same for the other hand.

"I'm not okay."

"I know."

"What if he's behind this? What if my own father is The Dragon and had your mother killed?"

"He's not."

"How do you know?"

"The Dragon would have much more influence and have a fortune at his disposal. All we have on Sutton is that he started making sizable payments after Sofia Turner died. It may not even be related. Let's bring him in and get some answers."

"I'm not sure it's wise to bring him into the station. We're supposed to be laying low on this."

Kate considered that then added, "I suppose if he came in under the guise of meeting with Gates it shouldn't set off any alarms. She'd do it for you since you're her favorite, right? It's worth a shot."

His expression lightened, but not enough.

"Kate, I'm sorry for walking out and for . . ." he motioned towards the bag.

"Honestly, I was starting to worry that something was wrong with you because you _weren't_ reacting to Sutton's sudden, and very dramatic, appearance in your life. You have every right to be angry. You're so used to caring for everyone else, but you're allowed to feel hurt, Rick. You know I'll always be here to hold the punching bag then kiss your fingers." She brought his knuckles to her lips for another round and looked at him from under her lashes.

"Kate, I want you with me this time. I don't think I can face him alone."

* * *

><p>Gates met Sutton and brought him into an empty conference room, then excused herself. A minute later Castle and Beckett walked in. Sutton stood and held out his hand, and once again Rick refused it. He didn't offer it to Kate not wanting to put her on the spot.<p>

Sutton looked between the two of them and started the conversation, "So, have you found anything on Markway?"

Rick replied in a detached manner, "In March 2012 you started making payments to First Security Bank of New York in the amount of $3,417.27. They continued until April, 2013, but then the last payment was credited back to your account a few weeks later."

He looked between them. "Should we be in the interrogation room?"

Rick snapped back, "You tell me."

"It would be a waste of time."

"Enough. Answer the question. Who were you paying?"

Sutton leaned back in his chair and considered for a moment. Seeming to come to a decision, he leaned on the table, shifting his weight on crossed arms.

"Richard, I did find the picture of your smart board on Sofia's phone and deleted it. However, a few weeks after her death I got a letter with a copy of the picture I gave you with this note." He produced a paper that read, 'If he finds this she's dead, $3,417.37 a month' followed by payment instructions. The note itself had no fingerprints. It's common printer paper. The routing number is a bank in Luxembourg, which is a proverbial offshore account." He looked straight at Kate. "I hadn't worked out all the details, but I knew that I needed to pay for your safety." Kate shifted, feeling the tension of receiving crippling charity.

Castle's jaw was slack. He hadn't expected that outcome and was at a loss for words. Sutton filled the silence. "The last payment was returned right after your wedding, and that's when I first became suspicious that Detective Beckett was going to be back in the crosshairs. The account had been closed which most likely meant that he was either close to being caught or he was going to be coming into a better deal and wanted to cut all ties with his former life. Either way it couldn't be good. Smith's call, then his death, supported my fears and when I couldn't find the package they were confirmed."

"Why didn't you just tell me this before?"

"It wasn't necessary. I'm not sure how else to put this, but I didn't want it to come off as me buying your approval. You should be angry with me and not feel that I've done anything to earn your forgiveness. Plus, the harsh reality is that I was funding Soviet Loyalists who I've worked against my whole career. I'm not proud that I couldn't find another way, but I would never willingly cause you pain and paying bought time while I tried to unravel this convoluted mess."

Kate eyed Rick and he glanced from her to the window, not meeting Sutton's eyes. He cleared his throat then uttered, "Thank you." The man had gone to great lengths to protect Kate, and that was hard not to take into consideration. He didn't want to be okay with this guy, much less like him, but he also didn't feel like continuing to fight against him. Once the case was over he could sort all that out, but for now he made the decision to try to work with him.

Sutton shook his head, not wanting any gratitude.

Castle continued, "Okay, so do you have any idea who was blackmailing you?"

"Actually, I do. Alexander Walker. He was on medical leave last week and didn't turn up for work yesterday or today. There was footage of him at the airport last Monday boarding a plane for Russia, under an assumed name. Of course Russia is a non-extradition country, so he's gone off into the sunset to read Tolstoy and live off his Luxembourg bank accounts. We can't touch him. He's a dead-end."

Castle let that sit for a moment. "You said before that you funneled money to Martha. How?"

"The CIA has a division of people devoted to false identities, setting up dummy accounts, etc. and I paid attention. The key is to make an entity seem credible by using a generic name, such as Walker did with First Security Bank of New York. Also, to use amounts that would not flag suspicion, such as $3417 a month rather than double that, which would be too large to be a reasonable mortgage payment for my place, or requesting a lump sum of, say, $100,000, which would raise red flags. For your mom I set up a few charities that could be viewed either as nonprofits or a source of income for an actress, such as a fine arts initiative. I sent checks to Martha's agent with a letter saying that the council invested in the careers of chosen actors and she had been selected. All agents see is their cut, they don't question the source."

"Wouldn't you have to show a tax exempt ID in order to open a bank account for a charity?"

Sutton smiled patiently. "If it were offshore, no, but those accounts come with their own set of headaches. There are stringent regulations in place in the US but they can be worked around, if you know what you're doing. It's easy enough to set up a dummy nonprofit. Just file forms with the IRS and they send a tax ID. If you keep the _reported_ inflows and outflows low enough you don't even have to file a standard tax return. A surefire way to get caught is to claim any money personally 'donated' as a tax deduction on your own income return. Tax evasion is the downfall of many criminal masterminds."

Kate leaned forward suddenly and asked, "Is that how you handled Rick's scholarship to boarding school?"

Sutton turned towards her and paused, Kate addressing him for the first time seemed to be a significant moment. He responded, "Yes, I sent a check from a charity with a letter explaining it was a scholarship for Richard. I didn't make it for the full amount because I didn't want Martha to become suspicious. She received the tuition bill and paid the net amount due. I planned on her just looking at the bottom line and not questioning it."

Kate shifted and leaned forward and Rick could almost see her humming with thought. He looked from her to Sutton, and after neither one continued, he steered the conversation in a different direction.

"Why Markway? You said you suspected him, but have no evidence and we haven't found anything to connect him to anyone aside from his friendship with Montgomery."

"The Pulgatti case was big news as it involved the five major organized crime families. Everyone paid attention. Court records show that Markway was there everyday to watch the trial. Shortly afterwards he was appointed judge, rather prematurely if you look at his career. Then there is his connection to you, Richard. Let me ask you this; before you started working with Detective Beckett, how often did you cross paths with the judge socially? What about in the past five years? Did he start initiating golf outings? Hosting poker games and inviting you personally? Rushing warrants for you and Detective Beckett? He's inserted himself everywhere around this, but nothing official. If I were this dragon, I would want a lawyer in my ranks and a judge strategically placed to influence decisions and put pressure on the pawns without being directly tied to other major players."

Rick looked hesitantly at Kate then turned to Sutton and asked, "What about Montgomery?"

Sutton placed his elbows on the table and leaned forward. He rolled a hand slightly towards Kate . "I am sorry for your loss." There was earnestness in his words and expression. Kate nodded. "I didn't know him personally, but I know he was friends with Markway and I don't know if they knew of each other's involvement or not. Markway could have been keeping an eye on Montgomery for The Dragon, or it is possible that Markway inserting himself into your lives was part of some pact that he and Montgomery had to protect you. He even could be playing both sides, updating The Dragon with information that would make you seem innocuous, while trying to serve penance by doing you favors where he could. Either way it's speculation at this point. I wish I could offer you more."

Castle glanced at Kate and she nodded her understanding. She stood, and Sutton stood as well. She extended her hand and his firm hand engulfed hers. She offered, "Thank you for coming in Agent Sutton." She added uncertainly, "and for what you've done for us. I'm going to start looking into some things. If you think of anything else, please let us know." Her voice held firm as an older version of comfortable skin touched hers.

She saw the regret in his eyes. He suppressed the urge to ask her to call him Daniel; he didn't want to force an intimacy. Instead his expression conveyed that he wished things could have been different, that he wished he were there as her father-in-law, not as a material witness. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Detective Beckett, and again, I am sorry for the circumstances, and all the loss you've suffered."

Kate bit her bottom lip, as she felt a squeeze before Sutton dropped her hand. She turned and left after a lingering look at Rick.

Once the door closed Castle stated, "I'll reimburse you for the blackmail."

Sutton shook his head, "No. That's not why I told you. I don't want your money."

"Kate is my wife, you kept her safe and I appreciate that, but you shouldn't have had that responsibility."

Sutton crossed his arms. "This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you. You don't owe me anything, Richard. If you were in my shoes and it were Alexis, would you take her money?"

Castle bristled, "I would never be in your shoes!" He surprised himself with the bitter comeback. A piercing silence followed.

Sutton wiped a hand down his face and sighed, "No, Richard, you wouldn't. You've turned out to be a devoted father and husband despite not being shown what that should look like." His eyes glossed and he swallowed thickly. "I've failed you enough . . . please, let me have this one thing."

Castle's scowl softened, as his mind raced. If he had met Alexis for the first time when she was in her forties . . . that thought made him sick with the weight of regret he would have. But Sutton chose this, he didn't have the right to show remorse, to pull Rick's sentimental strings or call himself a father. But Sutton had watched over him in a sense for decades. He wouldn't have done that without some emotional attachment. Rick thought back to the first time he had held Alexis. They had no history together, no shared bonding experiences, but he held his baby and was overflowing with paternal pride and unconditional devotion. If Sutton felt even a fraction for Rick of what he felt for Alexis . . .

Castle cleared his throat and said, "Okay."

After a few moments, Sutton offered cautiously, "Is there anything else you want to know? Personal information, I mean."

Rick ran a hand through his hair, thought about Alexis and asked, "Any medical issues that we need to know about?"

"No cancer, heart problems or anything serious. I have high blood pressure, but that's a professional hazard."

"Do I have any . . . do you have kids . . . others, I mean?"

Sutton shook his head, "No, I felt bad enough screwing up your life. I figured since I hadn't been a father to you, I didn't deserve to have a second chance. I never married."

Castle's brow furrowed. The man had dedicated his life to his work and banished himself to a lonely existence out of guilt for neglecting him. "Does anyone else know about this?" He motioned between the two of them.

"Aside from Smith, there is one other agent who is retired and living in Brussels. My mother passed away not knowing, but I told my father on his deathbed. I was an only child, and you would have been his only grandchild. I showed him your books . . . " Sutton couldn't continue, he pressed his lips together then cleared his throat. "But if you were asking how big the Soviet leak is, I don't know."

Rick unconsciously stretched a finger in Sutton's direction, then retracted it. Both men's eyes flicked around the other's face, only meeting awkwardly for an instant. Years of studying people told Rick that this man lived in pain, masked under a steady facade. He finally leaned forward. "Look, Sutton, I've had a good life. I have a great family." Rick widened his eyes to try to disperse the moisture gathering. "Really, it's okay."

Sutton blinked rapidly. "Richard," He reached out and put his hand over his son's reddened fingers. "It won't ever be okay." He retracted his hand in fear of overstepping. He stood, walked around the table and placed his hand on his son's shoulder once again. "I'll see myself out."

As soon as the door closed, Rick laid his head on his crossed arms and felt completely overwhelmed.

* * *

><p>Kate saw Sutton leave, less composed than he had been. She waited several minutes before softly knocking on the door then opening it a crack.<p>

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it's okay." Castle sat up, scrubbed both hands down his face and tried to assume a light expression.

Kate knelt beside him and placed her hand on his knee. His eyes darted from hers but she wouldn't turn away. "Is this when you become undone?"

He smiled weakly, "I suppose it is." He ran a hand up her arm then pulled her into his lap, embracing her fiercely.

She wrapped both arms around his neck and kissed his hair, his temple, his ear, anywhere she could reach. She felt his breath hot and ragged on her neck then moisture from the release four decades of suppressed pain.

"Kate, you're alive because of him . . . How can I . . . What do I . . . He's . . . " He couldn't complete one thought before the next one overtook it.

Kate's lips hovered above his ear as she breathed, "You're a wonderful man, Rick. He's proud of you, your father is proud of you. He saved me, he kept me safe for you. You mean that much to him." She was saying everything that Rick had seen in his father's expression. Hearing it voiced started to heal deeply sown insecurities, which brought on a new wave of tears that Kate kissed away while her fingers brushed against his cheeks and curled around his ears.

Eventually Rick loosened his hold and asked, "What happened to no PDA's at the precinct, Detective Beckett?" He kissed the corner of her mouth playfully for emphasis.

She gasped a laugh and gave him an unguarded smile, "Special circumstances, so you better enjoy it while it lasts, Mr. Castle." She smoothed the sides of his face with her palms, then ran them down his neck and started massaging the tension from his overtaxed muscles. He closed his eyes absorbing the feel of her fingers. She probed tentatively, "So . . .?" not really sure what she wanted to ask. Of course he wasn't okay, maybe better in a sense, but this is hardly the thing that he could get over in a matter of half an hour.

He hesitated, "Kate, I'll be okay, this is just a lot to swallow. There's so much going on, I feel like I'm not going to be able to really deal with this until after we figure out the case and I know you're safe." Kate brought one hand back up his neck and ran it along his jaw.

"Whatever you need, I'm here." She kissed his forehead.

Rick ran his hands up her back, one stopping at her shoulder, pressing her against him the other traveled higher and was lost in her hair. He leaned them farther back in the chair and asked, "So, does that mean we can still cuddle?"


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

**Tuesday, May 7, 2013**

As soon as the conference room door opened, Ryan and Esposito's heads shot up questioningly.

Castle had puffy eyes and Beckett was still holding his hand, so it had to have been a tough meeting "So . . .?" Esposito smacked the back of Ryan's head. "What?"

"Dude, don't pry."

"It's not prying if you really care."

His partner shook his head and muttered, "Why do I even try."

Castle ended their tiff, "Guys, it's fine. We talked to Sutton and the only thing he's guilty of is paying the Soviet Loyalists to keep Kate safe."

He was met with two sets of raised eyebrows.

All Espo could mutter was, "Oh."

Ryan added, "So we don't need to rough him up?"

Kate replied, "No, he left a free man." She squeezed Castle's hand then released it with a sideways glance.

Needing to draw attention away from his personal life, Castle clapped his hands to refocus them. "Okay guys, new information." He pulled a white board and wrote:

**Judge Markway**

**-Attended every day of Pulgatti trial**

**-Appointed to post quickly, maybe prematurely?**

**-Being considered for NY Court of Appeals**

**-Friend of Montgomery - unknown if they knew of each other's involvement**

**-Friend of Richard Castle, closer relationship since partnering with Beckett - why?**

**Alexander Walker**

**-Soviet Loyalist**

**-Killed Smith**

**-Blackmailed Sutton to keep Castle's investigation a secret**

**-Fled to Russia under alias**

**-Closed bank account **

**-Likely sold 'insurance policy' to Dragon**

**Daniel Sutton**

**-Blackmailed by Alexander Walker**

**-Made fictitious mortgage payments to keep Beckett safe**

**-Known by Walker to be Richard Castle's father**

Castle continued, "So, at this point Walker is a dead-end." He took the marker and made an X through his name. Turning to Kate, who couldn't help smiling at his renewed enthusiasm he said, "When Sutton was talking, I could feel you thinking." He extended the marker to her and she stepped forward and took it.

"Okay, Sutton paid for Castle's education through a scholarship. He explained how he did it and it got me thinking. We interviewed the fire inspector, Rod Halstead, and despite having a kid in college and one just out, he's still pretty comfortable financially. Knowing the government pay scale as we do, how is that possible?"

The fire inspector had been a sore spot between Beckett and Castle when she had first returned after her shooting. She had been certain that he was guilty of falsifying the report, and had tried to bully him into a confession. Castle thought she had been desperate to find something, anything to keep the case alive and had overreacted. He closed his eyes slowly at the memory.

"Kate . . . we didn't find anything." He didn't want to seem condescending but he couldn't possibly see how Halstead could be involved.

"No, just listen. I wanted him so bad for falsifying the report that I remember all the details. He has two daughters, both in their twenties. We looked into his financials and while he seemed to be managing, I don't remember payments to universities, even though he had one in college at the time and one had just graduated."

"They could have earned legitimate scholarships."

"That's what I had assumed. But talking to Sutton made me wonder, what if instead of bribing Halstead directly, The Dragon had made a promise to pay for the future education of his children? That would have served two purposes; first, it would have delayed compensation so it would have been less likely to be connected to the warehouse fire and second, it would not have been a payment directly to him so it would make it harder for us to connect the dots."

She had a captive, if skeptical audience. "Look, I know this is all supposition, but we've looked at all the direct connections and they just do not exist. We need to think differently on this one."

Ryan and Esposito seemed to feel that this was a conversation best left up to Mom and Dad.

Castle felt the guy was innocent, but they didn't have much else to go on. "Okay, how do you want to go about this?"

"Sideways. We start with a daughter."

* * *

><p>Kate wanted to talk to the daughter in person, Castle didn't think it was necessary, but if she needed this, he would go along willingly and keep his doubts to himself. They, followed closely by their covert security detail, found the prestigious prep school where Rachel Halstead taught physics and were told by the office staff that she was due to have a planning period next. After a fifteen-minute wait a petite young woman who looked no older than Alexis introduced herself as Rachel Halstead. Despite her youth she was very poised and professional. Kate imagined that she had the inherent skill of putting kids at ease and making them want to learn.<p>

Rachel escorted them to her lab.

Castle looked around appreciatively, "This looks like state of the art equipment. You must feel very lucky to have gotten such a good position right out of college."

"Believe me, in this economy I was more than lucky. The Brighton Academy is not an easy place to get into, even for teachers with a lot more experience, but I did my student teaching here and I was blessed with the support of many of the parents of the kids I taught."

"Where did you get your degree?"

"Columbia, my sister is finishing up there now as well."

"Wow, I bet that's a hefty chunk of change for your parents."

She shrugged. "They seemed to manage. They told both of us not to worry about the cost, that our job was to keep our heads down and study as much as we could."

"You must be very gifted to have landed this job. Were you on merit scholarships?"

"Yes," Castle could almost feel Kate stiffening next to him as Rachel continued, "Actually, my parents applied for a scholarship for children of firefighters for both my sister and me. They helped with room and board and I earned enough in the summers and with part-time work to cover my books and personal expenses, but that's all they asked me to do."

She seemed to hesitate suddenly. "I can't imagine that the NYPD is here to see if I have any student loans they can pay on my behalf, so how can I help?"

Detective Beckett smiled warmly but didn't want to tip the girl off for the real reason for their visit so she improvised.

"Well, there is an employee at the University who is under review. It may end up being nothing, but we are interviewing some scholarship recipients to verify that they had received their awarded money for all four years."

"Well, I received mine and I never heard anyone complain that their scholarships had been pulled if that helps."

Castle smiled at her, "It certainly does. We don't want to take up any more of your planning time, but thank you so much for meeting with us."

"Sure, if there's anything else I can do, let me know."

Rachel Halstead led them back to the front, shook their hands then they parted ways.

Kate started driving and asked, "How would you like to see where all your money is going these days?"

"You do remember that Alexis earned enough awards and merit scholarships to get a full-ride. I almost feel guilty about that since it wouldn't have been a hardship for me to cough up tuition."

"As I recall you ended up giving a hefty sum to the need-based scholarship fund to atone for her sins. Anyway, she was being independent and sticking it to her old man by earning her own way."

"Yeah, I've raised such a rebel."

"So, this probably wouldn't be the time to confess that she's asked me to go with her to get a tattoo?"

He lulled his head towards her incredulously.

She continued, "Yeah, 'I heart Daddy' really big on her shoulder." Kate tapped her own shoulder blade for emphasis

"That's fine as long as she adds, 'If you can read this, Daddy says you're too close' in 30 point font beneath it."

"Seriously, Castle, you're such an easy a mark."

"She's my little girl."

"Always will be, tattooed or not, just ask my dad."

* * *

><p>They pulled into Columbia and finally found the bursar's office. Kate flashed her badge and the woman behind the desk confirmed that both girls had received full ride scholarships. Castle asked, "Were the payments received electronically or by check?"<p>

"The campus has cutting edge technology but we're the last office to even get hand-me-downs, much less new equipment. We've computerized most things, but we still like to have hard documentation when it comes to loans and scholarships. We request checks when given the option."

"Can you show us a copy of one of the checks from the scholarship?"

"Certainly." She flipped through the file then stopped and turned the file towards the pair.

They stared at it then glanced at each other. Kate asked, "Can we take a copy of this, please?"

They barely spoke in the car, feeling that they finally found their traction. Castle started doing some Googling on his phone to confirm their suspicions. As soon as they got to the precinct they chose to run up the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. They threw the conference room door open and Castle strode straight to the whiteboard. He added a note under Markway:

**-Made payments of $3,000 a month to fictitious charity, "The Manhattan Foundation."**

Then under Rod Halstead he added:

**-Daughters' tuition paid through scholarship of fictitious charity, "The Manhattan Foundation."**

Esposito let out a long, low whistle. "Now we're getting somewhere."

Kate brandished the check, and they searched for the routing number. It was for a bank in The Cayman Islands.

Castle held up his phone which still had the Google results from the name search. "I can't believe I fell for that. I had assumed that 'The Manhattan Foundation' was a shortened name for 'The Greater Manhattan Community Foundation'."

Kate stated, "We can't get anything from the bank, but at least we know that Sutton was on to something. We can't question Markway yet, he'd lawyer up in a heartbeat, but we may be able to get to him." She pounded the marker against Halstead's name with a predatory gleam in her eye.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

**Tuesday, May 7, 2013**

Kate hated bureaucracy. They had a smoking gun, or at least something solid to pursue but they had to wait for Gates' approval to act. It had been three hours since they had made the connection and the Captain had been tied up in a meeting that entire time.

Ryan nudged Kate as he walked by her, "You know she has to appear that she's punishing us, not doing our bidding."

"I know, but what good is this arrangement if she's not actually doing our bidding?"

Castle had stopped trying to calm her two hours and twenty-three minutes ago. They all shared in her frustration. They guys spent their time combing through everything they had on Halstead again, in light of what they had discovered. Castle and Beckett started looking for known arsonists and any connection to Markway or Halstead. They came up with a few cases before 1999 that Markway had heard where the arsonist got a light sentence, or were found innocent. They made notes as they waited.

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile, back in The Hamptons . . . <strong>

**Monday, May 6th, 2013**

Alexis had done everything in her power to come up with creative ways to pass the time. The three captives had made card houses, played an epic game of Monopoly where everyone bared an overly competitive spirit, and she even got Jim to play guitar on Beatles Rock Band while she and Martha sang the harmony. Patrick would join in a song or card game here or there, but steered clear of Monopoly where he felt that it would have been mean to charge any of Alexis' family rent, whether real or imaginary. Plus he was intimidated by Jim Beckett's cut-throat negotiation skills. He spent a lot of time making rounds, checking with security, and giving Alexis goofy smiles both to calm her and because he was too much like his uncle, who couldn't suppress his devotion when he fancied a beautiful girl.

The four shared easy conversation considering their unnerving situation, but the one thing that wasn't discussed openly was the reason they were there. Jim and Martha had a few exchanges to gauge how the other was faring, and to bounce a thought off of the other, but they didn't want to worry Alexis. Meanwhile, Alexis had felt that it was her duty to not look worried, so she played the carefree hostess. In reality she felt torn to pieces. She was waiting for a call that would end life as she knew it. Whenever she felt the tension mounting, she reminded herself of her mission to distract the others and she tried to put her Gram and Pa ahead of herself. She couldn't let them see her unravel.

She was thankful that at least her dad had provided an outlet for her in ordering Patrick to stay in her room. The first night, once they had dimmed the lights she hadn't been able to deal with the emotional overload and the stress of keeping upbeat so Patrick had been her refuge. He held her while she sniffled and worked out her fears, just enveloping her in his arms, listening and reassuring her where he could. He was well muscled and she felt secure pressed against his heart. Once the tears had settled to the occasional hitch in the otherwise even cadence of rest, he had urged her up the ladder, then he followed so he could stand on the rungs and tuck her in. She fell asleep under his watchful eye and protective hand.

**Tuesday, May 7th, 2013**

As the unspoken tension mounted, The Hamptons' crew had spent more time in individual pursuits such as reading or solitaire until Alexis decided that they needed popcorn and a movie – a long movie. She picked the musical Oliver and they settled on the couch to watch. Patrick even sat with them for a few longer stretches, his arm slung around Alexis. She snuggled into him, and the adults were relieved to see the two youngsters relaxing.

Two hours into the film, the doorbell rang. Martha, thankful for a break in the monotony, went to open it but O'Riley had overtaken her, politely reminding her that he was responsible for their safety. He opened the door and saw a security guard escorting the pizza delivery guy. He asked him to wait for a second then shut the door and asked if anyone had ordered a pizza. No one had.

He gave the general order, "Stay in the house while I check this out."

Alexis stood, immediately worried. Martha assured her, "Darling, he's so cautious, I'm sure it's nothing. The delivery boy probably has the wrong address." Despite her nonchalance she joined her granddaughter at the window. "Oh, it's just Nico, he's been delivering pizzas to us for years. Jim stood and watched the proceedings with a critical eye.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later Kate's phone rang. She looked at the name then answered. "Yeah, O'Riley, what's going on?"<p>

The fact that he had called Kate caught everyone's attention. He normally chose to communicate through Ryan. She debated whether to put the call on speaker, but decided against it in incase there was news about Alexis that would be better coming through her.

"Everyone is fine, Detective Beckett, It's just that we just had a pizza delivered."

She put it on speaker.

"Okay . . . so you ordered a pizza, is there a problem?"

"We didn't order it."

"Oh. Have you opened it?"

"No, we have the delivery guy here, a Nico Russo, and he said it was an online order, cash on delivery. The pizza was made on the premises and no one outside the normal employees handled it or the box. It doesn't sound like it was tampered with, but I want to be cautious here."

Castle piped in, "We know Nico. His parents have owned that place for twenty years."

Suddenly they heard an explosion on the other end. Kate gripped Castle's forearm, his eyes closed tight, Ryan's eyes started blurring and Esposito yelled into the phone, "Yo, Patrick! Talk to me, you little punk!"

There was silence while they held a collective breath. After long seconds there was coughing then O'Riley's voice. "I'm here. I think everyone's okay, but I'm going to have to call you back."

Kate replied, "Okay, Patrick, we'll call the Hampton PD, you take care of yourself and -"

He was coughing some more and interrupted her, "Can't hear. Don't worry, I got this."

The call ended and Esposito immediately made a call to get the Hampton PD and an ambulance on its way. No one made direct eye contact. Castle looked pale and clammy, his eyes still closed in fear. Kate tugged at his arm and quietly but firmly stated, "Rick, she's okay. They won't try anything else now that they know we're on our guard. He's sending a message, that's all." He let out a shuddered breath, scrubbed a hand down his face and nodded. Kate helped him sit then kept a hand on him, rubbing his neck and shoulder in support.

* * *

><p>The car had been parked in the cobbled driveway, thankfully off to the side. O'Riley had managed to hook an arm around Nico and had tackled him to shield him from the brunt of the debris. He hadn't been able to hear anything after the explosion, not even ringing. He rolled away from Nico, who seemed shaken, but otherwise unharmed then gave his brief report into the phone, which was remarkably intact and still in his hand. Patrick stood and looked around to assess the situation. Despite the smoldering car, the damage hadn't seemed to spread to the house aside from few broken windows. He turned and looked, thankful that Alexis had not followed him outside, but what if this was just a preamble?<p>

Once Jim had sensed the explosion, he had dropped Alexis to the floor. Her shock hadn't lasted for more than a few seconds then she had fought him physically to run outside to Patrick. Not knowing what the girl may find, he held her firmly and spoke as gently as he could.

"Alexis, wait, Let me look first."

"I need to see him, Pa. He has to be okay."

Martha was on the floor a few feet from where they had landed. She swiftly came to Jim's rescue. She used a firm tone that Alexis rarely heard, but knew it meant business.

"Alexis. Stop fighting." She stilled and curled against Jim, who started rubbing her hair.

"Sorry . . . I'm so sorry."

"Hey, it's okay. No need to apologize." He carefully transferred her to her grandmother and eased himself to the broken window and peered outside.

"Car exploded. I can see O'Riley walking around and the delivery guy looks alright."

"Thank God for that." Martha summed up how they all felt.

"Alexis, he's alright, but I'm sure he'd want you to stay in here with us until he gives the okay."

She nodded.

Martha very calmly said, "You're bleeding, Jim," and waved her hand at the side of her head indicating his injury.

He ran his hand through his hair behind his ear as the shock wore off. He stared at his bloodied fingers.

"Huh. I hadn't felt it. You two okay?"

Martha offered, "Aside from the ringing in my ears, just peachy."

"Alexis?"

She was shaking while staring at the blood, which was now dripping to Jim's shoulder. She nodded her head, now speaking with a forced calmness, "I'm fine, but can I get a cloth for you?"

"That would be great. Thanks, Sweetheart."

She first looked out the window and could see Patrick speaking with a security guard. Despite the ringing in her ears she could hear sirens. She went to the kitchen, dampened a hand towel then folded it as she walked back to Jim. He and Martha had been talking in hushed tones. She joined them, pressing the towel against the wound.

"So, what is this really about? I know you both know."

"We don't know for sure, but I think we all just realized that we've been under lock and key for good reason."

Just then Patrick opened the door. His hearing had improved from total silence to an incessant buzzing, the likes of which he had never experienced. He preferred the silence, but at least with the buzzing came the hope that his hearing would return.

Alexis jumped up and lunged at him full tilt, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. "Patrick! Are you alright?"

He yelled, "Are you okay?" He pulled back to see her face. She nodded and by her wrinkled brow and rapid lip movement he could tell she was firing questions at him. He shook his head, "My hearing is screwy. I'm okay though, not to worry." He was shouting and still couldn't hear himself above the din.

Alexis raised her voice in turn. "Pa needs stitches." She pointed to Jim, who waved with the hand that wasn't holding the cloth.

O'Riley nodded then turned to get a paramedic. Alexis reached for his shoulder to stop him. "Patrick, your back . . . " He started to turn in response to her touch and she firmly held both of his shoulders to keep him facing away. He felt her lift his black t-shirt and flinched, feeling pain for the first time as the shock wore off. Martha and Alexis gasped when they saw his shrapnel-peppered skin and a few deeper cuts left by larger pieces of debris.

Despite his pain, his main concern was still protecting Alexis. He glanced over his shoulder at her beautiful eyes filling with compassionate tears. He smiled and yelled, "It doesn't feel bad, but I'm guessing it's not pretty. I promise I'll let them patch me up, right after Mr. Beckett." He rubbed his forehead and added, "I need to call Detective Beckett back. I was on the phone with her when the car exploded."

Martha tapped his shoulder to get his attention. "I'll make the call, I doubt you'll be able to hear them anyway."

As if to prove his point he yelled, "What was that?"

"Exactly." Martha pulled out her own phone and indicated that she would make the call. He nodded.

She told Alexis to stay with Jim while she went into the library to place the call. Jim felt the attention he was getting was unnecessary, but if Alexis needed a distraction he'd let her tend to him until O'Riley was done. The young man was a cop, and Jim knew from years of experience that the man wasn't going to slow down until everything was secure. Jim respected that, and he was happy to be able to do something for Alexis, so he behaved.

"Martha! Is everyone alright?" Kate put her on speakerphone.

"Yes, Dear. Patrick was close enough to the explosion that he's having some trouble hearing so I thought I would call you so you didn't have to yell through the phone at him."

"Thanks. Any other injuries?"

"It seems he took some shrapnel to his back. Alexis and I are fine but your father must have been hit by broken glass. He has a cut above his ear. He and Patrick will be getting checked out soon, but I think under the circumstances we came out rather well."

Her son piped in, "You're sure Alexis is okay?"

"Shaken, worried, but physically fine. You should have seen Jim tackle her. He's normally so calm I had no idea he could move so fast."

"Apparently he had the right motivation." Kate added, smiling at her husband.

He squeezed her hand, and gave her a tight smile.

Castle picked up the phone, feeling the need to have a personal conversation with his mother. Kate ushered the guys away to give him space.

"Mother, it's just me on the line. I'm so sorry, I really thought you would be safe there."

"Richard, we know you are not dealing with an empty threat. What is going on? We're going to worry one way or the other and not knowing is leading us to think very dark thoughts. I know Daniel is somehow involved, and if he got you into this . . . "

"No! No. He tipped us off, but he's not responsible for putting us in harm's way. If anything, he warded this off for as long as he could."

"Richard, there's not enough of a plot here, only holes. What has happened?"

"Mother, Mr. Smith is dead."

There was a silence.

"I see." The two syllables dripped with chilled understanding.

"We have more to work with this time, and more backup."

"How is Kate holding up?" He studied his wife and she seemed to know that Martha had essentially asked her son if she was going off half-cocked.

"We're both fine. There's a security detail on us and we're being cautious. Gates even has our backs and she's been nearly friendly." He had deflected her concern about Kate.

"It must be serious if she's being kind. Is Daniel working with you?" She was_ really_ curious about him but knew this wasn't the time, so she skirted the issue.

"He filled in some gaps and provided a suspect. He's not working with the team, but he's . . . willing to be of help." Feeling generous he added a few more details. "Mother, he's CIA. He went straight from his hotel room that night to a two-year undercover mission in the Soviet Union."

"Oh, well that explains some things."

"See, all those years I was right, my father was a spy off on secret missions."

"I suppose that's my cue to apologize for my practical skepticism?"

More seriously he added, "Sorry I don't have time to tell you everything, just thought after four decades you'd appreciate some context."

"Thank you, Son."

"Sure. Can I talk to Alexis?"

Martha sneaked a look into the kitchen and saw Patrick wincing as Alexis eased him down to sit then lay on the table which had been covered with towels.

"I know this is hard to hear, Kiddo, but I think you've been usurped. That dashing cop of hers seems to need her at the moment and I'm not going to deprive him of her company after he's been injured in the line of duty."

"I'll give him this round."

"So gracious of you. Why don't you call later?"

"Don't tell her what this is about, okay? Just not yet."

"Oh, Richard, a car exploded, do you really think she'll worry less by being kept in the dark?"

"I liked it better when I was the one who controlled the flow of information."

"At least you'll have the memories."

Castle ended the call and Kate took the opportunity to slide behind him and snake her arms around his chest. She could feel his heart still racing from those seconds when he thought he'd lost his little girl.

* * *

><p>Martha busied herself by getting water and coffee for everyone while the paramedics worked on both men. They had urged O'Riley to let them take him in but he refused. They did what they could while Patrick gritted his teeth and tried to force smiles at Alexis through the pain. She ran her hand up and down his arm as they worked and she let him squeeze her hand when the pain got to be too much. The Hamptons cops asked questions and the others let O'Riley answer in the hopes that if they kept quiet he would divulge more than he was allowed. He didn't.<p>

The paramedics finally laid down their tweezers and stitching materials and declared him done. He offered them a grimace, as he gingerly started to get up. "Do you guys practice by playing 'Operation.' I certainly have a new level of empathy for the guy on the board."

"Sorry, man. We offered you the good drugs but you refused. We also can't be sure that we got everything. You need to get checked out as soon as you can.

"What?" The medic just shook his head rather than yell the statement at him.

O'Riley fumbled with his ear a bit. He could hear the drone of voices but still couldn't make out words.

* * *

><p>Rick's head was in his hands. "I should be there."<p>

"I know." Kate nuzzled her husband's neck.

"I've always been able to keep them safe before."

"Rick, if you really feel like you should go, it's okay. We have some leads and we can give you updates."

"But you need me."

She spoke into his shoulder, trying to keep her tone light, "I'll manage."

He turned and looked at her soberly, "That's not enough. Kate, I'm not leaving you alone with this case. We're in this together," he ruefully added, "even if that means leaving my emotionally fragile daughter to the care of Ryan Junior."

Kate softened, understanding that the choice he was making clearly put her as a priority over Alexis. She had never felt that there was any competition for his affection, nor did she ever need him to prove his priorities – he loved them both with all he had. But this was the first time that it was clearly Kate on one hand and Alexis on the other and he had to choose.

She thought back to when she had felt so conflicted about the irony of her mother's murder leading her to Castle. How she couldn't have had both and she realized that if she had to choose, she couldn't have chosen not to be with him. She loved her mom, but there was that line that she had crossed, that her devotion to this man trumped all. She could see Alexis approaching the same line, and perhaps this exercise was a first step of Rick accepting that his little girl was finding comfort and protection in the arms of another man.

All the same she felt for him and adorned his neck with kisses.

"Think of it as gaining a son."

He growled, then thought better of it, adding slyly, "I could think of other ways to gain a son that would be a lot less painful."

Kate tweaked his ear, "Less painful for you, Stud."


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

**Tuesday, May 7, 2013**

Ryan lamented, "Colleen is going to disown me. I let her one kid with a decent future get himself blown up."

Castle walked in the room and distributed coffees.

Esposito, staring at their board focused them, "Okay, we made The Dragon flinch. So how, exactly, have we poked him?"

Kate offered, "We questioned Sutton and Halstead's daughter then stopped at Columbia. They either know about Sutton or we're being followed."

Gates finally appeared. "I understand we've had some excitement."

Kate stood and quickly summarized, "Sir, there's been a bomb at Castle's place in The Hamptons. We think it's a distraction so we must be on the right track." She outlined the connection between Markway making payments to an offshore account and Halstead's children getting tuition from the same source. Gates nodded throughout Kate's update.

"Okay, we need to question Halstead. I am sorry, I had no option to get out of this meeting without drawing undo attention."

Kate asked, "Do you want us to bring him in or question him at the fire station?"

She crossed her arms and commanded, "You are not going anywhere. I will send some plainclothes to bring him here."

"But, Sir!"

"Detective Beckett, have I not made it clear to you who is leading this investigation?"

"You have."

"Did you or did you not agree to follow my orders?"

Kate was seething, "I did."

"I understand the last time this case reared its head you had a different captain with much less respect for policy and procedures. I am not sure if the end result was due to a disregard of his leadership responsibilities or if he was somehow involved personally in the case, but it would seem that he was prevented from acting in the best interest of his city, his precinct, and even his staff."

Esposito shifted into a challenging stance.

"Stand down, Detective Esposito." She pierced them all with a glare. "Let me make myself clear. Despite your well-coordinated versions of what happened that night, I am not naïve." She turned to Ryan, "Do I look naïve to you?"

He answered soberly, "No, Sir."

"I know you're hiding something, but because Captain Montgomery has paid the ultimate price, I've let it slide. There should have been an inquiry, and if guilty, he should have been dishonorably discharged from the force, lost his pension and possibly served jail time depending on if his guilt extended beyond neglecting procedures to being personally involved in the crimes."

There was dead silence and four sets of crossed arms waiting for her to continue. She did so with a softer tone.

"I was IA. I seek justice and demand consequences because I have seen what happens when the system breaks down. However, I am not judge and jury and I certainly am not heartless. Whatever consequences should have been his, he has paid for his sins in full. Evelyn has lost her husband and those kids will never be the same. Pulling his death benefits from them and sullying his name, which is all they have to hold on to, would not bring justice to anyone in this situation. I am not in the business of sentencing innocent family members to a life of disgrace and poverty."

She stopped and looked at each one before continuing, "I am willing to remain ignorant for now, but if this thing blows up in our faces, if Montgomery is implicated from an outside source, I will follow that line of investigation and you had better conjure up short-term amnesia because this conversation will have never taken place."

Before they could answer her, The Captain's phone rang "Gates." She listened then replied, "I'll get a team on it."

She hung up and looked directly at Kate. "It looks as though there is no need to question Mr. Halstead after all."

Gates allowed Esposito and Ryan to go to the crime scene but she refused to let Castle and Beckett accompany them. Kate had put up a fight, wanting to scour the scene herself, but she was reluctantly relieved that she didn't have to test how badly her PTSD would be in a more exposed space when a sniper might be implicated. Castle had been clenching his jaw the whole time Beckett tried to convince Gates. He thought of Aquaman projecting rings of mental messages to fish and he looked at Gates and concentrated saying the word, 'no' over and over in his mind. The ESP attempt failed, but The Captain read his body language all the same and held her ground more firmly for it.

* * *

><p>Halstead's body had been found slouched over his desk in his office at the fire station. His door had been closed and the others had assumed that he had been busy working on reports and making phone calls until he didn't emerge to lead their scheduled training drill.<p>

Gates had recalled Dr. Parish a day early since she could be trusted if Halstead's death was related to the conspiracy. Lanie met Ryan and Esposito at the scene. She saw the victim, recognized him immediately from Kate's investigation and she pierced the guys with a look that had them both taking a physical step backwards.

"Where's Beckett?"

Esposito answered "Benched. Gate's orders. When did you get back?"

"Two hours ago, which you would have known had you bothered to call, but it seems you've been busy." She was seething. She resumed giving Esposito the cold shoulder for not telling her that they had started playing with fire once again. She snapped on her blue gloves and addressed Ryan, "It appears the victim died of a single GSW to the chest, large caliber bullet." She pulled out her liver probe and waited a few minutes. "Time of death three to four hours ago. I'll have to get him back to the morgue before you get any more than that." She flicked her chin up, put a hand on her hip and added, "And Esposito, information is all you'll be getting for quite some time."

He opened his mouth to argue but Lanie cut him off with a stare before he could start. Ryan placed a hand on his partner's shoulder and pulled him back, "Javi, let it go for now."

He let out a string of Spanish curses under his breath that Ryan didn't need to translate.

* * *

><p>Kate was starting to feel cagey again. Security tapes from a four-block radius were rushed to the precinct and she and Castle were scanning them for any suspicious activity. They had started from when the time stamp showed noon, when they were interviewing Rachel Halstead. The first camera showed a view of the window to Halstead's office. They both flinched when they forwarded through the glass breaking. Castle rewound the tape and watched in slow motion as some glass wedges flew from the pane. They had time of death at 12:36. They enlarged the area just outside the pane of glass and were able to catch a blur of what looked like the bullet in midair. They noted the angle and the size of the blur and Kate absent-mindedly rubbed the scar on her chest. They had the rifle that her sniper had used to shoot her, but if it's his preferred weapon, the type of ammo might match, maybe they could even get DNA off of something to confirm it.<p>

They skipped to another camera and watched the cars leaving the area, running plates to see if anything popped. It was a long shot, but they needed to do something while cooped up. After twenty minutes of monotony, Castle exclaimed, "That arrogant son of a – "

Kate cut him off, "What! What is it?"

"He drove away in Halstead's car. He's getting cocky, thinking he's so far above our reach." Rick's expression tightened and he visibly paled, "Oh no. Kate, do you think it was him in The Hamptons? He could still be there."

"I don't know, Castle, walk me through what you're thinking."

The normalcy of running theory was almost comforting if it weren't for the fact that their family had been the intended target of the crime.

"He could have driven there in less than two hours on a weekday afternoon and even placed the pizza order to be delivered at 3:15. Nico would have the only delivery car in service for the closest shop since the summer season doesn't kick into gear until Memorial Weekend. It wasn't a normal mealtime, so the bomber wouldn't even have had to guess which delivery run was his. The sniper could have put some sort of IED under the car then waited for the delivery to detonate it. Nico knows all the security guys at the gate to the community and they would have exchanged a friendly wave and not have thought twice about letting him pass."

"Okay, the timeline would fit, but why would he detonate the bomb when no one was close enough to kill?"

"I suppose he could have used a timer and we were just lucky that Nico parked far enough away, or his orders could have been only to create a diversion. If I am right, we should be able to pick up Halstead's car on traffic cams in The Hamptons, maybe even get lucky enough to catch him placing the bomb."

Kate picked up the phone and within minutes they had downloaded traffic cam footage near the pizza shop. The window of time would have been tight so they only had a small amount of footage to review.

While they were watching, Esposito and Ryan entered and each pair brought the other up to speed. A few minutes later Lanie texted Kate to come down to the morgue.

* * *

><p>"What do you have, Lanie?"<p>

Her friend crossed her arms and gave her a pointed look. Kate rubbed her forehead. Experience told her that when Lanie was scared she overcompensated with anger; but Kate just didn't feel up to facing her friend's wrath. She felt Castle's hand on her back in silent support as she continued, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to worry you or ruin your visit with your mom. As soon as you got back I was going to tell you, and for the record, I ordered Javi to keep you ignorant, so that one is on me."

Lanie tamped down her frustration when she observed how stressed Kate looked, and backed off. "Once this is over, we are SO going to have words."

Kate replied a little softer, "I know. I'm just glad you're here now."

The ME tapped her foot then relented. "Oh, Girl, come here." Lanie engulfed her in a hug. "You okay?"

Kate shrugged. "No, but maybe better than I should be considering." Castle couldn't help but smile knowing that he had made that difference.

"What are you smiling at, Castle. Come here, you get a hug, too." He complied, making sure to give Lanie a good one. "Now, tell me what I've missed."

Kate said, "In a nutshell? Castle's father's CIA, The Dragon is after us, Markway and Halstead are involved, and there was a bomb in the Hamptons where our family is staying. And I fully expect that this" she pointed to Halstead's body, "was the work of _my _sniper."

Lanie's jaw slackened, "Is that all?" She looked between the two of them. "A bomb?"

Kate answered "Everyone's okay."

She then turned to Castle, "CIA? Have you been holding out on us?"

He shook his head. "No, didn't know myself until Sunday. It's a long story that Kate will tell you later. For now, though, we need answers."

"Really the only information I have is that the slug I pulled from his body is the same caliber as the one that was pulled out of you, Sweetie." She showed them the crumpled bullet under the magnifier. "That's not conclusive, but it is consistent with your theory. The entry wound was deep, almost a through-and-through, so he was at less of a distance than when he . . . than at Montgomery's funeral."

"Okay, let us know if you find anything else unusual." Kate eyed her friend and added, "Esposito's been running himself ragged on this. You might want to cut him some slack for extenuating circumstances." She picked up the bullet again and while she examined it she added, "You never know what will happen tomorrow."

Kate put the bullet down and turned to leave, but Lanie stopped her.

"Castle and I had to watch you die once, I'm not prepared for a repeat performance. I don't understand what all you've gotten yourself into, but you look after each other. Both of you had better come out of this one unscathed."

Kate replied, "We will." and prayed she hadn't just made a promise they couldn't keep.

* * *

><p>When they returned to the conference room, Esposito and Ryan were both leaning towards the screen with rapt attention. "What is it?"<p>

Ryan rewound the video. "Watch this." They saw a the front edge of the white sedan pull up to the back of the pizza place then a guy came onscreen wearing a dark long-sleeved shirt, jeans and a baseball cap lugging a black backpack. He walked casually by the delivery car, seemed to drop his keys then bent to pick them up. He took extra time, enough to attach the bomb under the car, then got back in Halstead's sedan and the corner of the car vanished off the screen. All of this took place without witnesses.

Kate asked hastily, "Any usable stills for facial rec?"

Esposito answered, "We had just found this right before you came in, but in the two times we watched it, I'd say probably not. I didn't see any tats, either. He just looks like your average white guy."

Castle asked, "Did he touch anything that we could dust for prints?"

Ryan shrugged, "I'll run it again, in slow motion."

He ran the tape and all they could see of his face was an ear and part of his cheek, and just a bit of dark hair. When they watched him drop the keys Castle shouted, "Stop! Rewind that bit." He crumpled his brow and they all looked at the screen, not seeing it. "There! Go back a bit and play it at normal speed. He's holding his keys with his right hand, but watch the fingers on his left hand just before he drops them."

Ryan zoomed in on the left hand then played it at normal speed. What they saw was his first two fingers fluttering against each other, nearly at hummingbird pace just for a few seconds.

Castle stood and poked the screen. "That! That's it!"

Esposito asked, "So he has some sort of tic? We don't have a data base for that, Bro."

"No, we don't, but I've only seen one other person with that particular idiosyncrasy. Markway does that at the poker table. It's a subconscious tell, but he does it intentionally sometimes to throw us off."

Kate jumped in, "What do you know about Markway's sons?"

"Brian is 30, a lawyer in California, I'm not sure what Eric does, but I think he's local."

Ryan started typing in Eric Markway and came up with his DMV photo and his address. At the same time Castle Googled him and his Facebook page came up.

Before Ryan could offer anything Castle said, "Apparently he works as a bartender in Brooklyn, and is in a relationship with get this, 'Julia Roberts,' definitely not the actress based on these pictures. Wow, okay, his physique certainly doesn't match our suspect." He turned the phone so they could see the face matched the driver's license photo, but the beer gut that went along with the man was clearly inconsistent with the sniper.

Ryan, not wanting to be the one to state reality said weakly, "The tic could be just a coincidence."

Kate ignored him, needing this lead. "If only he had left his DNA somewhere we could compare it to what we got off the sniper rifle, and to Markway's. Of course we'd need his as well, and no judge will issue a warrant against their peer without more proof than a poker tell."

Rick thought carefully before suggesting, "Maybe it's time to phone a friend."


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

**Tuesday, May 7**

Castle had just ended his call to Sutton. It was a factual conversation asking him in general terms if he could dedicate some time to aid in the investigation. He agreed and was on his way.

Kate had put her hand on his leg during the conversation in subtle support. Afterwards, he closed his eyes and tilted back in the chair. "I think it's time that I have a talk with my daughter." He blew out a breath and looked at his wife. He was weary. "This feels like the calm before the storm, and she deserves answers as much as you did when you were nineteen."

Kate blinked quickly, completing his line of thought in her head, 'in case he doesn't have another chance.' Rather than denying the danger, she nodded and suggested, "We can rig a secure video link from here to the computer there. At least you'd be face to face."

He brought his hand behind her neck and squeezed, "I'd appreciate that." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. The guys seemed to ignore the subtle exchange, accepting that affection in the precinct was a sign of foreboding. They did, however excuse themselves to give Castle privacy for the difficult conversation ahead.

"I need to call Jenny." Ryan walked down the hall, his brow lined and the usual brightness in his eyes gone. "Castle's right, calm before the storm and all. I just wish I could hug her and hold Kelly tonight, you know?"

Esposito clapped a hand on his shoulder, "Yeah, Bro . . . I know. I'll be back up in a bit." Ryan gave him a half-smile, knowing exactly where his partner was heading.

* * *

><p>Lanie was leaning on the autopsy table with her elbows locked and her head hung low. Esposito quietly entered and leaned against the wall, arms crossed, just taking in the beautifully tragic sight. Only a subtle sniff interrupted the eerie calm. That one sound propelled him forward. He stepped as quietly as possible as not to interrupt the moment.<p>

He placed a hand on her back and quietly said, "Hey now, it's gonna be okay."

She turned into him and his strong arms pulled her the rest of the way, crashing her solidly against him. That was all it took for her to lose control of her grief. She trembled, gripped his shirt and cried into him as she remembered riding on that gurney with Kate's blood gushing through her fingers as she tried to stem the tide of death. Through the sobs she managed to utter, "I can't do this again, Javi . . . I can't."

"Shhh, I know . . . "

He kissed her hair then she angled her head to look into his eyes, his passionate, gentle eyes; a version that he seemed to reserve just for her. She leaned on her toes and he met her lips half way while bracing both sides of her face and thumbing away her tears. They both hungered for this connection and fought to feel as much of each other as possible. With his fervent affection came the message that he understood her fears, that he would be her rock no matter what, and that he would do all he could to spare her pain.

Lanie felt so overwhelmed with sorrow and longing. She soaked in the feel of his steady hands on her face, then their constant migration to her back, her arms, her sides, as though he were trying to shield all of her at once. For this one moment, despite the turmoil surrounding them, she felt secure. He wasn't promising that there would be no tragedy, only that he would be her solid ground, and that was exactly what she needed to feel.

* * *

><p>Rick was alone in the room, seeing his little girl for the first time in days, which seemed more like months.<p>

"Oh, Dad, you look awful." He had wanted so badly to see Alexis that he hadn't considered if his appearance would upset her. He sighed, knowing that how he looked would soon be the least of her concerns.

"We'll get to me in a minute, Pumpkin. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Dad, I'm fine."

"And the others?"

Alexis felt that she needed to keep things lighter for her dad as well as everyone else. "Pa has nine stitches, but he's not complaining, must be the Beckett stiff upper lip. Gram is fine, but pining for a Cosmopolitan after all the excitement. Have you noticed that she gets a bit twitchy when she misses cocktail hour?"

He laughed, "Yeah, it's probably good for her to have to abstain for a while, but I'd never actually tell her that."

"Smart move. The security guards that were out front had temporary hearing loss and some cuts. Patrick took shrapnel to his back. The medics patched him up since he refused to go to the emergency room, but they probably didn't get it all the shards of debris out so he needs to see a doctor as soon as this is over. He's in pain but refusing anything stronger than Ibuprofen. His hearing is better, but still muffled." She gave him the report as though she were at a crime scene with Lanie. He smiled his pride at how level-headed she was in the midst of a crisis.

"What?" She was smiling coyly at his admiration.

"I'm just proud of you."

"Well, you wouldn't have been when Pa had to restrain me, but since then I've tried to, you know, stay calm and carry on."

"How did you get to be so sensible?"

"Must be a recessive gene that skips at least two generations."

"Must be. Hey, Sweetie, can I talk to O'Riley?"

"That depends. Will you be nice?"

"I'm always nice."

"Fine, but remember he's wounded."

Alexis stepped away and Patrick entered the screen moving very stiffly. She handed him headphones and seemed to be blasting the volume so Patrick could hear through them without Rick having to yell. She kissed his cheek and the boy smiled at her adoringly. Rick saw his daughter slip out of the room then O'Riley addressed him "Mr. Castle?"

"O'Riley, What's the security situation?"

He reported with utmost professionalism. "The Hampton PD is making regular sweeps of the area and they've alerted neighbors to report anything suspicious. I have twice the guards outside and an extra guy making rounds inside since my hearing is a bit iffy still." He added with determination, "I am still keeping tabs on everything, Sir. I just want to make sure there's an extra pair of eyes and especially ears."

Rick had seen him often at the twelfth, but he had never interacted with him on a case. He knew O'Riley was the right choice for protective detail not only because he was smitten with Alexis, but because he had an exemplary record in his, albeit short, career. Now he looked at Patrick's serious expression, his jaw set with resolve, and the young man seemed to morph from being a nice, morally upstanding boy afflicted with puppy love to being a selfless protector, a rock in a crisis and (his gut wrenched as he realized) . . . a man . . . who could easily be THE man . . .

The sentimental thoughts were coming too quickly so Castle tried to stifle them by speaking, "O'Riley, I know you're doing everything you can and I appreciate it. I understand you took some shrapnel to your back? Are you alright?"

"Yes, Sir. I have some stitches, but nothing that will impair my abilities to protect your daughter. I may be sleeping on my stomach for the next week, but that shouldn't affect Alexis." He seemed to realize that he had mentioned 'sleeping' and 'Alexis' in the same sentence to her dad no less, so he started blushing and backpedaling, "Her safety, I mean. Of course I'm sleeping on the bottom bunk, not anywhere near Alexis. Well, I mean I'm near her since she's sleeping on top of me – " Castle couldn't imagine that the young man could have gotten any redder. "I mean on the top bunk, of course." Patrick ran a hand down his face, mortified.

And there was the smitten, nervous boy again. Rick pressed his lips together to keep from smiling at the poor guy's ability to dig himself into verbal holes. Then his thoughts lingered to Alexis. She would need this sort of sweetness mixed with strength, especially if she were to marry a cop . . . GAH! He really needed to stop thinking and O'Riley really needed an out. "O'Riley, just stop."

"Yes, Sir."

"Thank you for making the arrangements for additional security. As long as you have a man on the inside, I want you to just stay with Alexis. Your mission, Patrick, is to be her boyfriend, not her bodyguard."

That was the first time Castle had called him Patrick. "Yes, Sir. I'll stay with her, maybe I can be a little bit of both."

"I appreciate that." Castle hesitated then continued. "Listen, I know you're hurt and they offered you stronger pain meds. I just wanted to thank you for choosing to stay alert." Throughout their conversation, Rick had seen the pain etched across O'Riley's face despite his efforts to hide it. Castle wished he could tell him to go ahead and take something to make himself more comfortable, but both men knew that wasn't the best tactical move. O'Riley was sacrificing his comfort for Alexis, and Rick needed him to continue to do it.

"My hearing is impaired as it is. I wouldn't risk dulling my other senses, Sir."

"Patrick, you can drop the 'Sir.'"

"Yes, Sir, I mean Mr. Castle."

"Just 'Castle' is fine."

"Wow. Okay, thanks."

"Try to take it easy, Patrick. Can you get Alexis?"

"Sure."

His daughter helped her boyfriend into a rigid stance and she held his arm as he walked out of the library. As he watched their backs Rick wondered if he really would have to watch them walk arm-in-arm off into the sunset one day.

Alexis returned, adjusted the volume, removed the headphones then asked, completely unaware of her father's train of thought. "Dad, were you nice?"

"I relieved him of duty. I told him his job was to hang out with you. I think I'm getting soft."

"Thank you, Daddy. Can we talk about you now?" He felt relived that he was still 'Daddy'. Then he realized that the last time she called him that was after the bomb at the bank over a year ago, so it was probably more of a subconscious fear reflex, but he would take it.

"Yeah, I think we probably should." He ran his fingers through his hair and said, "You're an adult now and there are things that you deserve to know."

He touched the screen even though Alexis couldn't see his hand. Her brow furrowed in dread of what he was going to say.

"I met my father on Sunday."

Her eyebrows shot up, not expecting it to be that. "You did! Dad, that's . . . How did it go? Who is he?"

"His name is Daniel Sutton, and he's CIA. After a very brief relationship with Gram he was off on undercover missions. He did what he could to support us without us even knowing it, but with his job he thought it would be better for me not to have a father than to have one who had a good chance of being killed, or at least being gone all the time."

"Oh, Dad. I'm not sure what's worse, you having that gaping hole or me having mom come and go on a whim, leaving me over and over." Rick was ashamed that he hadn't realized that his daughter, out of everyone, would understand the most what he had been going through the past few days.

"I think it's fair to say that we both got the short end of the stick."

Alexis gave him a smile with a twinkle in her eye and touched her father's face on her screen. "The difference is that I've always had you, no matter what. You distracted me when mom would leave, you'd tell me stories that made it seem not so bad. I know Gram loves you so much, but your childhood was, shall we say, less consistent than mine?"

He laughed a little, "Yeah, I'd say that's fair. But, Alexis, I have you. I couldn't imagine having a child and not having been there for all the big events, or the little ones. I missed having a dad and I could be resentful, but I look at Sutton, and he has nothing. He never married or had more kids."

"So, I have no long-lost aunts or uncles?"

"Sorry. We're just a string of only children."

"So, dad, is Sutton the reason we're in danger? Oh, he's not a rogue agent or anything is he?"

"No, like I said, a straightforward CIA agent."

"Then why was there a bomb a few days after he showed up?"

Rick sighed. Now for the hard part, "Honey, I know you remember when Kate was . . . shot." He blinked hard when he said the word. Alexis nodded, paling. "Well, we think the sniper is the one who set the bomb."

Her eyes started watering. "No, Daddy, please no. Is Kate okay? Are you okay? No wonder you look terrible."

"Kate's eager to get this solved, but she's okay, we both are. Worried about you and the others, of course, but Sutton brought us a lead that may actually solve this once and for all."

She swiped at her face and looked conflicted, "How in the world would your father have a lead to Kate's mom's murder? That seems rather . . . convenient. Not that I want to accuse him of anything, it just seems odd."

He smirked, "You're telling me. Someone made the connection between Sutton and me. He blackmailed Sutton to keep Kate safe until a few weeks ago. There's more to it, of course, but I can't go into everything now."

"So, you said you have a lead? Do you really think this will get resolved?" She stopped herself before adding, 'before someone else gets shot.'

"It looks promising. My biggest concern right now is your safety. Since that place is swarming with cops and security, you should be safe, although come morning we may want to move you guys to another location, one that wouldn't be as easily connected with me. That is part of the reason I wanted to talk with you now. Sutton is coming here to help. I want to do nothing more than rush there and hug my little girl, but I can't go to you myself because that would attract too much attention and there might be another incident. Honey, I trust Sutton, but more than that, I know he would go over and above the call of duty to protect you. If you need to be transferred, I want him there, but only if you and Gram are okay with it."

Her eyebrows crinkled, "Well, it's not like anything else in our family is conventional. I guess meeting my long-lost grandfather as he ushers us to a safe house is about par for the course." He was thankful for her levity.

"You know you can be honest with me."

"I know, Dad. It will be weird, but you're a good judge of character and if you trust him, we'll go along with the plan."

"Gram knows some of what I've told you, and Kate's talking to Jim now. You can tell Patrick anything you want. He's a good man, Alexis. I just wanted you to know that I think he's good for you." Alexis smiled so sweetly. Her dad was finally letting go of his reservations about her loving another man. "I'm so sorry for putting you through this. I love you, Honey. I promise we're being careful and everything we do is with backup. I hope nothing will happen, but I would never pass up a chance to tell you how much I love you and how proud I am of the woman you've become."

At this Alexis' resolve slipped and tears started rolling down her cheeks. She sniffed and wiped them away. "Please, Daddy, tell me in person when this is all done."

He smiled at his baby girl, "I plan on it."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Kate had called her father and spoke with him for the first time since the explosion.<p>

"Dad, I hear you were hit, are you okay?"

"It's barely a scratch, just a few stitches."

"Thanks for looking after Alexis. You came off sounding like Chuck Norris."

"It was just instict, I was just thankful she was okay."

There was silence where they both took time to think through the next part of their conversation.

"Katie, I need to hear it from you. I'm already thinking the worst."

Kate rubbed her forehead with her thumb and forefinger and closed her eyes as she confessed, "It is mom's case. It found us this time, but we had a head's up and we have some leads."

Jim had known as much and had prepared himself to react as calmly as he could. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Dad, I'm not running off trying to solve this on my own."

"And this bomb?"

"It seems it was a diversion, a very effective one. We followed up on a lead then you were hurt to distract us and buy them some time."

"By whom?"

There was a pause before Kate spoke. "Most likely, the bomb was set by the sniper."

Jim had not been prepared for that answer. "_Your _ sniper? Oh Katie."

Kate tried to remain steady but it was hard hearing the anguish in those words.

"Dad, they are getting careless and we're close. This isn't me wanting to avenge Mom, this is me speaking as a detective."

"How's Rick doing with all this?"

Kate thought back to his breakdown and how much extra stress he was under dealing with Sutton on top of their life-threatening situation. "He's been better."

"And his father?"

"I see Martha's been keeping you informed. I guess I can't blame the two of you for running theory. Sutton has been helpful. It's not an ideal situation for them to meet, but we owe him for fending this off as long as he did. He's coming in now to help us figure out our next steps."

"Is Rick telling Alexis all of this?"

"Yes."

"Well, it will be a relief to be able to talk in the open, but that will be a lot for her to handle." Kate closed her eyes as her dad voiced both their thoughts. "Katie, I look at her and it brings back memories. You're personalities are different, but how you see Alexis is how I saw you fourteen years ago, so young and idealistic. Then you had to grow up way too fast and figure out how to pull not only your own life together, but mine as well. You were so young, Katie."

Fighting the urge to give into sadness for things long forgiven, she replied, "Dad, what matters is right now. My hope is that Alexis will come away from this with no more than a few nightmares of what could have been. That is our goal."

"My goal is that _you_ walk away without any nightmares. Be careful, Katie and stick close to that husband of yours."

"I will, on both accounts. Love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Katie Bug."

* * *

><p>Kate walked in the room in time to hear Alexis say, "Tell Kate to be careful. It's not just you that I'm worried about you know." Kate felt pricks in the back of her eyes.<p>

Rick shifted his eyes towards her and replied, "You can tell her yourself."

He turned the monitor and Kate smiled and waved, scooting a chair right next to Rick's so the girl could see them both. "Hey, Alexis."

"Hi, Kate. Dad told me everything." She rubbed her lips together and then added, "Life's too short to worry about what to say when. I love you, Kate. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that." Kate held it together through the whole conversation with Jim, but this tipped her over the edge. Alexis saw Kate bite her quivering lip and her father looked between his daughter and wife with such depth of emotion. He wrapped an arm around Kate and Alexis wished so much that she could teleport to be with them.

"I love you too, Alexis. I promise we'll have each other's backs and we'll stay close to Esposito and Ryan."

"Okay."

Kate added, "Now go take care of _Officer O'Riley._" Kate twitched up an eyebrow, reminding Alexis of the day she had met Patrick and Kate witnessed their flirting. "We'll make sure we get this wrapped up as soon as we can so we can all fuss over his heroics."

Alexis laughed, "He's trying so hard to be tough, but I think he'd like to curl up in a ball and sleep for a week." Rick was so thankful that Kate ended the conversation on a lighter note.

"Well, your dad is Gate's favorite so maybe he can get him some time off when this is done."

"Gate's favorite, huh? So, Dad's still having delusions of grandeur? At least some things haven't changed in the past 48 hours. I'll let you guys get back to catching the bad guys. Bye Dad, Kate. Love you both."

"Love you, too." Both Rick and Kate replied then they ended the call.

Rick looked at the ceiling, still trying to fend off the moisture. Kate waited patiently for him to formulate the right words. "I look at her and still see pink flowered dresses and princess tiaras . . . but somehow she's turned into this woman who can bear the weight of so much uncertainty, and she's looking at this other man like he's everything . . . " He blinked then swiped at his eyes.

Kate scraped her fingers through his hair and rested her hand on his arm. "I would guess that's the hardest part of being a parent . . . seeing everything you've wanted for her coming true, while knowing that means she's grown to be independent . . . or maybe even dependent on someone else."

Rick moaned flatly, "He's in pain and valiantly refusing medication _for her_." Kate knew this was the watershed moment when Rick realized what she had seen for a while now. It was not just a crush, a relationship with training wheels, and he was finally beginning to accept it. "Next thing I know _they'll _be playing laser tag and _they'll _be going to Halloween parties as Princess Leia and Han Solo."

Kate kissed his cheek then assured him, "But she'll always want you to braid her hair."


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

**Tuesday, May 7, 2013**

Sutton entered the room and this time Rick extended his hand, and started, "Thank you for coming. Quite a bit has happened since you were here this morning."

"I heard about the explosion. Is everyone alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just spoke with Alexis. They're okay, just shaken up."

Kate had texted Ryan and Esposito that it was safe to return. They entered then halted at the sight of Daniel Sutton. He stood again and shook their hands. The guys couldn't help flitting their gaze between the father and son to gauge the emotional undercurrent.

"And Halstead? Anything turn up from the crime scene?"

Kate shifted as Castle answered, "Same caliber as the sniper from . . . before. He's an average white guy, no usable footage of his face. He stole Halstead's car, drove directly from there to the Hamptons, fixed an IED on a pizza delivery car that blew up outside the house."

"He wanted to distract you."

"It worked."

"So, do you have any idea who this guy is?"

They all looked towards Castle since it was his find. "Markway has a poker tell. He flutters two fingers together rapidly when he's excited about a good hand and too distracted to remember to stop himself. This guy did that on the tape."

Sutton considered this. "Could be a coincidence."

Castle rubbed his temple as he responded, "Could be, but we need to know for sure. This might be the connection we've been missing. We checked on his sons. One is on the west coast; we're looking into his whereabouts. The other isn't fit enough to be our guy."

"Do you have any DNA from him, anything that he touched so we can pull prints?"

"No, we have DNA from the weapon found at the cemetery two years ago; no hits. We're assuming it's the same guy, but we don't have proof yet."

"Do you have Markway's DNA?"

"No, he doesn't have a police record, obviously, and he was in the service before they registered DNA."

Ryan piped up, "Wait, what about the _sniper?_ How is it that he's not in a military DNA database?"

Sutton replied, "The military catalogs DNA for identification purposes, but ever since 1996, once a soldier separates, their DNA sample can be destroyed and stricken from the database at the soldier's request. That's likely what he's done."

Kate, exasperated, urged, "We need to get Markway's DNA and figure out who this guy is." She looked at Sutton and nearly pled, "I don't know if the CIA has different databases, or if you have resources to help us, but we need _something_."

Castle added, "We've tipped them off, so it won't be long before they try something more drastic."

Sutton didn't miss Richard's eyes shifting to his wife as he spoke of impending doom. "Of course. I'll do everything I can, but a New York City judge wouldn't fall in any of our databases. Do you have any idea where the sniper is now?"

"No, only that he was in The Hamptons."

"Security?"

Castle filled him in on the arrangements.

"Do you want them moved somewhere safer?"

"Chances are he's back in the city setting his sights on us, but the way my mind works, I could see him disguising himself as a security guard to get close. There are a lot of people there, and we don't have a face for this guy. I'm torn between keeping them there where there is known coverage, or moving them somewhere that could be secured with fewer people who could be hand picked. I know it's likely that the bomb was a one-off, but it's my daughter . . . " Castle was fighting a massive headache and couldn't have cared less if he sounded vulnerable. This was too big for them to fight alone, and if his estranged father could help, Rick wouldn't let his pride get in the way.

Sutton mentally added, 'and my granddaughter,' which he had the sense not to say out loud. He was watching his son fret over his family and Daniel knew that he would move heaven and earth if it would make a difference. Richard looked drawn, worse than he had after their intense conversation that morning, so Sutton knew his son needed him to keep this professional. He looked at his watch then studied each person in the room. They all were drained.

"It's late. There won't be much we can do until morning. I will make arrangements to move Alexis and Martha, if that's alright, Richard. Do you want to know where they will be?"

"No, but I do need to stay in contact with them. Jim Beckett and Patrick O'Riley are there and need to be moved as well."

Ryan and Esposito gawked at Castle. He was trusting this man implicitly with his family. Esposito wrinkled his forehead and asked pointedly "Beckett, do you want us to work with Sutton on that?"

She looked at the guys and knew what he was really asking. She understood their skepticism, but she trusted Rick. Sutton was right, they were all beat and none of them would be any good in the morning if they didn't get any sleep. "No. It's been a very long day, guys. Let's come back tomorrow morning and look at this with fresh eyes."

She looked at Sutton, "Do you need anything else from us?"

"I'll need a copy of the footage of the sniper."

They updated Gates and she ordered everyone to go home while she coordinated with Daniel Sutton.

* * *

><p>When they got to the loft Rick immediately stripped off his jeans, barely brushed his teeth and then fell into bed, exhausted. Kate sat next to him, fiddling with his hair. He slung an arm to cover his eyes.<p>

"Migraine?"

"Getting there. Your sniper is back, our family was nearly blown up and my estranged father is going to move them to an unknown location. Maybe that wasn't the best call. I think my judgment might be impaired."

Kate walked to the bathroom and brought him some Advil and a glass of water. She sat down with one leg tucked under her, facing him. "Sutton paid over $40,000 to keep me alive, and our list of trusted allies is short. For what it's worth, I think you made the right call."

Castle swallowed the pills then started to unbutton his shirt but Kate slipped her hands under his and took over.

He studied his wife as she worked. "How are you doing?"

She shrugged, "I'm alright, I just focused on the case . . . and worried about you most of the day."

He used his free hand to tug on her shirt, pulling her in for a kiss. "Thanks, for everything. I couldn't have gotten through today without you, Kate."

She brushed her cheek against his, "That goes both ways, you know."

He smoothed her hair and asked tentatively, "You didn't seem as jumpy as I would have expected, given . . . he's back."

She pulled back and bit at her lip playfully, "I don't know, Castle, maybe making out in the precinct has calming side effects."

"Well, I'd be happy to oblige anytime you feel stressed, Detective." There was that disarming smile, for a moment, then it diffused, "Seriously, Kate, no holding back."

She nodded and hooked her hair behind her ears then rested a hand on his chest. "I was able to avoid windows, which helped. I wanted so much to go to Halstead's crime scene, but even as I argued with Gates, I knew I couldn't have handled it. It would have been worse than 'the honeymoon wave incident' had I gone, and who knows how badly I would have beaten you in the process."

"It'd be hard to hide spousal abuse at a crime scene littered with cops."

"True, although Espo and Ryan would look the other way."

Castle laughed, "Yeah, without a doubt." She gave him a puzzled look. Apparently she had missed some inside joke.

"Anyway, Rick, thanks for helping me save face with Gates, I knew you were willing her not to let me go."

"I got your back, Partner, remember?" He gave her a dreamy smile.

"I do remember."

She slid his dress shirt off his arms then reached for the hem of his t-shirt. "Off or on?"

He chuckled, "You do know there's only one right answer to that question." She slid the shirt up slowly and he lifted his arms obediently. She tossed it in the hamper then sat in his lap and leaned into the exposed skin of his chest, sliding her arm around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her and started kissing by her ear.

"I thought you had a headache."

"Oh, Mrs. Castle, that's so cliché." He yawned, then he brushed his nose against her ear, "Anyway, for you I'd suffer through anything."

She laughed, "It would be torture, I'm sure."

"Hmmm" He leant back and took her with him.

"Rick."

"Hmmm," His eyes were closed and he was breathing in her hair.

"I need to brush my teeth."

"Don't care if you have coffee breath."

"I know, but I do. I'll be right back."

She nuzzled into him then got up. By the time she had brushed her teeth and got ready for bed, Rick was sprawled in the sheets, asleep.

Kate and tucked herself under the covers and lay across his chest protectively, running her fingers through his hair and along his arm while listening to his heartbeat. She couldn't stop thinking, worrying about what the next day would bring. She thought through every event and conversation of the day, and reflected on all the relationships that would suffer if something were to happen to any of them.

She absently wondered if they would have all been safe now if she had died that day in the cemetery.

The guilt of bringing all this tragedy into Rick's life was still a battle that she was hashing out with Dr. Burke. She knew it would kill Rick if she voiced that sometimes she felt that he would have been better off if he had never met her.

She listened to the easy breathing of her husband and felt selfish for being thankful that she was here to feel him beneath her, even if it meant that she brought such darkness into his life.

She tried to clear her mind, but there was too much that had happened or that could happen. Her subconscious felt the need to stay vigilant, to protect him. Who's to say there wasn't a sniper outside their window? The blinds were closed, but there was always heat vision. It's a secure building, but how can they know the security is good enough to keep out any number of people involved that they hadn't uncovered?

Her mind then flitted to Rachel Halstead. Kate thought through exactly what Rachel was feeling in the privacy of her home across town. She knew the young woman would not find sleep or peace anytime soon. Her father might have been guilty, but he didn't deserve death, and Rachel and her sister were innocent casualties, now embarking on a path that Kate knew all too well. Kate didn't pull the trigger, but her investigation led directly to his death and Rachel's pain.

It was too much. Kate didn't even register the silent tears that were winding their way through her husband's chest hair.

She felt a large hand on her back, and with that one small motion, she felt safer, calmer. He hadn't opened his eyes but even half sleep Rick was comforting her "Shhh, Kate, sleep."

She tried to close her eyes and focus on the rise and fall of his body. Eventually exhaustion took her and she slept fitfully.

* * *

><p>Castle hadn't even remembered getting into bed when he woke at two am. His body was leaning over Kate's, with his leg and arm strewn over her and she was twitching beneath him. Her brow crumpled and her limbs seemed to jerk in a coordinated way. Rick absently thought that it seemed like she was replaying a fight scene from a Steven Seagal movie in her sleep. He roused a bit more and reality hit. He looked again at Kate and sighed; even in sleep she would get no peace. He thought about waking her, but she needed sleep, even if it meant nightmares. She hadn't had many PTSD related nightmares since she had shared his bed, but the few from which he tried to wake her resulted in her flailing and pushing him physically away from her before she regained awareness. After she had given him a black eye as a fight or flight reflex just two weeks ago, he didn't want to risk surprising her.<p>

Two weeks.

Two weeks ago they were a world away, his biggest concern was her violent reaction to going underwater. Four days ago they set foot in their apartment, married and still giddy about their change in marital status. Rick fingered his wedding ring. He had worn it for less than a month but it was at home on his finger, permanently.

A constant.

So much had changed around them. They were at the mercy of too many variables, so much had happened, but at the end of each day it was just them. Rick and Kate. Sunday . . . Monday . . . Tuesday . . . he thought through every development of each day, every plot twist, but when the sun went down it boiled down to the two of them, in this room behind the closed door that held the outside forces at bay.

There was so much outside his control, but in this room he could help her, even if it was as simple as humming peace into her dreams. He started a muffled tune like he had on the roof patio and she calmed. He kissed her forehead, her cheek and smoothed her hair with his hand. After several minutes the twitching subsided. He wrapped his arm around her, securing her to him and prayed that when the sun went down on Wednesday Kate would still be his to have and to hold.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

**Tuesday, May 7, 2013**

**The Hamptons (earlier that evening)**

After Alexis finished her video chat with her father, she looked at her Gram's eyes and read all the pity of one who had withheld bad news. She sat, cleared her throat and looked from Martha to Jim, while Patrick situated himself next to her.

They spent the next several minutes comparing notes, then they fell into silence. Patrick was the only one hearing of Daniel Sutton for the first time, but he reserved comment to let the others think. Alexis added, "Dad said that he might send Sutton to relocate us, and that if that happens, we can trust him and go along with the plan. Will that be a problem, Gram?"

It was obvious by her uplifted eyebrows that Martha hadn't expected that twist. "I'll go along with anything Richard wants us to do, of course." She had imagined more than once, a lot more than once, in the past few days, what it would be like to meet Daniel Sutton again. Her heart raced from nerves. She had run lines mentally, taking all the individual feelings and trying them as opening lines to set the tone of their face-to-face meeting. In the end she decided she had best rely on her improvisation skills and not dwell on something that might not actually happen. Except now it actually might.

Alexis was trying to read her Gram's train of thought. Martha patted her knee and assured her. "Darling, I trust your father's judgement."

* * *

><p>Once their bedroom door had shut for the evening, Alexis had insisted that Patrick let her tuck him in. He complied, laying on his stomach feeling the welcome coolness of his pillow on his face. Alexis lifted his shirt, and he let her work it off him. She saw that despite the stitches some cuts had bled through the improvised bandage made from strips of gauze that covered the majority of his back. She peeled back the bandage, and saw his perforated skin, irritated and angry. She had been there when he was being stitched and after working with Lanie the sight of blood didn't bother her. But being this far removed from the shock of the explosion combined with having privacy affected her more than she had expected. She gingerly traced around his shoulders and his sides, and he let out a sigh.<p>

"That feels nice."

"Patrick, you're off duty, please take something for the pain, this has to feel terrible."

He shook his head. "It's really not that bad."

"You need to sleep, and you can't be comfortable."

He reached for Alexis' hand and lightly rubbed her fingers with his thumb, "Alexis, as long as there is a remote chance . . . . I can't."

"Dad even said you were off duty."

"I know." He couldn't bring himself to tell her that her dad had encouraged his sacrifice.

She gave an exasperated sigh. "You're such a cop."

He smiled, "Yeah, and you know how stubborn we can be."

"Trust me, I do." She stood and got the supplies that the paramedics had left. She started gingerly dabbing antibiotic cream on his stitches and other cuts. He started relaxing more and his breathing became even. By the time she had fashioned a new bandage from long strips of gauze, Patrick had fallen asleep. Alexis fixed it with surgical tape, kissed his slack cheek and climbed the ladder.

Patrick startled awake an hour later. He had felt Alexis tossing and turning in the bunk above, but it was the sniffing that caught his attention. She was awake.

He wished so much that he wasn't injured, but despite all his assurances that he was fine, he hurt, badly. He couldn't muster the strength to get up the ladder, so he called to her

"Alexis?"

He heard a weak, "Yeah?"

"Can you come down here?"

She was on the ladder in seconds, "Patrick, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," He tried to sit and Alexis stopped him. "I just . . . I heard you and . . . do you want to talk about it?"

She nodded. Patrick tugged her arm so she climbed over his prone body and lay between him and the wall. Even though he was compromised, he wanted to feel like she was protected if danger should come knocking on the door. She saw the tightness in his jaw and felt the tension in his arms and shoulders. She was afraid to touch him too much or jostle him. She held his hand and brought it up to her cheek and the floodgates opened. She started talking and telling him of all her fears and her worries about her dad and the uncertainty of what was to come, even after the case was resolved. He listened, encouraged her not to keep anything back. He traced her face with his fingers as she spoke. After she felt that she had decompressed, she leaned over and kissed his cheek, eliciting a silly grin. She scraped fingers through his hair as she had done earlier to relax him and eventually they both fell asleep.

Their evening was cut short with a knock, then the door was opened wide by . . . her father? Alexis sat up and blinked several times, and O'Riley, with the same line of thought, instantly jumped out of bed, realizing how it might have looked. He pulled his stitches in the process and yelled, "Gah! We just fell asleep, I swear!"

They couldn't see Sutton's smirk at their embarrassment, "At ease, O'Riley, I'm not the hall monitor." It was dark and the outline looked like Rick Castle, but the voice was a little off. Alexis stood and Patrick blocked her from the intruder. "Who are you? How did you get in here?" He was kicking himself for not being more vigilant as he edged closer to the nightstand that held his service weapon.

Sutton turned a flashlight on and shined it on his own face. "You won't need the gun, at least not yet. I'd turn the lights on but we're being covert. I'm Daniel Sutton." He flashed it on Alexis then added, "Your dad sent me to supervise your relocation."

"You're . . . " Sutton wasn't sure what to expect, especially after the cold shoulder Richard had given him their first meeting. Alexis stepped forward and stopped herself right before she touched his face in the darkness. "You look so much like him, and sound like him, too." Patrick tried pulling her back, still uncertain. She seemed to come to herself then stepped back. She put out her hand and said awkwardly, "I'm Alexis, but I guess you already know that."

He shook her slender hand, and it reminded him so much of another hand, from another lifetime. "It's a pleasure to meet you in person. I understand you're a remarkable young woman."

"Uh, I really don't know anything about _you_ except that you're CIA and my dad trusts you."

At those words Sutton balked. Richard asked him to do this for him, but seeing Alexis standing in front of him, he realized just how much faith his son was placing in him, and it dawned on him again how much he didn't deserve to be there meeting his granddaughter.

"There will be time to catch up later, for now I need you to follow me." He nodded towards Patrick, "You too, O'Riley, you're on the guest list. You might want to throw a shirt on, though."

He did. The last thing he wanted was for the others to make any assumptions.

Sutton led them down the hall to the spacious bathroom, which was without windows, and he turned on the light. Alexis stared at Sutton, her brow furrowed. O'Riley clearly hadn't recovered from the embarrassment of being caught 'sleeping' with Alexis and was still a blotchy red, but he held her hand protectively.

Sutton started, "Alexis, this is not the way I would have wanted us to meet. I'm sorry." She just nodded, still a bit stunned.

"Should I get the others?"

"Which room is which?"

O'Riley answered, "Mr. Beckett's first bedroom on the right, Mrs. Rodgers is second door on the left." He nodded.

"O'Riley, you get Beckett, don't turn on the light. I'll get Martha."

Alexis offered, "I can get Gram, if that would be . . . I can do it if you want."

He smiled knowingly. "Thank you, but it will be okay. We'll meet back here."

Sutton turned off the light and they opened the door and made their way down the hall, knocking lightly then entering at the same time.

Martha had thought that she had heard voices, but it sounded like Patrick and Alexis, and she wasn't about to investigate. She heard the knock and expected her granddaughter to come in and check on her, or to need to talk. Although with Patrick around she knew she wouldn't be her granddaughter's first choice. What she hadn't expected was the voice. "Martha?"

She sat up, shocked and lured by the memories.

"Daniel?"

He walked cautiously to the bed.

"Well, isn't this fitting, you sneaking _into_ my bedroom?" She didn't say it bitterly, just commented as though it were light conversation.

He flicked on his flashlight and shined it on himself. "Martha, I'm sorry about this. Richard asked me personally to make sure you were safe, and the best way to go about it is to do it quickly and in the cover of darkness. The others are up and waiting for us in the bathroom."

"Well, this is all very cloak and dagger! I suppose this is what your life has been like? Did you know that Richard often imagined that you were a spy off on secret missions? Either that or an astronaut or archeologist. That was easier for him to believe than you not wanting him. I suppose I'm thankful that you made a choice based on what you thought would be best for him, misguided though you were."

He sat on the bed and shined the flashlight in her direction. "Martha, you look as beautiful as you did that night." He lifted a hand and graced her cheek with the back of his fingers. She leaned into him instincitively. "Up until a few days ago, I thought that I had done the right thing by both of you."

"And now."

"And now . . . now our son asked me to help, so I'm here." She caught his hand in hers and closed her eyes.

"Daniel, you were always the one that got away." She kissed his hand. "You know, Richard looks just like you. You missed so much . . . so, so much." That line of thought brought her back to herself. She dropped his hand and patted her mussed hair to clear her romanticized thoughts.

"So, what is the plan, Secret Agent?"

"We're moving you to a safe house upstate, just a precaution. For right now we need to meet the others down the hall." He reached out his hand and in the darkness Martha took it. She pulled him back and crashed her lips against his. He surged with an excitement that he hadn't felt in over forty years. He dropped his flashlight, wrapped one arm around her shoulders and the other around her waist. She felt his face with the tips of her fingers while they got lost in the moment. As she started leaning farther into him, Daniel pulled back, giving them space to recover.

She could feel his breath against her neck as he said, "Martha, we need to go, they're waiting for us. Not that I wouldn't love . . . if things were different." He knew that the light of day too often brought regrets and he wasn't about to abandon her twice. Plus they were on a schedule. He was on a mission.

"Sorry, Daniel, I shouldn't have . . ." Sutton was kicking himself, that certainly wasn't what he meant.

He pressed a light kiss to her lips and said, "I'm glad you did. I hope once this is over things will be different. However, I just met my granddaughter and I don't want her wondering what I'm doing with 'Gram.'"

Martha laughed, "Well, I'm certain she knows it's happened before."

"Still." They stood and before they reached the door he stopped her, "This boy she's with? Is he good enough for her?"

"Without a doubt."

"You know I have resources."

"Oh, you and Richard would make quite a pair. That boy you both are intent on torturing is a saint, which is more than I can say for Alexis' father, or you. Too bad Jim isn't genetically related, that would have given hope for future generations."

"I'm glad she has Beckett all the same."

Sutton opened the bathroom door and he and Martha slipped inside. Jim Beckett stood in front of the younger two with his arms crossed.

Martha stepped in front of Sutton, "Jim, this is Daniel Sutton. Richard asked him personally to oversee our transfer to a safe house." Sutton knew that Jim Beckett was a lawyer and he certainly felt as though the man were evaluating him as a witness for the other side.

Jim broke the silence, "You paid to keep my daughter safe?"

Sutton eyed him evenly, assessing him as well. "I did."

Jim nodded and extended a hand, "Thank you."

Sutton shook his hand and nodded.

Jim continued, "Now, what, exactly is going on? Why are we being moved?"

Sutton looked at each of them, "We have not apprehended the bomber. My CIA team tracked the car a few miles from here then they lost it. We think he would have gone back to the city, but we're not certain so we're being cautious. Richard asked me to assess your safety and act in your best interest. They would have handled this, but I think you're all well aware of what they're up against and the less exposure, the better. Richard doesn't know that we're acting on this right now." He looked at Martha then Jim, "They're exhausted so I'm handling this for them. I'll let them know first thing tomorrow and I'll give you a burn phone. He already has one."

O'Riley asked, "What's the plan?"

Sutton handed out flashlights. "Grab a few days' worth of clothes, using the light discretely. We'll meet back here then we'll go out the back. A helicopter will fly in over the water and land on the beach. Once you're secure, the helicopter will take you to anther location and my men, will escort you to a place a few hours from there. Richard's burn phone is the first number programmed, mine is the second. Call me first if you have any concerns at all, anything. He handed sheets of paper to Jim and O'Riley. "This paper has the photo IDs of each person who will be guarding you, both in transit and at the new location. If there is anyone that you do not recognize on this sheet anywhere near you, phone it in and take cover."

Martha felt the adrenalin kick in at being involved in a covert mission. The actress in her had imagined what a situation like this would feel like, but to have a dashing mysterious hero crash into her bedroom, kiss her passionately, then whisk them all away to a secret location in the middle of the night . . . . it made her rue the fact that she was well past the age to be considered to play a Bond Girl. Ah well, who needed to act a role when she was living it. She refused to accept that this would end any other way than the world being saved and her kissing Daniel Sutton through the credits.

They gathered their clothes and regrouped. Sutton led them down the stairs and flashed a signal out the window. A few minutes later he heard the whirl of helicopter blades and the sand from the beach kicking up. Sutton opened the door and guided them out, with O'Riley bringing up the rear. Sutton handed each of them into the aircraft, and didn't pass up the opportunity to kiss Martha's hand. When they were secure Daniel popped inside, and reminded them, "If anything is off, anything at all, call me."

Martha, clearly disappointed asked, "You're not coming with us, Daniel?"

He shook his head. "I have some unfinished business. I'll check in, not to worry." He flashed her a smile that reminded her of her son, so reassuring and confident. He spared another smile for Alexis then hopped out.

As he ran towards the house he noticed a guard peering over the balcony. He had spoken with the head of security before the extraction so he knew their coverage plan. No one should have been at that point at any time. Sutton could see the outline of the rifle emerge and take aim at the helicopter and had precious little time to act. He aimed his own weapon and fired. Sutton could see the jolt of the edge of the rifle an instant before it fired. His hit had knocked the shot off target. Sutton dove for cover behind the corner of the house then peered back to the balcony. The rifle was gone. He heard the rush of guards' feet and was blinded by the flood lights illuminated the back of the house. He ran towards the balcony and saw the ground below it disturbed. The shooter must have jumped over the edge and fled. Sutton ran into the trees, gun at the ready.

The last thing he remembered was a sharp pain in the back of his head and an aggravated voice warning, "Tell Detective Beckett the next time I pull this trigger she won't walk away."


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

**Wednesday, May 8, 2013**

Neither Mr. nor Mrs. Castle had a good night's sleep, each waking in turns and holding vigil over the other. Rick stirred and saw the light filtered through the curtain. He was on his back with Kate's hair strew across his face, her arm slung over him and her feet rubbing a rhythm on his leg. He smiled at the familiar feeling. Kate's feet seemed to be magnetically attracted to his shin when she slept and he would often wake to both her feet massaging his closest leg of their own accord.

He swiped her hair from his face and curled it back in place. She hummed in response. He looked at the clock. It was six-thirty. There was no rush to get into the precinct before eight. He looked at his wife, completely relaxed and wished he could find some way to keep her this content until this was over. Maybe he could drug her and they could hide her from The Dragon for a few days while he and the guys solved this. They'd need Sutton, and Gates, but maybe they could pull this off then Kate would wake up and it'd be over.

She lifted her hand and started to rub her eye. Ah well, so much for that master plan. Anyway, who was he kidding? She'd skin him alive for trying to hide her away like some damsel in distress. He had married Detective Beckett, not Sleeping Beauty and she wasn't about to stand down. He loved her for it, but it didn't mean it was easy to watch her tackle this head-on.

Before she was fully alert she felt Rick's warm body under her, his fingers sifting through her hair. She smiled, her eyes still closed serenely. She felt him wrap an arm around her and reposition her over him. She nuzzled her chin in his chest hair. His fingertips traced her face, her neck then brushed a path down her shoulders, sliding along her ribs then coming to rest on her hips.

She opened her gorgeous eyes, lifted her head and smiled at him, still feeling languid. She felt his thumbs skim her hips then roam to find the skin beneath her shirt. His splayed fingers traced slowly up her side, and she lifted enough that the hem of her shirt went with them. At his touch her expression changed from carefree to intense. He paused at the feel of the surgical scar on her side, his fingers joining at the spot. It was the lightest of touches that she could only half feel through the damaged skin, but she was sensitive to their precious meaning. Their eyes connected and their breathing became shallow as Kate's lips hovered an inch above his. She sank both her hands deeply in his hair, and slowly her lips descended. He couldn't wait and rose the last little bit to meet her. Kate felt his hands wander fluidly, over her exposed skin, and under her shirt as though he were memorizing every bit of her in case . . . wait . . . the only other time she felt his much intensity, this thirst to map her with his wandering hands was their first time together. Not that he wasn't intense other times, but this was different. He was afraid he would lose her. Before she could dwell on that tragic thought, the phone rang an unfamiliar tone.

Rick let out a frustrated moan and Kate leant her forehead down to meet his. He wanted to ignore it, to concentrate on her, not the worries of the day . . . or a lifetime, but they both knew that phone calls, especially this day, to the burn phone, had the power to change their lives. Kate reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the offending device and handed it to her husband.

Kate rolled onto her back and Rick pushed himself to sitting.

"Castle."

He traced a random pattern on Kate's exposed abs as he spoke, trying to relax her.

"Mr. Castle, I need you and Detective Beckett to come in. There has been a development."

He looked down at Kate who was mouthing, "Who is it?"

He answered them both, "Captain Gates, what is it?"

"I'll fill you both in when you arrive. Your family is safe, I'll tell you the rest when you get here."

"Okay, we'll be right there." He looked at his wife apologetically then hung up.

Rick leaned back against the headboard, "She says there's a development."

Kate nodded, "I'm sure she has her reasons for calling, but she also has impeccable timing."

Rick laughed ruefully, "Don't I know it." He played with her hair. "You know, we could get 'stuck in traffic.'"

"We've used that one too often, we need new material." She was going to need to be the one to state the obvious. "Rick, she ran us out of the precinct last night in order to get sleep. She wouldn't have called this early unless it's big."

Part of her felt that if she and Rick left things unfinished they would be more likely to come home safely that night. It didn't make sense, but Rick seemed to understand. He lowered himself so he was on his side next to her. He kissed her forehead as his finger ever so gently lowered the v of her shirt, exposing her scar. "Kate, promise me that tonight we'll be back here, that we'll both come home.."

He bent down and kissed the reminder of how fragile life could be.

She ran her fingers through his hair, "I promise, Rick." She kissed the top of his head, "I promise."

* * *

><p>They arrived at the precinct and went immediately to the Captain's office. Gates took in their haggard appearance and commented, "So, not a restful night, I take it."<p>

"No, Sir." Kate answered for both of them, "What's the situation?"

She motioned with her hand, "Please, have a seat." They stayed standing but Gates noticed Castle's shoulder glancing Beckett's in support. "Alright, then, I'll get on with it."

She took off her glasses and cleared her throat. "First of all, I wanted to let you know that your intuition paid off, Mr. Castle. Your family has been moved to a new location, courtesy of Agent Sutton and a team he assembled personally." They both blinked, as though she wasn't speaking English.

Kate clarified, "Already?"

"Yes, I spoke with Agent Sutton after you left last night and we agreed that it should be done sooner rather than later, and your team needed sleep more than you needed to look over his shoulder. That's my job."

Castle asked, "So they're safe? Were there any problems en route?"

Gates took a deep breath and answered carefully, "Your family and Officer O'Riley are safe. However, it was not without incident. The sniper rifle allegedly used to both kill Rod Halstead and take a shot at the helicopter escorting your family is now in our possession."

Castle stepped towards her desk, "What happened? Was anyone hurt?" Kate had placed a hand on his back, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"He took aim at the helicopter, but he missed. Agent Sutton spotted him and took a shot that hit the rifle. There is a light splattering of blood on it, so we believe that Sutton's round nicked his arm. The sniper was able to flee, but not before knocking Sutton unconscious." Rick paled. He had only known the guy for a few days and there were so many issues that he hadn't even thought about that he would have to work through with the man, but hearing he was injured affected him more than he had expected.

Rick nearly winced when he asked, "Is he . . . okay?" While thinking, 'please let him be okay, I need for him to be okay.'

At this Gates smiled knowingly, "Mr. Castle, he is waiting for you in the conference room. He just wanted me to brief you first." She met his eyes before continuing. "If I may add, he's very unsettled at the thought of what would have happened had he not acted when he did."

Kate replied for both of them, "Thank you, Sir. Anything else?"

"Sutton will brief you on the rest. You're dismissed." She half smiled, meaning they had something.

* * *

><p>Rick leaned on the wall outside the conference room. "How do I do this? I spent my whole life resenting his absence then he pays to keep you safe and saves the rest of our family from dying in a helicopter crash."<p>

Kate stood in front of him and grasped both his hands in hers, "Don't think, Rick, just act. You are a very forgiving and patient man with a big capacity to love. Resentment would eat at you more than it would punish him. There will always be consequences to what he has or hasn't done, but it's not on you to dish them out, not if you don't want that responsibility."

His shoulders loosened and he crinkled his eyes at her. "Sage advice, Detective Beckett. But under the circumstances, maybe I should kiss you while I sort through the angst?"

She leaned forward on her toes and pecked her lips to his. He tried to chase her lips for more but she pressed his chest. "You're pushing it Mr. Castle, now go thank your father for saving our family."

That was the first time either of them had casually referred to Daniel Sutton as Rick's father. Castle felt oddly relieved that Kate had in a way given him permission to be okay with the guy. It wasn't that everything was solved, but after her words he felt that he didn't need to harbor, or even keep up an appearance of harboring resentment. He could get to know the man without judgment and look forward, not back.

Rick opened the door and saw Sutton sitting at the table holding an ice pack to the back of his head. He made to stand but Rick put a hand on his shoulder this time, keeping him in place. Castle leaned against the table and faced his father. Sutton looked up at his son and for the first time Rick's expression wasn't tentative or cautious.

"I feel like I've been saying this a lot, but thank you."

Sutton shook his head, "It was close, too close."

"Well, 'too close' is par for the course around here. We try not to dwell on what could have happened or we'd never get a moment's peace."

Daniel's mouth quirked up, "I'm not sure if that's sad or encouraging."

Castle shrugged, "Probably a bit of both." He dropped his hand from Sutton's shoulder and pointed at his injury, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just mad he got the drop on me." Kate brought him a glass of water and placed a small bottle of Asprin in front of him. Sutton opened the bottle and shook out several tablets and swallowed them. He nodded at Kate, "Thanks."

Sutton filled them in on what had happened, but paused as he decided whether to tell them the sniper's final words. Normally he was much better at omitting information seamlessly, but his head injury had him off his game.

Castle urged him, "What aren't you telling us."

Sutton held Castle's eyes then Kate's and replied, "He's after you next, Detective Beckett, and he doesn't plan on missing."

His son exchanged a long look with his wife then nodded. "Okay, well, we knew that was likely, this just confirms it." He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to keep his fears at bay.

Kate took over, "Gates said you retrieved the weapon and there was blood splatter. Has it been analyzed yet?"

Sutton nodded, "I came to when the Hampton PD was on the scene and they had secured everything. I think we've provided the HPD with more action in the past twenty-four hours than they normally see in a decade. I hope you're home owner's association doesn't get wind of this or you may get evicted for disturbing the peace." His ice pack was warm so he lowered his hand and continued, "The sniper got away. Not sure how with all the coverage, but I'm guessing you were right, Richard, he must have dressed as a security guard to get close then escape undetected. I must have only grazed him because there was very little blood on the scene and not enough to leave a trail. The weapon is being processed right now along with a sample of Markway's DNA."

Kate asked impressed, "How did you manage that without a warrant?"

At this Sutton smirked, proud of himself for being able to add that extra piece of intel. "People are not very cautious of where they toss their coffee cups. I put a guy on him yesterday after you told me your suspicions, this morning he came through. Gates has Dr. Parish keeping custody of the samples and overseeing the tests."

Just then the ME strode into the room, followed by Esposito, Ryan and Gates. Lanie glanced briefly at Kate, barely suppressing a smile, then picked up the marker and with a flourish added under Markway:

**-Father of sniper**

Then under Sniper she added:

**-Son of Markway**

**-Same sniper as 05/2011**

She put down the marker, swiped her hands together, puffed out her chest and declared, "I've always wanted to do that!"


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

**Wednesday, May 8, 2013**

Kate's heart was racing. They had something, something workable. She started pacing and could barely contain her nervous energy. They had Markway. Her rush of success fell flat as she thought that through. They had Markway . . . but for what? They had a link to the sniper, but no identity.

Gates took the floor. "So, we know that the sniper," she nodded at Kate, "_your _sniper, is Markway's son. It was a 52.9% match, so it's conclusive. His oldest son, Brian, has not left California and nothing in his background suggests he's ever held a gun, so we're looking at a third child, yet to be identified. Ideas?"

Esposito offered, "We looked through Markway's phone records, no repeat calls that we haven't identified, at least on a known phone number. They could be communicating through burn phones."

Ryan raised his pen, "Do we know for sure that they even know about each other?" He couldn't help but shift his eyes from Castle to Sutton, as exhibit A of fathers with ignorant sons.

Castle conceded, "Good point. I guess we don't know much except they are genetically linked and both involved."

Kate shook her head, "No, they'd have to know. It would be too much of a coincidence that they would both be roped into this individually."

Castle glanced at Sutton, who was watching the conversation unfold, and then turned back to Kate. "As much of a coincidence as my father bringing us a lead about your mother's murder?" They all stilled uncomfortably. They had all met Sutton, but they felt that this relationship with Castle was still the elephant in the room. Castle, feeling the heavy silence added, "Look, my point is, maybe it wasn't coincidence but a strategic play, or maybe there are more parties involved and we're missing a link that ties this all together."

Sutton had been a quiet observer. His head had been pounding incessantly since his run in with the sniper and he was working hard to process everything despite it. He felt he needed to refocus the group. He added, "Maybe if we can estimate the sniper's age we can figure out who he is, or at least who his mother might be." All eyes shifted to him. "He must have some military experience. Assuming he enlisted at eighteen with a three-year commitment and has been out for two years that would make him at least 23. So, we need to look into Markway's life in 1990 and before."

Gates commanded, "You heard the man. Start digging." Then she left the room.

Lanie had been leaning against the wall, watching them all run theory and observing the undercurrents in the room. She had tried not to stare at Castle's father, but it was difficult since the man looked like Castle 2.0. She corrected herself since it was more accurate to say that Castle was Sutton 2.0; a younger version of the same man, with upgrades she added with a smirk.

Lanie thought that they all seemed to be playing it relatively smooth except Ryan, who looked like a human barometer with his eyes darting from one person to the next praying that no one would crack under the tension.

Kate caught her friend's eye and subtly indicated to Sutton, who was smoothing his hair around his injury. Lanie cleared her throat and said, "You kids get to work, Rambo, you're with me." Sutton, a bit unsure of his fate with this woman stood and followed Lanie out of the room.

Castle looked at Esposito and asked, "He will come back, right? She's not going to take him down and hide the body so we'll never find him, is she?"

His friend eyed him intently then asked, "Do you want him back in one piece, Bro?" Castle was warmed by Javier's concern. The detective was asking how Castle was faring, how he felt about the situation, but in his own ever manly and standoffish way.

"Yeah, Castle, how are you handling all this?" And then there was Ryan, not so manly or standoffish.

Castle wiped his hand down his face. "Guys, he saved our family. I'm not ready to call him 'Dad,' but the guy has definitely earned my respect." He looked at Esposito, "So, yeah, I guess I would like him back in one piece." He turned to Kate, "So, what do you think she's doing, murdering him or conducting an interrogation?"

Kate leaned in and said, "This ABSOLUTELY does not leave this room." She met each of their eyes and as they nodded their promise of secrecy one by one. "Lanie's guilty pleasure is the Hallmark Channel, which might as well be sponsored by Kleenex. My bet is that she's patching him up while prepping him for a saccharine family reunion scene at the end of the case."

Esposito was grinning while thinking of his sensitive woman wrapped in his arms as he'd watched the movies with her. Castle smirked at him knowingly and Espo cleared his throat and wrinkled his brow and answered all business, "Your secret's safe with us, Beckett."

Ryan added, "I don't see what the big deal is. Jenny loves the Hallmark Channel."

"Dude."

"What?" Esposito let a stare speak for him, "Yeah, yeah, not a peep."

* * *

><p>Daniel Sutton followed the medical examiner into the elevator then the morgue in silence. Finally he asked, "Should I be concerned that there are no witnesses?"<p>

She pulled her desk chair out and he sat obediently. "I'm not gonna bite, I just want to check on that head wound to make sure your judgment won't impaired before I send you back up."

He felt her gentle fingers probing along his skull. He winced when she got to the sore spot.

"Were you checked for a concussion?"

He waved her off, "I've had worse. There's no need to make a fuss."

Lanie replied, "That was a stupid thing you did chasing after the sniper without a vest or backup."

Sutton shrugged, "I would do it again given the chance."

"I know, and I'm sure your son appreciates that." Sutton tensed when she said 'son.'

"Just so you're aware, he'd prefer not to be called my son, and I want to respect that."

Lanie's tone softened and her fingers felt more soothing than hurtful as she added, "Let me tell you something about that son of yours. He's got a big heart and is more forgiving than anyone I've ever met. Look at the evidence; he has two ex-wives, both of them he gets along well with, even though one's too flighty to realize how much she's hurt their daughter over the years and the other is his publisher who always has her claws in him to produce books at a faster pace. Then there's my girl, Kate. I love her, don't get me wrong, but he's had to forgive her more than once, and for things that cut him deep." Her fingers had stopped during her speech. "My point is, Agent Sutton, the man is incapable of holding a grudge."

Sutton wasn't one who spoke through his thoughts so after a few minutes of quiet Lanie continued, "Look, I don't know the details, or how any of your conversations have gone up to now. All I'm sayin' is you've missed everything up to this point. Don't walk away after this case is over because you _think_ that's what he wants. I saw how he looks at you." Lanie pulled an ice pack from her first aid kit, broke the cell to activate it then placed it carefully over the bruise. "Call me optimistic, but I'd like to think that there could be more to the story."

Sutton placed his hand over the icepack, freeing Lanie's as he swiveled the chair around and met her eyes. "Thank you, Dr. Parish . . . for the icepack." His weary smile thanked her for much more.

"Sutton, how much sleep have you gotten in the past few days?"

"Enough." He stood, extended his hand and added, "And, please, call me Daniel."

"Lanie. If that bruise feels worse come and see me. I promise not to tell the others so you can keep your stiff upper lip. Heaven knows they've all been down here to get patched up at one time or another."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks again."

With that Sutton left the room and Lanie started imagining a sappy scene with Martha running into Sutton's arms for a star-crossed reunion, while Castle, his arms around his wife and daughter looks on with a full heart.

* * *

><p>Kate rummaged through her desk for a her supply of M&amp;Ms. She knew finding the sniper's mother would be slow going and they all could use a treat.<p>

She opened her bottom drawer and found a small box wrapped in brown paper bound with a string. A chill swept over her as she placed the box gently on her desk. She had spent the past few days either in the loft or the conference room and she had been gone for the two weeks prior so she had no idea when this would have appeared.

She didn't want to draw attention to herself, after all it could be nothing . . . then again, it could be another dirty bomb, this time disguised as a wedding present. On closer inspection the 'wrapping paper' was cut from a grocery bag or packing paper, and the string was actually a shoelace, and not a new one. Perhaps they could get fingerprints or DNA from it. Kate took a pair of scissors and cut the lace, then worked it off and moved it to the side of her desk using the shears to avoid contaminating potential evidence.

Her palms were sweating as she took a tissue and picked up the box gingerly. It would have detonated already when she was rifling through her desk if it were motion or pressure activated. It was light, too light to be filled with any sort of shrapnel or C4. It could just be a gift card, but who would give a wedding gift without a card attached? Maybe it was a threat, as if the bomb in The Hamptons wasn't enough of a warning. Still, someone placing a note of warning in her desk, in her domain would be unsettling. Maybe she was overreacting. Still, it wouldn't hurt to be cautious.

With the rest of the team in the conference room, the area was clear. She found the edge and gingerly unwrapped the paper using the scissors and tissue.

It was a paperclip box. So, it wasn't a wedding gift. She picked it up with the tissue to assess its weight. It definitely didn't contain paperclips. She felt around the lip of the lid and felt no wires or anything suspicious. She took her thumbnail and lifted the tab to reveal a standard black jump drive. No note, no instructions.

Maybe instead of having an enemy lurking in the precinct they had an ally, one that had left critical evidence where she would find it. She had to know what missing piece of the puzzle this little device held.

She enclosed it in the tissue and walked briskly to the conference room. Castle, Esposito and Ryan were all sitting at the table, looking up birth records for Markway's neighbors when Kate, clearly addled, pulled up a screen and inserted the drive.

Castle asked, "What's that?"

Beckett replied, "I have no idea, hopefully it's our missing link." She clicked on the untitled file then leaned her hands on the table and watched with anticipation.

The lighting was poor. She could make out three figures, one shoved another into the hallway, she leaned closer, then she heard all too familiar voices.

_"Dude, we need to talk." _Kate's surprised eyes flew to Esposito.

_"Guys . . ?" _Castle's voice was unnaturally high, Kate turned to him and he was sitting wide-eyed, paling by the second.

_"We like you, Bro."_ Ryan sounded nearly menacing.

_"I like you guys, too." _It sounded more like a question.

_"We've had an eye on you . . . "_

As the scene unfolded before Kate all three men were unnaturally quiet, watching the only one who hadn't been a party to the 'pep talk' the guys had given Castle the day of their wedding. Kate was glued to the screen. She covered her mouth and with every threat by her boys or twitch of nerves from her husband she started shaking with suppressed laughter.

_"We'll be watching, Bro, don't ever forget it."_

By the time Ryan made a V with his fingers, she had lost it completely, so much so that she had to bend over to catch her breath. She finally looked at the guys and said, "So, not a lead in the case, then?"

Ryan hit Esposito's chest with the back of his hand, "You were supposed to tell me when you gave it to her!"

Esposito defended himself, "I wrapped it and put it in her desk drawer right after the wedding. I told you that!"

Well, that explained the rough wrap job and lack of a card.

Ryan spat back, "Nice timing. You could have pulled it out and waited until this was over."

Esposito said, "I've had a few things on my mind, I forgot."

Kate, with an expression of utter glee, rested a hand on Castle's shoulder and squeezed; half apology, half pity, yet one hundred percent condescending. He patted her hand, admitting his utter humiliation. He looked in her eyes and saw a fully unguarded smile for the first time since all this had started. Yeah, it was so worth the price of his pride.

More than amused, Kate was also touched. "Guys, seriously, that was the best wedding present ever!" She stood behind her 'henchmen's' chairs and actually kissed each of them on the top of his head. "And your timing was impeccable. I think we all needed a good laugh." Ryan tipped his head back and grinned at her, happy to have put a smile on her face. Javi rubbed the kiss off his head and said, "Had to be done, Beckett."

She walked behind Rick and rubbed both his shoulders, "You'll treat me better than a queen, huh?"

Rick crinkled his eyes at her, "How am I doing so far, Mrs. Castle?" She pecked a kiss to his forehead.

She looked at the other two with appreciation then gave him an adoring smile, "Well, you're still alive so I'd say you're doing rather well."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: My intention was to keep that jump drive in my pocket until you'd least expect it. Did it work?**


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54**

**Wednesday May 8, 2013**

Eventually Sutton returned with Gates, who handed Detective Beckett a stack of papers. "Service records from Judge Markway's JAG assignments."

She flipped through them quickly. "He was stationed at Scott, Air Force Base, in Illinois from 1982 to 1985." She handed papers to the others. "These are lists of people stationed at the JAG office for those years, and lists of service members who saw him for legal services during that time. See if anyone pops."

They all scanned their lists and soon Ryan said, "Ooh! Ooh! Here's a John Brody. Wasn't he one of the attorneys in the Pulgatti trial?"

Kate reflexively answered, "Defense attorney. He died of a heart attack in 1995." She read over his shoulder. "Lieutenant Colonel John Brody, US Army, JAG. What was he doing at an Air Force Base?"

Esposito answered, "Backfill, training, special circumstances like family members who need medical care offered only in certain areas . . . there's any number of reasons that an Army officer would be posted on an Air Force base."

Castle asked, "What about women coworkers? Any of those names stick out?"

Sutton suggested, "Can you hone in on those who were working there when Brody and Markway overlapped? Maybe a scandal started this whole thing. If so it had to have occurred when they both were there."

"Wait!"

Gates commented, "Do you have something to share with the class, Mr. Castle?"

"Yeah, uh, Yes, Sir." His eyes remained glued to the paper, "Serving with both Brody and Markway was a Thomas West." With a gleam in his eye he added, "Could that be _THE Thomas West;_ New York Senator and Chair of the Appropriations Committee, _Thomas West_? The very powerful and financially loaded _Thomas West; _founder of West Import Solutions? _THE Thomas West_ who would stand to lose everything if a conspiracy involving him were dragged into the light? That_ Thomas West_?"

He had their attention. Gates amended Sutton's suggestion, "Focus on the women who were there while all three men were stationed at Scott. Check birth records. We'll work the coworker angle first, maybe we'll get lucky, otherwise we may have to sift through their legal clients."

After a few minutes they assembled a list of a dozen women, military and civilian, who worked in the office with him. A few were eliminated by age or ethnicity, a few others were childless, or had girls in that timeframe. In the end there was only one who had a caucasian boy born in 1984.

Staff Sergeant Rhonda Maddox.

Gates offered, "I'm on it." She dialed in one more favor to get Rhonda's financials.

Esposito pulled up a photo of Rhonda Maddox's only son, Cole. "He's 29, works for a security firm called, 'New York Assured Security,' as a security systems specialist, whatever that means."

Castle pulled his phone out to Google it. "Aha! Several similar business names appear but nothing exact!"

Sutton asked, "Military service?"

Esposito answered, "Army Ranger until 2011. Any guesses on his specialty?"

Castle and Beckett at the same time flatly replied, "Sniper."

Ryan replied, "Ding! Ding! Ding! And a point each goes to Castle and Beckett!"

Kate started writing furiously on the Murder board. When she finished they looked at the key facts she had written for each of the major players:

**JUDGE ROBERT MARKWAY**

****-USAF JAG 1982-1985, with Brody, West & Rhonda Maddox****

**-NY public prosecutor 1985-1992**

**-Married to Laurie since 1980**

**-Known sons Brian, 30 lawyer in CA, Eric, 28 bartender in NY**

**-Attended every day of Pulgatti trial**

**-Appointed criminal court judge in 1993 – prematurely?**

**-Wealthy – inheritance or bribes?**

**-Monthly donations of $3,000 to 'Manhattan Foundation,' fictitious charity**

**-Being considered for NY Court of Appeals**

**-Father of sniper (Cole Maddox?)**

**JOHN BRODY**

**-Defense Attorney for Pulgatti Case – did he throw the case?**

**-Served as Lt. Col. In US Army JAG on Scott AFB with Markway, West & Rhonda Maddox**

**-Died of a heart attack in 1995, no autopsy**

**SENATOR THOMAS WEST**

**-USAF JAG, served with Markway, Brody & Maddox**

**-NY State Senator 1990-1998**

**-US Senator 1998 - present**

**-US Senate Chair of Appropriations Committee 2008 – present**

**-Founder/owner of West Import Solutions**

**RHONDA MADDOX**

**-SSgt. in USAF, worked in JAG office with Brody, Markway & West**

**-Unmarried**

**-Son, Cole - alleged sniper/son of Markway?**

**COLE MADDOX**

**-29, born in 1984, result of affair?**

**-Son of Rhonda Maddox**

**-Alleged son of Robert Markway**

**-Sniper in US Army Rangers**

**-Paid by fictitious security firm, "New York Assured Security"**

They stared at the information they had amassed, willing it to give them something tangible to incriminate West, or anything that would tie these individuals together, but as much as they stared, they knew they still had only conjecture.

Beckett tossed the marker down and said, "We still need a smoking gun and a way for this all to make sense. Do we have an address on Maddox?"

Esposito pulled up the address on a reverse directory, "It's an old one. He's not listed as the current resident."

The vein on Kate's forehead pulsed prominently and she started to buzz with nerves that she could only just contain. They were so close. She turned to her husband with a tone of vulnerability that she never used with him in front of witnesses, "Please, Rick, we need the story here. Tell me this all fits. This needs to fit."

Castle had never felt so much pressure to weave a plausible back-story; to grasp a measure of truth from snippets of facts and supposition. This was his shtick, to humanize the madness when the evidence fell short. All eyes were on him, willing him to brandish answers.

He studied them as his mind sculpted the details that would make the plot work. Ryan's eyes were wide and pleading. Gates had her arms crossed, scrutinizing his ability to pull through when it counted. Esposito's gaze held the weight of long years of concern for the woman he loved like a sister. Kate . . . well, he couldn't look at Kate again until the story was firmed in his mind or his thoughts would derail.

And then there was Sutton. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed loosely. Rick had a flashback to watching Alexis at her high school graduation. She was too old for him to make a scene with outlandish applause as he had done when she was little. Instead he had looked at her with a measured pride. Sutton's expression was definitely measured, but something was mixed with it, amusement, anticipation or maybe . . . pride? The ten-year-old in Rick Castle felt as though he were at some bizzaro version of bring your child to work day. His father hadn't shown up for school plays or spelling bees yet here they were, both at work and Daniel Sutton was waiting to watch his son perform. With a subtle nod Sutton send a vibe of encouragement.

Richard Castle cleared his throat to begin telling the tale that he prayed would give his real life Nikki Heat a better ending than he had given Derrick Storm.


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 55**

**Wednesday, May 8, 2013**

Richard Castle rose and started pacing, hands tented and forefingers tapping together.

"Alright, It's 1983, the cold war. The public is afraid it will heat up, so recruiting and retention for the JAG corps, like the services at large, has taken a hit. The Air Force is short-staffed, officers are juggled and Lt. Col. John Brody is the domino that the Army sends to backfill the position at Scott Air Force Base."

"JAG Captains Robert Markway and Thomas West wear their uniforms crisply with the pride that comes with serving their country; yet the day-to-day reality of processing powers of attorney, divorces and the occasional court-martial, all in the mediocre state of Illinois, is not what they had in mind when they cashed their signing bonuses to repay their student loans."

"Laurie Markway had given birth to Brian six months before and Robert at first had been thrilled. He couldn't wait to come home and hold his son and kiss his wife but weeks of the baby not sleeping through the night has turned into months. His wife, who had been so attractive and devoted to him, now has only enough energy to take care of the basic needs of their child. The baby has screaming fits night and day and Laurie grows irritable, often taking her frustrations out on her husband after he gets home from a long day at work."

"The alienation at home contrasts with work where even though his tasks are mundane he has a sense of accomplishment. He starts to feel empowered . . . respected . . . appreciated, especially by Staff Sergeant Rhonda Maddox, a young woman who always meets him with a gorgeous smile. She starts doing little things for him and is encouraged by how they cheer him up. She gets forms before he asks for them, brings him a coffee when she gets one for herself, nothing too big or obvious. She doesn't intend to break up his marriage, she's just enamored by him and he's drawn to her in turn. He finds himself looking for opportunities to talk to her. She listens and doesn't demand a thing from him. There's no question that he loves his wife; he even understands why she is so exhausted and emotionally detached, he just needs a sympathetic ear."

Castle stopped pacing and leaned his legs against the table, half sitting. Sutton was captivated by Richard's ability not to just write a story but to spin one on the fly. He looked and the others are similarly entranced, even Captain Gates.

Rick took a sip of coffee then continued, "One night he is working late and Maddox stays to finish her filing. He starts discussing his marriage troubles with her but one thing leads to another and a comforting touch unwittingly turns passionate. Before reason can override instinct, Markway, a married man and an officer, is having an illicit tryst with an enlisted woman."

"Meanwhile, a friend of Thomas West's is deploying the following day and has forgotten to draft a Power of Attorney to leave with his wife. West stops in the office to get the paperwork and finds Markway and Maddox in a compromising position."

'Markway and West have always been friendly. They have a bond forged from monotony and the pining for more. West isn't married but he'd seen his friend become more and more sullen over time. He doesn't approve of what he sees, but he doesn't feel that it's his place to judge. He's seen Sergeant Maddox flirt with Markway before and even now, caught, she doesn't seem to have been forced into this position. He has to decide how to react. Markway's an officer and an affair with an enlisted woman would be worthy of a dishonorable discharge at least, then there is Laurie and their son. Making the affair public would only shame them."

"In the end, West steps out of the office without a word. An hour later there's a knock on his door. It's Markway, distressed and repentant. He grovels for discretion and promises it was just the one time. He broke it off because he loves his wife and he would stand to lose everything if West talked. At first West agrees. The next day they act stilted and professional. Rhonda Maddox calls in sick and Markway won't meet West's eyes. A few days later Sergeant Maddox returns, avoids Markway and they find a way to carry on."

Castle rubbed his palms on his thighs and risked a glance at Kate. She was biting her lower lip with anticipation. A half smile tugged one side of his mouth seeming to ask, _"How am I doing?"_ He thought he saw one of her eyes twinkle at him in reply. Yeah, he'd definitely surrendered to the claws of fiction to even think such a cliché. Emboldened, he stood and started winding around the room, stopping briefly for effect.

"Weeks later the baby starts sleeping through the night and Laurie is starting to feel human again. Markway, repentant, starts doing little things for her; changing diapers before she knows they are soiled, bringing dinner home so she doesn't need to conjure up a meal after a long day with the baby, even cleaning the bathroom unprompted. He becomes the model husband and father and she's more devoted than ever."

"Then he gets the news. Rhonda Maddox has been out for several days then comes back to work; eyes puffy and a slight tremor in her hand. He knows before she slips him the note. He shreds the paper but his pulse races, he wipes his brow and his hand comes down with sweat that brands him as guilty. He has done everything right since that day, but his one mistake could still ruin him, ruin Laurie and the future they had."

"What to do? He's Catholic, he can't in good conscience ask her to get rid of it. He doesn't feel that it's his right to suggest it anyway. He deserves to endure the consequences of what he's done, but Laurie doesn't deserve the pain that would come with his disgrace. She's too fragile to survive his betrayal. He can't tell her so he knows he has to find a way to convince Rhonda to hide the origins of the illegitimate child. No one could ever know . . . but someone already did."

"Markway promises regular child support payments, a generous amount based on the divorces that he's processed. She agrees and the pregnancy is passed off as a result of an anonymous one-night stand. She cares enough about Markway not to threaten to reveal their secret but the pain of seeing him everyday and not being with him is excruciating so she requests a transfer."

"Meanwhile the JAG Commander, Colonel Brody, is not blind. He has seen harmless flirtation turn into longing looks then stop abruptly. When Maddox alerts him of her condition, Brody confronts Markway, who denies the allegations. Yet, Brody's suspicions persist."

"West is also not blind. He has something on Brody; maybe he has taken bribes to look the other way for failed drug tests, maybe he has covered up a DUI for a friend at the O Club, or perhaps West has smelled the masked odor of scotch on Brody's breath one too many times during work hours. Regardless, West, concerned about his friend, convinces Brody to look the other way on threat of exposure. Brody, not wanting to risk his own career, complies."

"After a few months, Rhonda Maddox relocates and Markway never sees the son she bears. He continues his fervent efforts to make up for his sins with his wife and it's not long before she is pregnant again. Eric is born and Markway gazes at his third son and apologizes to God and his second born, that even if he were to look into Cole's eyes, he'd never feel the same towards him . . . Brian and Eric have Laurie's eyes."

Sutton was clearly feeling uncomfortable. Rick had been so wrapped up in Markway's history that he hadn't paid attention to how it sounded. He was so used to spinning tales about suspects that he had become less sensitive when plotlines hit close to home. So many works of fiction incorporated a baby born from a one-night-stand, and he never really thought of himself as that tragic swaddled figure. He hadn't imagined how Sutton would react to _his _illegitimate son gallivanting in an estranged father's head space.

Kate had watched Sutton's expression morph from pride in Rick's captivating talents to guilt by the time he so eloquently described a father choosing to disown his child. She had known Rick was in the moment, challenging himself to weave a story that had all the elements of an angst-riddled blockbuster, but she had the advantage of observing while he spoke. It wasn't that she felt Sutton didn't deserve to face what he had done, but from the first time he had walked into the precinct just a few short days prior, she had gone from viewing him as a detached CIA agent to a tortured soul. Maybe her compassion for him stemmed from the fact that he looked so much like Rick that she couldn't stomach seeing that morose expression on an older version of her husband's features. Either way, it was obvious that listening to Rick describe what Markway would have felt when thinking about his son had hit close to home.

Rick took in a deep breath then continued with much less flair and much more economy, "So, Markway has an illegitimate child that West knows about. He has to make payments to Rhonda but he doesn't want Laurie to get suspicious, so he asks for West's help. West starts funneling payments for him."

"Markway and West leave the service when their commitment time is up and ambition leads them both to New York City. Markway works towards becoming a judge, driven with the need to punish others to overcompensate for his own guilt. West, wanting power above all else, sets his sights on politics. They have no regular contact with their former CO, Brody, but they find him working in New York City as a public defender. "

"In the late 80's West is planning to run for the New York State Senate. He starts making friends with powerful elements within the mob, nothing obvious, but he does favors for them and they funnel campaign support through seemingly legitimate businesses. He wins his seat and his own business, West Import Solutions, becomes a way to launder cash for anything from kickbacks from special interest groups to commissions for connecting 'businessmen' involved in the drug trade. He knows people, and he knows exactly what he can get away with. He starts off modestly to test the system and he soon realizes that he's completely above suspicion."

"Years later the mob starts to complain of a few kidnappings. West keeps an ear to the ground and finds that this thorn in the sides of the five mob families is actually the doing of thr-" Oops. Castle's gaze flitted to Gates as he tried to cover, "two cops. West is impressed that these two seemingly average guys without powerful connections are pulling this off, and he debates what his best play would be. Should he tell the mobsters and hope that they will compensate his loyalty? Turn the culprits in to the authorities? Then again, these two amateurs are running a successful scheme and making a small fortune doing it. There is a third option."

"He approaches McAllister and threatens to turn them in unless they pay him a lump sum to keep quiet and give him a cut of all future proceeds. The cops have no choice but to comply. The operation matures from a few random kidnappings into a full blown enterprise with West at the helm, selecting which family members have the most sentimental value and would cause the least trouble. Suddenly the tens of thousands McAllister and Ragland are pulling in per job turn into hundreds of thousands. That is until the day in 1992 when a kidnapping turns into a murder."

"West is playing both sides but he's wise enough to know that it can't last forever. He has already made a mint, all the while appearing to be trying to solve the crimes for his mob connections, endearing himself to them. Pulgatti is the perfect patsy. A guilty verdict would provide a way to end West's duplicity without suspicion. The trick is, the conviction has to stick, and that's where Markway and Brody come in."

"Between his underhanded business deals and the kidnappings, West has plenty of cash to throw around and he knows approaching Brody and Markway would be an easy way to pull strings. He already has dirt on both of them. Markway is still on friendly terms with West, and is indebted to him for funneling child support. West presses Markway to make sure that Brody is selected for the defense and to keep an eye on the proceedings as a constant reminder to Brody to toe the line. Brody successfully throws the trial, Pulgatti is convicted, and both lawyers are compensated, Markway more handsomely for sentimental reasons."

Ryan's mouth hung open and he marvelled, "That actually all fits."

Kate jumped in, "So, after that time Markway gets promoted to judge, and has more to lose if the allegations from an inappropriate relationship while he was a JAG officer surface so he keeps making payments to Rhonda through the fake charity to keep her quiet. Then he probably uses his position to do more favors for West over the years."

Castle fed off her input, "These two men start as friends, but are wooed by positions of authority and West especially is thirsty for ultimate control and this thirst grows year by year. When Johanna Beckett visits Pulgatti and starts poking around, he needs to act. He hires Dick Coonan, contacts Raglan to make sure he's handed the lead on the murder investigation and the cover-up is nearly flawless. There is just one loose end that threatens his empire, Johanna Beckett's persistent daughter." At this he stopped to peer at his wife with pride, she just shook her head, shrugging off his admiration.

"Someone . . . a pawn . . . in the precinct is supposed to be plugging that hole, keeping an eye on her so that she doesn't get near enough to uncover West. However, controlling Detective Beckett morphs into caring for her. Eventually this pawn regards her as family and he can't in good conscience stand in her way any longer."

"He knows the power that West wields, and that his own life will eventually be forfeit for defying him. Thomas West is a U.S. Senator, eyes set on the Appropriations Committee, which holds sway over the economic purse strings of the most powerful country in the world. This pawn . . . this guardian, if you will, knows he needs to walk a fine line. So he amasses all he has to connect the dots to ruin the senator. He tells West that he has to leave Detective Beckett alone or it will all come crumbling down. West knows Beckett doesn't have any leads and his other enterprises are going well, so he's content to ignore her."

"This . . . guardian loves his wife and children dearly, but unlike Markway, he can't ignore what is right or see his sins destroy an innocent life that has already been riddled with tragedy. He knows that eventually Detective Beckett will find the truth. He's watched her, mentored her, and it's only a matter of time before she does the impossible. He spends his remaining years being an especially loving father, husband and mentor; atoning both for the guilt that had shadowed him for over a decade and the loss that would be theirs when he drew his last breath prematurely."

Kate felt again the power her husband had over words. Richard Castle, the author, had brought her through the most devastating time in her life before she had even met him. He would set a scene and build suspense then quench her thirst for justice while threading compassion and courage throughout the chapters. When she couldn't cry for herself, she could read his books and he'd extract her captive tears, healing her intimately.

Now she _was_ the story and it took everything in her not to give into grief while listening to her husband write Montgomery's sacrifice.

"After Raglan almost confesses to Beckett, West starts to get concerned about the remaining players, especially the pawn who clearly has a soft spot for her. Lockwood is in prison, a useful position for him to silence Pulgatti, but that leaves West needing another gun for hire in case Lockwood can't get the job done on the outside."

"He also starts to worry about Markway's loyalties. The judge has positioned himself closer to Beckett's unconventional partner, initially under West's orders. Markway elevated a convenient acquaintance," He indicated to himself, "to the status of a first choice poker buddy in order to keep tabs on Beckett for West. Over the years of Markway spending recreational time with his endearing author friend." He hitched a grin at Beckett's eye roll, "He could just as easily grow a conscience as Raglan and . . . "

Castle sobered as he censored himself and chanced a look at Gates. She was always serious but she now looked weary, "Mr. Castle, this is a work of fiction, not a confession. I think we're all now familiar with the sacrifice Roy Montgomery allegedly made."

With a nod from Esposito and Ryan, Castle continued. "There is a risk that Markway could care too much for us personally as Montgomery had, so West needs some collateral to make sure Markway stays in line."

"West has kept track of Markway's illegitimate son, Cole Maddox, through his days as a sniper for the Army Rangers. He hires Maddox after he separates from the military in early 2011, both for his skills and as a thinly veiled threat to Markway. 'Don't mess with me or I'll blow your secret wide open and you'll lose your job, your family, everything.' Cole is a physical reminder that Markway is under his thumb. West uses the embodiment of Markway's one failure as a heavy-handed power play."

"West gives Cole small assignments to prove himself until he's needed to step up to the plate, which happens that May. Lockwood comes for Detective Beckett, but meets her defiant captain instead. Lockwood fires on Montgomery, who summons all his strength to kill Lockwood. Roy Montgomery made his last stand count."

Rick tried to gloss over the details of that night. He kept his eyes trained on Kate, almost in apology for what he knew she was feeling. Detective Beckett needed to be grounded here in the precinct. But he couldn't help but relive the feeling of physically restraining Kate outside that hangar as she had fought him desperately then crumpled in his arms. He had held her tenderly as she had wept hot tears of anguish that night. It had been a bittersweet moment for him; but she had had little capacity at the time to feel the same tinge of romantic longing mixed with the sorrow that flowed through him as he cared for her.

Kate slowly scratched at her forehead, hiding her eyes from view. He needed to get through this before his story undid her.

"So, Maddox, still ignorant of his father's identity, is hired to take out Detective Beckett and West makes sure that Markway knows _his son_ pulled the trigger, burying the judge even deeper in guilt and fear that his life could unravel. His son nearly killed an innocent woman, an NYPD detective whom he respected, so what's to keep West from using Cole to silence her completely or take out other players? Poetic justice could even turn the son's rifle to pierce his father's heart."

"Even if he wasn't afraid for his own life, Markway knows what kind of sentence would be dealt to a sniper who took aim at one of New York's finest. Even though he despises what the boy has become, he feels responsible for Cole's failings so he can never turn him in. So, West is untouchable and Markway remains his puppet."

Castle drew a deep breath then summed up his embellished account, "So here we are in 2013. All West's ventures are running smoothly and yet this one splinter threatens to fell the giant once again. Meanwhile, the manifestation of Markway's sin from nearly thirty years ago has grown to commit heinous crimes, and the judge's ultimate punishment is to watch from the sidelines, ironically impotent to stop the madness."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: All the breadcrumbs have led to this, and I don't think I've ever been so nervous about posting. I hope you enjoyed the Castle-spun backstory as much as I enjoyed engineering it. I'd love to hear your thoughts!**


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

**Wednesday, May 8, 2013**

There was a thick silence after Castle finished spinning his tale. He walked over and half sat on the table next to Kate's chair. His arms hung loosely at his sides and Kate took the invitation to discretely twine her fingers with his out of Gate's line of vision.

Sutton cleared his throat as his shoulders propelled him away from the wall. "That definitely sounds reasonable. All the pieces fit, but it might not have played out exactly that way for Markway."

Rick ceded the floor with a wave of his free hand and Sutton's strong voice filled the air with less passion and lilt than his son's. "Markway let Cole go as a child. His reasons were selfish, not wanting to ruin his career or his marriage, but the years preyed upon him. He never felt complete, like there was a ghost over his shoulder; a loss that would haunt him forever. Every time he looked at Eric, he felt the pain of not knowing Cole and it made their relationship more distant." Sutton was aiming his theory at Rick, who had understood that this was hardly hypothetical. It was an explanation or maybe an apology in a language that the author would understand.

Sutton continued, "Markway tried to be a better husband and father to make up for slighting Cole but it never was enough to give him peace and he could never be at ease with Eric."

Ryan added, "That would explain why Brian turned out to be a lawyer and Eric a bartender. Eric probably always felt slighted."

Esposito added, "Yeah, and it would also make sense that Cole became a sniper if he was just abandoned by the guy. Most snipers I know have anger issues." Ryan slapped the back of his hand against Esposito's chest. For once it wasn't he who stuck his foot in his mouth. "What? OH, uh, sorry, wasn't thinking." He shot an apologetic look to Castle.

Sutton responded to Esposito, but maintained eye contact with his son, "That's okay, Detective Esposito, I think we're all thankful that my neglect manifested itself in Richard's propensity to imagine violence rather than enact it; and then he only writes the crimes so that justice can prevail." It was too much intensity and Castle turned his gaze toward his hand in Kate's, her fingers curling to comfort his.

Sutton looked away, giving his son privacy then continued, "Anyway, when West wanted to threaten Markway to keep silent, he used the one thing that would break him." He addressed his son carefully, "Richard, the son whom Markway had hurt the most . . . he had also loved more deeply than the others for having wronged him."

A prolonged silence fell.

Rick's chest tightened with the intimate confession. He refused to look anywhere but down while he let the words permeate; feeling like he was somehow unworthy of them. Could he really mean that much to Sutton . . . to his _father? _ His eyes reddened and he absently swiped at them.

Ryan started sniffing into the tension. Esposito was on guard as this whole conversation was becoming more emotionally lethal than the Hallmark Channel. Gates blinked quickly and placed her glasses on her nose. Kate gripped Rick's hand tighter in support.

Sutton's voice wavered as he finished, "Anyway, Cole probably has no idea who his father is, but by using him, West brilliantly put Markway under his thumb . . . as Richard said." With that Sutton quickly walked out of the room.

Gates gathered her things then quietly exited a minute later. Four remained, one in turmoil and the other three feeling a surge of emotion on his behalf.

Ryan had grown up being smothered with affection by his parents and sisters. His was a family that ended every conversation with 'love ya' even after bickering with a sibling. Ryan just couldn't imagine what it would have been like to grow up an only child without a father around to say those words. Hearing them for the first time, even indirectly, had to be overwhelming for his friend. Ryan walked to Castle, gripped his shoulder and shifted uncertainly. "We're not good at this stuff normally, but you know . . . well, we all love ya like family, Bro." And with that he gave Castle a brief but manly hug and clapped his back.

Castle rewarded him with a smile, "Thanks, Ryan."

Esposito tipped his chin at Castle, his version of as a 'me too,' but he was biting his lip to stave off any outward emotional response. To keep his cool he snarked, "Yeah, what he said but I'm not touching you, Bro. That's Beckett's job."

Kate smiled up at her husband and swung their clasped hands slightly. They locked eyes but Kate knew that he didn't want to completely fall apart in front of the guys so instead of hugging him she asked, "So, Richard Castle, bestselling author, what's the rest of the story? It can't end there."

She was giving him a distraction and he was thankful for it. "Well, let's see. Detective Beckett . . ." he flashed her a smile with a glint in his eye, "Wait, if I'm making this up can I give us superhero names?"

She wouldn't deny him anything, "Okay, but you're keeping Captain Inkblot. You can have a quill with poison ink that doubles as a dagger." She knew it was good to give his imagination a way for him to escape the enormity of all that was happening.

He perked up, "That's awesome! Okay, so Captain Inkblot, his partner . . . let's see, Statute of Liberty? No, too long but I like the justice angle, Ooo, how about The Arresting Avenger? I like the double meaning. Yeah, Beckett will be the Arresting Avenger, she stuns the baddies with her looks then cuffs 'em before they know it. Wait, you already have the power to do that, so maybe we should just call you that now."

"Castle." Okay, so she wasn't going to give him _that_ much latitude.

"Right, so your handcuffs are multipurpose with a bunch of gadgets, like a utility belt."

Kate nodded towards the guys and asked, "So who are they, Robin and Batgirl?"

Castle considered, "No, I think Esposito needs to be a blunt object – effective and to the point without all the unnecessary flare. Maybe a hammer? No, that's been done. How about a fist? The Lead Fist! He'd obviously be super strong and pack a punch like nothing you've ever seen."

Espo flatly replied, "Whatever."

Ryan asked eagerly, "What about me?"

Castle considered him, "Well, you kind of look like Gleek."

"Gleek?"

He looked at the three and felt his age as they completely missed the reference.

"Never mind. Let's see. You always look so friendly with your big blue eyes and sweater vests but beneath it all is a rock solid cop who fights for the little guy and isn't afraid of facing the super villains of the world. How about 'The Valiant Vest.'"

"It doesn't sound very menacing."

Espo piped up, "Dude, then it's a perfect fit."

Ryan crumpled a piece of paper and threw it at his partner.

Castle, now letting his creative juices flow added, "Menacing isn't your thing. You are a fierce protector of others. You fend off danger, defend and put the victims at ease. You can have super strong armor that inflicts immeasurable pain to those who try to hurt the ones you protect. Your tie doubles as a lasso of justice, you can tie the bad guys up with a single flick of your necktie."

"Well, when you put it like that I guess it's okay."

"Great! So, Captain Inkblot, The Arresting Avenger, The Lead Fist and The Valiant Vest . . . I really want to say 'walked into a bar,' there has to be a joke there somewhere . . . " He shook his head. "Anyway, they get a signal that there has been a sighting of the infamous sniper, Cole Maddox."

Ryan, getting into this almost as much as Castle asked, "Wait, if we're superheroes, should they have super villain names?"

"Good question, Vest. However, in our case I don't think so because super villains are defeated in battles, but they always return. Maddox won't make a repeat appearance. This is not an ongoing saga normally depicted in graphic novels, although, You know, maybe I could –"

"Castle."

"Right, Sorry Arresting Avenger. So, The . . . let's have a team name, like The Super Friends had, but something a little cooler. How about . . . well, The Justice League would have worked had that not been taken. Let's see . . . "

"The Guardians. In his honor . . . " Everyone looked at Beckett as she nodded towards the Captain's office.

Rick softened his eyes at her and confirmed, "The Guardians . . . that's perfect."

Kate knew Rick was still reeling, but the diversion was helping so she encouraged it. "So, now that we have nicknames and a club, can we get back to the story?"

"Of course. Although I first have to say you'd look fantastic depicted in a graphic novel . . . definitely in purple spandex . . ."

"Focus, Inkblot."

Ryan was nodding, imagining how cool it would be for Kelly to see her dad in a comic book.

"Okay, The Guardians see their signal, a shield reflecting in the clouds projected by Commissioner Iron Gates. The infamous sniper Cole Maddox has been spotted. They all get on their invisible flying motorcycles – "

Esposito clarified, "Dude, if the motorcycles are invisible, wouldn't we look like dorks flying around sitting on nothing?"

Castle waved him off, "It worked for Wonder Woman, but maybe they would make _us_ invisible as well. That way we can be covert."

Esposito pestered, "Wouldn't they hear us coming?"

Castle replied, "That would be part of our mystique, they would hear us approaching from a distance and that sound would strike fear into their very bones. Back to the story . . . so they approach Maddox from all sides, dismount their invisicycles, and face him with their fists on their hips, and demand his surrender."

Just then Kate's phone chirped. "Sorry, Castle, story time is over. Gates has Rhonda Maddox's financials."

Ryan planted one fist on his hip and thrust the other in the air, "Guardians are on the case!"

"Dude, we're not having a catchphrase."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I hadn't intended to swing the pendulum so far from angst to silliness, but it seemed to naturally flow that direction so I let it. Honestly, after the last chapter, I needed a break from the intensity as much as Castle did! And just an FYI, this was written before the Wonder Twins reference in 5X03 ('Gleek' was their monkey sidekick) and so I was chuffed to bits to see the 3 detectives look at Castle with a total lack of comprehension.**

**This chapter is dedicated to duckys-dream and her sidekick, the Ever Faithful Mr. Quill, who are on a mission to make 'Focus, Inkblot!' a pop culture catchphrase. Seriously, you guys crack me up!**


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

**Wednesday May 8, 2013**

When "The Guardians," reached her office, Captain Gates was alone, highlighting lines on a copy of a bank statement. "Rhonda Maddox receives monthly payments in the amount of $2,700 from The Manhattan Foundation. Apparently West charges a ten percent processing fee. Now we need a way to find Cole Maddox and procure a sample of DNA from him to match the DNA from the sweat and blood on the sniper rifles. Assuming Mister Castle's theory is viable and Agent Sutton's instincts are right, if we take Maddox into custody, Markway will likely break and implicate West in exchange for leniency for his son."

Rick looked around and wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved that Sutton wasn't in the room.

Gates took off her glasses. "Despite how eloquently Mr. Castle spun this tale, it's hardly a slam dunk if we can't get to Maddox, or if he's taken out before we can get Markway to talk. We need him alive. Believe me, death would be a welcome relief compared to what he will be facing when taken into custody. Need I remind you to keep that fact in mind?"

Esposito asked, "Do we have an address on Rhonda Maddox?"

Gates answered, "Santa Fe, New Mexico."

Beckett asked, "How would you like us to go about this, Sir?"

"Well, Detective, given the way the rest of the witnesses turn tail and run or end up dead when we question them, I'd say it may not be wise to contact her. However, these might help." She pulled out phone records. "There's only one phone number with a New York area code. I've already got a trace on it. As soon as he turns it on, we'll have his location. We should have his call history shortly."

Castle jumped in, "Do we have verification that Senator Thomas West is the same one from JAG?"

Gates smiled, "We do, Mr. Castle. The Appropriations Committee is meeting this week, so he is in DC, where I happen to have connections. We'll know if he leaves, but I don't want anyone pulling anything on him yet – no financials or phone records. We don't want to tip him off until we have more to go on than a military appointment from thirty years back."

Beckett shifted and looking straight ahead offered, "What if there's a another way?"

"Excuse me, Detective Beckett?"

"Well, Agent Sutton told us that Maddox is after me. What if we lure him out of hiding?" She felt disapproving stares from behind.

"No."

"Castle –"

"No, Kate, you promised you'd come home tonight. You _promised_."

"I'm not breaking that promise, I'm ending this by giving us the upper hand."

He walked closer to her, stood to his full height and spoke in a hushed but defiant tone, "Parading out there with a target on your back will be a lot more intense than darting to the car or walking by a window."

"I don't need an out, Rick, not this time." She turned towards Gates, "I can do this, Sir."

The Captain sat back in her chair with her arms crossed and eyebrows raised, "Well, I'm certainly not in the business of getting involved in marital disputes, but Mr. Castle, I would like to hear what exactly your wife is suggesting before we shoot down her idea."

Castle huffed and walked to the back of the office and leaned against a wall. He wanted to walk out, but he wouldn't do that to her. She had been compliant with every limitation Gates had given her thus far and had resisted the urge to go after Markway alone. She'd been honest with him about her fears and frustrations so even though he whole-heartedly opposed whatever she was going to suggest, he had to hear her out, he just didn't have to like it.

Beckett, feeling empowered, leaned forward with her hands on Gate's desk. "If we are going after Maddox, I think we could kill two birds with one stone. What if we find out where Markway is, then lure Maddox there? That way, if Maddox does try something Markway will react as well. We can arrest Maddox if he so much as points a weapon at me, then get Markway for obstruction of justice if he tries to intervene. If he doesn't, Castle can convince him to come back to the precinct as a witness when we arrest Maddox and he'll be here when the DNA test comes back."

Gates smirked, "You have a lot of faith in your husband's power of persuasion despite plotting this against his wishes."

Beckett smirked, "I've become more immune to his charms over time."

Epso commented, "It took you four years to date the guy, I would call that an aversion, not an immunity."

Castle, clearly aggravated and no longer in the mood for levity snapped, "Hey, can we get back to the point, please?"

Gates addressed him, "Well, Mr. Castle, given your relationship with Judge Markway, do you think that you could persuade him to come here if we apprehend Maddox?"

"Hypothetically yes, because this had better be a hypothetical scenario."

Gates considered Beckett as she asked, "Detective Esposito, you were special forces, do you feel confident you could determine where he would be hiding if we put this plan into action?"

"Yes, Sir. We had a sniper case a few years back and we tracked him."

"Only after several people died."

"Objection noted, Mr. Castle."

Kate defended Esposito, "Sir, that case had random victims, we know who Maddox is after. I'll wear a vest, and we'll have eyes all over."

Ryan, despite feeling the pressure of pitting Mom against Dad, added, "Beckett, I know you have faith in us, but . . . I'm not so sure. What if we can't pull this off? I'm with Castle on this. I want this guy but it's not worth your life. We can't go through that again, Kate."

She turned full around and looked at each of them, ignoring Gates for the moment.

"Espo?"

"I'm in, Beckett. I've got your back."

She turned back towards Ryan, "Kevin, this isn't the same. We'll have the upper hand."

He replied to Gates, "I'll do what I am ordered, but my vote is still no, for what it's worth."

She met Rick's eyes. Through his heated expression he said in a low tone, "Do not ask me, Kate."

She touched his arm and spoke softer, "Rick, we do this and I never have to look over my shoulder again, or wonder if a bullet will fly through the loft and kill you by accident. This might be our only chance to be on the offensive. That, to me is worth the risk."

She had to use that tone. What she said made sense, but Ryan was right as well. He'd never agree to do anything to put her in harm's way, but they were already at risk as long as West was still pulling the strings.

"We'll be right back." Rick took her hand and led her out the door. Leaving the other three very thankful that they didn't have to witness more tension between the two.

Rick led her into a conference room and drew the blinds. He shut the door and leaned against it. She reached for both his hands and waited for him to gather his thoughts.

"You said before that you couldn't watch me lose you again."

She skirted her fingers up his forearms. She leaned in to kiss him but he turned away.

She looked at him from under her lashes, all defiance gone. "Rick, this is the only way I can see us winning. We can't pull this off without some risk. If we don't find Maddox now, he'll be in the wind again." She leaned her body against his and kissed his chin and he allowed it. "I can't watch you lose me again, but as long as Maddox and West are out there, that possibility will always haunt us. I want to be free of this, I want _us_ to be free of this."

His voice cracked, "Can't we find another way?"

"Rick, you're the one with the big ideas, and I know if there were another option, you would have found it." She was right, and he hated it.

She peppered his chin and cheek with kisses, trying to ease the blow. She wore him down and he finally relented, resting his hands on her lower back. "How long do you think they'd buy us 'arguing'?"

She bit her lip and smiled, "I don't know, Castle, we can both be pretty stubborn."

* * *

><p>Sutton had gone for a walk to get a coffee and regroup. He had pushed Richard and he had no idea how his son would react. He should have been content that Richard was starting to seem okay with having him around in any capacity, instead he had to impose by projecting his sentiments onto Markway. It had been selfish of him to explain how the years of knowing and loving his son from a distance had tortured him. Sutton had sworn to himself that he would not engage in anything that could be interpreted as emotional manipulation, but at the same time he couldn't let Richard think that his assumptions of Markway were universal for all absent fathers. Sure, there were plenty who callously neglected their kids, but he had honestly thought that he had been acting in Richard and Martha's best interests.<p>

When Smith had been murdered, Daniel Sutton had no choice but to break his vow of isolation. He had meant it to be one conversation; that was all. Then little by little over the past three days he somehow wormed his way from outside informant to peripheral team member; even being entrusted with the precious task of protecting not only Martha, but also his granddaughter. On Sunday he wouldn't let himself even hope that his meeting with Richard would be more than a one-off, now he couldn't imagine stiffly shaking hands and parting ways. Sutton spent his whole life avoiding attachments; knowing they could only lead to pain, but that was before he had the taste of a relationship with Richard. Now he didn't want to let it go.

Sutton crushed his coffee cup and pitched it in the bin next to his bench. It was time to face his son and assess the damage he had done.

* * *

><p>Daniel Sutton saw Ryan and Esposito in Gate's office and knocked. Esposito, not giving anything away, let him in. Sutton cleared his throat and asked, "Where are we?"<p>

Gates responded, "Well, Agent Sutton, we're discussing a plan, and if we go ahead with it I would like you to be involved with the operation."

Sutton nodded, "Of course . . . if everyone is okay with that arrangement."

Gates replied, "Well, I think once you hear the plan you'll agree that we need every person we can trust." She added pointedly, "I'm sure _everyone_ will support my decision to include you."

Gates explained the situation and Sutton listened, trying to school his expression. He was determined to be in a supporting role and not undermine Gate's leadership, but at the same time he couldn't see Richard being okay with this, even if tactically it would give them the advantage.

"You said you're not decided?" He had asked Gates, but he looked from Esposito to Ryan, who had his arms crossed and was clearly irritated.

"Well, let's just say that if this _were_ a democracy we would be split. However, this is _my_ precinct and I will decide but not until I have everyone's input and, as you can see we're short a few key players."

"Ahh." Trying to stay neutral he asked, "Where is Markway today? If he's not in the area it will be a moot point, at least for now."

Esposito answered, "Wabash hotel, some conference. It wouldn't hurt to just look at the schematics and see what we have to work with while we wait for Beckett to wear Castle down." Ryan glared at him. "Come on, Ryan. She needs to end this. You've gotta see that."

"No. Not like this-"

"Detectives." Gates lifted her hand to cut off the argument that obviously had reached a stalemate. "Need I remind you that _I _am the one making the decision? Both your positions have been noted. Detective Ryan, looking at the schematics would give us more information to work with to come to that decision, so please, _both of you_, go and get those for me."

"Yes, Sir," They said in unison and walked out.

Gates looked at Sutton and indicated a chair, "Daniel, have a seat." He did. "So, you've led your share of covert tactical assaults, what are your thoughts?"

He tapped his thumb against his leg and shifted position. "My thoughts as an Agent? Or my personal opinion?"

"So, they aren't the same." He took a moment before answering. He'd always respected Victoria Gates. They had met at a few conferences and overlapped on a key case years back. It had involved a NYPD cop who served as an informant for a Romanian spy. Gates was by the book, dependable. Others viewed her as cold but he found her to be an unbiased voice of reason. She had been invaluable in breaking his case and by the end of it they had shaken hands and had left on a first name basis.

"Victoria, I've only known Richard for a few days, but I'm not going to give any advice that would pit my professional counsel against his wishes, and I know he's not thrilled about putting his wife on display for a sniper."

"So as a parent you are against this."

"I'm not a parent; I'm at a loss as to define what I am at the moment. I'm just making the point that I shouldn't have a say. I'm here in a support capacity only, and only as long as I'm wanted."

"Understood."

* * *

><p>Esposito would not let it go. "Last time we were unprepared, now we have the upper hand. You need to step up and think like a cop."<p>

Ryan, having heard enough turned quickly to Esposito and shoved him up against the wall. Surprised at the violent response, Esposito shoved back. Ryan's eyes were glossy and his voice broke. "So you want him to pick her off while we're watching - again!" He shoved harder, "Huh? And what about Castle? You think he could survive that twice?"

The conference door swung open and Castle and Beckett flew towards the men, getting between them. Kate pulled Ryan away and Castle put up an arm to fend off any attempt at Esposito to take a swing. Kate, still with an arm across Ryan commanded, "Walk away, Esposito!" He shrugged Castle off and with a lingering scowl left to cool down.

Kate faced Ryan, gripped both his shoulders and demanded, "How is this helping?" He wouldn't look at her. Just then Gates' door opened. Kate, keeping her eyes trained on Ryan said firmly, "I got this, Sir."

She replied, "See that you do." Then closed her door.

"Ryan, look at me." He eventually did after huffing a few breaths. "I appreciate you standing your ground, but if this is going to happen, we need you. I need you to have my back."

He looked to Castle, "You're serious." It was more a statement of disbelief. "Are you out of your mind?" Ryan stepped back and away from Kate's grasp.

Castle calmly took charge, "Kate, check on Esposito." He then motioned Ryan towards the conference room, sat on the table then said, "Kevin, I hate this. But the truth is, right now she's his prisoner. She can't walk outside to even get a coffee without the fear that she'll get hit. If he gets away, she'll be jumping at shadows maybe for years until we can find another option and that's only if she survives that long, which we both know that odds are she wouldn't."

Ryan paced while digesting what Castle had said. "So you're going to go along with this?"

He shrugged, "I don't want to, but I can't think of another way to get to Maddox before he's back in the wind. If Gates gives this a green light, I have to be there to make sure she comes home tonight. If we're still arguing during the mission she'll be distracted so we have to stay focused."

Castle gripped the back of his neck, swung his gaze towards Ryan and confessed, "I've learned my limitations when it comes to Kate. She's going to do this no matter what I say. I know you don't approve, and for what it's worth, thank you for standing up to her and wanting to protect her."

"What if –"

"No, Kevin. My imagination is good enough without discussing worst case scenarios. I can't consider any other outcome than this ending well or I won't make it through."

* * *

><p>Kate found Esposito, predictably in the gym, punching a bag violently. He saw her out of the corner of his eye. All he said was, "Not yet, Beckett."<p>

"Kay." She held the bag for a full ten minutes until his blood pressure came down.

"Better?"

"Yeah."

"Ready to play nice?"

He shook his head, "He was out of line."

"Only because he's scared."

"What does he think I'm trying to do, get you killed? We have to take the offensive."

"I know, and he knows you wouldn't throw me to the wolves. I'm just saying you need to give him space."

"You talk Castle into it?"

"He doesn't like it, but I can't blame him. It's my idea and I'm terrified."

Her confession took the fight right out of him. Esposito wiped sweat from his brow, licked his lips then phrased his words with care, "Beckett, Are you sure you'll be able to pull this off? I mean, this scenario has just about every trigger that pushes your buttons."

She appreciated that he spoke around the terms 'panic' and 'PTSD'.

"I feel oddly calm at the moment. Maybe knowing this is going to stop the anxiety will keep me grounded."

"Maybe?"

"You know how it is, Javi, I can't control it but I have to do this."

"What do you need from me?"

"Kiss and make up with Ryan."

"Anything aside from that?" She gave him a stern look. "Fine."

* * *

><p>When Kate escorted Esposito back to the conference room, Ryan seemed calmer, or at least resigned. Kate shut the door behind them.<p>

"We're a team, we work as a team. We don't need any more spats. Am I clear? Esposito?"

"Clear."

"Ryan?"

"Crystal."

Kate continued, "Do we need a group hug, or can we skip to the part where we walk into Gate's office and discuss this like adults?"

Castle could have used the group hug, but the rest seemed to think the question was rhetorical.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**

**Wednesday May 8, 2013**

Sutton and Gates, knowing the others were distracted, had pulled up the schematics and studied them. It was a newer hotel just outside the city with a larger atrium that led to an internal courtyard with a glass ceiling. There was a pool in the middle and a restaurant to one side. There were eight stories and each room either had a balcony overlooking the pool or a window to the outside. That would be a challenge since Maddox could pick any number of rooms to use as a base. A hallway on the opposite side of the pool led to the conference area so those who attended were reminded that they had the convenience of eating at the overpriced restaurant as they walked past.

Gates and Sutton went over the plan without much side discussions, and they agreed that Esposito and Ryan would head over directly and do recon with a few other hand-picked detectives. Castle and Beckett would join the conference to observe Markway and give Maddox time to follow them. They would make their way through the courtyard and Esposito and Ryan would have eyes on Maddox and get to him before he had time to take a shot. SWAT would be waiting but hidden as not to spook him. Sutton was going to play the role of the driver for the private car service, then place himself at a secluded table at the restaurant. It was far from foolproof, but it was the best they had.

By the time Ryan and Esposito left, things between them had normalized for the sake of the mission.

Beckett, Castle and Sutton needed to gear up. Rather than grabbing the external vests they opted for ones that could be worn under their clothes as not to tip off Markway or the sniper. If Maddox did get by undetected and saw the vests he would be more likely to take a headshot rather than aiming for center mass.

Kate sat alone staring at the white vest which seemed too pure to cover her scarred body. She closed her eyes and remembered feeling the thud of Maddox' slug hitting her and the reverberations through her body that preceded the pain. She removed her shirt and examined her scar. She hadn't had a vest then. They hadn't been prepared.

She picked up the vest and stared as though willing it to stay unblemished.

She knew they had detectives dressed as hotel employees scouring the building and a SWAT team at the ready. Despite Rick and Ryan's objections, these conditions were their base case scenario.

The door opened and Lanie slipped in.

Kate, still fingering the vest, mustered a smile for her friend. "Hey, Lanie."

Her friend leaned against the lockers and folded her arms. "Tempting fate, are we?"

Kate shook her head, "Taking control of it."

"Is that what we're calling suicide these days? Because from where I'm standing it looks like you're holding a vest that's not going to do more than slow down a sniper's bullet."

"If he uses the same ammo at a distance we should be fine, just sore. Anyway, it won't get that close. The boys have our backs. This is only a precaution. For all we know he might not even show."

Lanie's eyes started to water.

Kate ran a hand through her hair and deflated, "Not you too. I've already had to talk Castle and Ryan down, I don't think I have it in me to give another pep talk."

"I want to be there."

"No."

"Kate, I need to be there. If something happens –"

"No. I'm not going to have one more person hovering over me. Nothing will happen. Anyway, paramedics are always on standby when SWAT is involved. It's not like before. We'll go there, arrest Maddox and be back before you know it."

"Can't the guys take care of this? Can't they find someone to pose as you?"

Lanie was looking determined but Kate persisted. "Maddox is after _me _and in case you haven't noticed I don't have a clone on the force. He has high level scopes so we couldn't fool him with an imposter. We have to act now and there is no other option. Lanie, this is the op. Gates approved it."

Lanie took the vest out of Kate's unsteady hands, lifted it over her head then fastened the Velcro to secure it. She then took Kate's shirt and held out the arms.

Kate let her friend dress her. She wondered how many shirts the ME had handled in the same careful manner for her patients before starting autopsies. With that thought she felt her heart thump faster. Kate tried to focus on what her life would be like after the nightmare; on coming home with her husband that night and on the satisfaction that would come with telling her Dad it was over.

She was hours away from freedom.

That thought calmed her, empowered her to overcome the anxiety. She stood, gave her friend a hug then said as optimistically as she could, "Thanks, Lanie. We will be back before you know it."

Lanie, trying to keep her own emotions in check, simply said, "You better, Girl."

* * *

><p>Castle and Sutton took their vests and went into the empty locker room to get dressed. The first few minutes they silently worked on getting their vests situated and their shirts buttoned.<p>

Eventually Castle broke the silence. "Thank you for doing this."

"Please stop thanking me. If anything you should be angry with me."

Rick tied his shoe and said, "Life's too short for that."

Sutton looked at his son and absently wondered how old he was when he learned to tie his shoelaces. He chanced a more personal question, "You okay?"

Castle huffed sardonically "Yeah. Just getting ready to use my wife as bait for a sniper."

Sutton shook his head, "Sorry."

"No, I know what you meant." Castle rested both elbows on his knees then blew out a long breath then stated, "You know that she was shot before."

"Yeah, I followed the news stories, and even if I hadn't it was clear today by everyone's reaction."

"Well, they didn't tell the whole story on the news." Castle didn't feel like he could handle rehashing everything so he just left it by saying, "It's taken a lot longer than a three month medical leave for her to recover. For the sake of the mission, you probably should know that she's had some . . . flashbacks and there's no way to be certain that one won't happen today." His hands shook slightly as his own anxiety started to mount.

Sutton sat next to him, elbows on his knees as well and said, "Well, we'll just have to make sure everything goes as planned."

Castle found himself oddly comforted that Sutton was sitting with him, listening. He glanced at him. "For what it's worth, I'm glad you're here." Sutton was smiling. The man could actually smile. Rick continued, "When this is over . . . I mean, if you're not comfortable with sticking around I understand, but . . . if you want to talk again . . . "

He bumped Castle's knee with his own, "I'd like that, Richard." Castle had wished Sutton had called him 'son,' a term that just three days ago seemed contrived, but now would be affirming given what they were facing.

Sutton looked slyly at Richard and as if reading his mind said, "Now, let's go catch a sniper, Son."

He was rewarded with a bump from Richard's knee, "Sounds good . . ." He couldn't say 'Father' or 'Dad.' He definitely wasn't there yet, but it seemed like calling him 'Sutton' would be a slight after he used the term 'son,'

Sutton came to his rescue, "How about 'Daniel'?"

Rick laughed at how transparent his thoughts were. "Sounds good, Daniel."

* * *

><p>Sutton drove while Castle and Beckett sat in the back seat. Rick had his arm slung around her shoulders, subconsciously holding her away from the window. He kept looking at her with such a worried expression that she finally scooted away from him and huffed, "Rick, you cannot look at me like it's the last time you'll see me then expect me to go in there and act normally."<p>

"Sorry." His resigned tone made her feel guilty for snapping.

"It will be okay." She said it boldly, as though it was an irrefutable fact.

Sutton tried not to intrude, but it was an awkward position for him to be alone in a car with his son & daughter-in-law when they were going into such a risky operation.

Kate remembered that Castle had calmed her when she was panicking in the CIA car by making small talk so she looked at their driver and asked, "So, Sutton, we have some time, is it okay if I ask you some questions?"

Happy to have something to break the ice he answered, "Sure, anything."

"What's your middle name?"

"Alexander." He peered over his shoulder at Rick, "It's a coincidence, I'm sure Martha had no idea."

"Where are you from?"

"Originally, Pittsburg, but we moved several times. My parents retired in Richmond, Virginia, that's where I went to high school."

Kate kept up the line of conversation trying not to ask anything too intrusive, but after a while Rick seemed to calm and even joined in asking a few things that came to mind. As they neared the hotel he was feeling a sudden urgency to hear more personal answers. He finally asked, "When you were in The Hamptons . . . did you have time to talk to the others?"

Sutton knew what he was asking, but he answered generally, "Yeah, briefly. Just long enough to know that Jim Beckett is an upstanding man, O'Riley is respectful and very protective of your daughter, and Alexis . . . she's a lovely girl." He chanced a glance in the rear view mirror. "I saw Martha, too." He had a sly smile on his face that was enough of an answer.

Rick suppressed a smirk, imagining his mother's response to such a dramatic rescue by a long-lost love. Before he had too much time to dwell on that thought they had reached the hotel. Sutton pulled under the awning. He turned around and said, "See you on the other side."

Rick clapped the back of his shoulder, and then Sutton stepped out of the car, giving his son and his wife some privacy.

Kate looked at her husband and for the first time during the ride she showed a hint of insecurity. Rick cupped her chin and kissed her. He leant his forehead against hers and mustering all the shreds of hope he could, he smiled confidently and asked, "Ready, Detective Beckett?"

She was so thankful for his support, for his ability to see silver linings and speak optimism into a stressful situation. She rubbed the side of her nose against his and breathed the response, "Let's finish this so I can be Mrs. Castle instead." The side of his mouth quirked up as she kissed him one last time before they faced the unknown.


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 59**

**Wednesday, May 8, 2013**

Daniel Sutton opened the car door for Castle and Beckett. They nodded a polite thanks to their 'driver' then wandered through the lobby, subtly surveying their surroundings. Rick approached the desk and asked where the conference rooms were, taking his time to make their presence known. He rejoined Kate and they casually walked through the atrium. Just before they entered the courtyard Kate's steps stuttered and she balked. Rick grabbed her hand and pulled her through the nearest door, which happened to be to an empty women's bathroom.

"Kate, we don't have to do this."

She closed her eyes and took slow breaths to steady herself. "No, we do. It's just one thing to see the plans of the building . . . being here is more intense. I'll be fine in a minute." She tried to set her jaw convincingly. He wasn't buying it, but before he could talk her out of it she had straightened and pulled him back out of the bathroom.

She kept hold of his hand, squeezing it as they walked through the open courtyard. It wasn't likely that Maddox would be in the building yet, but still knowing that he might be coming had her heart racing. They walked by the pool and restaurant at a quickened pace then entered the cover of the hallway, she let Rick's hand go and wiped her sweaty palm on her trousers.

He kept a furtive eye on her but didn't ask how she was faring. He knew she needed to be in full-on cop mode, and he had to let her lead. She didn't retake his hand, she just spared a quick glance to communicate that she had recovered as they slowed their pace and wandered down the hall. He couldn't help placing his hand on the small of her back, and she allowed it.

They came to the largest room where the board outside read, ETHICS IN CRIMINAL JUSTICE SEMINAR. Rick let out an abrupt laugh.

"Sorry, the irony is overwhelming."

Kate smiled at him, "Oh, yeah. Let's show him some irony."

She opened the door and they took two empty seats in the back row. The speaker was talking about fiduciary responsibility and giving case studies. They spotted Markway, who was dutifully trying not to look as bored as everyone else. After thirty minutes the speaker announced a ten-minute break. Markway stood and halted abruptly when he saw Castle and Beckett. A flicker of panic flashed across his face before he recovered with a smile and handshake.

"Detective, Castle, I'm surprised to see you this far from the twelfth." He looked around the room for emphasis and asked, "What brings you to an exciting legal continuing professional education course?"

Rick gave him what Kate referred to as his celebrity smile, inauthentic but effective. "Research for the next Nikki Heat book. Believe me, I've been to worse for the sake of authenticity. Compared to a fraud seminar with a bunch of accountants this looks like a college frat party."

Markway laughed politely.

Rick continued, "You know, we were planning on getting a coffee out on the atrium, would you care to join us?"

Markway, not able to think of any excuse to do otherwise replied, "Of course. You can pick my brain if you'd like specific answers."

Rick smiled at Kate. Oh yeah, they'd like specific answers.

The three ambled down the hallway and before they stepped into the courtyard he saw Kate's eyes shut tightly, but just for a second. They had discussed using earpieces so they could stay informed of the situation, but they had decided against it so Markway wouldn't be tipped off that this was a mission. As a result they were going into this blind and deaf. They had no idea if the sniper had appeared or it he would even show.

It wasn't long before they found out.

The three started walking by the pool towards the restaurant when everything happened at once.

Shots were fired. The sound reverberated as Rick pushed Kate towards the restaurant and she landed under a table. A split-second later Sutton tackled Rick, blocking him while both their bodies fell into the deep end of the pool. More shots were fired. Everything was a blur but Kate, focused only on her husband, ran for the pool and without a second thought, dove into the water.

It was quiet, almost peaceful compared to the din she had left above the surface. For a split second she flashed back to cold dark water and a feeling of helplessness that came with it. But this water was warm. She could move freely. Kate opened her eyes to find light filtering through. She was okay. She could do this. She saw the dark blur that was her husband and Sutton but the water between them was a crimson cloud. There was blood, a lot of blood. She surfaced to the din of movement, but the gunshots had ceased. Rick and Sutton were still under. She drew breath, dove to the bottom of the pool beneath them, planted her feet and pressed Rick's back, pushing him to the surface.

Rick, wide-eyed with panic, gasped but wasn't moving towards the edge. He had a tight grip on Sutton, who was limp and surrounded by a morbid crimson haze. Rick held his father's head above water and his body tight against his own.

Kate ordered, "Rick, get him to the edge!"

That brought him back to reality and he started kicking as Kate helped him with his unconscious father. Blood was flowing freely, staining them with fear.

The gunshots had stopped. SWAT team members were swarming the hotel and Ryan met them at the edge of the pool.

"Castle! Here!" Kate realized that the blood was pouring from wounds on either side of Sutton's leg, right above his knee. She tried to block the flow by holding the leg tightly against her with the hand that plugged the opposite side while she and Rick maneuvered him towards the edge. Ryan twined his arms around Sutton's torso, pulled him from the water and laid him a few feet from the pool. He made sure Sutton was breathing then quickly pulled Castle out while Kate swam to the ladder.

Castle knelt over his father's body. There was so much blood. Time distorted and sound no longer registered. It all felt horribly surreal. Rick held his hands over the gaping holes and imagined that his father's blood which was coating his own skin was also seeping into his veins.

As his senses sharpened, Rick felt an overwhelming urge to embrace his father and hit him at the same time. Tears were flowing and he frantically cried, "Daniel, you CANNOT do this to me!" He shoved his hands harshly on the wounded leg trying to pain him into consciousness. "You CANNOT do this!" Three paramedics peeled Rick away and started working fervently. Kate pulled her husband into an embrace and he was too distressed to fight her, but he wouldn't turn away from his father.

Their clothes were drenched in patches of blood, varying from thick to diluted. They sat a few feet from Sutton and watched helplessly as he remained slack. Kate squeezed Rick tighter then his breath started to hitch. Meeting Sutton and losing him so soon . . . it was too much for him to bear.

"Rick . . . " His body grew rigid. He turned to her, his own face ashen and he moaned. This was more than shock. "Rick!"

He looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. He touched her hair and uttered, "Kate . . . you went under . . . " He blinked slowly then he crumpled against her.

"I need a medic!"

Kate carefully laid Rick on the ground then ripped his shirt open, popping the buttons. There were two holes in his vest. Kate and the paramedic unfastened the Velcro and lifted the front of the vest and saw the inside was coated with blood. The vest had slowed the bullets, but not enough. Maddox must have upped his game to reinforced armor piercing slugs. Kate held her hands over the wounds while the paramedic motioned for assistance. Soon another paramedic joined them and it was Kate who was being pushed to the side.

She slid behind his head and framed her husband's face with her hands, willing him to wake. "Come on, Rick . . . I can't . . . You have to. . ."

"Detective, you need to back away."

Esposito reached around Kate as she had done with Rick just a moments before. He scooted them away from Castle and restrained her. "He'll be okay, Kate. Let them work. He'll be okay."

Fueled with adrenalin, she fought him. Esposito hadn't expected such strong resistance so he tightened his hold and secured her against him.

He ordered gently, "Beckett."

She finally faltered and gripped his shirt.

"It was supposed to be me, Javi! It wasn't supposed to be him, or Sutton. It was supposed to be me!"

Esposito said sternly, "No, Beckett! It wasn't supposed to be anyone. Not you, not them."

Kate started shaking in his arms and chanting towards her husband, "I'm sorry, Rick . . . I'm so sorry . . ."

As they loaded Castle and Sutton, Ryan, holding a towel, approached his friends. He took in Kate's clothes then squatted next to her. He gently placed a hand on her shoulder and asked, "Beckett, You okay?"

She gave him an empty stare.

Ryan brushed his thumb on her shoulder and clarified, "Sorry. I mean, are you hurt, Kate?"

She shook her head, but both men worried that she might be in shock. They gently moved her to standing and checked her clothes for bullet holes.

Satisfied, Ryan wrapped the towel around her and led her to their cruiser. He drove behind the ambulance with the gumball lit while Esposito sat in the back with a shaking Kate. Javi kept a steady hand on her and both men spoke very evenly. She was silent and nearly unresponsive. They got to the hospital and watched helplessly as the paramedics rushed Sutton past followed closely by Castle.

Kate tried to approach but she was kept away as they whisked her husband behind closed doors. She leaned against the wall and slid down, pulling her knees to her chest, crossing her arms atop them and burying her head, shutting out the rest of the world.

Ryan and Espo exchanged knowing looks at the familiar scene. Esposito took out his cell phone and stepped away to call Lanie. Ryan slumped next to Beckett and put an arm around her as they began the agonizing wait.


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

**Wednesday, May 8, 2013**

Lanie rushed through the hospital doors and Esposito rose to meet her. She only paused long enough to peck his cheek then she brushed by him and squatted on the floor next to Kate. Ryan still had an arm around her and she still had her head buried in her arms, unresponsive. He squeezed her shoulder then let Lanie take over.

Ryan walked away without a glance at Esposito. Now that the dust was settling Ryan started to simmer with an 'I told you so'. He knew it had been a tactical operation that Gates authorized but he still felt the indignation of one whose sage advice went unheeded. He had fought to prevent tragedy and now his friend and his friend's father were injured and may die. Beckett and Esposito . . . no, he couldn't blame Beckett even in his mind while she was so distraught, but Esposito should have had his priorities straight.

Lanie tried to comfort her friend but Kate remained unreadable and distant.

"I brought your spare clothes, do you want me to help you change?"

When she didn't answer, Lanie started to nudge Kate into action but she remained stationary. "I can't yet . . . I can't until I know . . ." What she couldn't say was 'until I know if his blood on my sleeves will be the last part of him I'll ever have.'

Lanie answered softly, "Okay, okay. Whatever you need, I'm here." She kissed the side of her friend's hair.

Esposito returned and set one cup down next to Kate, gave Lanie a Diet Coke and motioned for her to give him a minute with Beckett. She left to see if she could get any information.

Esposito sat facing forward and drank his coffee. He didn't touch Kate or talk to her. He just waited her out. Finally she propped her chin on her folded arms and said, "He was against it. I _talked_ Castle into this. I wanted Maddox so badly that I was willing to risk myself getting hit again, but seeing him . . . there is nothing that will come from this that would make his sacrifice worth it, even if he lives."

Esposito kept looking straight ahead and nodded. He had worked through survivor's guilt a time or two and knew at this stage she needed to get it out. More importantly over time she'd need to hear in different ways that it wasn't her fault.

"Beckett, as we speak, Maddox, Markway, West . . . they're all being called into account. You're just one of who knows how many people who've they've hurt, but they won't have a chance to hurt anyone ever again." He glanced at her then continued, "Castle was against risking _your_ life, but believe me, Kate, he would rather be the one in there fighting than the one out here waiting." After a pause he continued. "You can bet he's not going to let you go that easily." He lightly added, "I'm not worried, Beckett. You know how persistent Castle is. He always comes back. This won't be any different."

The side of her mouth twitched then Kate picked up her coffee and took a sip.

Ryan returned, still coursing with a bit of resentment, but when he saw Esposito sitting casually on the floor next to Beckett, talking her down when no one else could penetrate the Beckett psyche, his resolve softened. Esposito caught his eye and seemed to be able to read Ryan's thoughts. Espo tipped a chin at him which said, 'Yeah, Bro, you called it.' Ryan shrugged an 'it doesn't matter now. We're okay.' He settled on the other side of Beckett and the three sat against the wall in tense but companionable silence.

Lanie returned with no news except that both men were still in surgery. Her only success during their wait was getting the three detectives to sit in proper chairs. The guys felt the urge to get to the precinct to start bashing heads, but although Lanie was a strong woman, they wouldn't leave her as Kate's sole support if the worst happened. They had to be there to have her back if the worst should happen. The fact that she had only urged them once to get back to work spoke volumes of how insecure she felt, so they made the unspoken decision to stay at least until reinforcements arrived.

* * *

><p>A few hours later Jim, Martha, Alexis and Patrick arrived by helicopter. Jim rushed to Kate and took his little girl in his arms. It was a bittersweet moment. His daughter had finally found closure for herself, for him, for his late wife, yet possibly at the risk of her own husband's life. In the end all he could say was, "Oh, Katie . . ." while he swayed back and forth and a wave of fresh tears fell on his shoulder.<p>

After a while a teary Martha gently interrupted, "I'm sorry, Darling, but we have to know . . . has there been any news of either of them?"

Kate stepped back from her dad and wiped at her eyes. "Not much. Both are in surgery. Sutton was unconscious at the scene." She looked down and for the first time realized what the others were seeing. Her clothes had dried and were stiffened with copper bloodstains, illustrating the horrific story. "He was shot in the leg and lost a lot of blood." She looked down again. "Rick . . ." she blinked several times, "he was shot twice in the chest. The rounds penetrated the vest. I'm not sure what the damage is yet."

Kate's gaze focused on Alexis who was sobbing quietly into O'Riley's chest. Martha touched Kate gently, as if approaching a caged animal. "Are you injured, Kate?"

She shook her head absently and pulled at her shirt again. "It's not mine . . . not my blood." She had the piercing thought that their blood was on her in a symbolic sense. She looked from Martha to Alexis, and started chanting, "I'm so sorry, I'm so, so, sorry . . ." Her hands started to tremble and this time it was Martha who embraced her.

Through her own tears Martha assured her sternly. "I will tell you what I told Richard two years ago. This was not your fault. You were not the one to pull the trigger."

Kate, stiff in her mother-in-law's arms replied, "But I was the one –"

"No, Katherine, if you blame yourself for this that is as good as blaming Richard for your shooting." Kate relaxed her shoulders then clung to Martha. Alexis released Patrick and ran to hug Kate and her Gram as well.

Esposito watched the exchange, thankful that Martha reinforced that this wasn't on Kate. She would be in good hands while they focused on the case. He clapped Ryan's shoulder, telling him it was time to get back to the precinct, but Ryan shook his head and indicated towards his nephew who stood watching the scene.

Ryan approached Patrick and said, "You look like crap."

"I'm okay, Kev."

"Go get checked out."

"No, I need to stay with Alexis, at least until she hears about her dad."

Ryan scrutinized him, "How many aspirins?"

He cringed, "six . . . maybe seven."

"If you don't go now I'm calling your mom. No, better yet, I'll tell Alexis what you did at the Doyle's wedding."

"That's harsh, Kev, I was five!" Ryan gripped the back of Patrick's neck. Alexis saw them and hoped Ryan could talk some sense into her boyfriend.

Ryan glanced at her knowingly and said loudly, "Alexis, has Pat told you –"

"Fine." O'Riley turned red just imagining his embarrassment if his uncle had finished the story.

In truth, Ryan had remembered how frantic Alexis had been while they waited for hours for word after Kate had been shot. He knew it would be better for her to focus on Patrick than stare at the walls while waiting for news of her father. Ryan walked to the desk to get someone to tend to his nephew. O'Riley refused to leave the waiting room, so he had to endure everyone's sympathy as Lanie ordered him to sit and remove his shirt. He looked to Alexis to defend him, but she was standing firm, arms crossed and he knew he was defeated. He submitted to Alexis fussing over him as Lanie and an intake nurse asked him questions and examined his back, which was ominously inflamed in places. Alexis kept hold of his hand and it did distract her, but not completely.

While O'Riley was getting instructions on where to go for an X-ray, a doctor came out and walked directly to Kate. "Mrs. Castle?"

"Yes." Alexis came up beside her and took her hand. Martha stood just behind Kate's other side. The others held back.

"I wanted to let you know that your husband's in recovery. As you know he sustained two shots to the left side of his ribcage. Fortunately, the vest did absorb most of the impact, however, when it diffused the energy of the rounds, the pressure crushed the area under the vest, causing severe bruising and multiple fractures of his ribs radiating out from each site. The actual bullet wounds Mr. Castle had taken weren't deep enough to severely damage any major organs, but each impact penetrated muscle tissue and splintered bones. Some shards of bone caused small perforations in his lung. So we have removed all the shards, repaired the lung tissue then set the ribs that had been severed."

Kate exhaled, "So, he'll be okay?"

"He'll be in a lot of pain until the ribs heal, but, yes, he should make a full recovery."

Alexis hugged her side and Kate closed her eyes. "Thank you."

Before Kate could ask, Martha stepped forward. "Can you tell us the status of Daniel Sutton?"

He looked at them, "Are you his family as well?"

Martha, Alexis and Kate answered in unison, "Yes."

* * *

><p><strong>Thursday, May 9, 2013<strong>

Beep . . . Beep . . . Beep . . .

_Kate . . . _

Beep . . . Beep . . . Beep . . .

_Kate . . . Kate's hair . . . There was something about Kate's hair . . . _

Beep . . . Beep . . . Beep . . .

_Wet hair . . .Swimming . . . with Kate . . . _

Beep . . . Beep . . . Beep . . .

_NO . . . _

BEEP BEEP BEEP

He felt hands keeping him under . . . but he heard her frantic voice . . .

"Rick, open your eyes for me, Sweetheart."

He obeyed then flinched at the brightness. Kate was lightly touching his shoulders.

He mumbled, "You're hair was wet . . ."

"That's right, Rick."

He blinked again and looked at his wife with a dopey smile. "You called me 'Sweetheart.'"

She laughed nervously, "Yeah, Sweetheart, I did." She bent down and kissed his forehead.

He felt her hair. It was dry, but it had the stiff quality that came from overly chlorinated water. "You went under?"

She grinned, "Yeah, yeah I did." He smiled proudly at her then looked at her shirt. She was wearing her gym clothes because . . . because . . . there was blood. His blood? It wasn't his blood . . . but it was . . . sort of . . .

He lurched as the events of the day . . . or the last day he remembered . . . came crashing back into focus.

"No!" He tried to push himself to sitting, but his core muscles tensed and seized him with harsh stabbing pain all over his chest. His head fell back to the pillow, sweaty and pallid. He was in a world of hurt. He could only whisper, "Sutton?"

She sat on his bed, pressed kisses to his forehead, and fingered his hair. She answered, "ICU." He blinked slowly. His father was alive, that's all he could process. Kate hit the button to give him an extra dose of morphine and in a few moments he was asleep again.

* * *

><p>"Daddy?"<p>

Beep . . . Beep . . . Beep _. . . _

Rick smiled in his sleep and his mouth twitched.

_My Baby Bird . . ._

Beep . . . Beep . . . Beep . . .

"I think he's waking up. Daddy? Please wake up."

He obeyed and could see Alexis' baby blue eyes and her long lovely ginger hair.

"Pumpkin?"

"Yeah, Daddy." She leaned down and nuzzled his hand against her face. "I'm here."

He suddenly looked pensive, "Where's . . . the man?" They looked at each other hesitantly before he tried to clarify. "The man that's . . . yours?"

Alexis brightened, "Patrick? He's across the hall. They had to go in and remove more shrapnel. I think they have him on the same stuff as you. He keeps singing the first line from 'My Wild Irish Rose' over and over and he's proposed to me twice."

"Not yet . . . not yet . . . He has to watch you." Kate hadn't missed that even in his drugged haze Rick hadn't said 'no' in response to Patrick's impromptu proposals.

Alexis lovingly caressed his hand with both of hers, "Dad, we're all safe now. We're safe."

His brow wrinkled, "Not Kate . . ."

Kate squeezed his other hand and assured him, "Rick, I'm safe."

He looked at her as though seeing her for the first time. "Kate . . . your hair was wet . . ."

Kate came up and smoothed his hair back, "That's right, Rick."

His brow wrinkled and he looked around, "I'm so sorry . . . We're not home . . . "

She ran the back of her fingers over his cheek, avoiding his Oxygen line. "It's okay. We'll both be home again soon."

"Daniel?"

"He's in ICU."

He drifted off again.

* * *

><p><strong>Friday, May 10, 2013<strong>

Beep . . . Beep . . . Beep . . .

"Kate . . ."

"Yeah?" She sat next to him on the bed and stroked his face with her finger.

They had lowered his baseline pain medication and his face was pinched. "It hurts . . . hurts to breath." She leaned her forehead on his.

"I know, Rick, I know."

She went to reach for the switch for the extra dose of Morphine and he stopped her.

He rested his hand on the back of her arm and rubbed his thumb back and forth. "Not yet. I need to know . . . " He tipped his head to look at his bandaged chest.

"You have five fractured or shattered ribs on your left side from the impact of the two shots, and an incision from where they had to go in and patch you up."

He looked around the room, "How long?"

Kate twined her fingers with his. "It's Friday and you've been here since Wednesday. You'll probably be here for at least a week. The damage was pretty extensive and they won't discharge you until you're able to get up and around with a lower dose of pain meds and respiratory therapy is satisfied that you can take full breaths." He looked so defeated so Kate encouraged him, "Right now your job is just to relax and let your body start to heal."

He cleared his throat then winced from the small action.

He scrutinized his wife. "You alright?"

"Yeah, you played the role of hero to a T. I didn't get so much as a scratch."

"Good." He closed his eyes and licked his lips. "Not exactly what I meant, though."

"I know. I didn't freeze at the gunshots or even hesitate to dive underwater. I was just focused on you." She felt his face where she had elbowed him on their honeymoon. "Since you only have crushed ribs and not a black eye, I'd say that's progress."

Rick hooked his finger with hers and pulled her hand to her lips. "I'm really proud of you."

She shrugged, still self-conscience that it had been an issue at all. He kissed her fingers slowly a few more times then, feeling that he was losing energy got back on track.

"Maddox?"

"He had set himself up on the second floor in a corner room. There was tight surveillance but he was set up inside a room on the second floor. He shot through the glass so the door to the balcony never opened. He was closer to the pool than expected, which is why you're in so much pain despite wearing a vest. Once he started fired, Espo hit Maddox in the arm. Gates took him into custody herself."

"Markway?"

"Once Maddox started firing, Markway panicked. Gates interrogated Maddox and Javi was right; he has anger issues. He found out about his long-lost father at the precinct and wasn't as gracious as you were. He was seething when Markway tried to approach him and, I really don't know what Markway was going to do, apologize or introduce himself. Either way, even after Maddox spit in his face Markway cut a deal and ratted out West in order to spare his son from the death penalty. I guess Sutton was right. Markway did love his son deeply despite everything."

"West?"

This brought a full-on smile to her face. He lifted his hand to feel it.

"Not a problem anymore."

"Kate . . . he's in custody? Did we slay The Dragon?"

"Yes, Rick. Yes we did." She was beaming.

"Did you cuff him?"

Kate bit her lip then leant down and kissed his cheek then adjusted his tubing. "No. I had a choice of going down to DC to do the honors of escorting him here or staying with you."

He looked at her intensely, "Kate, you should have been the one . . . you deserved to have the collar . . . you've waited for so long."

She cut him off with a kiss to his lips. "No, Rick, if there's a choice between you and anything else, whether it's justice, closure, even my mom's memory . . . you win every time, Sweetheart. He's gone. He can't hurt us anymore. Ryan, Espo and Gates have this. I could have gone when they transferred him, but this is where I chose to be. This is where I _wanted_ to be."

Rick closed his eyes and relaxed, releasing the years of worries for her safety, for her sanity that had been wound tightly within him. He let out a whimper of relief and pain.

"It's really over?"

"It's really over."

He was almost afraid to ask his final question, "and my father?"

Kate sighed, "ICU, no change yet. I'm not sure what you remember, but he was hit in the thigh with a through-and-through that nicked his femoral artery, did a lot of damage to the soft tissue and broke his femur. He lost a lot of blood, Rick." He nodded but didn't open his eyes again. Kate turned down the lights and prayed that the next time her husband asked about his father she'd have better news to offer.


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 61**

**Friday Night, May 10, 2013**

Kate hadn't wanted to leave Rick but he had urged her to take a break in front of Lanie. Kate had little defense against their combined prodding and so she left, but only to take a shower and only when Ryan had come to relieve her. Sutton was still on shaky ground and she didn't want Rick to wake up and not have someone to assure him that his father was still alive.

Ryan had been reunited with Jenny and Kelly on Thursday night. He had spent all his spare moments since then just holding and kissing them. He had felt guilty that he had had that privilege while his friend was in pain and still might lose his father.

Jenny had sent gifts with Ryan. She had picked up a Superman helium balloon to inspire Rick and an arrangement of cheerful yellow flowers for Sutton. Ryan added the balloon to the flowers and baskets of various kinds that had amassed in Castles' room representing everyone from Natalie Rhodes to the coffee shop baristas.

The media had run with the story of the famous author saving his muse just weeks after their wedding and the public surged with sentimentality. The report mentioned that a CIA agent was injured and remained in critical condition, but Gates had been very specific that no information about their relationship should leak unless Castle was consulted first. As a result, Castle's room bloomed with well wishes, while Sutton's more modestly housed only the few meaningful arrangements from the CIA and his recently acquired family.

Ryan spent his visit staring at the man who was normally larger than life. It was hard to see Richard Castle just lying there without comment. The guy definitely had a long road ahead.

Esposito knocked lightly at the door then pulled a chair next to Ryan. He flicked his chin and asked quietly, "How's he doin'?"

"Supposedly better, but I don't know. It's painful just to watch him breath."

Ryan was staring at the shallow rise and fall of his friend's chest when he was startled by a raspy voice.

"Creepy."

Ryan looked at him confused, "What's that, Buddy?"

Castle's eyes were still closed as he explained, "Staring's creepy . . . unless it's Kate."

Ryan smiled at him, "Sorry, Bro, just glad to see you breathing is all."

Castle smiled weakly, "Glad to be breathing."

Castle flicked his eyes open but he kept them trained on the ceiling as he asked, "Sutton?"

Ryan had been told that he was here mainly to answer that question. Before he could open his mouth Esposito assured Castle, "He's still breathing too, Bro, just like you. He's still out but I was just there and he was moving around a bit, so that's good."

Rick nodded then looked sideways at the guys. "Kate?"

Ryan offered, "Grabbing a shower. Apparently there's some big-shot celebrity in the hospital that she's trying to impress."

Espo added, "Yeah, I hear Patterson's stopping by sometime so you might want to watch your back."

Rick hitched a smile that passed quickly before he leveled his eyes, "She okay?"

Esposito replied, "Yeah, considering . . . Worried about you of course. Lanie's been bringing her stuff to eat."

"Good." His brow furrowed again, "O'Riley?"

Ryan hesitated and rubbed his chin before he explained, "Well . . . I guess Alexis was moving back to the loft for the summer?" Castle nodded so Ryan continued, "Pat was going to help her move from campus this week before . . . well, everything. Given the circumstances, other people pitched in to move her stuff yesterday so she could be home to take care of her injured boyfriend. Sorry, Buddy, I hate to tell you but the truth is my nephew is slumming in your loft with your daughter. Worst part is their only chaperone is Martha."

To his surprise Castle nodded and answered solidly, "Good man . . . He's a good man."

Ryan, realizing that he'd missed a shift somewhere just added, "Yeah, he is. Out of my 14 nephews, you couldn't have picked a better one for Alexis. Actually, the other 13 _I _wouldn't let near Alexis, even the little ones are a bit off." Rick kept his eyes closed and hummed his appreciation for Ryan's looking out for his daughter.

He was thankful that Alexis was at home with Patrick. He didn't want his little girl to be glued to the side of his bed worrying. She had been by to visit for stretches, but even though he was drugged he noticed that his daughter's attention had been split. She needed to tend to her boyfriend after his surgery, but it was just as vital for O'Riley to be there for her emotionally. Also, Rick knew that having even a compromised cop in the house would make his daughter and mother feel safer. He found himself much more relieved than unnerved at the situation.

Castle looked again at the two men sitting next to him. He furrowed his brow, feeling as though there must be much more to say, but all he could manage was a "Thanks."

Esposito bristled and said, "I'm sorry, Bro. We should have nabbed him before he pulled that trigger."

Castle shook his head and said, "No . . . just . . . Thanks." He could have explained that he was just thankful that they had Kate's back. Castle didn't blame them for any of it; not his injuries or even nor his father's possibly fatal wounds. He valued Ryan and Esposito too much to entertain resentment or blame, neither of which he felt towards the men. In the end he just lifted his fingertips and let 'feeding the birds' suffice.

* * *

><p><strong>Saturday May 11, 2013<strong>

Castle heard humming and felt fingers scraping through his hair. It was very relaxing and made him want to keep his eyes closed and just feel. He registered the ever-present throbbing that lived in his chest, but the much more pleasant sensation masked the ache that the morphine couldn't touch.

"Hmmmm." Apparently he could control his eyes but not his guttural responses.

"That feel good, Babe?"

"Mmm-hmm"

He slit his eyes open and saw Kate, wearing jeans and a brown button down shirt. Her hair was fixed with the intent to impress and she was wearing make-up. She was an absolute vision. His eyes shot open as if to see her more deeply. He couldn't help but respond with slack-jawed admiration. He wasn't sure but he possibly could have been drooling.

"Staring, Mr. Castle," she teased.

"Can't help it . . . You really are . . . arresting." She didn't even try to temper her beaming smile. She had taken one look at herself in the mirror when she had gone home and decided what Rick really needed was to see his wife looking human again. Then she decided it would help her husband even more if she took it beyond human to distracting.

It was working. With her free hand she unhooked an extra button on her blouse for effect and flicked an eyebrow up just barely.

"I've heard that before. Some author tried to woo me by offering to turn me into a graphic novel heroine. The purple spandex was the deal breaker."

She was still scraping his hair and he was still staring. "Beautiful . . . Mrs. Castle . . . You're so beautiful . . . "

"You're not too bad yourself, Rick."

He squeezed his eyes shut. He knew he must look weak and frayed. He needed a shower but he thought through all the steps required to accomplish that simple task and knew he was destined for sponge baths for the near future. That was by far the most humiliating part of his hospital stay. There was so much he could do just days before without a second thought; walk effortlessly while holding her hand, carry her over their threshold, get up and down with ease to hold her feet as she did push-ups. Then there was Wednesday morning . . . they were going to finish what they had started. He groaned and she interpreted it as physical pain.

She picked up the morphine button and placed it in his palm. "You know, they give you this button for a reason. A baseline dose is in your IV, but you're allowed more if you need it. This will cut off at your maximum. You can't overmedicate."

He shook his head. "That's not it . . . Can't woo you if I can barely shuffle to the bathroom, and only with help."

She understood his frustration all too well. Her pride had kept her from accepting help when she had been in his position and she had suffered more from the isolation.

"Speaking from experience, I think shuffling to the bathroom is a vast improvement over laying like a slug." She leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Plus, with that slit in the back of your gown, I didn't mind that it took you a while." He rolled his eyes but grinned.

"Like what you saw, Detective?"

She shook her head, "You even have to ask?" He was almost smug, so she took it as a win. She rummaged through a bag and pulled out a few items of clothing.

"Your nurse said that now that you're shuffling you can wear pants so I brought you these so you won't be working that gown of yours in front of any other fan girls."

"Jealous?"

She squinted and corrected him, "Territorial."

He looked at the green argyle cloth in her hands. "You brought my lucky boxer briefs."

She nodded, "Seemed fitting." He reflected on that monumental day over a year ago when he had frantically pulled Kate to safety in the Hudson. He had felt the heavenly sensation of holding a shivering Kate in his arms that night, terrified that he might never have a taste of being that close to her again. After Lanie and the guys had arrived, Kate had helped him out of his sopping wet clothes and he was left standing, pale and shivering, in that pair of underwear before Kate had wrapped him in a blanket.

"The linchpin." She looked at him, wondering if it was the drugs speaking.

"Yeah, I remember, Rick. The little girl was the linchpin. We prevented World War Three."

He passionately urged, "No, _our_ linchpin. That night . . . drowning. I held you, Kate. You let me hold you. . . . Then you . . . you stayed with me." He furrowed his brow. "That night Sofia Turner took the picture of my screen . . . and then Daniel . . . Daniel found it on her phone a few days later. Without the linchpin, without this . . . " he placed his hand on the unlikely symbol of the case that indirectly gave him both his wife and his father. " . . . we're not married . . . I'm still . . . I mean, there's no Daniel . . . The Dragon's free . . . then maybe you're . . . you're gone."

The drugs had lowered his inhibitions and he couldn't stop the emotions. He felt almost frantic thinking about all the relationships that could have been lost. That realization collided with the fear that his father might still be lost to him. The tears just started flowing and he couldn't stop them. Kate leant over him and her tears mixed with his as she kissed them away.

* * *

><p>Rick had worn himself out with the exertion of feeling so much at once. When he woke in the afternoon he looked at her meekly. "Kate . . . sorry about before . . . I can't seem to help it."<p>

"Don't apologize, Rick, I remember what it's like." She took his hand. "I'll let you in on a secret. When I was on painkillers after my surgery, I sobbed uncontrollably, and not because I had broken things off with Josh. I was mourning that I pushed you away. It's okay to feel deeply. That's part of who we are. Part of why I love you." She smiled, but wary of getting the waterworks going again she added. "You bring out this really sappy side of me that I didn't even know existed." He knew that he had succeeded in making tough Detective Beckett feel like a princess more than once and it was a very satisfying feeling. "But, I think instead of worrying about who's the biggest girl in this relationship, how about we get some pants on you. I'd hate for you to have a draft while I wheel you down to see your father."

He looked at her stunned, "Is he awake?"

She bit her lip. "No, but he's responding more and has opened his eyes a few times. They said waking up would be a long process after such a traumatic injury. He probably won't be aware that you're there yet, but I thought you could use a field trip." In truth, she wanted Rick to have something to work towards. A wheelchair ride today would wear him out, but tomorrow maybe he'd be able to shuffle a few feet towards Sutton's room before he needed the chair. Kate had talked to the physical therapists and they had agreed that making trips to the ICU could be part of his recovery plan.

Kate got him dressed to his waist, taking no notice of his limited ability to do much to help himself. He couldn't meet her eyes. She called for the massive PT tech, Juan. He came in and adjusted the bed so that it slowly elevated to sitting then he helped Castle to stand and pivot to the chair. He eased Rick down then Juan gave his exhausted patient a fist bump for a job well done.

After the IV bags and portable Oxygen were on board the chair, Kate wheeled Rick to Daniel Sutton's room. Martha was sitting by his bed, fiddling with her necklace. Kate steered Rick next to his mother and Martha kissed his cheeks.

"Look at you up and around!" Honestly, he looked terribly uncomfortable and pale, but Martha liked to stay positive.

"Mother, I'm being wheeled around and can barely move."

"Still . . . " She looked from her son to his father, unmoving in the hospital bed, and swiped at her eyes. She had never seen the two in the same room before and she didn't have to say the thought that plagued her most. She had been too close to losing them both.

Kate leaned against the wall behind them, letting mother and son have a moment.

Sutton looked ashen and slack. There were tubes leading from a central line in his chest to a myriad of IV bags and countless lines connecting him to machines, which gave the same monotonous message of hope. He was alive.

Martha casually touched Sutton's arm and spoke to him, "Daniel, Richard's here."

Richard Castle, famous author, couldn't speak. He felt awkward and insufficient as though no words would ever be right; not now, not when Daniel was conscious. Martha heard Richard's shallow breaths quicken and as he wiped at his eyes. She stood behind him and kissed her son's head, her own tears dripping into his hair.

After a few moments, Martha cleared her throat and edged herself towards the foot of Sutton's bed. She stroked his good leg and said, "You know, it's funny, I've only interacted with this man for less than twenty-four hours of my life, and yet I always knew that there would never be another one like him. No one else ever measured up to my memories and fantasies of what happily ever after with him would have been like."

Rick smiled at his dramatic mother and put his hand on her knee, "So . . . you're what? star-crossed lovers? Soul mates?"

"Well, Richard, regardless of what could have been, or what the future holds, this man gave me the most precious gift of my life, then risked his own life to let me keep you."

They heard the heart monitor beep at a slightly quicker pace. Rick reached up and touched Daniel's arm. "Well, for once, Mother, you've found one that's worthy of you." He crinkled a smile at her. It was his father's smile.

* * *

><p>Daniel Sutton felt like he was being forcibly pulled from a place deeper than dreams. He could sense things that seemed foreign after a long stretch of solitude, voices, sounds, the movement of air in his lungs. He couldn't muster the energy to move, to speak or even twitch open an eye, but he listened, trying to understand, trying to get intel on his position.<p>

It was _his son's_ voice, "Kate, you know . . . I was wrong before . . ."

His wife puzzled "About what?"

Richard continued haltingly, "That there was no way the long-lost father scenario could end well . . . As a fiction novelist I could appreciate the dramatic effect of having Darth Vader have a crisis of conscience . . . in time to save his estranged son from an evil galactic emperor . . . It works on a lot of thematic levels. But looking from a real life perspective . . . it just seemed like it was putting Luke through so much grief . . . and for what? Just so he knew that the guy whom he had only dreamed about his whole life . . . cared enough to die for him in the end? That didn't make up for lost time . . . nor did it give them a future . . . All Luke really had was a moment."

_NO! NO! NO, Richard! _

Sutton heard his son's breathy sigh and felt that he would choke on his own sorrow.

Kate asked, "And now?"

Daniel felt a squeeze on his arm. "Now I see the value of a moment."

Sutton's fingers twitched. Rick put his hand in his father's and felt the weaker hand loosely wrap around his. Rick looked up to see his own hopeful expression reflected in his father's red-rimmed eyes.


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 62**

**Tuesday, May 14, 2013**

Daniel Sutton had been moved to the room across the hall from Rick's earlier in the day. He was improving steadily and although it would take a long time for his leg to heal there had been no permanent damage from the blood loss. Martha had spent her time flitting between the two rooms to give each man reports on the other.

Kate and Martha, unbeknownst to Rick, had talked to the nursing staff and had arranged for an extra bed to be put in Daniel's room so father and son could spend more than a few minutes in each other's company. Sitting in the wheelchair was agonizing for Rick, and the journey would tire him for hours afterwards so their visits so far had been kept brief.

Castle still required help to sit and stand, but he was making progress. His muscles and ribs protested under the stress of holding his body in balance as he walked, but he could manage short distances. This day he was going to walk by himself to his father's room across the hall.

Kate asked, "Are you about ready?"

Rick was humming with excitement. His wife had made his day by bringing him a hairdryer and styling products and by helping him fix his hair. He pushed himself to do as much as he could on his own so it took him a long time as it was still too painful to lift his left arm. Still, such a small accomplishment felt like heaven after a week of bed head. Rick had insisted on wearing not just trousers but a shirt and shoes for the occasion. Juan raised the back of the bed to sitting, removed Rick's oxygen line for the journey then helped him with his shirt as Kate slipped on his shoes and tied the laces. Once his clothing was sorted they helped him to stand.

Rick started flicking fingers through his hair and straightening his shirt. It felt good to be almost presentable.

Juan appraised his favorite patient, "Lookin' smooth, Mr. Castle." The tech held out his fist and Rick bumped it with pride. The fist bump always made Kate flash back to a time when getting scratch-n-sniff stickers in kindergarten brought the same sense of satisfaction to her. She loved that her husband was still so easily motivated by simple things.

He looked at Kate and raised his eyebrows. She approached carefully and hugged him gently on the right side then rose on her toes and kissed his cheek. "He's going to be so surprised."

Rick swallowed thickly. "I'd like to walk in the room on my own, if that's okay."

Kate looked towards Juan. He answered, "Cool. Just hold onto your pole and I'll get ya after a few minutes. Shout if ya need me sooner. We'll be right outside the door." Castle nodded.

Rick felt a bit silly that he was making such a big fuss over such a small feat. He was just walking into the room, into his _father's_ room. As much as he'd like to think that he'd outgrown his 'insecure nine-year-old boy with abandonment issues' phase, he hadn't. Kate understood that this was a way for him to impress a father who had missed out on all the other milestones in his life, and so she did all she could to make it feel like a special occasion.

Martha came into the room, patted Richard's cheek and said quietly, "He's awake, and expecting you, Darling, although not like this." She winked at him.

Kate and Juan spotted Rick until he got to Sutton's door. Castle paused then took the most intentional and steady steps of his adult life. Daniel's mouth quirked on one side and that sprouted into a beaming smile.

"Wow. I heard you were coming, but I hadn't expected you to be up and around so easily."

Sutton wondered what it had been like for Martha to see Richard take his first steps as a toddler. He had been fighting against an onslaught of regrets and remorse every time he woke, and the painkillers weren't helping him mask the sentimental overload. Daniel had to work to tamp down the moisture that threatened to call him out.

Rick hadn't realized just how nervous he had been until he felt the warmth of his father's words. The glassy eyes hadn't escaped his notice, but Rick knew from experience the frustration of being so exhausted, emotionally drained and vulnerable, so he deflected. "Yeah, I thought I'd give my chauffeur a break, although I think she'll be in shortly to make sure I stay upright." Rick saw the extra bed and shifted his gaze back to Sutton. "I thought this was a private room."

Sutton crinkled his eyes and simply said, "It is, but apparently Martha likes to entertain, so I'm set up for company. If you need a change of scenery for a while, I happen to have a more comfortable place for you to sit than a wheelchair." He lifted his arm towards the bed. "Have a seat, Son."

Juan took that as his cue to enter but Kate and Martha hung back in their eavesdropping position in the hall. Rick looked at Daniel and said, "Well, I hope you enjoyed the show of independence because I'm still a one-trick pony." Juan started lowering Rick to the bed and helping him swing his legs and get situated. He fixed the oxygen line again then after the obligatory fist bump he left the room.

"I'm just proud and envious of your one trick. It's going to be a long while before I catch up to you."

Rick looked at Daniels' disheveled hair and elevated leg and realized that the older man would have a much longer road ahead of him before he could take even a few steps on his own. Rick's frustration at being an invalid must pale in comparison to his father's.

"You'll get there, Dad." Right after the word slipped out he seemed to realize that he had said it. He could blame it on the medication or exhaustion, but he had spent the better part of the past week with the thoughts of his dad. His 'dad' risked his own life to save him. His 'dad' was in the ICU. His 'dad' made it possible for Kate to have closure and, oddest of all, his 'dad' was spending an awful lot of time with his mother. After thinking the word 'Dad' so often, it seemed much more natural, until he said it aloud and saw Sutton's stunned expression. "Daniel, I mean."

Martha gripped Kate's arm. Kate's eyes flew open wide.

Sutton hesitated, wanting to get this right. "I like 'Dad' better. It's just . . . I don't feel that I've earned it."

Rick subconsciously eyed his own wounded chest then Sutton's elevated leg, shrugged his right shoulder and simply commented, "Well, I don't see how you haven't."

And just like that it was settled.

* * *

><p>Kate and Martha went to get coffee. Now that both men were out of the woods they could afford to think about more pleasant topics. Kate smirked at her mother-in-law, "So?"<p>

Martha played ignorant, but didn't quite pull it off. "So . . . what, exactly?"

Kate bit her lip and probed, "So, I'm sensing that the plot hole in your one-woman show might be filled and you'll have to add a more dramatic ending, maybe even with a 'happily ever after'?"

Martha patted her own hair like a demure schoolgirl, rather than flipping it like a diva. That alone told Kate this was serious. "Well, I am rather a sucker for a happy ending. However, I'm not going to push. After all, I think it would be wise to have some normal interactions before making any big decisions – you know, like cooking together while we talk about our day or sharing a bottle of wine while he massages my feet. All we have so far is one amazing night of passion, a spy thriller worthy rescue in the cover of darkness, and an extended melodramatic interlude where he teeters between life and death."

Kate had to smile at Martha's summary and added one more element, "There's also the fact that you share a son."

Martha sighed, "That we do." She looked out the window and took a long sip of coffee. "I can't believe after all these years _Daniel Sutton_ waltzed back into our lives, swept me off my feet and Richard is calling him 'Dad'."

Kate scrutinized her, "Are you okay with that?"

"You know, one thing I passed on to Richard is the gift of looking forward without regrets. What's the use of fretting over the choices Daniel made years ago when we get the joy of seeing him today? Oh Kate, you saw Richard. He's nearly giddy at finally having a father, and I'm giddy that out of all the men that have flitted in and out of my life, he is the one man worthy of my son."

"But that's not the only reason you're giddy?" Kate couldn't help but tease her just a bit.

Martha put her cup down. "Honestly, I've never been this content to jump into a relationship with two feet, but I can't assume that just because I'm choosing to be here means that it's really what Daniel wants long-term. Although, I'm certain that no matter if Daniel and I part ways again, he'll permanently be a part of Richard's life and therefore mine. I've always loved him for giving me Richard. Now I love him more because he kept you safe, he protected the rest of us but most of all, he was willing to risk his life to save his son, our son."

Kate prodded further, "So, it's based on gratitude, then?"

Martha patted Kate's hand, "Oh, Darling, when have you ever known me to fall in love purely for practical reasons? Sure, I love Daniel for all that, but I think since that first day we met, I've always been _in love_ with him. I don't think that ever changed. Whether he feels the same way, time will tell."

Kate grinned thinking of Sutton's expression in the car when Rick had asked him about seeing Martha. "Well, I don't think you have anything to worry about. The man is smitten. Believe me, Martha, I know Rick's smitten look all too well, and now I know where he gets it. I'm sure every time Daniel wakes and sees you standing there he has to remind himself it's not a dream."

Martha leaned in and admitted, "You know, who am I kidding? I know when a man is into me. He has it bad and frankly, I have it worse."

Kate rested a hand on her arm, "I'm really happy for you. He's a good man, Martha."

"We seem to be surrounded by them."

* * *

><p>Rick glanced at his father and asked, "So, how are you doing?"<p>

Daniel raised the back of the bed so he was able to see his son better. "Better than I was apparently. Sorry for getting everyone so worked up, I had no idea I had been out for that long." He downplayed the fact that he had nearly died.

Rick looked around the room. "This place has a way of distorting time. I don't think I was very coherent for a few days myself. It's very unsettling, feeling that everything is moving around you at a faster pace."

"Yeah, Unfortunately it's not my first rodeo, but I'm thankful the circumstances are better."

Rick, excited for the story, tried to lean forward then moaned, winced and paled all at once. He kept his eyes closed for a moment. Both men had been on the receiving end of an overabundance of feminine concern so they seemed to have agreed to ignore each other's pangs to try to preserve some shred of manliness.

Daniel continued before Rick recovered so he could take his son's mind off the pain. "Yeah, I got in a knife fight with a Soviet spy while tracking his movements in Germany. I had apparently crossed missions with a special ops group that came to my rescue before I bled out. I woke up in the hospital at Ramstein Air Force Base. I still am a little fuzzy on the details of how I got there. Anyway, I will say the military is efficient, but no frills. They patched me up well, but I stared at blank grey walls, alone for ten days before I got sent back stateside."

Rick was fascinated. In all the concern over Sutton's health the author hadn't thought about the wealth of stories that could stem from the man's career. His fingers twitched, pining for his laptop to work through an action scene. Perhaps Nikki Heat would soon cross paths with a seasoned CIA agent. Oh the possibilities.

Then he registered the last part of what Daniel had said. He couldn't imagine being injured and alone, not having anyone visit in the hospital or even waiting at home. He was thankful again that the women in their lives arranged for the visitor bed. Then again, he hoped it wasn't overtaxing Daniel.

"It must be a overwhelming having so many people hovering now."

Sutton tried to shift himself in the bed with much effort and little result. "Well, I spent so much time keeping people away, it's a change . . . but it's not unwelcome."

His son digested that. "You know, it's nice to talk to someone who isn't constantly assessing my pain level, not that I'm not playing the sympathy card for all it's worth mind you." Rick twitched an eyebrow for emphasis.

Sutton chuckled. "Yeah? I guess we should play to our strengths, or our weaknesses in this case."

Rick ran a hand through his hair, pausing when he remembered that it was actually styled for once. "Seriously, though, it's humiliating that a just few weeks after our wedding 'for better or worse' means my wife has to dress me."

Sutton nodded his understanding. "Yeah, I might have you beat there. A few hours ago the long-lost love of my life held a bucket while I vomited. That's a surefire way to impress a classy girl."

Rick tried not to laugh because it caused too much pain. Instead he sputtered, "Trust me, Mother will always see you as the secret agent who swept her off her feet. You make her feel like a Bond girl and no amount of vomiting will lessen the impact of that."

Daniel shot him a hesitant glance as if to gauge whether he were serious. "You think so?"

Rick blinked slowly, "Yeah, Dad . . . you're in."

By the time Kate and Martha returned both men were sound asleep.


	63. Chapter 63

.**Chapter 63**

**Sunday, May 19, 2013**

Daniel was stable enough that he was slated to be transported to a rehabilitation facility Monday morning. There he would focus on physical therapy until he was mobile enough to take care of himself at home. Martha was determined to be his cheerleader for the duration. Rick had the option of going to the facility or having home health care for his physical and respiratory therapy. He considered all the steps that would be involved in order to visit his father and knew it would be a while before he could take any field trips. In the end the decision was easy, he'd be transferred to the facility as well.

Rick's biggest nemesis had been his respiratory therapy plan that required him to inhale deeply to expand his lungs several times a day. The inhalations the first few days had been excruciating, the next day it shifted down to agonizing and then it had simmered to terribly painful. It probably didn't help that the respiratory therapist was a taciturn woman, ironically named Joy.

It had been the only time that Rick had shed tears from pain alone, and watching Kate's torment while he was in agony had made his own suffering that much worse. After the first round he had charmed the nurses into calling Joy for the sessions when Kate was running home, getting meals or checking on Daniel. Kate was on to him but she respected his need to protect her. After all, she had pushed him away for a whole summer to protect him from her pain so if he needed to face this one challenge alone she would give it to him. She did find ways to reward him afterwards, usually involving long kisses and a scalp massage. He didn't seem to mind the pain of breathing half so much when it was Kate causing him to catch his breath, and more than once she caused his pulse monitor to alert the nursing staff.

* * *

><p>Since it was the last day in the hospital for both the men Kate and Alexis had arranged for a celebration to commemorate the occasion.<p>

Alexis walked into the hospital room followed closely by Patrick, who had improved thanks in part to his intensive post-op care at the loft. She was armed with a cooler and a backpack full of DVDs and snacks. She saw her Gram sitting on Sutton's bed, her legs dangling off the side towards the other two in the next bed. Daniel was raised to sitting and had his arm around Martha's waist. He was smiling Rick Castle's smile, which was still an unsettling sight for Alexis.

Martha, ever the hostess, greeted them.

"Hello, Kiddos, make yourselves at home."

Daniel grinned and nodded but Patrick still couldn't look the CIA agent in the eye after being caught literally sleeping with Alexis when they had first met.

"Number One!" Her dad's voice sounded less labored.

"Captain!" Alexis saluted then gingerly gave her dad a hug. He lifted his left arm slightly and he definitely had more color. He kissed her cheek then held a hand out to Patrick. "Red Shirt, good of you to come!"

"Daaaad!"

"Alright, I think you're due for a promotion. How about Ensign O'Riley?"

"Sounds good, Castle." He said it without any awkward hesitation.

Rick was stiffly sitting on one side of the bed on top of the covers, still with an IV, which was due to come out in the morning and a nasal cannula, which he was destined to need for a while longer. Kate was sitting in bed next to him. Her socked feet had pushed up his flannel pants and were rubbing his exposed shin, which Alexis found to be kind of sweet. It was clear by the sliver of space between them that Kate was trying not to jostle his upper body.

"What's on the agenda for today, Number One!"

Alexis rummaged through the bag and cooler then pulled out Gatorades and bendy-straws, which Patrick helped her distribute. He opted to head for the less intimidating patient in the room so Alexis handed drinks to Martha and Daniel, who looked at the bottle and smiled. "Bendy straws. Thanks, Alexis."

"Sure. It's all part of the Castle sick day experience."

Rick added, "Yeah, that and a sci-fi marathon of the patient's choosing. You can do the honors, Dad, since it's your first one."

Alexis was still jarred by her father calling Sutton 'Dad.' She knew all that had happened and that Sutton had been willing to give up his life not just for his son, but for all of them. She owed the man everything, but the familiar term sounded a little too soon for her cautious nature. It took a year of knowing Jim Beckett well before she had 'adopted' him, and Jim Beckett was a proven variable. In contrast, she hadn't had more than a few awkward conversations with Daniel Sutton.

Kate observed Alexis and read perfectly how the girl was feeling. She knew even better how Sutton was feeling. Kate had been the object of Alexis' hesitant scrutiny as one who had injured her father deeply then wormed a way into his heart. Rick was forgiving and trusting, sometimes to a fault, but Alexis knew better than any of them the pain of being made to feel special only to be cast aside on a whim.

Sutton could read people and while Alexis was cordial, he knew her background enough to understand that he would need to put a lot more into their relationship before he had carte blanche family status in his granddaughter's eyes. He also noticed that she refrained from calling him any name, not even 'Sutton' or 'Daniel,' in order to hide the fact that the he might be 'Dad,' but he wasn't 'Grandpa.' He was a patient man by nature so he was willing to invest years into building her confidence in him. He was also a realist who accepted that ultimately the nature of their relationship would be up to Alexis.

She made her way to Sutton's bed and Martha moved so the two could rummage through the DVDs.

He took advantage of their proximity to whisper, "Sorry, I should have asked you to call me 'Daniel' back when we were first introduced."

Alexis furrowed her brow and glanced into his eyes really for the first time since their first unexpected meeting. She felt relieved that he understood but also embarrassed that she didn't have it in herself to call him something more dear after all he had done. She nodded her appreciation and whispered back, "Alright, Daniel." She gave him a slight smile.

Daniel, filled with hope, cleared his throat then asked in his normal tone, "Well, Alexis, what do you recommend?"

She chose season one of Stargate SG-1. Alexis looked between the two injured men and said, "Well, since we're probably talking an extended recovery time, it will take the two of you a long time to get through all eight seasons of SG-1."

Kate realized that Alexis, was sending the message that she was okay with Daniel sticking around. It was not a bear hug, but it was an olive branch and Kate was proud of her.

Daniel asked, "I thought there were ten seasons?"

He got identical patronizing looks from his son and granddaughter. Rick explained, "Only eight that count."

"Ahhh, when you put it like that I'd have to agree."

Martha had retaken her seat, replaced Daniel's arm around her waist and ran her hand up and down it, "You'll have to forgive them, Darling, they tend to be a bit opinionated when it comes to their traditions."

"I'll try to take notes."

Rick asked, "Snacks, Number One?"

"Yeah, I got those, too." She pulled out gelatin and spoons. Rick tugged her arm so she bent enough for him to kiss her cheek.

"Thanks for keeping it hospital friendly."

"Of course." She replied with a grin and a small shrug.

Once the show started, Alexis sat on the padded bench along the wall. Kate tossed a pillow to her but addressed her boyfriend, "Here you go, O'Riley." Alexis smiled at her thoughtfulness and put it on her lap so Patrick could lie on his stomach and rest his head on the pillow.

He uttered a muffled, "Thanks, Beckett."

His back was still tender and Alexis seemed to know exactly which spots to avoid and which ones to run the pads of her fingers along to make him feel better. Her father noticed and Kate noticed that he noticed and pierced her husband with a warning look. His eyebrows shot up as if to say, 'I'm behaving!'

* * *

><p>Half way through the pilot episode Lanie paused at the door. She had stopped by after her shift and what she found wasn't exactly the picture perfect family moment she had conjured in the saccharine depths of her imagination. It seemed as though the stress of the past two weeks had finally caught up with all of them. Alexis was asleep sitting, head tipped back and mouth open. Patrick seemed to have face-planted in the pillow on her lap and was emitting a muffled snore. Kate was out as well, but was rubbing her feet against Castle's leg. His head was tipped on her shoulder and he was drooling on her shirt. Her cheek rested against his hair. Sutton looked to be sleeping peacefully with an arm resting on Martha's leg.<p>

As the matriarch reclined next to Daniel she held Richard's protruding hand. Martha, not seeing their guest, gazed from one man to the other adorably. Lanie focused on mother, father and son who were finally united. One was drooling and two were unconscious but the scene was just perfectly . . . them.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This was one of the most challenging chapters to write because I wanted to have a peaceful family moment to end the chaos, but everything I was writing sounded hokey. I felt better once I added drool (not sure what that says about me) and could blame the sappiness on Lanie being overly sentimental. Anyway, I hope it was a satisfying way to wrap things up. I could have added much more to the story, but this chapter was the designed conclusion - aside from the epilogue. I vowed to respect the outline, despite how bittersweet it is to bring this to a close. **


	64. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**Memorial Weekend 2016**

Alexis handed Rick his beautiful granddaughter and he adjusted her hat and hitched her on his hip.

"Make sure you put sunscreen on her."

He kissed Alexis' cheek. "Seriously, Daughter, how many sunburns did you get growing up?"

"Three."

"Oh. Well, I promise to have made all my parenting mistakes on you. Molly will be slathered from head to toe, with SPF 100, not to worry. Go on, I've got this." He waved his daughter away to take a walk on the beach with her husband.

She looked at her nine-month old and cautioned, "You be good for Grandpa & Kate, and especially good when Gram and Grandpa Daniel get here." She looked at her dad "We really need to find a name for Kate."

"Well, considering she's in her thirties nothing grandmotherly seems to really stick. I'm sure Molly will come up with something eventually."

"Molly's been calling both you and Patrick her version of 'Dad,' so I wouldn't be surprised if the kids call both sets of parents 'Mom' and 'Dad.' It's not the most conventional of situations."

As if on cue Molly slapped Rick's chest proudly, '"DA!"

Rick smiled indulgently. "That's right, Cupcake!"

Alexis just shook her head. "Thanks for watching her, Dad."

"Sure, Pumpkin." Rick watched Alexis jog up to Patrick who first waved to Castle then held his hand out for Alexis to join him on the beach. Rick had to smirk at the irony of Alexis' husband's sunburned skin.

Patrick swung Alexis' hand between them and gave her an adoring smile. Alexis bounced on her toes to give her husband a peck on the lips, then a longer kiss that Rick felt he had no business watching. He straightened Molly's sun hat and tickled her. After a few moments he glanced back towards the beach and saw his daughter walking hand in hand with her husband, and away from him. He remembered when that image seemed so terrifying to him. Now it made him feel fulfilled. Especially since it meant that he had another little girl to spoil.

He turned to his granddaughter, "Trust me, Molly, I'm well trained and by the time I'm done with you you're milky white skin will be even paler." The little girl held onto his neck and leaned her head on his shoulder. Her sun hat fell off yet again and Rick scooped down to pick it up and decided to head for the shade of the covered patio rather than hide her shock of ginger hair.

Martha and Daniel had just appeared from around the side of the house.

"Hey Mother, Dad. Glad you guys could come." Rick kissed Martha and nodded a greeting at Daniel.

"There's our favorite girl!" Martha held out her arms and Molly lifted her head and smiled but kept a firm grip on of Rick's neck.

"Sorry, Mother." He pointed to himself and said, "Best. Grandpa. Ever!" He oozed smugness until Daniel reached his hands out.

"Hey there, Molly." She patted his cheeks then leaned into him. Rick loosened his grip and let her slide to her great-grandfather.

"You don't count, Dad, I'm pretty sure she thinks your my gray-haired clone."

"DA!" Molly seemed to think the term was fitting for all the important men in her life.

Daniel kissed her cheek and rubbed noses with her. "Keep telling yourself that, Richard."

Daniel's recovery after the shooting had been slow and while he had regained the use of his leg without assistance, Rick still noticed him limping slightly every once in a while. For now Daniel seemed to be faring well while carrying the little girl, but he did head straight for the swinging bench to sit down with her.

The lingering aches were a point of frustration for the former agent. While Sutton had been content to retire after the long recovery, his family respected that he didn't want to come across as weak. Having so many of the Castle clan involved in law enforcement assured that no one ever risked injuring Daniel's pride by drawing attention to a physical limitation, but it also guaranteed that they all noticed and tried to make things easier during his recovery without him being aware of it.

Kate came out of the house wearing a one-piece bathing suit and carrying her own bundle. James was four months old and while Kate had shed most of the baby weight she wasn't confident enough to show off the last stubborn pounds or any stretch marks. Rick assured her that he considered the lines to be tattoos that said, "Property of Richard Castle." In fact he had enthusiastically applauded every pound and every unappealing change that came with pregnancy. By the time she gave birth, she was convinced that if she ended up with a hormonal imbalance that made her grow a beard he'd spin it in a way to make it seem hot . . . and probably mean it.

Martha rushed to her and patted the baby's back. She hugged Kate in greeting then rubbed a finger over the baby's cheek. "At least there's hope for me with this one." She nodded towards Molly and added, "I haven't had such a tough crowd since Alexis was a baby. She was always such a Daddy's girl that I could hardly wrestle her away from Richard either. Must be genetic."

"Well, James is really into shiny things so he'll love your earrings." Kate kissed her son then slipped him into Martha's arms. She put the baby over her shoulder and swayed as she made her way towards her husband. James turned his head and tried to eat the dangling jewelry.

Just then Rick came up behind his wife and wrapped his arms around her stomach and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Hi, Mrs. Castle."

"Hey, Rick." He pulled her hair back and kissed the skin from her ear down her neck. "Don't they look adorable?"

Once he kissed a path back up to her ear he asked, "Who? Our son and granddaughter or the parents?"

"Really, it's the combination of them." Just then Molly smiled then smacked the top of James' head affectionately yelling, "BA!" her name for the smaller baby. James stuck out his bottom lip, scrunched his eyes tight then started crying. Martha tried to sooth James by jingling her earrings and Daniel juggled Molly out of reach of her uncle.

Rick shot his wife a dreamy smile, "Yeah, I guess I'd have to agree." He nuzzled into her neck. "Your dad still coming?"

"Tomorrow. The others will come then as well."

Memorial Day weekend had become a tradition; a Thanksgiving of sorts to commemorate that they had all survived the May of 2013 and all that had led up to it. It seemed fitting since with the donning of swimsuits came the unveiling of tangible reminders of what they had survived. With each scar came a deep appreciation of how much they could have lost, and the impact had not decreased with the passage of time. Patrick's back had a spattering of white lines that contrasted with his ever-sunburned skin. Kate's bathing suits never quite covered the perfect circle tucked above her reconstructed heart. Rick sported two patches of mangled skin on his left side and a line from the surgery. Daniel's puckered skin on either side of his leg framed surgical scars and other marks that spoke of complications.

Each year Kate couldn't help but remember Rick's musings that scars were not imperfections but rather evidence of resilience and strength. Looking around her, she had to agree. On some future Memorial weekend the children would be old enough to take notice and ask questions. They would not just see the ones resulting from Thomas West's corruption, but all the badges of honor their extended family had amassed from years of service.

In many ways this weekend was hardest for Jim Beckett. He had the helpless feeling that each scar had been gained to give him closure and he felt the weight of all that could have been lost in the process. He wished he could have taken the bullets to spare them all, but he was left without blemish save a few stitches. Kate had talked him into going to see Dr. Burke for some joint sessions with her because she had fought against survivor's guilt as well after setting herself up as a target then watching those around her pay the price. Dr. Burke then agreed to see Jim on his own and as far as Kate knew he was still going every few weeks. She was so proud of him for not falling on old habits. Still, seeing the scars each summer was painful for Jim so he normally only came to The Hamptons for one afternoon. Kate understood. Everyone understood. Castle never had to ask his other guests to prepare for Jim's arrival. He suspected it was his mother who always made sure the alcohol was put away and replaced with soda and ice tea well before Jim arrived. After spending time both in The Hamptons and the safe house, the two had gained a solid bond from sharing the burden of uncertainty and worry over their only children.

Each year Captain Gates honored the occasion by making it clear that Team Beckett was off duty and they were not to be disturbed. They never even had to ask. Kate had taken an extended maternity leave and hadn't decided on when she was going to return. She would be going back without Rick, who would stay home with James and also help with Molly while Alexis worked part-time at the 12th. She served as a crisis counselor to victim's family members. She still had the pleasure of working closely with Lanie, still assisting her at times, but instead of just cataloging personal effects, she had the privilege of returning them to grieving families to help bring them closure.

* * *

><p>Martha and Daniel were in charge of preparing dinner, which meant that Daniel grilled and Martha kept him company with a glass of wine. Rick cradled his son and Kate perched Molly on her hip and they took the babies into the ocean. Rick had swung James around and lifted him then dropped him abruptly until his toes touched. He was rewarded with smiles but after a while his son started fussing despite Rick's diversion tactics so he admitted defeat and switched with Kate. James settled immediately in her arms.<p>

Rick pretended Molly was a motorboat by making sputtering noises and spinning her in circles along the surface. She squealed, revealing a dimple that was just like her mom's. Rick then took her a bit deeper, blew on her face and they both went under then popped back up. The baby looked surprised, but then laughed at him.

Kate's adrenalin spiked. "Rick, what are you doing!"

He settled Molly on his hip, "Teaching her to swim." He pointed to himself, "Lifeguard, remember? Babies learn to hold their breath if you blow on their face before they go under."

Kate couldn't meet his eyes so he realized that this was more than just an issue of her reining him in. The vein in her brow was clearly visible. She was upset. Ever since diving in to save him she hadn't had any issues with going under herself. Castle had been hyper observant and she had proven to him that she really was okay, until now. He waded over to her, kissed her temple and rubbed a hand on her back. "Kate, I would never do anything to hurt the kids, you know that."

She brought a shaky hand to her brow and tried to calm herself down. "I know, it's just what if it doesn't work and she inhales the water and then grows up to have issues?"

He didn't want to sound patronizing because her fears were understandable. "I taught baby and toddler swimming classes as a lifeguard. I have seen this work a hundred times, plus this is what I did with Alexis and she grew up loving the water."

Kate bit her lip, vein still visible. "I trust you, Rick, I do. It's just hard to watch given . . . everything."

He shifted Molly out of slapping range of her uncle, kissed the top of James' head then rubbed his cheek against Kate's. "I know, Sweetheart. How about Molly and I show you and James how it's done?"

She hesitated, but she did trust him so she relented. "Okay."

"Alright, let's show 'em Cupcake!"

Molly babbled something that no doubt meant "Awesome!"

Rick held her so she was facing him. "Okay! One . . . two . . . three!" He blew on her face, they both went underwater and Molly again popped up surprised then smiling. They repeated it another three times with the same result.

James had started patting the surface of the water, intent on figuring out his environment. He was much more serious than Alexis ever had been as a baby. Rick was convinced that their son was processing everything as evidence before deciding what he thought of the world. Rick could make him laugh, but he had to work for it. On the other hand, James responded to Kate with a big smile every time. James had Castle's blue eyes, but his slight build was all Kate so the guys referred to the baby as "Mini Beckett."

James looked at Rick and Molly and then the water then patted it again and smiled.

Rick noticed and asked carefully, "Kate, do you want to switch and I can teach James how to do it?" She considered it, and then shook her head.

"You said you taught a baby and toddler class, so does that mean you took turns doing this with the kids, or that you coached the parents on how to do it?" And there was Exhibit A of Momma Beckett gathering evidence before making a decision.

"I coached the parents, and believe me, there were some that were dead set against doing it. But, even as a pimply teenager my powers of persuasion were legendary and I never had a parent refuse in the end."

He flashed her a winning smile for emphasis.

She still looked worried, "You're sure he'll be okay?"

"Kate, you'll both be okay. I promise." She nodded and despite her insecurities she shifted James so he was facing her. Rick placed his hand securely on her back and when she nodded he counted for them.

"One . . ."

"Two . . ."

"Three . . ."

With a puff of air on James' face, Kate Castle closed her eyes, held her breath then taught her son to enjoy the feeling of being submerged.

* * *

><p><strong>El Fin<strong>

**Coming Soon - Room To Breathe, companion piece linking Chapter 63 and the Epilogue.**

A/N: And there you go, we started frantically underwater in the Hudson and ended peacefully underwater in The Hamptons. Thank you so much for sticking with this story and especially for your reviews.

If you feel that the months I spent providing you with hours of quality entertainment were well spent, please do me a kindness by taking just a minute in return to leave a review. That goes for all FF stories. Never underestimate the power of encouraging words! I love getting reviews even long past when a fic is marked complete, but I want to give a special shout out to the faithful reviewers who kept me inspired in the process of writing this. You were the 'I think I can!' that fueled my 'Little Fan Fic That Could.' To you I tip my hat as no words can convey your true worth. Special thanks to Deb838 who was not only my constant cheerleader but is my self-appointed promotional manager.

While I preached that I stuck to my outline, I did deviate on one major point. I had fully intended to finish the case with Sutton dying to save Castle, to make this chapter with Kate and James going under the final one, then to end with an epilogue of them watching Star Wars years later with Rick giving the speech about Luke and 'the value of a moment'. However, I kept getting reviews on how much people liked Sutton, and I started to get attached to him as well. Plus, some of you kind of scare me and I worried that I might be hunted down and lynched if I offed him. That in turn would have doomed my children to lives spent as messed up law enforcement officers with the sole focus of trying to avenge my death. They would arrest you then you would spend life in prison with limited access to fan fiction or Castle reruns and be forced to watch Swamp People marathons if there were true justice in the world. In the end, I decided to avoid the linchpin of killing Sutton and the ending is more conventional and less poignant than I had intended, but this way I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder, I can sleep at night, and my children can grow up to be something much more exciting, like forensic accountants, or maybe even actuaries.

One final thanks goes to my very forbearing husband who recently started watching Castle and is speeding through the seasons just to find out what in the world I've been doing. He not only encouraged me to write, but he let me walk through various money laundering scenarios while on dates. So, Sweetie, just know that you will always be a prince among men and I still can't believe I got to marry you. :)


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